The Best Medicine (13 page)

“Does it really matter where the blame falls?” Gwen asked.

“It matters to me.”

“Does placing that blame on her, does it make you feel better? Do you think it makes Tim feel better?”

“Tim doesn’t blame anyone but himself. But we all played a role. His demise was a family affair.”

“But Tim’s doing well now, isn’t he? So there is no demise.”

Scott swallowed and rubbed the silver dollar. “He still suffered. And we don’t have the relationship I wish we did. That I feel we should have had.”

“You were a young child when Tim started using, weren’t you?”

Scott hated that Gwen asked questions she already knew the answer to. But that didn’t stop him from responding. “I was nine. At least I was when we first found out he was doing drugs. I remember because I spent that summer away at camp and came back to find a strung-out brother and a family with their heads buried in the sand.”

“And how old was Tim?”

“Fifteen.”

“You weren’t even home when things deteriorated with him. So how was your nine-year-old self responsible for any of it?”

“Because I allowed them to replace him with me.”

Gwen’s head shot up from her tablet. “In what way?”

“In every way. They had high hopes for him: he was going to follow in my father’s footsteps. Excel at everything and make our family proud. When he didn’t do that, they turned their attention to me. And it was a role I took on without an ounce of hesitation. I never questioned how any of it would make him feel. I made it easier for him to disappear. So he did.”

Over the course of Scott’s three years with Gwen, he’d discussed everything there was to know about Tim. None of what Scott shared about his family was news to her anymore. But he knew why she asked him the questions, so he repeated his story anyway. There was something soothing about hearing himself say things aloud. It was a therapist’s way of getting you to realize things about yourself on your own. To recognize and acknowledge your feelings. And that was something Scott rarely did.

“From what you’ve told me about your father, he didn’t seem like the type to just write off his son.”

Scott couldn’t help but feel defensive. His mother made his father’s life hell whenever he tried to defend Tim, or insist that they do more to help him. Eventually she wore him down and he threw himself more into his practice, hoping that ignoring the problem would make it cease to exist. “He wasn’t,” Scott finally responded.

“Do you think your father was a good man?”

Scott startled at her question. He was unable to mask his annoyance when he responded. “Of course I think he was. We all have our flaws. He wasn’t a bad father. He loved Tim. He just . . . didn’t know what to do.”

Gwen wrote on her tablet some more before readjusting her position in her seat, seemingly ready to shift gears. “The facade you referred to earlier—do you think your mother was that way before the issues with Tim, or did it surface after?”

Scott thought for a moment, trying to remember if he’d ever felt that his mother was a warm person. If she’d ever seemed real. “I honestly don’t remember her any other way.”

“So Tim was not the root cause of your mother’s veneer? Do you have any idea what may have caused her to be that way?”

“What does it matter what caused it? It’s who she is. Analyzing it isn’t going to change her. Isn’t that what you just said?”

Gwen smiled enigmatically as she set her tablet on the small wooden table beside her chair and looked at him.

Scott suddenly felt that the room was entirely too bright. With the late-afternoon sunlight streaming through the open blinds, he felt like Gwen was able to see him too clearly.

“Scott, how long have you been coming here? Three years?”

Scott thought for a second. “Yes, about that. Why?”

She leaned forward slightly, resting her forearms on her knees, making herself more compact, less intimidating. “Causes for behaviors are always important. It allows us to understand a person better and perhaps effect some kind of change.”

“But I don’t expect my mother to change,” Scott interrupted.

“It’s not her I’m talking about.”

Scott looked at her in confusion.

“I bring this up because despite knowing you for three years, this is the first time you came here clearly affected by something. No charm, no cocky attitude, no fake smile. I feels like this is the first time I’m actually meeting you, Scott. And I must say, it’s about time.”

*   *   *

Scott lay awake most of Wednesday night. He wasn’t one to overanalyze people’s words, especially therapists’. They said all kinds of shit. Some helpful and some not. Normally, he maintained a use-it-or-lose-it attitude about most of Gwen’s comments, opting to only focus on the ones he believed would do him some good, while completely ignoring the rest.

