The Bachelor's Promise (Bachelor Auction) (18 page)

As they rose from the dinner table, she touched Aiden’s arm. He immediately excused himself from his conversation and turned his attention to her.

“I need to go to the restroom. I’ll be back.”

He nodded, his narrowed gaze searching her face. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” She forced a smile to her face, and it felt brittle and fake. “Of course. Excuse me.”

Before that too-perceptive-for-comfort stare could decipher more than she wanted, she circled him and exited the ballroom. As soon as she located the women’s restroom, she pushed into one of the large stalls and leaned against the wall, exhaling.

Just as she closed her eyes and her shoulders wilted, the outside door opened and two voices carried into the bathroom.

Oh, just great
.

“Did you see her? Tattoos,” a woman said with a cackle that would’ve made the Wicked Witch of the West jealous. “How vulgar. Where did Aiden Kent pick her up at? A biker bar?”

The second woman joined in her friend’s laughter. “You’re being too kind, Jen. I was thinking more along the lines of the red-light district.”

Pain and humiliation seared Noelle’s insides like a blowtorch. Her. They were talking about her. She eased off the wall, careful not to make any noise that would betray her presence. A peek through the door panels revealed two women she didn’t recognize touching up their makeup as they ripped Noelle up one side and down the other.

“I had lunch with Jocelyn Davis a week ago, and she told me about Aiden’s date,” the first woman, whom the other had called Jen, shared. “Apparently he calls her a family friend.” She snorted. “He’s probably her
uncle
,” she sneered.

“I don’t know what he could’ve possibly been thinking, bringing her here. Maybe men bring their whores to respectable places in Chicago, but in Boston we shouldn’t be forced to endure her company,” the second woman sniffed.

“I heard Sydney invited her,” Jen said, snapping her purse closed and running a hand down her straight blond hair.

“Well, Aiden is Lucas’s best friend and business partner. But this is carrying friendship too far. Do you suppose…” The rest of her gossiping vitriol trailed off as both women exited the bathroom.

Noelle didn’t move. Her legs wouldn’t cooperate as anger and embarrassment poured through her, drowning her in its slick, oily sludge. After several minutes, she slid the lock back on the stall door and stepped out. The wall-length mirror caught her attention, and she stared at her reflection. Eyes dark with hurt, skin pale so the make-up that had been lovely stood out garish and harsh. A whore. They thought she was Aiden’s whore because, of course, why else would he be with someone like her? Once more she was back in high school with the mean girls who had made those four years miserable.

Stop it. Who gives a damn about them? They don’t know jack shit about you
.

The whispered hiss snapped her head up. She was no longer that teenager; she was a grown woman who’d scraped her way out of her broken circumstances to earn her way, to capture her goals and dreams. Everything she owned, she’d worked her ass off for. And she wasn’t ashamed of it—not when she could have so easily followed in her father’s and brother’s footsteps. Jen and her BFF most likely wouldn’t know anything about good, honest hard work. They could call her whore, gold digger, or vulgar, but as long as she didn’t answer to any of those epitaphs, those bitches could suck it.

Straightening her shoulders, she again met the mirror’s reflection. The hurt lingered, but at least she didn’t look like she’d been hit by a bus. Hiking her chin up, she pulled open the door and stepped out into the hall. She headed toward the ballroom, when her cell vibrated inside her purse. Other than Lo, only one person would be calling her. She removed the phone, and a glance down confirmed her assumptions.

She swiped her thumb across the screen. “Tony, I’ve been trying to reach you,” she snapped in lieu of hello. Since the night Aiden had accused her of being in cahoots with her brother, she’d called Tony’s phone daily. And he’d avoided every one of those calls.

“I know, Ellie,” he said, a hint of a whine in his voice. God, how did women find that shit attractive? “I meant to call you back, but I’ve been busy.”

“Really,” she drawled. “Doing what? Working?” Before he could reply, she charged on. “No, of course not. Or else you wouldn’t have called Aiden behind my back and asked him for money.”

“See?” Tony crowed. “I knew you weren’t telling me the whole truth. You have seen him.”

