The Bad Mother (28 page)

Tessa was gripped. Erin was the only other person who’d met Roy, who had her own intimate connection with him. ‘Will you tell me?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’ Erin drew in a deep breath. ‘It’s why I came back. It’s funny that you’re the only one I can talk to about him. Roy didn’t want to meet my friends, or Pamela, so I had no one else’s opinion to go by. And now I’m not sure any more what I’ve remembered or imagined or made up.’

‘Pamela must know?’

Erin shook her head. ‘I’m not going to discuss this with her. It’s best we keep this between you and me.’

Tessa was appeased: during Erin’s earlier visit she had felt marginalised by the intensity of the sisters’ reunion, but now she was to be central to whatever this mystery was about. She watched Erin glance around the room as if taking herself back in time, repositioning herself as the
teenager she’d once been. Tessa reminded herself that she – a mere seed in the womb – had also been present: it had been the simple fact of her existence that set such vast upheavals and displacements in motion.

‘It was Roy’s last day in Felixham,’ Erin began. ‘He was here for a week, and we kept bumping into each other. I was learning how to flirt. He was older, but didn’t look it somehow, he wasn’t tall or big, so I didn’t question why he was interested in a schoolgirl. All the same, I’d been told not to go off with boys I didn’t know. If Averil hadn’t been so cross with me for failing that exam …’ Erin fanned her hands out across her pale slacks, examining her scarlet nails. ‘He took me out along the edge of the marsh, where the ground rises, where there are sheltered places in among the gorse. He didn’t threaten or hit me, he just didn’t let me say no.’

Tessa was too shocked to speak.

‘Averil said it must have been my fault, because if I was telling the truth then my clothes would’ve been torn, I’d’ve had cuts and bruises.’

‘You’re not saying …’ Tessa didn’t dare utter the word in case saying it made it true.

‘I don’t know. It hurt, but then it was my first time. Maybe he just took advantage. What man wouldn’t? I probably led him on – that’s what Averil said. But I don’t remember wanting him to.’

‘You were fifteen.’

‘She said I should never have gone off with him like that.’

‘What happened afterwards?’

‘He walked me home. You see?’ Erin looked hopefully at Tessa. ‘He’d never have walked me home if … So maybe I
was
just ignorant and silly and he did nothing wrong? It’s all so long ago now, I can’t be sure of anything.’

Tessa found she was clasping her gold bracelet, and let it go as if it were red-hot.

‘But you’ve met him,’ Erin went on. ‘You know him. You know what’s he’s done, why he’s in prison. What do you think?’

‘No, no, I can’t believe he’d ever do anything like that.’ But deep in Tessa’s mind reverberated the impact of a metal locker door being slammed and a woman’s aggressive voice:
Fuck him! Roy Weaver playing his nasty little mind games
. She had a moment’s panic: what if she were wrong?

‘The woman he killed,’ asked Erin, ‘it wasn’t … like that?’

‘No,’ Tessa confirmed, relieved to scramble back to surer ground. ‘She was his girlfriend. They’d been together a long time. He loved her. It was virtually self-defence.’

Erin sighed and sagged back a little against the soft cushions. ‘I’m so glad. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should tell you,’ she said, ‘but when Pamela rang to say you were visiting him, that he might get out and come here … I thought it’d be so wrong not to let you decide for yourself. I had to come and put you in the picture.’

‘Thank you, but I promise, he’s …’ Tessa strove to put into words the scrupulousness of Roy’s behaviour. ‘He’s very proper, exact, almost old-fashioned. Courteous. I can’t imagine him threatening anyone like that. I really can’t.’

‘And it’s so long ago. People change. I’ve changed!’ Erin got to her feet and held out her hands to her daughter. ‘I didn’t mean to cause yet more trouble, spilling out all this ancient history. I’m so glad you think it’s all right.’

‘He’s my father,’ Tessa assured her. ‘He wants to be my father. He cares about me.’

‘That’s good to hear.’ Erin gathered up her handbag, not looking at Tessa. ‘I just couldn’t forget the poor woman he killed, kept worrying that maybe if I’d spoken up …’ She shook herself and forced a smile. ‘I spend too many hours in hotel rooms with nothing better to occupy me!’

‘It’s fine,’ said Tessa. ‘Honestly.’

‘I shan’t say anything to Pamela,’ said Erin, leaning in to kiss Tessa’s cheek. ‘Let’s never mention this again, what do you reckon?’