Unfortunately, though he knew it did nothing for him to replay her last observation over in his mind, he couldn’t stop. And that just wasn’t him.

Or
was
it? Gwen had implied he’d put on a facade—an outer shell to mask his real feelings. That the arrogant, charismatic exterior was just that: an exterior. “So what the hell is inside?” he asked aloud as he stepped
out of the shower and unfogged the mirror to look at himself.

When the answer didn’t come, he finished drying off, running the towel quickly through his hair, over his face, and down his chest. He brushed his teeth, ran a tiny bit of gel through his hair to give it an intentionally messy look, and headed toward his closet to put on his clothes.

*   *   *

There was no denying that Scott felt like a dick. Lauren had offered to meet up the previous night, presumably for a night of uninhibited sex, and he’d turned her down without so much as a reason. He hadn’t even bothered to make up a lame excuse for why he couldn’t meet her.

And now he’d have to face her at work. Words rolled around in his mind, but he wasn’t sure which ones he should choose. Should he act like nothing had happened? Though he supposed nothing
had
happened. In fact, he’d told the truth. Should he tell her he was sorry he couldn’t get together last night but was free tonight?
No fucking way.
He wasn’t the apologetic type. And it’s not like he owed Lauren any sort of an explanation.

So he didn’t give her one. He spent his workday doing exactly that: working. He didn’t actively avoid Lauren. He just found that between his appointments and Lauren’s clerical work, the two of them didn’t cross paths in private.

And it was better that way. After their tryst in the stairwell, Scott had decided that mixing work with . . . whatever was going on between them was dangerous.

At quarter to six, Scott hung up his white coat on the rack in his office and began packing up what he needed for the satellite office the next day. When he was finished,
he walked down the hall and stuck his head around the corner to Lauren’s desk.

She spun her chair around at the sound of Scott’s hand hitting the doorframe. He leaned his shoulder against it and stared down, her sapphire eyes wide as she seemed to be waiting for him to speak. Suddenly, his mind was filled with images of those same eyes staring up at him as he exploded in her warm mouth.
How the hell did I turn that down . . . turn
her
down for fucking therapy? I really
am
nuts.

“Yes?” she asked, and he realized that he’d probably been silently staring at her for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Just thought I’d cash in that rain check tonight if you’re available,” he said casually. The left side of his mouth turned up to reveal a hint of his white smile. “Doctor said I am a hundred percent. He actually recommended that I get some physical activity.”

Lauren leaned back in her chair, arms crossed as she grinned. “He did, did he?” Scott gave a slight head nod, and Lauren cocked her brow at him. “And which doctor is that?”

Scott pulled on the knot of his tie to loosen it, a gesture he knew women couldn’t resist. “The only one that matters,” he replied as he stepped toward her.

Lauren was silent for a moment, a skeptical look on her face before she let her expression ease into a more relaxed one. “Well, who am I to argue with a doctor?” Lauren glanced around at her desk, which was covered with papers and her laptop. “Just let me straighten up since I’m not here tomorrow, and I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten minutes.”

“Sounds good,” Scott said with a smile.

“What sounds good?” Lauren and Scott turned toward the reception desk to see that Cass wasn’t the only one who’d come to the office. Quinn and Simone flanked her on each side.

“Uh . . . we were just talking about a benefit for the hospital that’s in a few weeks. I just told Dr. Scott that I’m going.” Scott’s eyes narrowed at Lauren, unsure of whether or not she was serious about attending. “I think it sounds like fun,” Lauren added without taking her eyes off of him. “And who am I to turn down a chance to help children?”

“Oh yeah, Laur’s Virginia’s own Mother Teresa. Haven’t you heard?” Cass asked Scott without waiting for a reply. Then she directed her attention toward Lauren. “Get your stuff. I think we have some things to discuss.”

Lauren looked to Scott, obviously uncertain about how to proceed. Did she ditch him for her friends, or explain that she had plans with him after work? He understood her dilemma, so he did the only thing he could think to do to rectify it. “It’s almost six,” he said, glancing at his watch. “It’s fine with me if you head out early.”