“Don’t try to turn this around,” she snarled. “You threw me under the bus, and for what? To get under Aiden’s skin? To remind him you’re breathing? You two hate each other. What did you expect?”

“That bastard owes me,” Tony snarled, fury vibrating down the phone line. “The very least he could do is loan me a few dollars. It’s not like he has a shortage of them.”

By “loan,” Tony meant “give,” because he’d never repaid a debt in his life. But his previous statement snagged her attention. “What do you mean he owes you?” she asked. Silence met her. “Tony,” she pressed.

“Fine,” he snapped. “I can’t believe you don’t know already, though.” He paused, his deep inhalation of breath loud. “Peyton and I… We were in love.”

“Oh, Tony,” she breathed.

“Don’t take that tone with me,” he growled, offended. “Of course you would take his side. Yeah, the reason I went after her in the first place might have been for revenge—”

“Revenge?” Noelle interrupted, confused. “What did she do to you?”

“Not her. Aiden. You think I forgot how I found you crying your damn heart out over him?” he snarled, and Noelle smothered a groan. Damn. She’d forgotten about Tony catching her in a weak moment during those weeks after Caroline’s death and Aiden’s defection. Normally, she wouldn’t have dared confide anything in her brother, who couldn’t hold water. “I hated him for hurting you. For tossing you aside like trash just because he had money.”

“No, Tony,” she objected, voice soft. “It had nothing to do with—”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses for him; you were always so weak when it came to him. But that was just the original reason. Soon, I did fall for Peyton, and…” He broke off, but his rough breathing echoed over the line. “He had everything—
has
everything. But after he ended their engagement, she dropped me. Couldn’t face the pressure from her parents after they found out about me. So yeah, that bastard owes me.”

Deep sorrow immobilized her and froze her vocal cords. Maybe Tony had loved Peyton—as much as her selfish brother could love anyone besides himself. But in all the years they’d been in each other’s lives, she’d never known him to place someone else above his needs or comforts. Because her brother didn’t comprehend the meaning of sacrifice. Or honor. And he might have had feelings for Aiden’s ex-fiancée, but Noelle would’ve bet her most prized graphite pencil set that Peyton’s money had been as much of a lure for Tony as her stunning beauty—if not more. If he’d truly loved Peyton, he would have insisted she end her relationship with Aiden first before becoming involved with her. But that probably wouldn’t have occurred to him, because the thrill of getting one over on Aiden, who he’d resented and been jealous of for years, would’ve been too great.

“Tony,” she whispered.

“Noelle.”

She jerked her head up, meeting Aiden’s hooded, emerald scrutiny.

“I’ll talk to you later. I have to go,” she told her brother before hanging up, ignoring his loud objection. Slowly, she dropped the cell in her purse and snapped it closed.

“Who was that?” Aiden asked, his expression inscrutable.

Tony’s name lodged in her throat. She hated lying—detested it—and the knowledge that she was going to do it soured her stomach. But the one thing she hated more than lying was glimpsing the frigid ice and betrayal in Aiden’s eyes at the mention of her brother. Admitting that Tony had called, and that she’d spoken to him, would snap the tenuous truce they’d established over the past few days. She didn’t want to see him return to the cold stranger he’d been when she’d arrived in Boston—the one who had greeted her last week after Tony’s first phone call. That ticking clock she’d been determined to put out of her mind chimed louder, impossible to ignore. The expiration date couldn’t be denied, but greedily, she yearned for just a little longer. A little more time.

“Lo,” she said, the untruth rancid in her mouth. But she swallowed past it and continued. “She just needed some information from me about an artist for the show.”

Several heartbeats passed, and the swill in her belly churned harder. Finally, he nodded. “They’re serving after-dinner drinks, but if you’re ready to go, I can make our excuses to Sydney and Lucas.”

Relief streamed through her—both that he hadn’t questioned her and that they could leave this place.

“Yes.” She dipped her chin and accepted the hand he extended toward her. “I’m ready.”

Chapter Fifteen

Noelle entered her bedroom and, sighing, toed off her shoes. The beginnings of a headache pulsed at her temples, and she massaged the area. Stress and tension, courtesy of the evening from hell.

