The Adventures of Steve and Terry: The Zombie Chronicles (16 page)

The man in the lead, built like a
brick house, gave a curt salute before sitting down. Once all the heads were
assembled, their men settled in behind Steve and Terry. Things were ready to
begin.

“I have convened this council to
discuss the matter of the mage and the wizard,” Isaac said formally. “They
bring powerful magic, and claim to be on a quest to kill the plague that haunts
the enchanted forest.”

“What is this magic?” Thor asked.

Isaac snapped his fingers and
Frank stepped forward, presenting Steve’s shotgun to Thor. “It looks much like
the magic weapons of Patton and his people,” Isaac said.

Patton gave a disgusted grunt.
“How many times do I have to tell you, there is no magic. They are guns, old
man.”

“How dare you truename your
weapons before this council!” Bob roared.

“Be at ease, my champion,” Isaac
said. “Whatever you call your weapons, their powerful magic cannot be denied.”

Thor suddenly snapped his fingers.
One of his “soothsayers” approached. Steve winked at the woman. She pulled a
cup from around her waist that looked like a Yahtzee cup, painted black. She
quickly shook it and dumped its contents onto the table, two dice, a rock, a
piece of garden bark, and a plastic bead. She looked intently at the pieces of
junk on the table.

“The signs do not look good, my
lord,” she said. “These men bring great danger with them.” Thor grunted in
agreement.

“Ancient hocus-pocus,” Captain
Kirk said scornfully. “I can read their minds, and they are no wizards. I would
say they work for Agent Nefarious.” Captain Kirk stood so suddenly he knocked
his chair over. “Why has my nemesis sent you?!” he demanded, slamming his fist
on the table.

“That is hogwash,” Lord Mazda
said. “They clearly work for Emperor Nissan. They are assassins, come to claim
my life.”

“They work for the Fuhrer,” Patton
insisted. “First, he sent his devilish, undead minions, now assassins!”

Steve leaned over to Terry and
whispered, “We are sitting in the middle of a whole lot o’ crazy.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

The council shouted for some time.
Finally Isaac got control and they left the table to the corner where they
discussed something quietly and heatedly.

“At least they’re not ghosts,”
Steve said, trying to find the good.

“But they are bat shit insane. I
don’t know which is worse.”

The council, finally, all nodded
and walked back to the table, taking their seats once again. Thor cleared his
throat and stood. “We are all agreed that, while we may not know the specific evil
mastermind/dictator/agent who sent these men, they are indeed here to kill one
or all of us. We therefore condemn them to death.”

“What?” Steve and Terry asked at
the same time in disbelief.

Suddenly the paneling of the roof
gave way and a dark figure landed on the floor in a crouch. It was dressed all
in black with a black hood and mask covering its face. It carried a
single-edged sword in its hands. It stood, having a slim, lithe build.

“The ninja,” several of the heads
gasped.

“You protect these men?” Isaac
asked.

The ninja gave a slight nod of its
head. Steve and Terry, who had both almost screamed in fear when the ninja had appeared,
both stood with their hands shielding their faces. They looked at each other,
not quite sure what was happening. Suddenly the doors to the cafeteria burst
open and another man in a military uniform came to a screeching stop. He was
soaking wet and breathing heavily.

“The Reich’s undead minions have
breached the walls! They come!”

Everyone started shouting and rushing
about. Steve shoved Erik back and took his shotgun. Once he had it he pointed
it at the knight and demanded his pistol. Once armed, he got Terry’s weapons
back as well.

“Fight with us,” Isaac said as
they mobilized. “Prove you are here for good.”

And then the assembled samurai,
knights, Vikings, super-heroes, and soldiers were gone. Steve and Terry stood
in mute shock, alone with the ninja, who turned to look at them. The ninja was
shorter than they were and had intense green eyes, the only part of its body
that was visible. They turned to each other.

“Are we gonna . . . fight with
them?” Terry asked.

“Are you kidding? They were gonna
kill us. We need to get out of here.”

Terry nodded. Then both turned
back to the ninja, but whoever the ninja was, it was gone, now. “Okaaay. Let’s
get out of here.”

They ran from the cafeteria
looking for a way out. They entered one hall to find several of the Vikings
fighting zombies, and hacking away with their swords. They ran the other
direction, but when they rounded another corner found some of the samurai
mercilessly cutting down the dead, and quite skilled with their homemade
katanas. They changed direction, bursting through some swinging doors to find 
Erik and Frank surrounded. They were going to keep moving, but Steve stopped.

“Ah, hell,” he said.

They quickly unloaded their
shotguns into the horde, killing most of the undead. The others Erik and Frank
cut down.

“Come wizards, the fight is moving
outside,” Erik said, then he and Frank disappeared down a hall.

“We’re not going to follow them,
are we?” Steve asked.

“Hell no.”

Steve and Terry continued to
wander through the maze of hallways in the asylum. They rounded one corner and
came face to face with a hallway full of zombies. They both screamed high
pitched girly screams and turned to run the other way, but more zombies flowed
into the hallway.

They fired wildly into the crowd
of closing undead. Finally their weapons clicked, out of ammo. Just as they
thought all hope was lost the ninja dropped from the ceiling and started to cut
the dead down with brutal efficiency. In a matter of moments he had cut down
all of the zombies. Soon they stood amongst the hacked off limbs and heads
breathing heavily.