“Oh, uh . . . okay,” Lauren said, clearly confused. “Thanks. Um . . . have a good weekend. See you next Tuesday.”

“See you Tuesday,” Scott replied with a polite smile. But inside, Scott felt a pang of disappointment that he wouldn’t be seeing Lauren that night. And it had to do with more than just missing out on sex.
So much for feeling a hundred percent.

Attachment Disorder

Sitting in the corner booth at McGillen’s, Lauren studied the menu in an attempt to ignore the burning stares of her friends. She felt like she’d been employing a lot of avoidance strategies lately, but it was better than facing the questioning squad in front of her. “So what’s good here?” she asked.

She could feel six eyes on her, and she lifted her own to look at her three girlfriends. “You know what’s good here. We come here all the time,” Simone accused. “Now cut the shit. What’s been going on?”

“Well . . .” Lauren thought quickly as she tried to think of anything to discuss other than the reason they’d clearly brought her there. “I found a cat the other day, and he didn’t even have a tag. Can you believe someone would be so irresponsible?” Lauren knew she was talking at a rapid rate. “School’s school. Just trying to get through this last year so I can join the working world and become an actual adult. I have this one class that—”

“Okay, Laur, stop acting like you don’t know why
you’re here. We don’t care about cats or classes. We’re worried about you. You’ve been avoiding us for days now with no explanation.” Cass’ eyes softened before continuing. “You’ve only been distant with us one other time.” She reached across the table and squeezed Lauren’s hand. “We just wish you’d let us help you through it this time.”

Lauren returned Cass’ sincere expression with her own. “I know,” she said, giving her a small smile.

“Really, we mean it,” Quinn added. “Cooper was like a brother to us too.”

Lauren felt a lump in her throat at the sound of his name, and a pang of guilt coursed through her knowing her friends thought her sudden conspicuous evasion had been due to some renewed sadness over the death of her brother. They had been anxious about her well-being—and with good reason, after her previous bout with depression—and she’d been allowing them to worry needlessly all because she didn’t want to tell them about Scott. “You know I would tell you if there were anything to be concerned about. You girls are my first call when I’m upset. You know that. What happened before with me was a one-time thing. Coop had just . . .” she allowed the sentence to taper off, knowing her friends would understand what she couldn’t bring herself to say. “I haven’t been like that since.”

The girls looked confused. Simone spoke up first. “Then what’s been going on?”

Lauren crossed her hands in front of her confidently. She wasn’t sure how her friends would take the news that she’d been avoiding them because she didn’t want to reveal what had been going on with her and Scott. In her
mind, it could have gone one of two ways. They might be relieved because they had no real reason to be concerned about her. Or they could be pissed because she’d let them worry for nothing “Well, it’s not as serious a problem as you might think. It’s actually not really a problem at all. I just didn’t . . . I’m not sure why I didn’t want you to know.”

“Didn’t want us to know what?” Cass asked tentatively.

“About Scott.”

It took the girls a few seconds to register the implications of what Lauren had said. Then their eyes lit up almost simultaneously. “Oh. My. God!” Simone said, nearly bouncing up and down in the booth. “You had us worried for your sanity, and this was all because you’ve been screwing your boss?”

“You know that means you owe us. So spill it. Just how good
is
our hot doctor in bed? Spare no details,” Cass demanded.

Lauren shrugged. “I wouldn’t know.” It was the truth. She hadn’t had sex with Scott yet, and she was thankful for the chance to be honest without revealing any specifics. Though she knew it wouldn’t last long.

The girls looked incredulous. “What do you mean you don’t know? You just said you’ve been avoiding us because of Scott.”

“I did. But I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Okay,” Simone said slowly, drawing the word out. “So maybe you didn’t bang him. But you definitely did
something
with him. I hope. For the love of God, please tell me he felt you up on an exam table or something.”

“But that would be a lie,” Lauren said with an
intentionally serious expression. Then she let a slow smile creep up her face before speaking. “I do have a pretty good story about getting dry-humped in the file room though.” The girls’ mouths hung open in shock, and Lauren laughed. “Wow, all these years, and that’s all it took to make the three of you speechless. I wish I’d known sooner.”

