The Best Thing I Never Had (3 page)

After only a few seconds of silence there was a hesitant knock on his bedroom door. Adam’s stomach spasmed guiltily; whoever it was wasn’t even pretending that they hadn’t overheard.

‘Yeah?’ he called.

The door opened and Miles stood there, nervously twisting one of his hands in the other. ‘You okay?’

‘Ah, mate,’ Adam replied, rubbing at his hair with the flat of his hand. ‘I think I was just dumped.’

Miles’ eyebrows disappeared under his fringe. ‘Seriously? You alright?’

‘Yeah, I’m alright. To be honest it was because I was saying we should take a break and – to be fair – it’s not the first time I’ve put her through it. I’m not a very good boyfriend.’ Adam smiled sheepishly. ‘Especially not a long-distance one.’

‘What, like, you cheat?’ asked Miles, perching on the desk chair opposite to where Adam sat on his bed. Adam scratched under his chin hesitantly.

‘I wouldn’t call it cheating,’ he answered finally.

Comprehension dawned on Miles’ face. ‘Oh I see. So that’s the reason for the breaks.’

‘Kind of.’

Miles shook his head incredulously, disapproval and admiration mixing on his face. ‘Surprised you got away with it that long, to be honest.’

‘Yeah, me too!’ Adam laughed. Miles laughed too.

‘You’ve got some nerve man – you like, schedule in affairs!’

‘What can I say?’ Adam winced self-consciously. ‘I like my cake and to eat it too?’

‘Unbelievable!’ Miles burst out laughing. ‘Unbelievable!’

‘Only to you, mate!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, you’re a rare breed. You’re a totally one woman guy. Or at least you do a convincing impression of one,’ Adam replied.

‘Of course I am!’ Miles protested. ‘I
love
Nicky. I mean, I’m sure, you know? That she’s the one.’

It was Adam’s turn to shake his head incredulously. ‘Mate, we’re too young to have ‘Ones’.’

‘I’m older than you,’ Miles reminded him.

‘Yeah, but still too young for all that,’ Adam retorted.

Miles just smiled placidly before returning to his own room, leaving Adam alone to reflect.

He and Lauren had been a thing – albeit on and off – since he was fifteen years old. She’d always been there in the background – usually unobtrusive, often unconsidered, sometimes unwelcome. An anchor of sorts, keeping him grounded, but also tied down. Her final shot at him rankled. She was wrong, this time anyway; there was nobody specific in mind.

Unwittingly, his brain gave him the image of Leigha in the Union Friday night, the white length of her legs glowing like bone in the UV lights, disappearing under the darkness of her dress; the smell of her hair as she pressed close to speak into his ear; the territorial squeeze on his arm and the answering pulse in his groin as he realised that he could have this girl that very moment, if he cared to.

Adam switched on his laptop, its hum as it booted filling the silence that had been left in the room following Miles’ departure. Whereas his relationship status on Facebook had been neutral thus far out of deference to Lauren, Adam suddenly felt the urge to publicly announce his new Singledom. After all, the game was on.

November 2006

Harriet paused on the stairs as she spoke, damming the flow of people trying to make their way down to the front of the lecture theatre.

‘No wonder I’ve never really clocked you before now,’ she said.

Adam smiled up at her lazily. ‘All the cool kids sit at the back,’ he assured her.

‘It’s not a bus,’ she answered, titling her dark head to the side. ‘But alright. Can you guys move down?’

Adam chivvied his course-mate along, sliding his A4 pad and single pen across the desk that ran in front of the line of fixed seating. Harriet and a pale blonde he recognised dimly from the start of term house party slipped into the vacated seats.

‘You don’t have a copy of the book,’ Harriet pointed out.

‘I never have a copy of the book,’ Adam replied.

‘Have you even read the book?’ she tried.

‘I have read the SparkNotes online,’ Adam answered gravely. The corner of Harriet’s mouth twitched as she tried to suppress a smile. Adam’s friend snorted.