And the lie.

She crossed the room and perched on the bed, staring sightlessly at the far wall. Her shoulders slumped as if weighed down by the burden of her deception. One woman—the one he’d been ready to pledge the rest of his life to, the one he’d given his heart and trust to—had lied to him in the worst possible way. Now, Noelle herself also deceived him. Not on the level of Peyton, but to someone who had been violated by a lie… Aiden probably wouldn’t see the difference. And if Noelle were honest, neither did she. The stink of the untruth seemed to permeate her until it was all she was able to think about, smell, feel…

Shoving to her feet, she retraced her steps and exited the room. She couldn’t allow fear of his reaction or of him rejecting her transform her into the very thing she’d worked so hard to avoid all her life: a no-good, lying Rana.

Her footsteps whispered across the floor as she hurried down the hall and staircase before the anxiety coiling and twisting inside her could convince her to retreat to the safety of her bedroom. Problem was, she would be holed up in there with herself. And unless she told Aiden the truth, that bedroom wasn’t big enough for her, her conscience, and the lie.

A quick glance into the living and dining rooms didn’t reveal Aiden, so she headed for the room he seemed to favor when home. The door to the library stood open, and she zoned in on him as if he emitted a signal for her to follow. Her heart thudded, the heavy drum echoing in her ears. Why did it feel like she’d lost him when she’d never had him?

“Aiden?”

He turned, a tumbler of dark alcohol in his hand. Behind him, the Boston skyline provided a gorgeous backdrop that still couldn’t rival him in beauty. Though her stomach knotted, she couldn’t help admiring him, tracing each feature, from his sharp cheekbones, sensual mouth, and down his tall, lean frame. He’d removed the tie and jacket he’d worn to the dinner party, and the white shirt stretched across his wide shoulders, hugging him. Was it crazy to be envious of a shirt?

“I thought you’d gone to bed,” he said, voice quiet.

“I did…” She moved farther into the room. “But I need to talk to you first.” Gathering her courage, she met his steady gaze. “I lied earlier about the phone call. It wasn’t Lo; it was Tony.”

Silence met her admission. But she didn’t miss the tension that invaded his body. It fairly emanated from him, reaching out and humming over her skin. Still, she pushed on.

“I’m sorry for lying to you. I-I was scared to tell you the truth because of your reaction the last time Tony called. That’s not an excuse, I know. But I…”
Didn’t want to see the end of this time with you
. “I’m sorry.”

She waited, bracing herself for an accusation or the cold barrier he could throw up in an instant, leaving her shivering from frostbite.

“What did he want?” he finally asked.

“He explained why he pursued Peyton,” she admitted softly.

“I’m sure he did,” he drawled, setting his glass on the desk. “What did he say?”

Quickly, she repeated her conversation with Tony, cringing inside as shame stole through her, even though the guilt didn’t belong to her. When she fell silent, a muscle ticked along his jaw, and his emerald eyes were cold and sharp enough to cut glass.

“If his reason for paying me back is true, I can understand his motive as a brother,” he said, the quiet tone belying the hardness of his gaze. “I hurt you. But worse, I hurt you to save me pain. That’s inexcusable. Unforgivable.”

“Aiden.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about that…”

“We need to, Noelle. Didn’t you ask me if we were going to pretend those two years didn’t happen? We tried, but it’s right there, this thing we tiptoe around.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, maybe as a defense. Definitely as protection. “What can you say? It’s wasn’t you, it was me? Just let it go.”

