The Beginning of Never (The Never Trilogy #1) (2 page)

“I suppose you’d very much like to join the egrets
outside, wouldn’t you?” he asked, and I was almost amused. Stretching my lips
into a humorless smile, I gave him my answer, and as he looked away shaking his
head, I was sure that he comprehended that with no apology whatsoever, I would
have loved to.

*

The rest of the morning crawled on as I stared blankly through the
remaining four periods. To my right was Danielle, a quiet French girl with dark
hair and a sphinx-like smile, who was every bit as detached as I was. But
unlike me, she seemed more lonely than alone, and her nervous smile when people
found reasons to talk to her always gave away her relief. I on the other hand,
appeared aloof whenever people spoke to me, and it always came across as
impatience. Most of the time I intended it, but at other times I didn’t; it had
simply become my default facial expression.

In front of
her was Cassandra, the ‘Olivia’ of my class whom to my annoyance, had spent the
entire morning chatting away with Ryan, the boy in front of her whom I had
classed as the
male
version of
Olivia.

I sighed and
shook my head. The way I classed people as versions of Olivia, I was starting
to become concerned that I would need therapy later in life to get rid of my
‘Olivia complex’. It was just that she was so one-dimensional … or maybe I was
the one that was one-dimensional. Maybe just like the way I chose to see only
her snotty side, others chose to see only my snobby
side,
and I was more than that. At least I hoped so; sometimes it scared me how much
I liked to be away from people.

Anyway, in
front of me was Adrian, and he was a light-skinned guy with curly hair.
Although he was among the ‘cool’ ones in our year, he shamed the stereotype of
dumb hunks and actually paid attention in class. It impressed me, and made me
feel guilty every time I dozed off which was more times than I was proud of.

Then all the
way across the room, with pink-rimmed glasses and long legs, was Kate Wilson.
She got up and started to head towards me the moment the much awaited lunch
bell, pierced the dulled atmosphere of the compound.

She was my …
friend. In the sense that I
did
like,
her but for some reason, I wasn’t completely comfortable around her. With
creamy skin, chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes, she was quite pretty and kind,
and that, at Lancaster Academy, stood out like a chicken amidst hawks.

Today however,
I knew why she was coming over, and it didn’t excite me.

“Hey,” she
said as she approached, but I ignored her. She didn’t take it personally
because she was quite familiar with my standoffish ways.

“Ignore me all
you want, but remember your section’s due soon.”

I continued to
shun her, until she reached me and took a seat right on the edge of my desk. I
was forced to look up then.

“Hi,” I said,
my greeting sounding like a threat, but she just smiled when I rolled my eyes.

“I and
Anjola
have been able to get examples of teens with
personal experience of the drug, so we passed that on to Mitchell and Samuel,”
she said. “It’ll probably help them in compiling their effects section. What
about you?”

“I’m on it,” I
said, as I zipped my bag closed.

This term,
even though a major reshuffling had been done, we’d again ended up in the same
team in our biology class for project activities. Our first task was an
in-depth research on a drug, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember what it
was or what part I had been assigned in the project.
 

“Where exactly
are you?” she asked. I rose to my feet, with feigned annoyance marring my face.

“Ours is on
ecstasy by the way,” she said and I was tempted to smile. She knew I had
forgotten. “And it’s due in two weeks. I’m just saying.”

“Noted,” I
said and was about ask her what my section was again, when a girl I knew to be
her roommate, yelled her name and ran over. The classroom was almost empty from
lunch hour escape, so her need to yell was baffling, and equally I realized,
was my need to eat something. I suddenly felt ravenous.

“Kate, he’s in
the cafeteria,” she said, almost out of breath, and I watched as the
level-headed girl I nearly liked, turned into a babbling mess of teenage
hormones.

“Oh my God,” Kate squealed, and her face suddenly lost
color. I was almost worried for her.

“Where?” she asked.

“He’s in line
for lunch but I’m not sure where he’s going to have it.” Kate’s roommate said,
and I dragged my eyes away from the strange red blotches on her face. Kate was fanning
herself with her hands now, and looked like she was about to collapse. I
had to ask.

