The Apocalypse (41 page)

It was a nice thought, whether or not there was any truth to it. To be honest, Hannah didn't know where the truth in the situation was at all. Jake had reacted quite badly when she'd kissed him—which still embarrassed her—but he spent a very significant amount of time with her. Even now he was texting her, talking about basically nothing, which was a sign that he just wanted to talk to her for the sake of talking to her. Plus, they had plans to hang out in a very date-like environment tomorrow, and Jake seemed to be letting Hannah know that he wasn't a player; he was capable of being with one girl and liked it that way.

So caught up in her thoughts, Hannah's phone vibrating without her replying to Jake had her taken aback. She opened the new message from Jake and read it.
We're still hanging out tomorrow, right?

Add in that he was reassuring their possible date. It was pretty confusing; of that Hannah was positive.

She gave him an affirmative answer and sighed when he didn't text back. Maybe she'd get used to never knowing what was going on.

I can't wait to see you.

The text from Hannah filled Jake with too many emotions—happiness that she wanted to be with him, sadness that he couldn't return her excitement, anger that he couldn't admit his feelings for her, fury that he even had feelings for her, embarrassment that he was hiding so much from himself, resentment that he couldn't let go of the past so he could embrace the future, concern for how his inner turmoil could affect Hannah and her feelings…

It was terrible.

It was almost like the multiple personalities in his head had bred and given rise to a whole new group of personalities. Definitely, Jake needed a psychiatrist now.

He swallowed and stared at the text some more. It was really frustrating that he couldn't just accept the fact that he liked Hannah. But what happened when she got her memory back? She'd dump him so fast that it'd make his head spin; he knew that. Hannah would be absolutely furious that he'd been so nice to her throughout everything, letting her believe that they were just the jolliest of friends.

Why, oh why had he let anyone con him into being friends with her?

Isaac had been the first to screw him over, asking Jake to treat Hannah decently. That's where the real trouble had started. Forget that Jake figured he would have probably treated the amnesiac Hannah semi-cordially even without having been asked to—he wasn't without manners, after all. Hannah's grandmother had made it even worse when Shirley had suggested he help her get her memory back by befriending her and reintroducing her to her passions, and involving Hannah's best friends in the scheme was probably the worst idea he'd ever had.

Jake was pretty sure that he'd never been so disgusted with himself before. Honestly, what had he been thinking this whole time? Why hadn't he stopped to consider how Hannah would blow her top at him when she remembered everything and realized that he'd coerced her into unwanted friendship?

Unless her memory never returned…

That might be Jake's saving grace.

Yet… What if her memory had already returned, but Hannah had kept it secret? Maybe Jake was just being paranoid—hell, he could afford to add another mental disorder in with his multiple personalities—but it was possible. Her memory could have returned, and she could have decided to get revenge by making him fall for her and then breaking his heart with the knowledge that he'd been played.

Emotional turmoil was not a level that Hannah wouldn't stoop to, not if it meant screwing with Jake. He was certain of that.

I can't wait to see you.

Those were Hannah's words. With the way that Hannah had acted toward him since the accident, there was little doubt in Jake's mind that she meant those words. But still…it could be
a
plot. Even if the chances of cruelty were slim, Jake thought he had to be realistic and explore any possible avenue of the situation. But really it boiled down to trouble, no matter how it was considered.

If Hannah wasn't serious about her evident feelings, then she was creating a position for Jake to get hurt. On the off chance that she wasn't deliberately setting out to hurt him—maybe she was just flirty and didn't mean to make Jake fall for her—it still would because as soon as she was Hannah Ayers again, she would hate him, and if he didn't hate her right back anymore, then he wouldn't be able to deal with his feelings. The thought of repercussions of unrequited feelings for Hannah made Jake want to vomit; knowing the possibility was legitimate made his heart hurt.

But just
a
little bit. He stubbornly assured himself of that.

On the other hand, if Hannah meant what she said and really did have feelings for him, Jake would have to break her heart. Even if he didn't mean to, Jake figured it would still happen. The current trusting Hannah liked him; if that Hannah mixed with the Hannah who hated him, the trusting Hannah would be devastated by the existence of their hatred, and she would feel betrayed that Jake hadn't been upfront about it with her. Another scenario could involve Hannah's feelings being real now, Jake admitting his feelings for her, them being happy together…until her memory came back and reminded her of all the reasons that she hated him—thereby killing their happiness and breaking both of their hearts.

It was very touchy.

And it was absolutely vital that Jake deal with Hannah carefully.

Jake sighed. All of the proof that he liked Hannah Ayers—God forbid—was there. He would not be freaking out over her if he didn't like her so much; he really only did over-think situations where girls he liked were involved, and there was a decent chance that he was over-thinking his situation with Hannah more than he had ever over-thought any situation he'd previously been in.

I can't wait to see you.

Was it smart to still go skating today like they'd planned? Jake wasn't sure. If he just got closer to Hannah, he was going to dig himself into a deeper hole—a hole that she was falling into right along with him. He didn't want to put himself or, oddly enough, her through any unavoidable pain.

