The Abyss of Human Illusion (11 page)

… It was Rosie! …
“Rosie” was Marvin Rosenthal, a corporal with the Seventh Infantry Division; “Koenig” was Walter Koenig, a
PFC
from the same division.

… chickenshit motherfucker platoon sergeant …
The reference is to
SFC
Luther Crittenden, also of the Seventh Division.

— XXVII —

… More stories …
The reader may make his own list, and may be astonished to realize how long it finally is.

… Henry James …
No writer’s antennae have ever been as good at detecting well-mannered social and sexual sadism.

— XXVIII —

…
its rejection slip clipped
… I have no idea if the
New Yorker
uses or used formal rejection slips.

…
printed-out “stuff”…
Steve thought the word “stuff” democratic and non-elite, it perhaps made him feel like Clifford Odets, although in any case the word seems somewhat out of place in connection with electrostatically transferred, heat and pressure-fused printed documents.

… in a writing workshop with Steve at the New School …
“Writing for Publication” was the official title of the course.

— XXIX —

… admitted to the hospital immediately …
The hospital was the Caledonia, located on Prospect Park South. It is now called the Caledonian Campus of the Brooklyn Hospital Center. The nurse’s aides wore plaid jumpers.

…
he’d drive him in his car …
the car was a 1951 Olds….

… lit one of his Lucky Strikes …
By now, of course, in their wartime white package, the switch from OD being a great advertising coup—profit in patriotism.

— XXX —

… at his wife’s office …
The office was the Kew Gardens Branch of Thermo-Fax Sales, a division of 3M.

… a gym or an aerobics class …
Aerobics classes were virtually unknown in the fifties and sixties.

… three “really encouraging” letters …
There were no letters, but he began to believe that he had been praised and encouraged by various flunkeys working at
Thanatos, Cistern, Blackfriars Review,
and, amazingly,
The New Cadmean.

… down in the romantic Caribbean …
Natives usually do not use the word “romantic” to describe that part of the world.

—XXXI —

… days of Juicy Fruit …
The flavor of this chewing gum has no relation to any fruit known to man.

… and the Milano Restaurant …
This restaurant persists in memory as being located on West Fortieth Street near Eighth Avenue.

… existent only in his mother’s stories …
One of which was that his father had spent $1,000 for a cigar as they left the Milano: the implication was that this “transaction” was slightly illegitimate, perhaps even criminal.

… drunk on cheap whiskey …
E.g., Wilson “That’s All,” Paul Jones, Schenley Silver Label, Fleischmann’s, Four Roses, Three Feathers.

… whom he always thought of, to be truthful, as a hambone….
Although he was a wonderfully demonic Mr. Hyde, an erotically charged fiend.

— XXXII —

…
who lived in the apartment above his …
Perhaps he had what used to be called a “club foot.”

…
whose wife had died in misery …
Cause of death unknown.

…
whose children were callous …
They were minimally attentive, but cold and distant; this may have had something to do with the fact that they believed he had little or no savings.

…
lovely of face and figure …
The phrase is not actually “written,” but lies at the side of the road.

… did not say what he thought …
Let’s assume that he thought nothing at all.

— XXXIII —

…
the book of poetry …
Title:
The Future of Eternity;
the publisher was Knopf. The reviews compared the poems—famously—with those of Elizabeth Bishop, a bad sign.

… his street crusted over …
This was in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, where Colonial Road “becomes” Marine Avenue.

…
that he’d never given up smoking
… It was too late, anyway: he had developed lung cancer which had metastasized to his brain (these are some of the brands of cigarettes he smoked over some sixty years in rough chronological order: Wings, Twenty Grand, Sweet Caporal, Old Gold, Philip Morris, Pall Mall, Herbert Tareyton, Lucky Strikes, Camel, Gauloises, Marlboro Lights, Camel Filters).

— XXXIV —

…
into the mountains …
The mountains are easier to imagine than the sea, which almost always confounds memory.

…
amusement park …
Cf. Steeplechase, Luna Park, Dreamland.

…
blew her skirt up …
This was one of the cruder amusements at Steeplechase in the 1940s.

…
the Big Lasso …
This was a ride much like the Whip—rough and unsubtle.

…
his convertible
… A 1948 Buick.

… real
ferryboats once made regular runs
… The boats were small and painted a curiously drab olive green.

… or so
Boys’ Life
reported
… In a piece by Carl Olssen, “Temptation in the Woods.”

…
“My beer is Rheingold, the dry beer”
… Rheingold beer was brewed in Brooklyn,
NY
, and was famous for its Miss Subways monthly displays in subways, cars, and buses.

…
Flagg Brothers …
These shoes were highly popular among high school boys ca. 1945–1947. They
had
to be dyed cordovan or were considered beneath contempt and unwearable.

— XXXV —

… to ride up to her thighs …
Women always seem to know when they are “showing something,” as they say. (This phrase maybe obsolete or quaint.)

…
intentions were very clear …
Crude behavior often mutely begs forgiveness if presented or enacted as impossible to reign in, “natural.”

… roughly, angrily yanked her skirt down …
Eros is to be found everywhere at this party, working, however, rather fitfully.

— XXXVI —

…
mediocre state university …
What was called, in saner times, a “rube school” or a “football school.”

… Redwood Review … Its original title was
Eldorado Review,
rather pointedly named after the erstwhile Cadillac model.

— XXXVII —

…
King Assembly Agency …
An assembly agency consolidates freight and packs it into freight cars for countrywide destinations. In New York, the working platforms for such labor were in the West Forties near the slaughterhouses.