Tessa nodded, inhaling the smell of her mother’s face powder. She was exhausted now and wanted her to leave. In the doorway, Erin turned. ‘I never meant to lie. Averil said it must’ve been my fault and I’m sure it was. And then there was you! The future to consider. I was simply too young to understand what he’d done. That’s what you think, isn’t it? You do believe me?’

Tessa tried to think how she would react if Lauren came to her with some overheated tale of seduction by an attractive summer visitor, and couldn’t help but acknowledge an ambiguous sympathy for Averil.

‘I do believe you,’ she assured her mother. ‘Roy’s a good man.’

THIRTY-EIGHT

Even though Blanco was pleased to see him, skittering and sliding around the wide solid oak planks of the kitchen floor, Mitch was hesitant about entering Charlie Crawford’s house. But Tamsin assured him that her dad was too busy with the arrangements for a big party he was throwing the following weekend to care about something that had happened weeks ago at her school. And sure enough, as she led Mitch into the kitchen, Charlie merely glanced up and said ‘Hi’ before returning his attention to his iPad. Mitch was almost disappointed – he liked the idea of defying Charlie for Tamsin’s sake. But after lunch Charlie’s indifference allowed Tamsin to take his hand, lead him up to her bedroom and draw him down beside her under her cool white sheets.

Heading home along the seafront later that afternoon, Mitch felt as if he were walking on air: it seemed certain now that Tamsin would probably remain in Felixham for the entire summer holidays, which meant that they could be together for a whole six weeks. Plus, when he’d remarked
on how cordial she seemed to be towards Quinn, she’d said she hoped maybe the affair was already blowing over. He was happy that she wouldn’t be made miserable, or be anxious about how much to say to her mum. It meant, too, that he could tell her about Tessa and that Declan guy. He still hadn’t made up his mind how much he minded, and Tamsin didn’t seem to think it was a big deal, but it was good not to carry the secret any more.

For once he enjoyed being a part of the summer throng. He’d never understood before why anyone other than small kids armed with buckets and spades and makeshift cricket bats on the beach would want to spend a holiday here, but now he realised that, for the adults, it was about sex. If what Felixham offered adult holidaymakers was an opportunity for the same kind of blissful island of time he’d just relished in Tamsin’s bed, then the place was an absolute fairy kingdom.

But it wasn’t only about going to bed with Tamsin. He’d also been able to share his concerns about Roy Weaver. He’d already told her on the phone about his visit to Shirley, about how he’d instinctively liked and trusted her, that she seemed really smart and clever and not at all like a woman with a grudge against her brother. Now he’d been able to confide in Tamsin how he still hadn’t found the right moment to communicate Shirley’s warning to his mother. Tessa still wore the gold bracelet she said Roy had given her, which must mean she wanted to feel close to him, close to a man Shirley had described as self-centred and manipulative, a liar and a killer. At this point Mitch
had shown Tamsin the print-out Shirley had given him of the photograph with his own face looking out from Roy Weaver’s graduation gown and hood. Tamsin had hugged him: he was nothing like Roy Weaver, and certainly wasn’t going to start turning into a werewolf at full moon! It was good to be teased and be able to laugh about something that had made him so uneasy, though he didn’t think he could explain even to Tamsin how contaminated he felt, knowing he carried the genetic imprint of a violent man who’d harassed and maybe molested women. Maybe if he’d been allowed to meet the guy it would be different, but meanwhile the idea of his mum cosying up to this criminal was disgusting.

As he neared the B&B he noticed Sam’s car parked outside with the hatchback door open. Sam was leaning inside, arranging carrier bags and a cardboard box that seemed to be full of shoes. His father straightened up when he saw him. ‘Lauren’s coming to stay with us for a while,’ he explained. ‘I think your mum needs a bit of space.’

‘Ok.’

‘Tell Lauren I’ll wait out here.’ Sam shrugged awkwardly. ‘Probably best.’

Mitch let himself in and stood for a second, listening to the sounds of the house. He could hear sobbing and shouting upstairs, and felt a sneaking disloyalty that he was glad Lauren was going; the rows with Tessa seemed endless and she’d be much happier with Sam and Nula, who’d find jobs for her in the brasserie that would let her
feel grown-up and important. Not wanting to burst his own bubble of contentment, he decided he’d try to deliver Sam’s message, slip up to his room to grab a sweater, then escape. Tessa would expect him to side with her, and right now he wasn’t sure he could.

But what he found was worse than he expected. On the first-floor landing he found Lauren, tear-stained and wild-eyed, an overstuffed carrier bag in each hand.

