Authors: Edward Lee
The Backwoods (12 page)
She looked back into the car, magnificent breasts swaying. “Aw, no, Mr. Chief. It’d still be immoral ‘cos you’d feel really bad about it once ya woke up.”
“No, I wouldn’t!” he assured her.
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure ya would, ‘n’ I cain’t have that It’d make me feel guilty.”
Sutter shouted again, “You can’t feel guilty! You’re just an image in a dream! My dream!”
“Naw, naw, still wouldn’t be right,” she said. Her face perked up. “But I’ll tell ya what! You just wait three years when I’m eighteen and then have this dream again! We’ll have a
fine
time! I promise!”
fine
time! I promise!”
And then she closed the door.
Sutter lay back in the seat, on the verge of tears.
What a fuckin’ ripoff. . . .
What a fuckin’ ripoff. . . .
She came around the other side for one last tease. Perfect legs parted, her perfect elbows planted on the edge of his open window, perfect breasts still swaying, still shining from all that desiring sweat. “But lemme give ya a peck on the cheek, okay?” she said. “I’se pretty dang sure
that
ain’t against the law.”
that
ain’t against the law.”
Well, it was better than nothing, wasn’t it?
She leaned over further, bringing her head into the car, and just as she would kiss him on the cheek—
Whup . . .
—her head fell off her shoulders and landed in Chief Sutter’s lap.
A sound screamed through his head like a jet turbine, and suddenly he was falling through darkness, and after what seemed hours of falling, falling, falling—
—he awoke in a tumult on his bed.
Oh
,
God
. . .
,
God
. . .
His heart
thunked
in his chest; he thought of an old engine trying to restart. His eyes hurt as he stared after the nightmare, and the inside of his mouth tasted rancid.
What a ripoff
, he thought again. Why should his subconscious produce such a dream, such intense erotic images, only to leave him unfulfilled?
thunked
in his chest; he thought of an old engine trying to restart. His eyes hurt as he stared after the nightmare, and the inside of his mouth tasted rancid.
What a ripoff
, he thought again. Why should his subconscious produce such a dream, such intense erotic images, only to leave him unfulfilled?
He winced.
Unfulfilled and with a severed head in his lap.
The entirety of his bulk flinched at a hideous noise. He rolled over in bed and noticed the even larger bulk lying beside him. June always slept naked. Her blubbery belly and breasts vibrated through each cycle of that awful noise-her snoring. Sutter looked at her aghast in the moonlight.
Is that my wife or did someone dump three hundred pounds of vanilla pudding in my bed and put a wig on it?
This new image only doubled the cruelty of the dream: first the Squatter girl and her perfect image of sexual beauty, then this pale pile of human lard that he would spend the rest of his life with.
Is that my wife or did someone dump three hundred pounds of vanilla pudding in my bed and put a wig on it?
This new image only doubled the cruelty of the dream: first the Squatter girl and her perfect image of sexual beauty, then this pale pile of human lard that he would spend the rest of his life with.
Suddenly all the unfulfillment of his life landed on him at once.
Over-the-hill, up to my neck in debt, and married to
that, he realized.
Over-the-hill, up to my neck in debt, and married to
that, he realized.
This was it. This was his life, staring him in the face in all its irrevocable truth.
He actually could’ve cried. The bed jostled like a small earthquake when he slid off and stood up, pasty, belly sticking out under hairy man-tits, forty-eight-waist boxer shorts bunched up his ass. Comfort food was the only ticket to cure this grim hour of the wolf, so he trudged out of the noisy bedroom to the kitchen.
He clumped through the darkness, and finally a smile found his mouth.
Nice and cool
, he reminded himself.
At least I have air-conditioning, and yesterday I didn’t.
The brand-new unit was doing its job on the summer heat, purring away. He’d thought about it and thought about it, and he’d finally come to the honest decision that taking that dope money off those scumbags represented no infringement on his sense of professional ethics.
It was just drug money. If I’d turned it into the county sheriff’s, they would’ve confiscated it
. One thing to feel good about was better than nothing. He’d done his job beyond the call of duty, and . . .
Nice and cool
, he reminded himself.
At least I have air-conditioning, and yesterday I didn’t.
The brand-new unit was doing its job on the summer heat, purring away. He’d thought about it and thought about it, and he’d finally come to the honest decision that taking that dope money off those scumbags represented no infringement on his sense of professional ethics.
It was just drug money. If I’d turned it into the county sheriff’s, they would’ve confiscated it
. One thing to feel good about was better than nothing. He’d done his job beyond the call of duty, and . . .
And I got a little perk
, he rationalized.
Ain’t no harm in that.
, he rationalized.
Ain’t no harm in that.
The refrigerator light flooded the kitchen when he opened the door. A little less dejected than before, he pulled out a fat Boston cream pie that June had picked up at the grocery store and cut himself a sizable slice, but before he could take his first sloppy bite . . .
He smirked in the dark.
Snippets of the dream swept around his mind’s eyes like a flock of birds. The girl’s stunning, earthy, sweat-glistening beauty unfolding before him and then—
Whup . . .
