The Best Medicine (24 page)

Optical Pathway Delay

Scott concentrated on the cup in his hands as he waited for his brother. Tim had seemed surprised when Scott asked to meet up at a coffeehouse. It made Scott feel guilty.
Like I need to feel any worse than I already do.
The truth was, though he spoke to Tim weekly, they didn’t see each other nearly as often.
I should make more of an effort.

But before Scott could wallow in self-recrimination, he saw Tim yank open the door and stride in. His brother threw him a quick wave before getting in line to order himself a coffee.

After a few minutes, Tim slid into the chair across from him. “Hey, what’s up?”

Scott offered a small smile and shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing. You?”

Tim cocked his head slightly. “Nothing here either.” He waited a beat before adding. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“No reason really. You just don’t usually ask me to
hang out last minute like this. You had me a little worried.”

Scott forced himself to appear nonchalant. “I was just sitting around the house and felt like getting out for a bit. You were the first one I thought of, so I called.”

Tim stared at Scott as if he was searing the bullshit right off the surface of him. He knew that look. Lauren had the same one.

“Well, I’m glad. Wish we hung out more.”

Scott returned his gaze. “Me too.”

“Enough of this sappy shit. Let’s talk about more interesting things. Like Lauren. What’s up with her?”

Scott didn’t miss Tim’s intentional avoidance of eye contact as he lifted his cup to his lips. He hadn’t brought Lauren up casually.
The bastard.
“I think I’d rather talk about you.”

“Ah, so there it is. The real reason why you called. What’d you do now? You look like somebody kicked your puppy, by the way.”

“Asshole,” Scott muttered.

Tim barked out a laugh before turning serious. “Really, Scott. What happened?”

Scott leaned back against his chair and took another sip of his coffee as he readied himself to speak. He wasn’t sure what Tim would say. For that matter, Scott wasn’t sure what he would say himself. But he knew he’d speak candidly. This was his brother asking. Not to mention, he couldn’t ignore the hypocrisy of lying. “I’m not seeing her anymore.”

Tim’s eyes widened, letting Scott know he expected him to continue. “I kind of figured that much.”

“Right. I know. Sorry. I just don’t know what went
wrong. I mean, one minute we were fine. The next . . . we weren’t.”

Tim scooted back in his chair. “I’m surprised, man. You guys seemed great together.”

“That’s the problem—we weren’t
together
. But she wanted to be. Or at least I assumed she did, but I . . . I panicked. When her mom told me to take care of her heart, I just couldn’t—”

“Wait. Did you say her mom?” Tim narrowed his eyes as if he’d misheard.

Scott huffed out a short laugh. “Yeah, her mom came up to me at the office and basically told me that Lauren was in love with me.”

“Damn, that’s bold.”

“Pam is definitely that.” Scott shook his head, but smiled with the motion. Despite that being awkward for him, he respected Pam for it. She gave a shit about her daughter—he couldn’t fault her for that. “Anyway, I called Lauren on it, and she barged into my office like the Gestapo and called me a coward. And she confirmed that she did love me. Can you believe that?”

Tim looked at Scott like he’d never seen him before. “So let me get this straight. A beautiful, smart, fun, compassionate woman tells you she loves you, and that’s a bad thing?”

Scott quickly pulled himself closer to the table. “You’re damn right it’s a bad thing. I can’t . . . I don’t . . . That’s not where my head’s at right now.”

“Yeah, because it’s too busy being buried up your ass.”

Scott looked at him incredulously but didn’t respond.

“Don’t look at me like
I’m
the crazy one.
You’re
the
one who’s lost his mind. How many girls like Lauren do you think there are in the world?”

“God, you sound like Gwen. You met her twice, and one of those times shouldn’t even count. That somehow makes you an expert on what kind of girl she is?” Scott couldn’t believe his brother was coming at him like this.
Last time I call you to get my mind off of my problems.

“I may barely know her, but I do know you. I saw how you were with her, how you looked at her. The feelings swirling around you guys were mutual. Even a fuck-up like me could see that.”

“We’re both fuck-ups. That’s why I can’t go down that road.” Tim looked like he didn’t understand, so Scott continued. “We both knew something wasn’t right when Mom would take us to his house. At least you had the balls to tell Dad about it.” Scott raked a hand through his hair. “Fuck, even now I don’t stand up to her. I’m still staying quiet when everything in me is begging me to tell her exactly what I think about her choices and what she did to our family. But I don’t. Because ultimately, I’m exactly like Dad. I can’t let someone in, Tim. I can’t let someone destroy me the way she destroyed him.” Scott shook his head. “And for that reason, I can never be what Lauren wants.”