‘It’s not my fault!’ she cried as soon as she spied him. ‘I didn’t mean to, I just forgot, and I’ve said I’m sorry.’

‘What the hell’s going on?’ Mitch followed Lauren’s terrified nod towards the door to the nearest guest bedroom through which he could see a curtain of water cascading down across the open doorway to the bathroom beyond. Inside Tessa was on her hands and knees trying to haul a pile of sopping white towelling off the floor and into the bath. The tiled floor was covered with water.

‘What did you do?’ Mitch turned to Lauren.

‘I was rinsing off my swimming things in the sink upstairs, then Evie rang and we were talking and I forgot to turn off the tap.’

‘Jesus, Lauren!’

‘I said I was sorry! She won’t listen.’

‘Mitch? Is that you?’ Tessa called from the bathroom.

‘Dad’s waiting for you by the car. Go,’ he told Lauren firmly. ‘I’ll call you later.’ She obeyed gratefully, and Mitch went in to face Tessa.

‘Look at my brand new bathrobes!’ she exclaimed.

‘They’ll wash, won’t they?’ said Mitch.

‘How could she be so stupid! The water must’ve been running for half an hour at least. She’s caused hundreds of pounds-worth of damage.’

‘Won’t the insurance cover it?’

‘Yes, but there’ll be the excess to pay, and then the premium will go sky-high.’

‘It was an accident, Mum. Lauren’s said she’s sorry.’ He held Tessa’s gaze as steadily as he dared. He could see she’d had a fright, and had reason to be angry, but he willed her now to stop lashing out at everything around her. But although she dropped her eyes as if accepting his rebuke, she opened another line of attack.

‘Where were you?’ she demanded.

‘Tamsin just got home for the holidays,’ he said, his unconquerable happiness at the simple fact returning despite the chaos around him.

Tessa shook her head. ‘What do I say to tonight’s guests? All my hard work, destroyed!’

Mitch had already heard the front door bang behind Lauren, but now he heard heavier footsteps on the stairs. He hoped Sam had decided after all to come and help sort things out. Mitch went to meet him, found Hugo instead and immediately felt better. ‘Grandpa!’

‘What’s the damage?’ Hugo smiled and jokingly reached up to ruffle Mitch’s hair as he’d always done when Mitch was little.

In the guest bedroom Mitch could see the cascade was already draining away to a trickle, and hoped perhaps the worst was now over.

‘There’s a mop and bucket downstairs, isn’t there?’ Hugo asked. Mitch nodded in relief and went off to fetch it.

As he moved items around in the basement storeroom to make space to wrestle the bucket and mop out of its corner he tried to feel more sympathetic towards his mum. He knew how much it mattered to her that the guests were impressed and went away full of compliments, and Lauren had been careless and too easily distracted, but she’d said she was sorry. If Tessa could forgive a murderer, then surely she could manage to be a bit kinder to Lauren? His sister was obviously genuinely upset about what she’d done. He thought of the box of shoes in the back of Sam’s car and realised they signified a longer stay than just a few days. Maybe she’d spend the whole summer with Sam and Nula, in which case Mitch was glad – she’d be properly looked after and he would no longer have to feel responsible for her.

When he came back upstairs he could hear their voices – Tessa more high-pitched and staccato than usual against Hugo’s deep murmur – before he could make out the words.

‘I just want to be left alone,’ she was complaining. ‘I’m tired of having to look after everyone else. I just want some peace and quiet, for other people to respect my needs for once. Is that too much to ask?’

Mitch drew back a little, hoping not to attract their notice. He knew it was his duty to deliver Shirley’s warning, yet also recognised a kind of survival instinct that made him reluctant to intervene. If Tessa just wanted to
be left alone, and thought her precious father was Ok, then fine, let her get on with it. Even if he told her she’d been taken in by an abusive creep who told lies about his own mother and got sacked for fiddling around with a student, she’d probably find a way to blame the messenger. He couldn’t be bothered. All he wanted to think about was Tamsin.

He looked around the door, wondering what to do, as Hugo crossed the open doorway to the bathroom, reaching out to her. ‘Hey, Tessie, come on now,’ Mitch heard him say. ‘This isn’t like you.’

‘How do you know what I’m like?’ his mother hissed back.

Mitch placed the bucket and mop cautiously inside the door of the bedroom, tiptoed upstairs for a sweater and then back down, flattening himself against the wall as he would if wanting to remain invisible to guests. Gaining the ground floor he escaped into the sunshine, closing the front door carefully behind him.