“What’s
happening?” I said, and instantly regretted it. I wasn’t supposed to care about
anything today. Kate rushed to explain and was already a few feet away from me
before she completed her statement and hurried off. Still, I caught all of it.

“It’s this
terribly cute guy in the upper sixth. He’s in the cafeteria now and it’s the
first time I’ve seen him since we resumed. Later.”

I stood there
for a few more seconds, thinking of the many reasons I could have done without
that piece of information. Grabbing my bag, I made my way out of the classroom
and towards the cafeteria.

There were two gigantic stone
fireplaces built at opposite ends of the cafeteria, and wooden panels covering
about eight feet of its twenty foot wall. The roof was supported by massive log
beams and the floor covered in gleaming wooden flooring. The entire room looked
like a massive cabin, and it was elegant and cozy, but I usually avoided it.

Hundreds sat there each late morning to catch up on the
latest school gossip; who was dating whom, or who had broken up with whom; who
had gotten beaten up, or who had been suspended, and generally, anything that
made the school seem more interesting than it really was. It was also a
wonderful place to obtain new gossip subjects, mock the old ones or watch them
being mocked by others. So essentially the place was a boarding school
disaster, where the smell from the disdain and blabber of green-eyed monsters
overpowered the scent of the food.

Steeling myself to endure the deafening roar of their
chatter, which was more than I was prepared to deal with today, I walked in and
stood in a line that was so long, I was assured that I would be there for a
while. With a groan, I kept my head lowered until it was my turn. After
ordering the chicken salad sandwich and a cup of tea doused with milk, I made
my way towards the courtyard.

I had about fifteen minutes left until lunch ended, so
I started opening the sandwich pack on my tray as I went through the sliding
glass door that led to the courtyard. However, when I looked up to see all the
picnic benches already filled, I stopped and let my mouth hang open in
astonishment.

Although the sun was shining brightly today, it was
still cold outside, so I had counted on the fact that very few people would be
as crazy as I was to prefer braving the chill, than endure the tumult of being
in the cafeteria. Apparently I was wrong, but before I could decide on where else
I could head to that would allow me to eat in peace, someone bumped into me.

It all happened very fast, so before I knew what was
happening, my tray had flown out of my hand and I was plunging headfirst onto
the stone walkway. Thankfully, and through the graces of someone that reasoned
that I did not deserve to lose a tooth for just standing in the way, a strong
hand slung across my middle, and pulled me back before I could hit the ground.
I was saved from the injury and embarrassment that would have accompanied the
fall, but as the culprit tried to stable me, all I could see was my lunch, in
slices of bread, chicken and lettuce, strewn across the lawn.

The tea cup had burst open, and now lay separated from
its cover and drenching the grass with its creamy contents. My stomach
tightened in annoyance, and as I gazed at my ruined lunch, I almost felt like
crying.

“Let me go!” I said
,
my teeth
clenched to restrain myself from yelling. Jerking my arms away, I whirled
around to face the idiot that had just ruined my morning.

“Didn’t you see me standing right there?” I lashed out,
but in that second I almost forgot my anger because I was now looking at one of
the most attractive people I’d ever seen. He had the
most
sultry
eyes in a deep blue, and jet black hair that swayed away from his
face to fall just below his ears. With a frown as to how someone could look so
unreal, I cocked my head to regard him again.

In a deep but quiet voice, he said, “I’m sorry, but you
were standing in the way.” And that immediately scratched the disc that was
starting to roll in my head at how attractive he was.

“Excuse me?” I said.

He repeated himself, “You were standing in the way.”

I felt like killing him. “And you’re an idiot who can’t
see.”

He blinked, but I refused to shut up. “I was standing
right in front of you. You could have injured me, and all you can say is that I
was standing in the way?”

He was frowning now. “Why are you yelling?” he asked,
and it made me feel a flash of shame. Then I became infuriated.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked
,
my tone now lowered since I realized that people were actually beginning to
stare. “Is that how you’re going to apologize?”