“That is the truth. You were—are—perfect. You did nothing wrong. But trust me. That was your only crime. My father abandoned my mother before I was born; he wanted her to have an abortion, but she refused. Chose me over him. Literally, from the time I was born, she was my champion. My rock. And when she needed me most—when she was in the fight of her life and losing it—I was with you. You…” He broke off and glanced away for a brief moment before returning his gaze to her. “You were my happiness when I didn’t know I wanted it, when I didn’t know I was missing it. But I couldn’t handle knowing that while I had those bright moments, she was dying.” Silence fell between them as he shoved his hands in his pockets and stared a hole in the floor. “I couldn’t separate my guilt from being with you. Not that I blamed you, Noelle; I didn’t. It was myself I couldn’t forgive. But you were a reminder—your eyes, your voice, your scent,
you
—of my failure. It was easier to paint you with the same brush as your father and brother, even knowing you were nothing like them. Could never be. I was selfish, a coward.” The bleakness in his eyes caught her off guard, punched the air from her lungs. “I hurt you. And I’m sorry, Noelle. I’m sorry for every tear you cried, every second you doubted how brilliant, gorgeous, and worthy you are. It’s another sin that I have to answer for.”

Six years had passed since that night and the aftermath. Time had dulled the pain, but not until he uttered
I’m sorry
did she feel the scab start to knit together over that particular wound. Those two words weren’t a miracle cure, but not until she heard them did she realize how much she’d needed to hear them.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He nodded, then turned back to the window, a new, finer tension invading his body. “As for everything else your brother said… When I first met Peyton, I believed she was redemption, so to speak. You, I wouldn’t allow myself to have, but with her? Maybe I was meant to have joy in my life. At least that’s what I believed,” he said, a coldness invading his tone. “She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, kind… I didn’t care about her social status, her money, or the connections her family could bring. I just wanted her. To take care of her, love her, protect her.”

Part of Noelle hung on every word he said; he rarely mentioned his fiancée’s name. But the other half longed to clap her hands over her ears and block out his voice telling her how much he’d adored another woman. Not when, at one time, she’d wanted those very same things from him. She was jealous of a woman who’d been foolish enough to squander away such a precious gift as Aiden’s heart.

“For the first year, we were perfect. But then, Peyton…changed.” He fell silent, and Noelle glanced down, clearly seeing the outline of his fists through the material of his pockets. “As the company grew, my role and responsibilities did along with it, and we spent less time together. She became needy, clingy. Resentful. When I couldn’t escort her to dinners, parties, or charity events, she accused me of not loving her like I used to, of taking her for granted. That’s when I started noticing the extreme mood changes. One moment she would be hyper, a whirlwind. She’d jump from one conversation topic to another, started forgetting simple things, went on these extravagant shopping sprees. And when she spent the night with me, she would walk the floors all night. Then there were times when she couldn’t crawl out of bed or care about her appearance, her family and friends, or the committees she loved serving on. What I didn’t know—what Peyton had hid from me—was she’d been diagnosed as bipolar three years earlier. I can only assume she believed I wouldn’t have accepted or loved her if I’d known. And that’s ridiculous, but she never gave me the chance to tell or show her that.”

Noelle stared, spellbound by his heartbreaking narration. Had Tony known? Had Peyton confided in him what she hadn’t with Aiden? And if so, had Tony deliberately taken advantage of her? Noelle would love to be able to say an emphatic no. But she couldn’t… She couldn’t.

“I learned about her disorder, and that she’d stopped taking her medication, too late. She’d begged her parents not to tell me, and they agreed, not admitting the truth until after I broke off the engagement. The entire time we were together, the three of them conspired to keep the truth from me. I loved them, and they lied to me. If Peyton had trusted me, we could’ve faced her episodes and her going back on her medication together; I wouldn’t have left her. Instead, none of them said anything…not even after we found out we were going to have a baby.”

“What?” Noelle gasped. Shock doused her in a freezing deluge. Peyton had been pregnant? Tony hadn’t said…

“We found out two weeks before I caught her and Tony together. Since she was about two and a half months, we decided not to announce it, except to her parents and Lucas. I was so happy, and so was she. Or so I thought. It’s too cliché how I found out about her and Tony. A text. She’d left her phone on the bed, unlocked. So when the text came through, I picked it up to take it to her and read the message. Apparently, she’d been cheating for months. That’s how far back the texts went.
Are we meeting tonight? He’s working late, come over
. I followed her the following night to a motel and saw them together. Later, when she arrived home, I ended the engagement. For a week, she called me, crying, pleading, screaming, cursing me out. It was my fault she’d turned to Tony. If I wasn’t always working, if I’d been there for her, she wouldn’t have had to find another man to give her attention, love. Even her parents called me, begging me to think about the baby.” He loosed a crack of bitter laughter. “Think of the baby.”