‘Well, you two can have mine and we’ll share,’ she said, pushing the heavy book towards the boys. ‘For appearances at least, yeah?’

‘Oh, he can’t see whether or not we have the book from all the way down there,’ Adam’s friend scoffed, referring to the lecturer, who had just arrived on the dais below and was tinkering with a projector.

‘Then you
don’t
just sit all the way back here to look cool,’ Harriet grinned.

‘Astounding!’ her blonde companion laughed.

Adam felt warmth rush to his face. He wasn’t used to being laughed at. ‘Can you stop your nattering now then, ladies?’ he mock-sighed, opening the loaned book. ‘Some of us are here to learn a little something about the works of Alpha Behn.’

‘Aphra Behn,’ Harriet corrected, with that funny little twist of a smile.

Johnny was so surprised by Adam’s appearance in the lounge that his spoon dropped back into his bowl with a splash.

‘Bugger me, mate.’ He swiped at the droplets of milk on the table with his sleeve. ‘Has someone died?’

‘No, why?’ Adam sat on the arm of the sofa and cracked the ring-pull to his breakfast of a can of Pepsi.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you down here before ten o’clock before,’ Johnny said.

‘There’s a viewing in the library at nine.’ Adam took a swig from his can. ‘A German film adaptation of
Hamlet
. From the sixties.’ Johnny sniggered into his cereal.

‘You lame-ass English students sure know how to have fun. So sorry to give it a miss, but – damn it! – I’ve got a seminar.’ Adam shrugged and downed the rest of his drink.

‘Your loss,’ he grinned as he crushed the empty can to a concave shape. ‘Hoping I can base one of my courseworks on it and look intelligent.’

‘That
would
be a nice change for you,’ Johnny agreed, solemnly. Adam pitched the can at his head.

Harriet dotted little blobs of concealer under her eyes. Leigha sat on the edge of her bed, bundled into a lilac dressing gown and blinking blearily over the rim of her cup of tea.

‘And you’re sure you want to come?’ Harriet repeated doubtfully, clicking the lid back onto the makeup pen. ‘Gotta leave in about ten … ’

Leigha wordlessly waved a hand at her and took another deep drink from the mug. ‘Yeah, yeah, I’ll only take five minutes, don’t worry.’

‘You know it’s only going to be a shitty little TV set up in one of the reading rooms,’ Harriet said, blending the makeup with the tip of her index finger. ‘And it’s in German.’

‘Yeah you said. I told you, sounds interesting. You know I like to do –’ Leigha was cut off by a resounding yawn – ‘different things.’

‘Well, if you’re sure.’ Harriet checked the time on her mobile phone display. ‘But please get dressed.’ Leigha laughed.

‘We’ve spent our fair share of time wearing pyjamas in that library.’

‘Yeah, we lived on campus then. You wanna walk through town in your dressing gown, be my guest.’ Harriet combed her fingers roughly through her short hair.

‘Guess I’d better start getting my face on,’ Leigha agreed, leaving her mostly-empty mug on Harriet’s beside table and strolling unhurriedly out of the room and into her own.

Feeling exhausted already, Harriet flopped down on the recently vacated bed. Sukie’s face appeared around the side of the bedroom door, which Leigha had left ajar.

‘She going with you?’ she asked.

‘Apparently.’

‘Isn’t this film in German?’

‘Well, yes, but it’s not like it won’t have subtitles!’ Harriet answered, impatiently.

Sukie was silent for a moment, uncharacteristically thoughtful about what she was about to say. When she did speak again she pitched her voice lower. ‘Is Adam going to this?’

Harriet looked up at her sharply. ‘Yes, we’re picking him up on the way. Do you think that’s why she has suddenly decided to come?’

‘Well, I don’t think she developed an interest in the German film industry in the time it took her to make that cup of tea.’

‘I agree. Eurgh, I’m going to be a right spare part.’

‘Practice for when they’re a couple,’ Sukie agreed. ‘I can see Ley being a super clingy girlfriend.’

