The Awakened (29 page)

“Of course,” he said, his accent even more prominent than before. “They were all so excited when I was brought in, though not nearly as excited as when you were found.”

“So we’re the Sekhemet Adam and Eve,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. My hands were shaking in my lap. My eyes met his and he nodded. “Oh god.”

“Not exactly the response that I was hoping for,” Liam said, lightly.

I winced. Liam was attractive, more than attractive. He was exactly the kind of boy that Madison and I would have drooled over and teased each other about at late night sleepovers. He was beautiful, and at least I knew him. But he wasn’t… “Do you actually want to be part of this plan?”

“God, of course not, Zoey,” Liam answered angrily. His hands hit the table with a loud smack, and I jumped. The sound echoed through the cold, empty room, lingering. “Do you think I wanted to be locked in some room all day, experimented on and prepped to repopulate the world that Razi destroyed? I don’t want to be forced to do things like this. I don’t want you to be forced to do something like this, but I don’t see that we have much of a choice. And at least I would take care of you. At least I care about you. You could have gotten off much worse. We both could have.”

I flinched at the harsh sound of his voice. It was so different, a stark contrast to the light tones that I had been used to for months while living with Ash and my mother. “That’s not what I meant.”

Silence filled the room for a long moment, and my eyes fell to my clenched hands in my lap. They seemed to be the one thing that hadn’t changed since the Awakened had changed everything in my life. They were rough, calloused, scarred, but they had been like that ever since I had learned to fight. Nothing about them seemed girly or feminine, but they were familiar, and right now, they were shaking like crazy.

“I know that’s not what you meant,” Liam finally spoke, his voice light and low, “but you can’t imagine the relief I felt when I realized it was you. Everything about this sucks, and there’s nothing I can do to change it, but if I have to do this, if I have to go through with this, at least it’s with you. You’re beautiful, Zoey, and you made such an impression on me, in such a short amount of time.”

My fingers twisted the hem of my shirt into knots. I felt a sort of comfort at the sound of his words, and my hand went consciously to the raised scar across my face. It was hard for me to remember that I had once felt beautiful, that I had been so sure of myself. The wound across my face had taken all of that away. “Liam, it’s just that…”

“How did you get here, Zoey?” Liam interrupted. “What happened to your dad? And…the other guy that was with you? Are they here?”

A lump formed in my throat, and I choked on the words. “My dad…he…he’s not…” I took a deep breath. “He’s dead. He died about six months ago.”

“Six months ago?” Liam spoke softly. “I’m so sorry, Zoey.”

I shook my head. “Thank you.”

“Where have you been this entire time?” Liam asked. He hesitated for a moment and then stood up, moving around the table to sit in the chair that was closer to me. “Did you make it to your mother’s?”

I nodded. “It didn’t work out there. We left, and we were going to find Sanctuary. I still don’t know if it exists, but I had to believe in something. I had to go somewhere. That’s when we were taken.”

Liam scooted closer to me, and my body relaxed at the warmth that was emitting from him. His arm came around my shoulders, and I let him pull me closer. I needed the comfort; I craved it. “Who? Who was taken?”

“Me,” I said, my head leaning against his chest. “Me and Ash.” Ash. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall, not now, not with them watching on the cameras.

His arm tightened around me. “Ah,” he said, his voice full of understanding. “Ash. Are you and he…”

My head bobbed around in a sort of nod and shaking my head gesture. I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think so. I know I…” The words refused to leave my lips. “I know how I feel, and I think I know how he feels.”

Liam pulled away, catching my gaze in his. “I don’t understand. Where is he? Did he die too?”

I hiccupped. “No. No, he’s…he’s okay. He has to be okay. He’s sick, so he’s not good enough for me.” Liam’s eyes grew wide and I shook my head again. “No, not like that. He has a cough or something, but apparently that’s all it takes to be completely wrong for Razi’s world. I don’t know where he is. They say he’s alive, but I don’t know.”

“Zoey…” Liam started to say but I cut him off.

“What of the outside world?” I asked. “I’ve seen nobody, heard nothing. I felt like we were the only ones left for so long.”

Liam looked pained for a moment. “We, my parents and I, encountered a lot on our journey over here. We went north and tried to find some family, but they were gone, whether they were scared away by the bombs or the virus, we didn’t know. So we kept traveling.”

He continued to speak, but his words came out harsher, louder, full of desperate anger. “The world is fucked up, Zoey. There’s nothing left. They bombed the major cities and then continued to bomb. There’s nuclear waste everywhere; the country is barely livable anymore. The army took over and just kept killing. Awakened or human, they weren’t taking any chances. There’s not much left out there. No one really knows who is in charge, and it’s just a disaster. People have gone underground.”

I swallowed hard. “And the rest of the world?”