Her head falling off right into his lap.
I must be really fucked-up in the head to have a dream like that,
he considered.
Why in God’s name would I dream something like that?
he considered.
Why in God’s name would I dream something like that?
Her head falling off.
Her head . . .
Heads,
he thought.
he thought.
It couldn’t help but remind him: Dwayne Parker’s funeral was tomorrow. The most bizarre death his little town had ever seen.
He knew about the rumors. The EMTs had run their mouths, and probably so had some folks down at the county morgue.
Can’t say that I blame them. Who could see something like that and not mention it to anyone?
Can’t say that I blame them. Who could see something like that and not mention it to anyone?
At least they were just rumors at this point, and he hoped they’d fade away after Dwayne’s ashes were cast to the four winds. Even minus the head—which still had not been found—there’d been no doubt as to positive identity. The tattoos were right, the clothes were right, and the ID in the wallet was right. Two days later the fingerprints came back from NCIC, and they were Dwayne Parker’s. The death certificate had read:
Anomalous death-COD
:
Decapitation via smooth transection of levator scapulae muscular process and #5 & 6 cervical vertebrae. Mode of transection as yet undetermined and curious.
Anomalous death-COD
:
Decapitation via smooth transection of levator scapulae muscular process and #5 & 6 cervical vertebrae. Mode of transection as yet undetermined and curious.
That was the tech talk. Sutter himself had been one of the few to see the body. The coroner’s
remarks—undetermined and curious—
were understatement. Sutter had never seen anything so strange, nor inexplicable.
remarks—undetermined and curious—
were understatement. Sutter had never seen anything so strange, nor inexplicable.
He’d never forget the sight of the body when the attendant had opened the body bag.
Jesus . . .
It seemed less like his head had been cut off and more like it had vanished off his body. There was no telltale ‟stump.” No cut marks or blade striations. Dwayne Parker’s skin, in fact, seemed to cover the area of space between his collarbones as though the skin had impossibly
grown over
the decapitation wound.
grown over
the decapitation wound.
Sutter sighed, his appetite lost. He put the pie back in the refrigerator.
Goddamn Dwayne,
he thought, wincing the vision out of his mind as he headed back to the bedroom.
Almost like he’d never had a head in the first place.
he thought, wincing the vision out of his mind as he headed back to the bedroom.
Almost like he’d never had a head in the first place.
Four
When Patricia opened her eyes, the bedroom was shimmering in sunlight. She felt warm and rested, ready for the day in spite of its circumstances.
The funeral
, she thought. She’d dreaded it, hadn’t she? Because she’d dreaded coming back here, but so far her return had provided the opposite of what she’d expected.
I feel great
, she realized, and then she hopped up from the big bed and looked at herself in the dresser mirror.
And I look great, too
. Her skin shimmered like the light in the room. Her eyes looked back at her, vibrant, bright. Her naked body had never appeared healthier, her breasts heavy yet high, her waist tight, bereft of even a trace of middle-age flab.
And I’m starving
, she reminded herself. The aromas of coffee and bacon drifted into the room, seducing her She quickly pulled her robe over her shoulders and rushed into the hall toward the shower. She grabbed a towel from the linen closet, then opened the bathroom door—
The funeral
, she thought. She’d dreaded it, hadn’t she? Because she’d dreaded coming back here, but so far her return had provided the opposite of what she’d expected.
I feel great
, she realized, and then she hopped up from the big bed and looked at herself in the dresser mirror.
And I look great, too
. Her skin shimmered like the light in the room. Her eyes looked back at her, vibrant, bright. Her naked body had never appeared healthier, her breasts heavy yet high, her waist tight, bereft of even a trace of middle-age flab.
And I’m starving
, she reminded herself. The aromas of coffee and bacon drifted into the room, seducing her She quickly pulled her robe over her shoulders and rushed into the hall toward the shower. She grabbed a towel from the linen closet, then opened the bathroom door—
A blue-jeaned and shirtless Ernie looked at her, a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. His eyes widened, and he flinched at the sight of her. “Jesus, Patricia,” he mumbled through lips foamy with toothpaste.
Patricia stalled, blinked; then a shock bolted through her brain.
My God, I’m practically naked!
It had taken her a second to realize that her robe hung wide open, affording Ernie a complete full-frontal glimpse. Then her face must’ve turned nearly as red as her hair. She pulled the robe closed and sprinted back to her room, squealing in embarrassment.
My God, I’m practically naked!
It had taken her a second to realize that her robe hung wide open, affording Ernie a complete full-frontal glimpse. Then her face must’ve turned nearly as red as her hair. She pulled the robe closed and sprinted back to her room, squealing in embarrassment.
She slammed the door shut and leaned against it, bug-eyed.
What in God’s name is wrong with me? What kind of a complete airhead am I?
Was she that distracted by coming here? She didn’t feel distracted at all; in fact, until she’d opened the bathroom door, she’d been marveling at how good she felt, and how together.
Ernie’s going to think I’m an exhibitionist!