But, at this point, pain seemed inevitable.

Finally, Jake thought of a reasonable response to Hannah's text. It was something that he could have said when they openly hated each other even, so Jake was completely comfortable as he typed:
Stop waiting then. We'll go now.

Hannah's answer was fast.
Okay!

Pulling on his coat, grabbing his truck keys, and heading for the door, Jake hoped that he hadn't just created a bigger mess for himself. Surely there had to be some way out of this situation without hurting either of them more. And then, after situating himself in the driver's seat of his truck, Jake realized that he had it—he had an idea to keep things under more control. His feelings toward Hannah were still damned, but maybe he could prevent some heartache with his plan.

Hey, it was worth a shot in the long run.

Jake glanced toward his passenger door when Hannah climbed in several minutes later, her blue eyes bright and her expression ecstatic. "Hi, Jake," she greeted melodiously. "How are you on this beautiful day?"

Anxious, he gave her
a
half smile and started backing out of the driveway. It was now or never, since he'd surely lose his nerve if he didn't plunge ahead. So ahead he plunged, asking, "Why don't you spend much time with your friends?"

Confusion flickered onto Hannah's face, and she was silent for a moment. Jake figured he had caught her off guard. "Um, I went shopping with Tisha yesterday, Jake," she replied, her tone nearing dry. "Don't you remember that?"

As he drove the familiar roads, Jake mulled that over. "Yeah, I do, but I just…I guess maybe I'm worried that I'm taking up too much of your time." Yeah—yeah, that sounded good. Friendly even but direct. Jake risked a glance at Hannah. "You know what I mean?"

"Not really," she answered, shrugging nonchalantly. "Whatever."

"Don't downplay this." Catching the incredulous expression of Hannah's, Jake worked at softening his unwillingly sharp voice, sounding less accusatory. "I mean, your friends are important to you. It just seems like you'd want to hang out more with them. Right?"

Irritation flitted across Hannah's features. "Trying to get rid of me?"

Jake scoffed. "If that was my goal, I would not be taking you skating."

A smile lit up Hannah's eyes, nearly making Jake regret his reply—he'd been too encouraging to their friendship. "Aww. So shut the hell up, Jake," she laughed. "Who cares how I divide my time? It's divided, so whatever."

It was obvious to Jake that Hannah was not going to change her opinion; it was also pretty clear that she didn't care what his opinion was. That reminded Jake of the old Hannah so damn much that he felt an ache in his chest. Really, what was going to happen when she remembered him for who he was and recalled their exact relationship? It was bound to be ugly.

"So what'd you do last night, Jake?"

Jake recognized the question as an attempt to change the subject, but he didn't want it changed. Neither did he want to start a fight, however, and he sensed the opportunity for great animosity if he wasn't careful. Jake just wanted to make Hannah spend more time with her friends; the greater the distance between him and her was, the less time either of them was going to have to fall for each other. The way Jake saw it, if they didn't get some time away from each other, they'd be sucked into a deep black hole of spiraling depression when the truth came out.

Of course, Jake knew he was in deep enough that even separating himself from Hannah for her own good was going to send him derailing. But better now than later. Later would just be more intense.

"Spent some more time with the guys," Jake answered finally, stopping at a red light. "What about you?"

"Oh, I just hung out at home," Hannah said lightly, glancing out the window. Before she'd looked away, Jake caught an indescribable glow in her eyes. What did that mean? "Relaxing before school starts back, you know?"

"No time with the girls?"

She frowned. "No. So what? I can enjoy some time by myself."

Jake sighed softly. He had no tact. Even he knew that the subject of getting Hannah to spend more time with her friends was going to have to be handled tactfully—something that it appeared he was incapable of doing. Where was Isaac's advice when he needed it?

Not that Isaac would advise Jake about this ordeal.

At least not with advice that Jake would want to follow.

A quick glance at Hannah before Jake resumed driving showed
a
darker appearance, as though she was really irritated. It was a look that Jake hadn't seen in awhile; the familiarity almost made him smile.

"So." Yes, Hannah's tone was definitely irked. "What did you and the guys do that was so much fun?"

Jake turned his truck onto the road where the skating rink was located. He sensed that Hannah was on a mission to prove a point, though he wasn't sure where she was going with it. "After we ate, we played ball. Just messed around."

"No naked hide and seek in the dark?"

That line earned Hannah a laugh from Jake. "Sorry to disappoint, but no." He flashed a grin in her direction. "I'll inform you the next time there's a game. I'd hate for you to miss out on the sight of me repeatedly."

Hannah sighed. "Always so vague, always so cocky." She scowled, but Jake could see it wasn't serious. "Always such a jerk."

Laughing more, Jake nudged her and drove into the parking lot of the skating rink, searching for a good parking space. "You love it," he assured her.

"Mmhmm."

"Otherwise you wouldn't want to spend so much time with me, right?"