The Academy - Forgiveness and Permission (Year One, Book Four) (23 page)

“We’ll give it another hour and then we’ll get out of here,” North said. “I’m about social life’d out.” North stood, stretching. “I’m going to find the restroom. Sang Baby, come along with me.”

It wasn’t a question. I glanced at Nathan. Nathan nodded at me, silently telling me to do what I was told. This caused me to stiffen again. Something was going on that he didn’t like.

Silas relinquished his hold on me so I could slip off of his lap. I trailed behind North, carrying my water cup with me.

There was a hallway on the other side of the house. The area was quieter, but I sensed hushed voices from beyond the doors. North swung his head back and forth, scanning. He picked a door and tried the handle. Locked. He tried another one. This door opened and he pushed his head inside. He flicked on the light switch, revealing an empty bathroom. He jerked his head toward the opening. “Get in.”

I rushed in, and he followed me inside. It was a guest bathroom, with just a toilet and a sink. The white and blue tile floor was cracked in spots and one of the light bulbs in the fixtures overhead was out.

The door closed behind us and he turned on me. “Just wait here a minute,” he said.

“What’s going on?”

“Rocky hasn’t stopped watching your ass all night. I’m tired of it. I think when we go back out there, we should go back to that front room, or the kitchen.”

I blinked after him. “But what about the girl he was with?”

North lifted a dark brow. “Girl?”

“The dark haired girl who said something to you earlier? The one hanging on his arm?”

“Fuck her. I don’t know who she is. What about her?”

I sighed, unable to explain it. If Rocky had his arm around her, it made me think they were together. Why would Rocky look at me if he had a girl with him? I was still grateful North wanted to stay in a different room for the rest of the time we were here. I didn’t like the way she looked at us, at any of us. I thought I would have nightmares tonight about a girl with dagger eyes.

There was a commotion out in the hallway. Voices. They were slurred. Someone knocked at the door, and tried the handle, but when whoever it was found it was locked, moved on down the hallway.

North twisted the handle on the door. “Wait here for a couple of minutes, okay? Lock the door behind me. I'll stand outside the door. After two minutes, step out.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“I don’t want people thinking we were fucking around. We’ve got enough to worry about without having to deal with twisted rumors.”

I supposed he knew better than I did about how to handle this, but his comment left me feeling nervous. What were people thinking of us now that we were here? Silas had practically claimed me as his date tonight. What would they think on Monday if Nathan and I were holding hands? Or Victor? Suddenly Kota’s suggestion that I agree to say I belonged to whoever I was with seemed inappropriate. People were bound to catch on that I wasn’t really dating anyone, unless they were willing to believe they were all my boyfriends. I wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

Victor had said it didn’t matter to him what other people thought. It had to matter to me, though. When next year came around, I would be alone. I would have to hear the rumors and deal with the aftermath. I knew about girls in my old school, the ones guys thought were easy. I didn’t want that sort of attention, and I was sure to get it once the guys transferred back to the Academy. Without the guys, I’d be without any barrier to keep guys like Rocky away.

North opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. I was happy he was concerned about my reputation. I wanted to remember to thank North and spend more time with him later. He’d promised to take me to the beach on another date at one point. I thought about suggesting we do that the next time he got a day off from working at the diner. I wanted to make sure he knew I appreciated him looking out for me, even if he was occasionally over protective and grumpy.

I counted off a couple of minutes, following up with a couple more minutes just in case. I was tempted to hide in the bathroom forever until they were ready to go. Being alone was more comfortable. I didn’t want to be there when another person needed to use the restroom, though.

I unlocked the door, and paused, letting my eyes adjust to the dim hallway again. I stepped out, waiting to hear North direct me on where to go.

The hallway was empty. North wasn’t there.

My spine bristled. He wouldn’t have wandered off without me. He said he’d be right outside.

I stepped further out into the hallway, wondering if I’d exited too soon. Maybe he was checking something out. I wasn’t sure what to do since he told me not to wander off alone.

My fingers instinctively reached for my phone at my bra, fingering the pink case. I was tempted to use the white button for North or Nathan. I didn’t know what else to do.