Shifting his weight to another leg, he lifted his arms
to fold them against his chest, and said, “I’m not apologizing.”

“What is that supposed mean?” I asked, surprised that
he was as offended as I was. I was the one who had almost been knocked to the
ground!

“It means that I am definitely
not
going to apologize to you.”

I was silent for a moment. Then I asked. “What is
wrong
with you?”

He directed the question right back at me. “What’s
wrong with
you
?”

I didn’t know what to say, and so standing apart in the
walkway, we just stared each other down until a gust of cold wind blew my wild
hair across my face. Angrily, I shoved it behind my ears, finally accepted the
un-repentance in his eyes and chose to let it go.

Shivering from the bite of the cold, I scowled at him
as I turned around to retrieve the tray. Then I walked over to the strewn
pieces and had started to pick them up, when I felt him crouch down beside me.
Before I realized what I was doing, I had risen to my feet and was swinging the
black tray towards him. It hit the edge of his shoulder with a resounding
smack, and let out a terrifying cracking sound.

I gasped, and then froze when I saw the zigzagged split
towards the middle of the tray that confirmed that I had just indeed, broken
the tray on his back.

My eyes slowly turned to him and I watched, my heart
pounding in my chest as he closed his eyes in a bid to control his temper. He
then looked away and after a few seconds, rose to his feet. I took a few steps
backwards, the tray still stuck to my hands, and only then did I notice that my
head barely reached his shoulders.

I took another step back, but the tray suddenly fell
from my hands, and clattered noisily on the ground.

He turned to face me, but I refused to meet his eyes.

I’m so sorry,
I wanted to say, but as I opened my mouth to
speak, the words wouldn’t come out. All that did was an empty croak that made
me feel even more nervous than I already was. So, swallowing painfully, and
with my eyes away from his stare, I waited for his reaction.

But he
completely surprised me.

Just when I’d
thought that he was going to come forward to hit me, he turned around, and
walked away.

I remained in
that position for a few more seconds before I could even get myself together
enough to retrieve the tray, and wasted food. Not even daring to look back to
see how much of an audience we had gathered, I tossed them into a nearby
garbage can and quietly made my way back to my classroom.

*

I arrived in an almost morose state, still incredibly shaken from the
attack I had just discharged. Flattening my palm against my forehead as I took
my seat, I began to sincerely wonder if I was okay. Was I turning into a crazed
animal? How did I break a tray on someone’s back just because they had run into
me? This was a complete stranger for Christ’s sake and for all I knew he could
be with the Headmaster at that moment, reporting that there was a mad student
in his school. With a loud groan, I rested my forehead on my desk to hide my
face underneath.

This was
not how I had planned to survive today,
I lamented, but after a few more intense minutes of disturbing remorse,
I had to ask myself exactly why it continued to bother me so much. Other than
the obvious – in that you just didn’t physically attack another human being for
no reason – varied considerations like a loose reign on my self-control, to the
fact that I could very well get suspended over this or sued, began to run
through my mind. Because even if he didn’t report me, someone else who had seen
it was bound to have become concerned enough to.

Lifting my
head from my desk, I shook it to dispel my thoughts but then it hit me once again:
I hit a human being with a freaking tray!
Nothing could justify that
level of lunacy, and soon, I found myself wishing I could see him again so
that. I could apologize. Assuming I wouldn’t be summoned by the authorities
before then, but somehow, and in my mind, I knew that I’d be surprised if I
was. He just didn’t seem like the type.

But in all
fairness he had been wrong not to apologize
, I began to justify, but stopped, when I could almost hear my mother’s
voice in my head.
No Nora, you were the
one at fault.
She would have said.
And
I’m telling you that that temper of yours will get you into real trouble
someday if you don’t find a way to control yourself.

My normal
response to her would have been to roll my eyes, and respectfully direct the
temper at her, but now that she wasn’t here anymore, all I could do was smile
and foolishly wish that I could hear her voice just one more time.