Steve and Terry approached the
ninja cautiously. “Thanks for the help, friend,” Steve said.

“You’re welcome,” the ninja said
in a soft, feminine voice.

Steve and Terry’s eyes widened in
shock. “You’re a woman?!” Terry asked in disbelief.

Steve then noticed that the chest
of the ninja’s form fitting outfit bulged out, showing obvious breasts. “How in
the hell did I miss that one?” Steve asked of no one in particular.

The ninja’s eyes widened and then
she disappeared down the hall. Steve and Terry looked at each other in complete
shock, both feeling slightly demasculinated.

“Come on, we gotta keep moving,”
Steve said.

They stumbled into one room to
find ammo all over the place, obviously Patton’s armory. They quickly refilled
their depleted stores. They finally found their way outside to find a full on
battle on the grounds.

Knights, Vikings, and samurai cut
the undead down mercilessly, many with battle-cries. The soldiers were in
formation and shooting the dead down in waves. The super-heroes stood back and
made weird gestures and whatnot, as if fighting the dead with some kind of
invisible powers.

Steve and Terry bee lined it to
the gates, shooting any dead that got too close. They found the release and
unlocked the gates. They got out and closed the gates behind them, leaning
their backs against it and breathing heavily.

“What now?” Terry asked.

“You know, I just realized that
the truck has a full sized spare tire,” Steve said.

Terry slapped his forehead. “God,
you’re right!”

“Then let’s go.”

They made their way back to the
truck. When they reached it they quickly inspected it, but all was fine, except
for the two arrows in the tire.

“Was that tarp always there?”
Terry asked, looking in the bed of the truck.

“Who cares,” Steve said with a
shrug.

“Right, whatever.” They quickly
changed out the tire and climbed in. The truck started right up and they left
the asylum behind.

“That has to have been the
craziest place we have been yet,” Steve said.

“Agreed,” Terry said.

“At least we’re leaving it all
behind.”

“Yep.”

The ninja peeked out from under
the tarp as the truck sped down the road. She held her bow close and pulled the
tarp back over herself.

X. The
Magical World of Parry Hotter

“I’m telling you there has got to
be a gas station somewhere around here,” Steve said.

“Really?! You led us straight into
a forest. We’ve been walking for hours.”

“I know what I’m doing. I have an
impeccable sense of direction.”

“You’re and idiot. Seriously, just
admit that we are—”

“Holy crap,” Steve said in awe.

The trees suddenly pulled back and
they found themselves standing before green expansive lawns. Sitting atop a
hill was a massive castle, bigger than any either had ever heard of. Huge
towers and parapets soared into the sky. Stained glass windows were lit
brightly from the inside.

“What in the hell is that?” Terry
asked.

“I feel like we should be on
horses wearing armor of something.”

“We are
not
going in
there,” Terry insisted.

“Why not?” Steve asked. “It’s
completely lit up. And whoever is in there has survived this long.”

“The same could have been said for
the asylum, and that didn’t turn out quite so hot, did it?”

“Well . . . okay, touché. But
still, you never know till you try, right?

“You know, I really hate it when
you make sense.”

Steve just smiled. “Come on, let’s
go.”

They made their way up to the
castle. They reached two massive, iron bound, wooden doors. They both stopped
at the doors and looked at each other. Terry shrugged and Steve reached out and
grasped one massive door ring and pulled. The door opened soundlessly on
greased hinges. They stepped into a massive entryway lit by bright glowing
candles.

“Spooky,” Terry whispered, his
voice echoing.

They suddenly heard the sound of
children laughing. They looked at each other in shock, but stood completely
still. Suddenly several boys and girls came running down a massive set of stone
stairs. The children seemed to suddenly notice Steve and Terry and froze.

“Death Snackers!” a boy yelled and
leveled a stick at Steve and Terry.

Steve and Terry looked at each
other, not quite sure what was going on. “Are there any adults we can talk to?”
Steve asked.

“Did he-who-must-not-be-named send
you?”

“Uh,” Steve coughed uncomfortably.
“I uh . . . if I don’t know his name I really couldn’t tell you.”

“He-who-must-not-be-named,” the
kid said again.

“Yeah, uh, still the same
problem,” Steve said, completely confused.

A girl stepped up behind the boy.
“Maybe we should take them to the chosen one,” she whispered.

“The chosen one?” Terry asked. “Is
that who’s in charge? An adult maybe?”

“Agreed,” the boy said, completely
ignoring Terry’s questions.

The small group of kids, six in
all, surrounded Steve and Terry. Each carried a short smooth stick which they
kept pointed at the two newcomers.

“This wouldn’t by chance be an
asylum?” Terry asked as they were escorted through the castle. “I mean . . .
are you all crazy? ‘Cause I really can’t handle this a second time.”

They were led into a massive room
filled with overstuffed chairs and couches. A large fire burned in an enormous
hearth. As they entered, three more kids standing by the fire turned, two boys
and a girl. One boy had black hair and wore glasses, the other was tall and
gangly. Steve and Terry were marched before the three. The other kids backed
off, but all kept their little sticks leveled at Steve and Terry.

“Who are you?” the kid in glasses
asked.

“Who the hell are you?” Steve shot
back.

“He’s the chosen one,” the tall
boy next to him said.

“God, does nobody around here have
names?!” Steve asked frustrated.

“I am Parry Hotter,” the boy with
glasses said, squaring his shoulders and standing taller.