“Funny,” Cass said without laughing. “So what else?”

“Nothing. We’ve just fooled around a few times. That’s all.”

Quinn folded her arms across her chest and leaned back in the booth. “You’re seriously gonna sit here and pretend you fooled around with him a few times and that’s it—that nothing else will happen? Like you can just
not
do it again?”

Lauren looked serious. “I didn’t say nothing else
will
happen.”

Cass’ eyes grew wide with excitement. “So you’re, like,
dating
Scott then?”

“I didn’t say I was
dating
him. In fact, we are definitely
not
doing
that
.”

“Stop being so cryptic. This isn’t
The
fucking
Da Vinci Code.
If you’re not dating and you’re not screwing, what the hell
are
you doing?”

Lauren’s mind struggled to find the right words. Somehow, though
she
saw nothing wrong with the arrangement she and Scott had, she knew that it wouldn’t sound right when she said it aloud. “We sort of have an agreement that—”

“No, you didn’t,” Simone scolded. It was obvious that she remembered Scott’s explanation of why he remained single. “You did
not
agree to sleep with this guy, no strings attached.”

Lauren didn’t respond, knowing that her silence would be enough to confirm Simone’s suspicions.

“Seriously, Laur?” The concern on Cass’ face was evident. “It’s one thing to bang someone a few times. It’s another to have a standing agreement to let your relationship only be about sex. You remember how well that worked out for you last time, right?”

Cass had a point. The decision to have a sexual relationship with the professor had been an obvious mistake in hindsight, but the situation with Scott wasn’t the same. “Look, I get why you’re worried. But this is totally different.
I
wasn’t the one who couldn’t do the no strings thing last time. You seriously think Scott will turn into a creeper?” Lauren shook her head. “He can have any woman he wants.”

The girls were silent for a moment before Cass spoke quietly. “What if he wants
you
?”

Her question was simple. Luckily so was the answer. “He won’t,” Lauren replied. “And I won’t want him either. Not like that.”

The girls looked at her, doubt showing on their faces.

“You don’t believe me?” Lauren asked. The girls’ skeptical looks answered her question. “Fine. Then I’ll just have to let you girls observe us in our natural habitat: the bar.” Lauren grabbed her phone and began typing.

“What are you doing?” Simone asked as she tried to lean over and see Lauren’s phone.

“I’m texting Scott to see if he and his friends want to come out with us on Saturday. Then you can see how we are together and you’ll see that I’m telling you the truth.”

“We’re not doubting that you
think
you’re telling us the truth,” Cass countered. “But don’t be naive, Laur.
You’re playing with fire and you know it. This casual shit
never
works out.”

“It can and it will. You’ll see.”

*   *   *

After Lauren had left with her friends, Scott had stayed in the office. For some reason, going home alone when he was supposed to go home with Lauren didn’t seem all that appealing. So he figured he’d order takeout and use the extra time to catch up on some work for a few hours. When his phone dinged after about an hour and a half, alerting him that he had a text, he was more than surprised to see that it was from Lauren.

But his initial excitement quickly dissipated when he saw its content. Was she asking him out on a date? Scott didn’t do
dates
. It was one thing to go to the movies or grab a bite to eat on a whim. But it was something else entirely to plan a night out days ahead of time. There was an importance—a formality to it—that didn’t sit well with him.

But after he texted back a few vague questions—so as not to reveal his internal panic—he was relieved to find out that she’d just been wondering if he wanted to hang out at a bar with all their friends. That, he could handle.

Sure, you can tell the girls I’m in
.

I will when I talk to them. I actually left early. What are you up to?

Scott looked at his desk.
Being a loser,
he thought. But he typed :
Still at the office. What about you?

Just heading home, I guess. Unless . . .

He waited for her to finish her sentence, hoping it was going to say what he thought it would.

Unless I can cash in the rain check on the rain check
.

Scott shook his head at the cheesiness of her last line, but he couldn’t help but smile.
I was just getting ready to leave, so I can meet you at my place if you want
. So what if it wasn’t the complete truth?