A figure emerged from further down the hallway. His head was bowed, his hands stuffed into his pockets. When he got close, he must have sensed that I was looking at him and his head lifted.

It was the boy with the glasses I'd seen at the football game. He stopped in the hallway, and half turned like he wasn't sure if he should continue or go back to where he had come from. He stilled, his lips parted.

"Hi," I said, feeling odd myself. I wondered if this was his house. "Um, I lost someone. Did you see a tall guy with dark hair down that way?"

"I think he's down there," he said in a low almost whisper. He pointed down the hallway he'd come from.

"Thank you," I said. I passed him in the hall, wanting to say something else. I had a strange feeling of wanting to invite him to talk to the guys at school. I guess because I felt the same as I thought he did, being shy and retreating into a book instead of talking to others.

Part of me, I supposed, still felt like I belonged in his world. Quiet. Invisible.

The boy moved on down the hallway. He glanced back at me once. I hesitated saying anything else. I wasn’t sure why. Despite my instincts about him, he was still a stranger to me.

North’s voice drifted to me from up the hallway. Other voices joined his, some laughing. Relieved, I followed his voice deeper into the hallway. At least I knew where he was now. I gripped the red plastic cup in my hand in front of me as if it was a shield.

There was a doorway to the left that was wide open, revealing a bedroom with a large queen bed and a couple of wood dressers. It looked like someone’s parents’ bedroom.

I darted into the room. A collection of mostly guys were standing outside of the open closet. North had his back against the frame, frowning.

Next to him was the raven-haired girl. Her hand splayed out across his chest on top of his black shirt.

“It’s your turn,” she said, nearly cooing. “Closet time.”

“I’m not going,” North said.

“It’s initiation,” one of the guys said. “If you’re going to be one of us, you’ve got to go into the closet. It’s just for a couple of minutes.”

“Fuck that shit,” North said.

“What’s wrong? Gay or something? Just go in for a second,” the guy said, pointing toward the closet.

North grunted.

Was that was what she was trying to get him to do in the first place? Was this necessary? I sighed. Mr. Blackbourne wanted them to get along with the football team. He had to do it if he wanted to fit in with them.

And that sent a wave of ice through my heart. I didn‘t want to see North in that closet with the girl with the mean glare.

“North?” I called out. I didn’t know what I was doing, feeling completely out of place. The feeling reminded me of how I felt right before I was about to jump into a fight for them. All I knew was that he was in trouble and I wanted to help. “I wondered where you went.”

The cluster of people around the closet parted, eyes landing on me. One of the boys, the one who had talked before, grinned. “Well here, North. If you don’t want Jade, take that one.”

“Don’t be an ass,” North said. “This is stupid.”

“It’s the only way. Silas did his initiation. You’ve got to do yours.”

“You made Silas drink an Icee until he got brain freeze. That’s not the same thing.”

“Yeah, well, everyone’s is different. I don’t know what you're complaining about. Yours is way more fun.”

“I’ll go,” I said, my voice an octave higher than usual. I swallowed as eyes shifted to me. I placed my red cup on top of one of the dressers. I avoided their stares and focused on North. “It’s just a couple of minutes, right?”

“You’d rather go with me though, wouldn’t you?” the girl, Jade, said next to him. She stroked a red painted fingernail across his chest. “Me or the Ice Queen?”

A rippling wave shattered through me. Ice Queen? Was that the rumor going around? Was it because I didn’t talk?

“Take them both,” someone said.

The guys laughed.

North grunted. He lunged through the crowd, grasping my arm, tugging me toward the closet. “Two minutes.”

“Take your time,” one of the guys said. “We’re not in a hurry.”

North shoved me into the walk-in closet. The door closed behind us. The last look I got was from Jade, her raven hair falling across her cheek. She glared in after us with her arms crossed over her chest.

––––––––

W
ith the door closed, North spun around, staring down the door with his arms folded.

“North?” I asked quietly.

“You shouldn’t have come in here,” he said, his tone lower than I was used to. He talked to me with his back turned. “You should have went back to Silas.”