“No one knows,” he admitted. “Or if they know, they aren’t telling. She probably knows.” He tossed a scathing look at the camera fixed above our head, and I knew who the “she” was. It was not hard to guess. “We’ve been on our own.”

“Perfect,” I said, slumping back in my chair. “We’re stuck.”

“Zoey, come here,” Liam said, leaning toward me. My mouth fell open in shock, as his hand wrapped around my neck. I was frozen solid. His lips fell on my ear, and his other hand reached for my hair. “Don’t move.”

“What are you doing?” I asked, trying to pull away.

“Shh,” he said, softly, holding me in place. “They’re not going to let us out of the room unless we give them what they want.” He paused. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” I didn’t answer, though I felt weirdly reassured by his words. “Okay?”

I nodded, feeling the coolness of his breath on my cheek. “Okay,” I said back.

He pulled back, just a few inches, biting his lip. His eyes raised to the camera that was just above us. “Forgive me for this.” He pressed his lips tightly on mine, and I resisted the urge to push him away. His lips were soft against mine, and I felt myself responding for a moment before pulling away.

“Stop,” I said, harshly. “No.” I held my hands out in front of him. “Don’t. Don’t do that again.”

He had a look of sadness on his face. “If you want to survive, Zoey, it has to happen again.”

At the sound of his words, the door opened, and a nurse that wasn’t Tommy stepped into the room. He came straight for me, placed the handcuffs back on my wrists and escorted me out of the room. I struggled to look behind me.

The nurse laughed at me, the sound vibrating through my body. “Don’t worry. You’ll see your boyfriend soon enough.”

I felt the anger boil up inside me, too hot and too wild to even think about controlling. The handcuffs may have hindered my arms, but I wasn’t helpless because of them. My left foot came out in a harsh kick against his leg. He cried out as he stumbled into the wall. He turned to me, arms out, and I aimed another kick at him.

He ducked, and my kick went flying past him. I growled in frustration, hating that my hands were bound, hating that this threw off my entire balance. I put my arms out and pushed him as he came closer to me, ready to kick him once more. I was stopped before I could make contact. A large hand landed on my arm just above my elbow, and I was yanked backward.

“Has no one learned anything about this girl yet?” a clipped voice said. I raised my eyes and met the dark, cold and calculating eyes of Dr. Cylon. “Her feet should be bound as well.”

The nurse looked appropriately chastened, rubbing the spot on his leg where I had made contact. “Yes, ma’am,” he finally said, after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

She nodded. Dr. Cylon looked irritated, but she was doing a fantastic job at keeping it from seeping into her voice. “You’re dismissed.” He dipped his head and turned on his heel, making his way quickly down the hallway.

My arm throbbed under the strong grip of the hand that held me in place. I glared up at the man, one of the goons that I had met the night they had taken Ash, but he stared off into space, looking bored. He pulled on my arm and started to drag me down the hallway.

Dr. Cylon followed us, her heels clicking on the cool tile floor as we hurried away. “Do not make this harder on yourself, Zoey. You’ll do better to accept your role here at Sekhmet.”

I didn’t answer her. I kept my eyes drawn to the speckled pattern on the floor, refusing to look up at her, refusing to acknowledge her at all.

“Very well,” she answered, sounding disappointed. “Take her back to her room.”

MY TIME AT SEKHMET WAS
growing longer and longer, as days turned into weeks.

It was the same schedule every day. I woke up to a loud pounding on the door, which was usually Tommy coming to bring my breakfast. After breakfast, I was taken back to the room where I had been examined before. I would run on the treadmill, be put through several other exercises and examined some more. It was almost a shorter version of what they had originally done. I went through it as if on autopilot, ignoring the hush of voices that were all around me as I ran or lifted weights or stood on the scale.

I was gaining weight, getting stronger. Even though I took every opportunity to be as unwilling and uncooperative as possible, they took care of me, making me believe that I really was as important to them as they had made it out to be. I was fed well, three meals a day. If I had a particularly good day, though I wasn’t sure what I did to make it so, I was rewarded with dessert, usually something simple like chocolate pudding or fat red strawberries. I hate eating the food, hate taking anything from them, but hunger won out, and I consumed everything they brought me.

After lunchtime, I would be brought back to the small room, where Liam would meet me. I didn’t know what they hoped to accomplish from that. Perhaps it was some sort of sick version of dating, where we were forced to spend time together, in order to make it easier when we…when we…did what we were there for. Most of the time, we just talked, talked about our lives before the virus and the Awakened. We talked about Ash and Liam’s fiancée, Cathy. Often times, I would fall asleep in my chair, and Liam let me, choosing to the read books that lay on the shelf in the corner of the room.