His mouth flattened into a grim line, and her heart pounded. Instinct warned her she didn’t want to hear the rest of his story.

“I
thought
my heart had broken that night in the motel parking lot. I discovered I didn’t know what that truly was until Peyton called a week later. She’d miscarried. But, according to her, I shouldn’t care because the baby hadn’t been mine anyway. She’d lied; the pregnancy had been sixteen weeks along, not the twelve she’d led me to believe. And since I’d been out of the country on a business trip during the period of conception, I couldn’t have been the father. Of course, I only had her word to go by, and she’d proven to be a damn good liar.” Picking up the forgotten glass of alcohol, he slung it back and slammed the tumbler back down on the desk. “Either way, whether the baby was mine or not, I’d already started to plan a future with and for our child. Peyton and Tony had stolen one last thing from me.”

“Aiden,” she breathed. Her heart and hands ached to touch him, to comfort him.

“I never told anyone that. Not even Lucas. So no one knows about the baby’s paternity except you…and your brother.”

Horror dawned on her. Somehow she knew where this was going… Nausea churned and scorched a path toward the back of her throat.
Please, God, no. He wouldn’t…

“The day after I found out how far along she’d been, Tony called me. In spite of how our engagement ended, Lucas and I had made sure nothing about your brother or an affair appeared in any of the papers or those damn gossip pages. But, according to Tony, if I wanted news about their affair and the baby to remain quiet, I would have to pay him off.”

Bile raced to the back of her throat, and she choked on it and the rage that swelled inside her. Last week, Aiden had accused her of conspiring with her brother. Now, with all the details of what had transpired between the two of them, she understood why Aiden had jumped to that conclusion. Considering Tony’s despicable actions, how could she blame Aiden?

She had to go. Get out of Aiden’s life. When she thought of showing up weeks ago at that auction and requesting he pay her tuition, the nausea returned with a vengeance. He would’ve seen her as another taker, another user, another Rana wanting something from him for nothing. Yet, he’d paid for her education, invited her into his home when she had nowhere to live, and cared for her when she was sick.

The kind, merciful thing she could do right now would be to go pack her few belongings and leave this man’s life. To not bring her drama or her brother’s painful presence into the world he’d created for himself separate from Chicago and the agonizing memories he’d left behind.

But maybe there was more Rana inside her than she cared to acknowledge. Because instead of backtracking and heading up the stairs to her bedroom, she crossed the room and rounded the desk. She slipped between Aiden and his desk and closed her arms around him. He stiffened, his body as rigid as a statue. But she held on. Tight. She needed to hold him, touch him. And maybe, just maybe, he needed the same from her.

After several interminable moments, his arms encircled her, and she exhaled. Relief coursed through her as his solid weight leaned against her and around her.

“I’m sorry. So sorry,” she whispered against his chest.

“For what?” he murmured, his chin grazing the top of her ear as he drew her impossibly closer. “And I didn’t give him a dollar. He didn’t bother calling back after that.” Aiden sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Those were your brother’s actions, not yours, Noelle.”

She didn’t reply. Couldn’t. Because no matter what he said, the truth flared in front of her like a flashing warning sign. He would never forgive her brother for his role in Peyton’s lies, or for the pain he’d inflicted afterward. And part of her wasn’t sure he should. But Tony was her brother. And while she detested his actions, choices, and nonexistent morals, she loved him. If he ever needed her, she would be there for him. Because that’s what family—good or bad—did for one another. In spite of his selfishness, Tony would do the same for her.

And then there was the thing he’d glossed over, barely touched on. The people he’d loved had lied to him. Betrayed him and his trust. Just as he hadn’t forgiven Tony, he hadn’t forgiven himself for believing in those who’d deceived him. They’d taught him that love couldn’t be taken at face value. That agendas trumped everything else, and the cost was too high. So that left her with a dilemma that weighed on her heart like an albatross.