The Bay at Midnight (28 page)

“It’s hard to get to talk to her, though,” he said. “I hardly ever see her without Ned or one of her girlfriends around.” He was playing right into my hands.

“I know how you can talk to her alone,” I said.

“How?”

“Sometimes around midnight, she swims out to the platform in the bay and just sits there, thinking,” I said. “She likes that alone time, you know? Just to think about things.” Isabel actually hated being alone. I was really talking about myself, how I relished my time in the runabout on the bay at night. But it didn’t matter. This conversation was not about the truth.

“That’s weird,” he said. I doubted Bruno was the type to appreciate moments of quiet introspection, either. He and Izzy would be perfect for each other.

“She just likes to be alone sometimes,” I repeated with a shrug. “You could find her there tonight. Then you’d be able to talk to her without anybody else around.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Ned’s a good buddy.” He looked toward the open Lovelandtown bridge, the sun in his gorgeous green eyes as he gnawed his lower lip. It was funny to see such a powerful guy look so unsure of himself. “It’s a neat idea, though,” he said, nodding as the plan grew on him. “She goes almost every night, you said?”

“Uh-huh. And I’m sure she’ll be there tonight.”

“Why are you so sure?” he asked.

“It’s Sunday night,” I said. “Dad goes home to Westfield on Sunday, so she always feels a little freer.You know, like she won’t get caught.”

“Well, thanks, Julie,” he said. “You’re okay.”

“You’re welcome,” I said.

He looked behind him to see if it was safe to pull away from the bulkhead, then waved as he took off, heading toward the bridge. When the sound of Bruno’s boat could no longer be distinguished from all the other sounds on the canal, George turned to look at me.

“You up to no good, girl,” he said.

I never gave Isabel the message from Ned. Lucy and I went to the boardwalk with our grandparents that evening, and Izzy went out with some of her girlfriends. I knew that she would eventually leave them to meet Ned on the platform. Her curfew was eleven-thirty, but I doubted she’d bother coming home first, because she knew Mom would be asleep by then. I was excited about my plan and it was all I could think about as I rode the merry-go-round and Tilt-A-Whirl and ate the cotton candy Grandpop bought us. I thought I was so clever.

After we got home from the boardwalk, I went upstairs with Lucy to wait for her to fall asleep. I lay on my own bed, rereading
The Clue in the Jewel Box
behind the curtain, but I couldn’t read more than a sentence before my mind turned to Isabel and what might happen at midnight. I hoped Bruno would come on a little smoother than he usually did. I pictured him pulling the boat up to the platform, saying, “Isabel, is that you?” as though he was surprised to see her. I hoped he
would
act surprised and not say something stupid like, “Julie told me I’d find you here.” God, if he did that, I’d kill him.

Then I imagined that Isabel would look over her shoulder toward the beach, wondering why Ned hadn’t yet arrived. Maybe it would make her nervous to have Bruno there as she waited. It probably would, because she wouldn’t want Ned to catch her
with another boy. Maybe she and Bruno would talk for a few minutes, though, and she’d begin to relax. She’d realize that, for some reason, Ned wasn’t coming. Something had gone wrong with their usual arrangements. And maybe she would look at Bruno in a different way. There was only a little sliver of a moon out tonight, so it was unlikely she’d be able to see his pretty green eyes, but maybe she’d still be attracted to him. My fantasy did not go so far as to have her invite him onto the platform, but at least they would start talking. At least she would begin to compare him to Ned and, with any luck at all, find Ned lacking.

Lucy fell asleep quickly, as she often did when I was present, and I piled up the bedspread beneath the covers. Then I padded quietly across the attic floor and down the rickety steps.

Grandpop was already in bed—I could hear him snoring as I passed through the living room—and I joined my mother and grandmother on the porch for a game of canasta. I could not concentrate on the cards any better than I’d been able to on my reading.

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” my mother said, after I dealt twelve cards to each of us instead of eleven. It was the third or fourth mistake I’d made.

“I’m tired, I guess,” I said.

Grandma pressed her palm against my forehead.

“I’m not sick,” I said with a laugh.

“The two of you make a fine pair,” Grandma said, shaking her head. “Julie’s tired and Maria can hardly see.”