“But you
are
what she wants.”

Scott dropped his gaze to the table.

“Look at me, Scott.” When Scott raised his eyes, Tim continued. “I know that I’m no one to take advice from. But I do know what it’s like to make a mistake so big that you can barely breathe under its weight. My choices isolated me from people who gave a damn, from the people who loved me, and you’re doing the exact same thing.
I pushed people away through drugs, and you’re doing it through some bullshit set of rules. I made my choices, and now I have to live with their consequences. But being alone sucks, Scott. Don’t do that to yourself. Because it only gets heavier as the regret builds.” Tim leaned back in his chair. “Besides, does Lauren really seem like the kind of girl who doesn’t know what she wants?”

Scott took a deep breath and digested Tim’s words. He tried to transport himself back to their Thanksgiving dinner. Tried to remember how he’d
felt
. Right now he was bogged down with denial, hurt, and a ton of other emotions he wasn’t used to feeling. But then, his feelings had been pure, raw, honest.
So how did you feel, jackass?
He met Tim’s eyes again. “I messed up.”

“Yeah, you did.”

Scott felt his face fall.

“But it isn’t too late to make it right,” Tim added. “Now go buy me another coffee and we’ll make a plan for you to get your girl back.”

Scott stood slowly. “Like I need your help getting girls,” he joked. He started to walk around the table to approach the counter, but stopped beside Tim.

Registering the cessation of movement, Tim looked up at his brother with raised eyebrows. “What?”

“Thanks. For being the big brother I needed.”

Scott watched Tim’s face warm, his jaw tic with the emotion he held back. “It’s my pleasure.”

Scott nodded, and they left it at that.

Remission

Walking to class, Lauren pulled her coat tighter as the sharp December breeze chilled her. She drew in on herself and quickened her pace. She had managed to only miss a week of classes after her surgery, and she was thankful that her professors understood her circumstances since it was nearing the end of the semester. She had been excused from a lot of the smaller assignments, and was able to make up the rest while she was recuperating. She was heading to her last Advanced Psychology of Intimate Relationships class before finals started, and she was actually a little sad that she wouldn’t get to enjoy Dr. Peterson’s lectures anymore. Though she knew that wasn’t the only reason she was feeling a little sad.

The girls had gathered at Cass’ apartment the previous night, and Lauren had come clean about everything involving Scott. Telling them they were right about him meaning something to her had been tough. But it was tougher telling them that he didn’t feel the same way. She tried to push thoughts of him aside when she walked
into the lecture hall. There was no way she was going to let Scott distract her from doing her absolute best in her classes even if this particular one reminded her of their slightly fucked up nonrelationship.

She took her normal seat toward the front of the room, pulled out her laptop, and waited for class to begin. She busied herself with making sure her phone was on silent and perusing her notes. When she heard Dr. Peterson’s voice asking for their attention, she lifted her head to look at him. At
them.

What. The. Fuck?
Lauren felt her jaw drop and was sure the color drained out of her face. Standing at the front of the room beside her professor, looking smug as ever, was Dr. Fucking Scott. Lauren tried to regain her composure, but stopped when it became clear that he’d already registered her shocked expression. She knew because the bastard smirked at her.
The nerve of this asshole.

Lauren wanted to leave. Whatever game he was playing, she wanted no part of it. But she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of running her out of the room. Not to mention, she couldn’t help the urge to sit there and take him in. He looked gorgeous, as usual. Black slacks showed the athleticism in his thighs, while his vibrant green button-down pulled across his chest in all the right ways while also causing his eyes to damn near glow. He was the sexiest man Lauren had ever seen and she hated him for it. Well, she would have hated him if she still didn’t love him so much.

Her ravenous visual devouring of Scott was interrupted by Dr. Peterson. “I have a surprise for you today. This is Dr. Scott Jacobs. He runs a general practitioner
practice at Trinity Hospital. Yesterday he contacted me, asking for a favor. Seems he’d like to improve his public speaking skills, and offered to be used as a review subject for your final exam if I would allow him to come in and get used to talking to a crowd. Since I knew his father quite well, I agreed. Especially since I felt like it would be a good way to review the material. Dr. Scott has promised to be candid with his responses, so don’t hold back. Let’s begin with a simple definition of intimacy. Anyone?”

Lauren’s ears were buzzing.
Public speaking? That’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard. And what are the odds that he knows my friggin’ professor? The universe really
does
hate me.
She forced herself to calm down. Whatever his angle was, Scott wouldn’t get out unscathed. Lauren would make sure of it.