Some days, I let Liam kiss me. Those days were the ones where I tended to get a smile from Dr. Cylon, who often accompanied me on my walks from my room to other parts of the compound. Other days, flashes of Ash’s face made me sick to my stomach, and I couldn’t even stand the sight of Liam in front of me, especially when he looked hurt. It wasn’t his fault that we were in this situation, but I couldn’t make myself care for him that way. I couldn’t make myself give it up to him.

After my “dates” with Liam, they would take me back to my room, where dinner would be waiting for me. I usually took that time to take a shower and then stare at the ceiling, my eyes glued to the camera that was mounted there. All the thoughts and worries and anxieties that I hid during the day usually came pouring out at this moment, and I usually blinked back tears while trying to remain as stoic and hard for the cameras as possible.

It was the same thing every single day. Every day. They became a blur of monotony and boredom, and I lost track of how many days had passed. I kept thinking of Ash, somewhere else in this compound, or so I hoped. I hoped with everything that was left in me that he was still alive.

One of the Sekhmet doctors pried my legs apart, and I sighed, focusing on the goddess on the ceiling, refusing to be a part of this experience at all. Every day, every single stupid day, I was forced through this stupid exam. I didn’t know what they expected to find. I was watched all the time, every moment of every day, and they would know immediately if something had happened between Liam and me.

Maybe it was better if Ash wasn’t alive.

I shook my head and went through the motions of the exam, relieved when it was over and I was escorted back to my room.

Lunch sat on a tray on the desk when I was let back into my room.

“You have one hour,” Tommy warned, using a small key to unlock the handcuffs that were around my wrists and ankles. They seemed so unnecessary now. There wasn’t much fight left in me anymore.

I nodded, sliding into the desk chair and lifting the cover off the tray. I hesitated, as Tommy started to make my way out of the room. “Tommy?”

He spun around, his eyes focusing on me sharply. I didn’t blame him. I never addressed him directly, and I had certainly never called him by his name. “What?” he said. His voice was softer than I had expected, with no hint of anger. He sounded more…wary than anything else.

“How long…” my voice cracked from its lack of use. “How long have I been here?”

He stared at me for a long moment, determining the weight of my question and wondering if he should answer me. He bit his lip and then nodded to himself. “A month,” he said finally.

I nodded, turning back to the desk. A turkey sandwich, complete with lettuce, tomato, onions, avocado and Swiss cheese sat on the plate, with a small side of fruit and potato salad. My stomach rumbled at the sight of it. “I’m nineteen,” I said, softly. “I turned nineteen. I missed my birthday.” It seemed silly to be thinking of a thing like birthdays right now, but it was true. Sometime in the past month, in my time here at Sekhmet, I had turned a year older.

There was a sharp intake of breath behind me, but by the time I turned around, he was gone, the door slamming shut behind him. I heard the lock turn and then the soft sound of footsteps as he left.

True to his word, he was back an hour later. He looked different, his posture was lazier than before and his eyes refused to meet mine.

I was sitting on the bed staring at my hands when he’d returned. I stood up and held my hands out to him, ready for the heavy manacles to go around my wrist. When the familiar cool metal didn’t come, I looked up at him, confused.

“You’re staying in your room today,” he explained quickly. He still refused to meet my eyes and I frowned. He stepped aside as the door opened once more.

I felt a large pit in my stomach as Liam came through the door, with the other nurse, Patrick. Patrick unlocked Liam’s handcuffs and smirked at the two of us. “You two have fun now,” he said, amusement coloring his voice. He grabbed Tommy’s arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Yeah. Right,” Tommy said, his voice low. He looked up, and our eyes met for the first time. I leaned back, away from him. There was something there that hadn’t been before. Before, there had been nothing in Tommy’s eyes. This was his job. Now there was emotion there, and I couldn’t even place a name to it. I turned away, not wanting to see this, and didn’t look up until the door had slammed shut behind them.

“Zoey.”

I looked at Liam, my heart pounding in my chest, aware of the silence in the room, aware of he large bed that stood just feet away from the two of us. My eyes flew up to the camera up above us and I flinched, almost imperceptibly. “I suppose it’s time then,” I said, surprised at the way my voice stayed even and strong.

He came over to me and took me in his arms, hugging me tightly. “Zoey, I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks, seeping into the soft fabric of Liam’s shirt as I pressed my face into his chest. My arms raised and wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to me. “I don’t want to…I don’t…” I choked out the words.

His body stiffened up, and I knew that I had hurt his feelings again. This caused another fresh wave of tears to well up and spill out over my cheeks. “Oh, Liam, I’m sorry…”

Liam pulled back and raised my chin so that I was looking at him. He looked fierce and firm. “No, you have nothing to be sorry for. You never have to apologize to me.”

I pulled away from him and perched on the bed, cradling my head in my hands. “I’m a virgin, Liam,” I said bluntly.