My mother’s eyes were red and teary. She’d told us that she’d shaken out a beach blanket before washing it and sand had blown in her face.

“I can see just fine,” she said. She sounded a little annoyed.

Grandma returned her attention to her cards. “I bumped into Libby Wilson at church this morning,” she said.

“Yes, I saw you talking to her.” My mother drew a card from the stock. “How’s she doing?”

“Oh, who knows,” Grandma said. “You never hear about how Libby’s doing from Libby.You just hear about everybody else’s problems, never her own.” She was talking fast, and I loved how cute and hard to follow her Italian accent could be when she was on a roll.

“What did you learn about everybody else’s problems?” Mom asked. She placed a four of spades onto the discard pile, then pressed a tissue to the corner of her red and watery left eye.

“Betty Sanders is sick again,” Grandma said.

“Oh, dear,” my mother said. “This is what? The third time. Do they think it’s…?” She let her voice trail off. People didn’t mention cancer in those days, as though speaking the word aloud might cause you to catch it.

I was trying to see my mother’s watch. It looked like it was around ten thirty-five, but I couldn’t be sure.

“Probably,” My grandmother placed four queens on the table in front of her. “But no one’s saying. They took all her female parts this time.”

“Ugh,” I said, my big contribution to the conversation. My mind was elsewhere and I didn’t know who Betty Sanders was, anyway.

“I’ll send her a card,” Mom said.

“Libby said that, last fall, Madge’s boy got arrested and you’ll never guess why,” Grandma said.

“Why?” my mother asked.

“Rape.” Grandma whispered the word.

“Oh, my goodness,” my mother said. “Is he in jail?”

“They couldn’t pin it on him because the girl was a tramp,” Grandma said. Then she nudged me with her elbow. “It’s your turn, Julie.”

“I think that’s terrible,” my mother said, as I drew a card from the stock. “Rape is rape, whether the girl is a tramp or not.”

I liked that they were talking about something to do with sex in front of me. I felt like I had crossed some kind of threshold when I got my period and was no longer considered a child in their eyes. I knew rape meant sex forced on a woman, but I couldn’t understand how that could happen. How did a man do that? How did he pry a woman’s legs open? Imagining sex—even mutually desired sex—was so hard for me. I remembered trying to force that tampon inside myself. It had been impossible. If sex was so difficult to accomplish to begin with, then how could rape occur?

“Well, she
did
have a reputation,” Grandma was saying. “Libby said Madge was furious that anyone would think her son would do something like that.”

My mother laughed. “And the last thing anyone wants to see is Madge Walker furious,” she said. “Remember the time her husband accidentally spilled a drink on her at the clubhouse?”

It took a moment for the name to sink into my distracted mind. Madge
Walker.

“What’s her son’s name?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Grandma said. “But she only has one.”

Oh, my God,
I thought. How many Walker families could there be in our tiny community?

“Bruce,” my mother said. She looked at Grandma. “That’s it, isn’t it? Bruce?”

“Maybe,” Grandma said with a shrug.

My heartbeat kicked into high gear and I stared at my mother’s face. She was concentrating on her cards, not making the connection between the Bruce Walker who was a possible rapist, and Bruno, the boy who hung around with Isabel’s crowd of friends. Mom had even allowed Isabel to go for a boat ride with Ned because Bruno was with them!

And now I’d sent him out to visit my sister, who would be alone with him, in the dark.

“So the police decided he really didn’t rape that girl, right?” I asked as I discarded a seven of clubs. I didn’t care what card I got rid of.

“The girl was…loose,” my grandmother said, “so they couldn’t prove it one way or another. Even though she had bruises. That’s why you always have to keep your reputation clean.” She wagged a finger at me.

“Well, even if it wasn’t actually rape—” my mother pressed a tissue to her eyes again “—he’s doing things he shouldn’t be doing.”

“It was rape,” my grandmother said. “Libby was sure of it.”