*   *   *

Scott noticed the second Lauren decided to give him a run for his money. Her posture straightened, her lips pulled tight, and her hand shot into the air.
That’s my girl.

He had to admit, he’d briefly enjoyed watching her shocked stare when she’d first seen him. He’d so rarely been able to surprise her that it was a jolt to his system. But after Dr. Peterson’s question, he’d seen her become herself again—the strong, witty, confident woman he’d come to know. A fire had lit behind her eyes, and there she was. Ready to flay him alive.

He was sure she saw right through his bullshit excuse for being there. He and Tim had stayed at the coffeehouse for three hours trying to come up with a plan, and embarrassingly, this was their best one. Scott wanted to make a grand gesture. He didn’t want to just
tell
Lauren
how he felt, he wanted to proclaim it. A lecture hall seemed like a great place for that.

“Yes, Lauren,” Dr. Peterson said.

“Intimacy is a physical or emotional attachment to another person. It typically implies the inclusion of a sexual relationship, though it can also refer to relationships that are
strictly
sexual.”

“Very good,” Peterson said as he scanned the room for other volunteers. “So if Dr. Jacobs were your patient, and he came to you with intimacy issues, how would you delve in to the topic with him?”

Lauren spoke before he could call on anyone else. “I’d just ask him.”

“Well, yes, obviously. But what, exactly, would you ask him? How would you phrase it? You can take the first stab by taking him through a series of therapeutic questions.”

Peterson was speaking to Lauren that time, which was good because she looked like she had every intention of answering whether he asked her to or not. She cleared her throat and began. “Dr. Jacobs—”

“Scott. Please, call me Scott.” He didn’t even bother trying to hide the imploring tone in his voice. “For our purposes today, it’s probably more appropriate.”

Lauren seemed to falter for a split second before regaining her composure. “I think it’s best if we keep things professional.”

Her eyes never left his, so he knew she didn’t miss him wince at her words. He started to slide his hand toward his pocket, but stopped himself.

“Dr. Jacobs, what types of relationships do you typically have with people you find yourself attracted to?”

“Typically they’re purely sexual.”

He saw Lauren’s eyes widen. She looked surprised by his honesty. “So your level of intimacy is restricted to physical manifestations then?”

“Usually, yes.”

“Usually, but not always?”

“No, not always.” He could hear the challenge in his voice.

“So you have had intimate relationships that fulfilled a more emotional need?”

“Yes.” His voice was soft but firm. He hoped she could see where he was going, but nothing in her posture intimated that she did.

“So you’re capable of that level of attachment, though you don’t frequently engage in relationships on that level. Why?”

Scott took a deep breath.
Here goes nothing.
“Because I’m a coward and because I like to win,” he admitted, intentionally using the words she had hurled at him.

Dr. Peterson cleared his throat—a subtle cue for Scott to pause so that the professor could step in. “Thank you for your candid response, Dr. Jacobs. That’s exactly what we need.”

Scott wanted to speak up, to say that exactly what
he
needed was Lauren. But he remained silent.

“You see,” Dr. Peterson continued, “humans have an innate desire to belong and to love. It goes against our nature to remain alone.”

Finally Scott couldn’t hold back any longer. “But when all some people see is others rejecting those they should love the most, it can cause them to rail against others for self-preservation. Because they know that type of rejection isn’t just possible, but it’s common.”

Lauren took a deep breath. “I thought I was the psychologist in this scenario.”

“You are. I’m just trying to answer your questions as fully as I can.”

Scott heard a few murmurs from the other students who were clearly trying to figure out the reason for Lauren’s brusqueness.

“Thanks,” she replied dryly. “Does that mean you’ve never experienced love?”

“No, that’s not what it means.”
This was it
. She’d started down the path Scott hoped she’d go down. He just hoped they could both see it through to the end.

“Throughout this course we’ve learned that there are three types of love, Dr. Jacobs. Passionate, companionate, and sacrificial. Which type are you the most familiar with?” Lauren asked.

Scott looked around the room where students sat in rapt attention. Even Dr. Peterson seemed enthralled. “To be honest, I’m not sure. The type of love I feel is new to me. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how far it stretches. But if I had to answer, I’d say what I feel right now encompasses them all.”

*   *   *

Lauren’s mouth went dry and her heart began beating rapidly.
What the hell is he saying?
She finally forced herself to speak. “So you’re familiar with the types of love I mentioned?” Her voice wasn’t as strong as it had previously been. She felt weightless, as though she weren’t even within the boundaries of her own body anymore.