Your office is right up the road. I’ll come there ;)

The winky face at the end of her text told him the innuendo in her last line had been intentional. And it made his cock stiffen instantly. Having sex with Lauren in his office had been a fantasy of his since he’d met her, but he would never do that during the day with people in there. That day in the filing room had been a momentary lapse in judgment that he’d promised himself he wouldn’t let happen again.

But with no one here, he could have her any way he wanted, any
where
he wanted. And he planned to.

Scott didn’t even hear her come in when Lauren arrived a few minutes later. “Evening, Doctor,” she said flirtatiously, a look of seduction flushing across her face. It wasn’t until she spoke to him that the reality of what was about to happen set in. Her sheer cream blouse had already been removed and laid by her feet on the floor beside her. Apparently, Scott wasn’t the only one who had fantasies.

He settled back, leaning against the edge of his desk, his arms folded as he appraised her from head to toe.
Her tight white tank top gave him a perfect view of her hardened nipples as they pressed against the thin satin. Scott studied her as she slowly unbuttoned her pants, carefully sliding them down her thighs to reveal the white lace beneath, before she finally kicked off her shoes and removed her pants completely. He could tell how hard he was, embarrassingly so, considering he hadn’t even touched her yet. But he wanted his hands on her skin, his tongue inside of her mouth, his cock buried so fucking deep inside her. He’d waited for this moment for much too long. And he was done waiting. “Turn around,” Scott said.

When Lauren complied, Scott stalked toward her, his hot stare lingering on Lauren’s ass as she pulled her tank top over her head and tossed it beside her. Scott smoothed his hands over the taut flesh of her stomach, allowing himself to feel her sharp inhale.

Lauren ground her ass against him, letting a soft moan slip from her as she pushed against him. Then he spun her around to face him, his lips mere centimeters from hers as he pinned her to the wall next to the door with his hips. “Didn’t I warn you about that?” he asked, hoping his voice conveyed the firm playfulness he was going for.

“Yes,” she breathed, loosening his tie and pulling it off so she could unbutton his shirt to reveal his bare chest.

He struggled to control his reaction to her, but the feeling of her nails running up and down his flesh caused a small groan to escape his throat. He slipped a hand beneath the lace of her bra, toying with her nipples for a few moments before moving to unclasp the back and slide it down her arms. “And what did I tell you?”

“You said that next time I did that you’d bend me over no matter who was watching.”

“That’s right.” Scott pressed his lips hard against hers, needing to feel the warmth and wetness they provided even if only for a few moments. His hand massaged her breast and caressed her jawline. Then he pulled Lauren away from the wall, holding her hip with one hand and unhinging his belt buckle with the other. “So I’m going to give you exactly what you asked for.”

Lauren’s “Mm-hm” vibrated against Scott’s throat as he led them both across the hall, guiding Lo backward until her thighs hit the edge of the exam table.

They were all hands and tongues, clawing and sucking at each other’s hot skin as if the other might be taken away at any moment. Scott reached his hand inside the waistband of his boxers, finally shoving them, along with his pants, down just enough to pull himself free. Lauren’s hand instantly gripped around his shaft as she pumped him with varying speeds and movements. She gave a fucking handjob like she did everything else: unpredictably.

When Scott felt himself close to climaxing, he cupped his hand over Lauren’s to stop her. Then he reached into his back pocket, unwrapped a condom he’d taken out of his wallet, and slid it over his length. He breathed in slowly, taking a long look at Lo as his fist tangled in her hair. He suddenly found himself a little captivated by her. She really was gorgeous. He was a damn lucky bastard. They’d been working toward this moment since that first day, and he couldn’t believe that he finally had her here, waiting for him.
What the hell am I waiting for?

All of the pent up desire suddenly consumed him and he spun her in one fluid movement.

Lauren immediately bent over the table, moaning in appreciation as she wiggled her ass against him.

Scott gripped both her hips then moved his hands down to massage her ass roughly before pulling one hand away and returning it with a sharp crack. Lauren let out a perfect combination of breathy curses in response. Clearly she was enjoying herself. He moved to the other cheek, alternating several times between the two and rubbing his palm against her in between smacks.