The bed dipped as he sat down next to me. “I had a feeling.” I looked up at him quickly, and there was a faint hint of a smile on his features. “It’s not an insult, Zoey, calm down. But you really seemed against this, more so than I would expect for someone who wants to survive so badly.”

I blushed and turned away from him. He reached out for me again, pulling me into his lap, and I sighed, leaning my head against his chest. I felt so tired, and the warmth of him against me felt so good and so comfortable. I felt my eyes flutter, my eyelashes scratching against the cotton of his shirt. “Thank you.”

Liam nodded and pulled me in tighter. We stayed like that for a while, so long that I lost track of time and fell asleep.

I dreamt for the first time in ages. There was something about this place that kept me from entering the world of dreams. There was a part of me that had been relieved, knowing that I could lay my head down on my pillow and not enter into scary worlds. There was no one here to hold me and rock me to sleep after I woke up screaming, so I was grateful for the absence of nightmares.

But I missed real dreams, dreams of worlds outside this compound. I missed dreaming about happier times. The dream that I had while wrapped in the arms of Liam was a good dream. It was almost like it was on fast-forward, and I wanted to reach out and grab it, stop it before it could leave me.

Madison and I were on the subway, on the way to Coney Island, which was a tradition of ours. She was addicted to cotton candy and liked to eat as much as she could before running to the roller coaster and riding as many times as she could. She always made me sick just thinking about it, but it was something she just loved to do. We were squished together at the end of the car, bent over something that I couldn’t’ see. I was smirking while Madison laughed out loud, her hand covering her open mouth. She looked beautiful, her skin a creamy white, her dark almond shaped eyes wide.

The image shifted, and I was at the baseball park, four rows behind the Mets’ dugout. I had a hot dog in one hand and a soda in the other, and I was cheering loudly as a homerun went sailing out of the park. Soda sloshed down my arm as I jumped up and down, and I heard the familiar boom of laughter next to me. I turned and saw my dad, a Mets cap on his head. He high fived me and whistled loudly as the stadium exploded in cheers.

In a moment, I was on the back of my pony, Pumpkin. I must have been about six or seven, and I was absolutely terrified of him. He was gentle and calm, but that didn’t stop me from having a near panic attack every time my mother tried to bring me near him. I could feel the power of his body beneath me when I sat on him, even at that age. I knew this was not something to mess with. I felt a strong hand at my back and looked down at my mother. She was smiling at me, speaking words of encouragement, and I felt a sense of relief that she was there.

My mother morphed into Ash, and I wondered if it was possible for your heart to stop beating while you were dreaming. He was smiling down at me, strong and beautiful. He looked like that Ash I had known from months before, free of the scars and the heartbreak. He leaned down toward me, his lips on mine, his hands at the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. He pressed me up against the wall, trailing soft kisses along my collarbone, leaving me breathless.

I woke up with a start, aching, my fingers folded in a fist, clutching Liam’s shirt tightly. We were lying on the bed together, facing each other. There was a respectful amount of distance between the two of us, and I felt a gush of affection toward the boy that lay across from me. His eyes fluttered open, and I smiled at him. He smiled back and pried my fingers off his shirt.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded and looked over his head to the clock that ticked incessantly above the door. I frowned. “What is it?”

“It’s way past dinner time.” I sat up and looked over at the desk, which was empty of its usual food tray. “Have they not come by with dinner?”

Liam shook his head slowly, his brow furrowed. “Maybe they were waiting…”

“Right,” I said, interrupting him before he could continue. “Well, it’s not happening tonight.” My voice was firm, and Liam raised his eyebrows at me. “Come here, and give me a kiss. That’ll have to be enough for them tonight.”

He laughed, a real laugh, and I felt myself smile back at him. “Okay,” he agreed, sitting up, his hair sticking up on one side. I leaned closer, using my fingers to flatten it down. He froze and looked down at me, and I swallowed hard.

“I’m going to have to give in soon, aren’t I?” I whispered to him. “If I want to survive. If I want Ash to survive.”

He didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to. I sighed shakily and stood on my tiptoes for a kiss. Our lips met, and I waited for him to pull away. He always seemed to know how much time was necessary for each kiss, what would keep them happy. He hadn’t pulled away and I found myself responding to him, more so than I had before.

Liam’s arms came up and wrapped around my waist, pulling me against him. His lips pressed harder to me, and I gasped. He pulled back and stared at me for a long moment, his eyes wide. The look in his eyes was pleading, and I found myself falling into it. My hand reached up to his chest. I felt the contours of his body as my hand traveled up his chest, across his collarbone, and came to rest at the back of his neck, where the end of his hair curled. I ran my fingers through it, and he closed his eyes, sighing.