“They seem pretty self-explanatory. But maybe I could get a little clarification . . . just so I can be sure.”

He’d taken a small step toward her, and she was unnerved by the movement.

She took a moment to calm her nerves, knowing her voice would probably shake as she spoke. But thankfully, a deep voice from a few rows back beat her to it. “Passionate love is marked by a feeling of exhilaration when you’re with your partner.”

“Then that’s a yes.” Scott’s voice cut in before anyone else could speak, his emerald eyes fixed on Lauren as he spoke. “When the woman I love is around, I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

Lauren tried to ignore his response and hold herself together. Though that was increasingly difficult since she’d forgotten how to breathe.

“What about the second type?” Peterson asked.

Lauren saw a hand shoot up out of the corner of her left eye.

“Yes, Ms. Neal.”

“Companionate love is an enduring bond. It’s a mutual commitment and based upon a deep level of caring for your partner.”

“I want the commitment. I want the bond. I want all of it.” Scott was slowly inching toward her, but stopped. “What’s the last type?”

Lauren couldn’t help it—her voice wavered as she tried to hold the emotion back. “Sacrificial love is the subsumption of an individual within a union. It’s commonly compared to God’s sacrifice for humanity.”

Scott closed the remaining distance. And as he stood facing her, only the single empty row between them serving as a barrier, she allowed herself to hope.

Lauren could hear the soft whispers around her as she guessed students were beginning to realize that this was not just a typical review. But as Scott opened his mouth to speak, the faint noise in the audience died down.

When he spoke, his voice was low and raspy. “I’d give anything,
give up
anything, for her. She’s all I need.”

A single tear slid down Lauren’s cheek, but she wiped it away quickly. She wasn’t finished with him yet. He wasn’t getting off that easily. “At the beginning of the semester, Dr. Peterson posed a question to us. He asked if there can be sex without intimacy. What are your thoughts on that?”

Scott smiled, and the sight thrilled her, but terrified her too. She wanted nothing more than for that smile to be hers. Only hers.

“I think it’s possible.”

The answer caused the air to rush out of her, and disappointment to creep back in.

“But when I’m with her, it’s completely impossible. Because for the first time, I found someone who I want to share
every
aspect of my life with. Not just the physical side of things, but
all
things. If she’ll let me.”

“Is this going to be on the final?” someone yelled from the back of the room.

“Shut up, you idiot,” another voice said in reply.

Scott continued as if they were the only two people in the room. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, Lo. And I’m sorry that I was too dumb to see it before, but it’s the truth. And I’m sorry I was such a selfish asshole. But if you give me the chance, I promise I’ll never be selfish again because this”—he gestured between them—
“this was never about me, Lo. It was always about
us
. I just needed—”

Lauren stood and put a hand out to stop him. “Stop.” She looked at him seriously, before letting a slow smile take over her lips. “Stop talking and just kiss me.” And with that, she flew forward, leaning over the row that separated them and threw her arms around him.

He gripped her back tightly. “Did you just tell me to shut up during my heartfelt speech?”

Lauren laughed. “Basically.”

“Damn, you’re tough.”

“You love it.”

Scott pulled back slightly so he could look into her eyes. “I do.”

Then he leaned in and captured her lips in the kiss she’d missed since she walked out of his office nearly a week ago. She had just started to lean into it when a sound interrupted them.

“Ahem.”

“Oh shit,” Lauren whispered against Scott’s lips. “I totally forgot they were even here.”

“I have that effect on women.”

“Shut up,” Lauren said on a laugh as she pulled back from Scott.

“I’m guessing you two know each other?” Dr. Peterson asked.

Scott smiled. “We may have met before.”

“I’ve been used, haven’t I?” Peterson charged. But his expression didn’t match his tone. The twinkle in his eye and the ghost of a smile on his face let Lauren know that he wasn’t angry.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. I just . . . needed her to know.”

“And you felt that my class was the most appropriate place for that?”

Scott stayed silent, looking a bit like a chastised toddler.

“I’m honored,” Dr. Peterson said genuinely. “Maybe you two can come back and reenact this every semester. It was a great review.”

“We’ll see what we can do,” Scott replied.

“Okay, folks. I think that’s enough. Study hard. I’ll see you at your final.” And with that, Dr. Peterson dismissed class and walked toward the exit.

The rest of the students began to follow, packing up their things and casting amused looks and smiles at Lauren and Scott.

“I can’t believe you did that in front of the entire class,” Lauren said.

Scott shrugged. “I love you, Lo. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Lauren leaned in and rested her forehead against Scott’s. “I love you too.”