The coldness caused me to step back. Was he angry with me? I thought I was helping. He didn’t seem to want to go in the closet but he had to if he wanted to do what Mr. Blackbourne said. Was it the girl? He didn’t seem to want to go in with her.

Or maybe he did. She was very pretty. I wouldn’t have picked her, but who was I to pick anyone for any of them?

Only he felt he needed to protect me, so he chose me to avoid problems?

I cowered into myself, my shoulders slumping forward and I stared at the tidily vacuumed beige carpet. Memories of my mother locking me in her closet swept through me but I bit them back. At least we weren’t in the shower.

I wanted to slip back to Nathan. I wanted to lie and say I wasn’t feeling well. I wanted to go back to my house with him, or his house, or Kota’s. I didn’t care. Parties were stupid. I wanted to be with them somewhere else. I didn’t want to see North going into closets with other girls.

“Why did you want to come?” North said, grumbling. “What in the world made you want to go to some shit party like this?”

I trembled where I stood. “I’m sorry,” I said softly.

I sensed him moving, turning to face me. I couldn’t get myself to look at him. I didn’t want to see the anger in his eyes. I messed up. Kota was right to warn me about this. I should have listened to him.

North sighed. “Sang Baby, don’t look like that,” he said in a gentler tone. “This isn’t your fault.”

My cheeks felt hot. “If you wanted to come in with the Jade girl, you should have picked her. I could have gone and looked for the other guys.”

North snatched at me by the arms, shaking me enough that my head rolled back and I was looking up at him. “What the fuck are you talking about? I didn’t want to go in here with her. I picked you.”

“I thought you picked me just so I wouldn’t be alone. That’s why you said I should have gone back to Silas, right? I would have been fine if you wanted her. If you didn’t want me to come to the party, I wish you would have said something before.”

North’s mouth fell open. He let me go and took a step back. “Sang Sorenson,” he bellowed, pointing a finger at me. “If I ever hear you talk about yourself like that, or assume what I want again, I’m going to kick your ass.”

“But you just said ...”

“That’s not what I meant,” he barked at me. “I’ll go out with who I want, when I please. And not when and where some shit-faced teenagers tell me.”

I stared up at his dark eyes, fixated by the fury, awestruck by his power. “I ...” I stammered. “I don’t ...”

“If Silas hadn’t insisted we had to go to this party, I would have made good on my promise to take you to the beach tonight instead.”

My eyes widened. “North ...” I said, trembling now out of something warmer than before.

“I don’t do anything half-assed,” he said. He stepped closer, nearly hovering over me. “Sang, I’ll take you out if you want, but you’ve got to tell me that’s what you want, too. I’m not doing it to babysit you or protect you. I mean I’ll do that but that’s not what I mean when I ask you out. And I’m not going to let anyone peer pressure me into a closet with some skank who wants to take whatever party drug is on tap and fuck her after. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

I took another step back away from him, mostly out of the ferocity of his voice.

He captured me, grasping me by the arms with his coarse hands. His handsome, gruff face closed in on mine until he was a breath away. “Are you going to tell me you don’t want to now? Is that what you were saying?”

My heart thundered and I rattled in his grasp. “No! I mean, yes. I mean ... I do want to be with you.” The words sounded better in my head, and meant something different before I spoke. I couldn’t find words to say how I felt. I did want to go out to the beach with him. I was glad that I was in the closet with him and not with Jade.

I was especially happy he had never wanted her in the first place.

North’s gaze fell over my face, tracing a line with his eyes from my forehead to my mouth. His face softened. “Sang,” he breathed out. His eyes lowered, falling on my mouth again.

A trembling started in my spine. The sensation cut through me exactly as it had with Kota. North wanted to kiss me. I was going to let him.

A rattling noise cut through and North grunted, let go of me and turned around.

The door swung open. It was the same group, but the girl was gone. A couple of the guys shook their heads.

“Boo,” one of them called.

“Yeah, you’re not even kissing her,” another cried out.

“Two more minutes!”