My grandmother and mother continued talking about the neighborhood gossip, while my mind drifted even farther away. I remembered how unsure of himself Bruno had looked on his boat that afternoon when I suggested he talk to Isabel. He’d seemed intimidated and vulnerable. A rapist wouldn’t look so unsure of himself, I thought. He had to be innocent. The girl probably lied just to get him in trouble. But when I went to bed for real at around eleven o’clock, I couldn’t sleep. Was there a chance I had set Isabel up to be harmed? Was she still at one of her girlfriends’ houses? Should I sneak out and try to find her? I wished I could use the phone, but it was on the living-room wall, too close to my parents’ bedroom.

I moved over to the other bed in my curtained cubicle so that I could peer through the window. It was as dark as dark could get; I could barely make out the canal. The water and the woods and the sky were all the same shade of navy-blue. I sat there, listening to the crickets in the woods next door, feeling my options slip away from me as the minutes passed. I suddenly remembered Bruno talking about Isabel in Ned’s car, using his hands in a wordless allusion to my sister’s breasts.
Oh, God.

It would be all right, I told myself. Maybe Bruno wouldn’t even show up. Then Isabel would come home, angry with Ned. That would be good. Maybe that would be an even better outcome for me—until Ned told her he’d entrusted me with the message that he would not be able to meet her. I hadn’t thought about that, about how annoyed Ned would be with me when I said I’d forgotten to give her his message. That would probably mess up any tiny chance I’d had with him to begin with.

The word
rape
kept slipping back into my mind. Was Bruno really a rapist? I thought of the girl who’d accused him.
She had bruises,
Grandma had said.

I got off the bed, unable to stand it anymore. The clock on my night table read eleven forty-five. I’d spent too much time thinking and not enough time acting. I was going to the beach. I quietly descended the pull-down stairs, thinking that if the current was moving in the direction of the bay, I would take the boat. If not, I would run to the beach. I wished I could take my bike, but it was in the garage and if I opened the garage door, I would wake up everyone in the house.

I should get Ned, I thought as I walked onto our porch. I should admit to him what I’d done and have him go with me. This was important enough, serious enough, for me to come clean with him.

I quietly left my house, then raced across the sand to the Chapmans’ back door. I lifted my hand to knock, but hesitated. The Chapmans’ house was dark, not a light on. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t knock on the door, wake up his parents, and have to explain my stupid scheme to all of them. Certainly they would get my own parents involved and that would just waste time. I turned around, and although the night was very dark, I could see the outline of their Adirondack chairs, four in a row, as I ran back to my own yard and our dock.

The current was lazy, probably on its way to slack tide, but it was still pulling in the direction of the bay, and the water sparkled with phosphorescent jellyfish. I’d seen that glittery display of light before, but not yet this summer, and I decided it was a good sign, for no reason other than that I needed to think positively about what lay ahead. I untethered the boat and climbed down the ladder, then used the oars to push out of the dock.

The current caught the runabout and carried it slowly toward the open water of the bay. I sat near the motor, clutching the tiller handle to keep from being pulled against the bulkhead. How much time had passed since I’d checked the clock? Five minutes? Ten? The second I hit the end of the canal, I would start the motor and head toward the platform. Bruno probably wouldn’t be there yet if it was not quite midnight, and I would tell Isabel that I’d forgotten to give her Ned’s message. She’d get in the boat. I’d bring her home. And what if Bruno was already there? I’d make up something on the spot. Anything. I just wouldn’t let her stay there alone with him.

“Come on. Come on.” I urged the boat as it neared the bay. I was certainly far enough from the house to start the motor
now. I pulled on the cord but received only a sputtering reply. I yanked again. And again. The motor was behaving as it had the day I took Wanda and George to the river, only this time I didn’t have George to get it started for me. I drifted into the bay as I fought with the motor. A slim finger of panic ran up my spine as the dark expanse of water surrounded me, and an unexpectedly stiff breeze pushed me away from the beach that was my destination. I
had
to get the boat started. I yanked several more times, my arm aching with the effort, my fingers burning, probably blistered. For a moment, I stopped pulling the cord. I looked in the direction of our beach, trying to see the platform. Without the sound of my sputtering motor, the air was quiet, blowing lightly and steadily into
my
face. And then I heard it: a scream.

I stood up, nearly toppling overboard, spinning my arms to stay upright. “Isabel!” I called, but I felt the breeze steal the words from my mouth and carry them behind me.