What in God’s name is wrong with me? What kind of a complete airhead am I?
Was she that distracted by coming here? She didn’t feel distracted at all; in fact, until she’d opened the bathroom door, she’d been marveling at how good she felt, and how together.
Ernie’s going to think I’m an exhibitionist!
Then she reflected further:
Maybe I did it on purpose. . . .
Maybe I did it on purpose. . . .
Something in her subconscious. She even admitted to herself that she’d been sort of teasing him last night, when she’d bent over braless to untie her shoes. She knew he’d been looking down her blouse... and she didn’t mind.
And now this.
He just saw everything. . . .
More reflections spun around her head.
Something weird’s happening me
.
Since the minute I got back to town, I’ve been horny as hell. Then last night I dream about having sex with another man right in front of my husband-the lewdest dream of my life. I took my nightgown off in my sleep, and I even had orgasms
during
the dream, and then . . . then I wake up masturbating. And to top it all off, the first thing I do after Iwake up is expose myself to Ernie! What is going on in my head?
Something weird’s happening me
.
Since the minute I got back to town, I’ve been horny as hell. Then last night I dream about having sex with another man right in front of my husband-the lewdest dream of my life. I took my nightgown off in my sleep, and I even had orgasms
during
the dream, and then . . . then I wake up masturbating. And to top it all off, the first thing I do after Iwake up is expose myself to Ernie! What is going on in my head?
Patricia was a very logical woman, but she could find no logic in this.
Agan’s Point is the town where I was raped. I should feel very unsexual.
Agan’s Point is the town where I was raped. I should feel very unsexual.
So why the opposite?
The good feelings she had wakened with were ruined. She waited till Ernie was finished in the bathroom, then showered quickly. She made a point to wear a bra this time, an old baggy crewneck T-shirt and a cotton ankle skirt. The frumpy clothes made her feel very
un
sexy.
un
sexy.
Now for the hard part . . .
She couldn’t sit here all day.
What am I going to say to Ernie?
A worse consideration:
Did he tell Judy what I did?
She couldn’t sit here all day.
What am I going to say to Ernie?
A worse consideration:
Did he tell Judy what I did?
And what might he say to any male friends? She knew how guys talked amongst themselves, and in her mind she could hear it now:
Yeah, guys, I swear to God, she just walked right in with her robe hangin’ wide open showin’ the whole package! Tits stickin’ out—damn near poked me in the eye! And that red-hairt beaver? Yeah, man!
“Oh, please,” she muttered.
Yeah, guys, I swear to God, she just walked right in with her robe hangin’ wide open showin’ the whole package! Tits stickin’ out—damn near poked me in the eye! And that red-hairt beaver? Yeah, man!
“Oh, please,” she muttered.
She summoned her courage and walked straight to the kitchen.
“Good mornin’, my sweet big sister!” Judy greeted her. She smiled brightly as she was pouring the orange juice at the table.
“Hi, Judy,” Patricia said dolefully.
“Sleep well, I hope?”
“Yes, fine . . .”
Ernie stood at the stove, flipping eggs. He glanced over with half a smile. “Mornin’, Patricia.”
She let out a frustrated breath. “Ernie, I don’t know what to say.”
“Aw, don’t worry ‘bout it,” he dismissed. “Probably groggy when ya got up and forgot you weren’t in yer own house. No biggie.”
“What are you two talkin’ about?” Judy asked.
“Ain’t nothin’, Judy,” he said fast, then severed the subject. “How ya want your eggs, Patricia? Judy likes hers sunny-side down, ‘n’ I take mine up.”
Thank God he
didn’t tell her what a ditz I am
. “I’ll take mine up, too.”
didn’t tell her what a ditz I am
. “I’ll take mine up, too.”
“Ernie makes the best eggs,” Judy bragged. “He kind of floats ‘em in butter and bacon grease.”
“See, Patricia, out here in the country we don’t worry ‘bout none of that citified hogwash like cloresterhall’re whatever the hail it’s called.”
“Fine with me. Mine’s always been low.” Patricia sat next to her sister. “How are you holding up?”
Judy crunched into a piece of buttered toast. “Honestly, I feel much better than I thought I would, and I
know
it’s because you’re here. I can’t thank you enough for makin’ the trip—”
know
it’s because you’re here. I can’t thank you enough for makin’ the trip—”
‟I won’t hear talk like that.”
“And I’m so, so sorry for bein’ so out of it last night—”
“It’s all right, Judy—”
“All drunk and weepy and sleepin’ most of the day.
I’m just ashamed to be like that for your arrival.”
“Quiet, I said,” Patricia ordered. But Judy’s mood was actually encouraging.
Today she’s going to scatter her husband’s ashes. I’d expect her to be a wreck right now, but . . . so far, so good.
Today she’s going to scatter her husband’s ashes. I’d expect her to be a wreck right now, but . . . so far, so good.
The three of them chatted casually during breakfast, mostly Judy talking about her business, which locals had died, gotten married, or left town, etc. Eventually Ernie excused himself for some outside chores he needed to get done before the funeral services.
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