…
this frozen center of his body …
This figure may be considered a metaphor, a metonymy, a synechdoche, or a blunt symbol.

— XXXVIII —

…
impressed his teachers …
These teachers knew, in effect, nothing about art, and taught their students from color reproductions of “famous paintings.” The course in art appreciation was taught once a week.

… Provincetown softball games …
Some of the players and onlookers became very famous, others simply disappeared or taught at the Art Students League for many years.

… he moved to England …
An excellent way to get him offstage.

—XXXIX —

… Talmud, Buddha …
These are, of course, not religions.

… her White Robe …
The devil, it is said, has many wiles, white robes on well-built women being but one of them. Satan calls this costume “Jerry Falwell’s Breakdown.”

—XL —

… scrub woods and dry grass …
Of whatever kind. (This passage sounds like a dream, at any rate.)

… picturesque seaside town …
E.g., Carmel, Tiburon, Sausalito: these are not really towns but theme parks representing quaint charm (there used to be a good seafood restaurant in Tiburon).

… is performing oral sex …
This is definitely a dream, or an invented dream—makes little difference.

… he begins to cry …
It’s about time to reread “The Interpretation of Dreams”: Freud is right even when he’s wrong.

— XLI —

… that performer’s weary shtick …
Which shtick is, astonishingly, admired by many, Crown Heights accent included.

…
Kamenstein’s, Forest Green …
The color was very close to one called North Woods. It somehow
breathed
depression and despair.

— XLII —

… an orphanage …
There is no information as to whether or not the orphanage was run by sadists, but given the era, it seems likely.

…
Patton’s Third Army …
The Second Armored Division was Patton’s favorite division, called “Hell on Wheels.” Its soldiers wore their unit patches on their left pockets, “close to their hearts.”

…
the moment he put a brush to canvas …
Many painters love to tell this story about their early beginnings.

…
blood and agony and horror
… A good argument can be and has been made for the opinion that everyone killed in war is killed in vain, but it’s the dying man’s job to point out that we survive in vain.

— XLIII —

…
written by a stranger …
His best books were
Farsighted, Ghost Talk, Azure Piano,
and
A Small Hotel.
He couldn’t bear to reread any of them.

… He wasn’t much good for anything else …
Despite what seemed to be rueful protestations, he didn’t
want
to be good for anything else.

… doomed to blunder through the shadows of this pervasive twilight …
This is, admittedly, a melodramatic phrase.

— XLIV —

… diet and exercise and meditation …
As everyone knows, Death is always standing on the corner, sucking on a toothpick and waiting for an assignment.

— XLV —

… a touch of the whore …
A deliberately inflammatory phrase.

… he no longer desired his wife …
This is a not-uncommon state of affairs.

… Lawton, Oklahoma …
Fort Sill had made this grim burg possible.

… “the old homestead,” as the whole family liked to call it …
This is not true.

… too-tight sweater …
Satan was happy to reveal her nipples to Dad.

… smoking and looking out …
She was partial to Pall Malls, which one Jack McCarthy called “the whore’s cigarette.”

… slept in bathtubs or in the car …
And sometimes without a pillow.

… If he even knew she’d left …
This is an exaggeration. Of course he knew.

— XLVI —

… makes us look anew at literature …
This “anew” look seems to occur every publishing season—something like the annual return of the flu.

— XLVII —

… one dump after another …
E.g., Far West Cafe, Bejar Saloon, Juan’s Chili Cellar, Hot Pepper Place. All these places served Pearl beer, Jax beer, and Carta Blanca beer, with small bowls of salted green olives on the side.

… a hideously figured shirt …
Sometimes known as a “Hawaiian” shirt, it was often referred to in the army as an “AWOL” shirt, and was, fittingly, a magnet for vindictive
M.P
.’s.

… the Cactus Hotel …
Not a bad name for a Southwestern fleabag circa 1950.

… chaotic Sunday look …
The barracks looks as if it will never be clean or orderly again.

… hot Meskin ass …
The speaker might have said “pussy”; in this context, the words are interchangeable.

… “Fuckin’ A”…
this expression was supposedly first used by soldiers of the 1st Army, which patch was a stylized capital A. The expression implies strong agreement.

— XLVIII —

…
“Eyetalians”…
Few people, save for clusters of yahoos, pronounce the word this way: a triumph for tolerance.

…
a
faint
accent
… His accent, like hers, was almost pure New York (see
The Oxford Companion to the English Language,
p.693–4).

…
gray Persian lamb coat
… A prized fur in the forties and early fifties, thought to be more fashionable and chic than black fur.

…
Black Hand …
An “American” term for the Mafia or Cosa Nostra: never used by Italians or Sicilians, a kind of tabloid name.

— XLIX —

…
like cultists …
And/or those who chat with God.

…
smoked a lot of marijuana …
E.g., Bangalore Blast, Mexicali Mania, Super Head, etc.

…
rebels …
The word is used with pronounced irony, of course.

…
broccoli-rutabaga casserole …
This dish may taste better than it sounds.

… a macramé class …
An “adult education” class….

… carrot cake …
Her secret ingredient was a pinch of thyme.

…
Akina …
whose real name was Arlene.

… diligently fake disreputability …
This was about the time when the Dom closed and the Electric Circus took its place. It was the beginning of the end of the Lower East Side, now a neighborhood of staggeringly, albeit carefully disguised, bourgeois sensibilities.

— L —

…
didn’t understand Los Angeles …
Los Angeles cannot be understood.

…
sunny, blue Los Angeles day …
the sort of day that rapists and mass killers come out to pursue their interests.