Admittedly, I
and my mom hadn’t been the best of friends, and it wasn’t because we weren’t
alike because we were. It was just that I could never understand why she chose
to remain with my dad when he made her so miserable, and it made me kind of
resent her for it. But it also made me love her and want to protect her even
more since the man that had promised that he would, had failed at it every
single day.

I knew she was
strong, but for him she made herself appear weak, and I could never understand
why. Once I had asked her and all she had said was this: “I made a promise
Nora, and I want to do my best to keep it.”

I’d always
thought that was bullshit, and I still did.

My mind was
beginning to wander too far, so I jolted myself back to the present. If I even
had a hope of keeping my promise to myself- that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by
my memories of her today- I had to stop thinking about her. So I shifted my
thoughts to the boy that I had just hit. I sighed, and sincerely hoped that the
incident would be the biggest hurdle that I would have to jump today.

Just then
however, I noticed that the steady buzz maintained in the room from all the
chitchat had lessened to an almost quiet. When I looked up, I expected to see
that our history teacher had come in, but when my eyes connected with the ones
of
the
boy as he walked towards me, I
knew instantly that my troubles were just beginning.

He doesn’t
look angry
, I immediately
judged, but my terror continued to rise as he neared me. All I could think of
was that he’d worked up his anger, and was back to probably say or do something
that would undoubtedly destroy my day.

I noticed also
that the entire class seemed particularly interested in this episode, and were
watching with rapt attention. This worsened the entire situation for me. So
when he had almost reached me and his hand rose from his side, I reflexively
leaned slightly away from the chair.

He stopped
when he saw what I was doing, and frowned in confusion. When I realized that I
was overreacting,
again
, I
straightened and watched as he placed a brown paper takeout bag on my desk. My
eyes widened in surprise but before I could ask any questions, he turned around
and walked away.

“I didn’t ask
for this.” I heard myself say, but by then he was already out the door. Curious
eyes turned back to me. Completely embarrassed, I dropped my head on the table
to bury my face underneath it again.

*

Both incidents occupied my thoughts throughout the next period, until I
made up my mind that the next time I saw him, I was going to sincerely
apologize. That relieved some of the remorse I felt but as the afternoon
progressed, and ever so slowly, another issue arose. I had begun to feel queasy
as soon as he had left, but now the feeling had heightened, along with the ache
in my stomach that had been building over the last hour, and had now turned
into a steady pain.

I suspected
the reason for it so I wasn’t alarmed. I tried to ignore it for a while, but
when it began to interfere with my ability to be thoroughly bored, I reached to
my side for the takeout bag. With a quick glance to see that our biology
teacher, Mrs.
Ibbitson
, was still at the opposite end
of the room passing out test papers, I pried the bag open to see a plastic pack
containing a chicken salad sandwich. It was the same thing I had previously
bought, but now instead of a cup of tea, he had gotten me a bottle of Coca-Cola
and still water. I frowned at the slight oversight, but my mouth still watered
– I was starving.

“Lenora, what
do you think you’re doing
while
in my
class?” I heard Mrs.
Ibbitson
ask from somewhere
behind me, just as something else in the bag caught my eye. I looked up to see
her heading towards me. Her thin eyebrows came together in a frown when she
reached me, and her overly long and bony nose wrinkled with displeasure. She
didn’t give me a chance to explain why I was considering eating in her class
and instead, she slapped my test paper on the table. I didn’t need to look down
to see the loud ‘F’ in bright red pasted on top of it, but I hoped that she
would at least refrain from reprimanding me publicly, as all eyes were now on
us.

“It’s not
enough that you fail your tests but now you have to eat during class too?” she
said, and low-toned snickers broke out from all corners of the room. I refused
to take my eyes away from hers.

“Either throw
that thing out right now or leave my class with it,” she ordered and then walked
away to hand out more scripts. I lowered my head and considered my options for
a few seconds. Then loudly scraping the iron-legged chair against the wooden
floor and with the takeout bag in hand, I rose to my feet and walked out of the
class.