‘Fun, fun, and more fun.’ Harriet rolled her eyes. ‘So you think he likes her then?’

‘
Das ist die…
question,’ Sukie answered, raising her eyebrows.

Leigha looked longingly at the reflection of her bed in the mirror as she rubbed tinted moisturiser into her cheeks in vigorous circles. She heard a sudden burst of giggles from Sukie and Harriet across the landing.

‘What’s up?’ she called.

‘Hustle it, Webster!’ Harriet bellowed.

Adam’s phone chimed its message tone and he lazily fished it out of his pocket.

‘Oooh,’ he smirked, waving his mobile phone tauntingly in Johnny’s face. ‘Leigha’s coming along with Harriet. Bet you wish you were coming to see this ‘lame-ass’ film now!’

‘Oh fuck off,’ Johnny growled, lobbing the Pepsi can back across the room for good measure.

The well-known intro carolled through the house. Sukie’s eyes widened in disbelief.

‘NICKY!’ she screeched, slamming her glass of water down onto the coffee table for emphasis. ‘Not bloody yet!’ Nicky ignored her, instead pitching her voice high as she started to sing along with the track.

‘Don’t be a Scrooge,’ Johnny admonished from the kitchen, where he was helping himself unconcernedly to a glass of someone else’s orange juice.

‘It’s November!’ Sukie glared

‘And tomorrow,’ Leigha laughed, ‘it will be December.’ And she and Johnny joined in enthusiastically for the end of the chorus.

‘Baby, all I want for Christmas, is you!’

The entire group had waited around undecidedly for almost twenty minutes, before someone had the smart idea to run across to the department office and ask where their seminar leader was; sick, apparently. Harriet and Adam wandered aimlessly outside into the sharp winter sunshine. Harriet hefted her bookbag up onto her free shoulder with a grunt.

‘What a waste of time.’

Adam, who could never have imagined anyone being disappointed by the cancellation of a class, couldn’t help but laugh at her. Harriet shot him a withering look.

‘Here, let me carry that,’ Adam reached for the bulky bookbag. Harriet handed it over with a smile.

‘Purple is totally your colour,’ she told him, straight-faced. Adam posed effeminately with the bag thrown over his shoulder and Harriet laughed. ‘What now then? Want to head to the library?’

‘I so do not,’ he answered, rolling his eyes. ‘Let’s just head home. Johnny should be back at yours already, its board game night tonight.’ Harriet didn’t answer straight away. She rubbed her palm over her hair, sending it momentarily into little spiked peaks. Adam found himself mirroring the gesture, uncomfortable in the unusual silence.

‘It’s like suddenly having ten brothers and sisters,’ Harriet said, finally. Adam immediately grasped what she meant.

‘And sometimes, you just want to be alone?’ he supplied, with a sidelong smile. Harriet nodded in silent agreement. ‘Well,’ he rearranged the bookbag again, ‘I am not going to the library. Or back to yours, yet. I’m going off on my own for a cheeky one at the Armstrong.’ He tilted his head at her quizzically. ‘Want to come be alone with me?’

Harriet responded by turning smartly on her heel and striding towards the east side of campus, where the pub was. She turned and walked backwards a few steps as she answered him.

‘As long as you’re carrying the bag.’

Harriet groaned as Adam turned around and revealed what he had just bought at the bar. ‘I said one more drink, not one more
pitcher
,’ she called across to him. ‘We’re expected home already!’

‘Listen to yourself, woman!’ Adam said incredulously, reaching the table and putting the jug of Snakebite down. ‘They’re not our parents!’

‘Yeah, but – its board game night, ‘The Game of Life’…’ Harriet said, stupid with her share of the two jugs of Snakebite they’d imbibed already.

‘Fuck ‘The Game of Life’,’ Adam replied, with great delight, refilling their pint glasses with a clumsy slosh from the pitcher. ‘I always get the shit jobs anyway.’

‘Leigha will be cross,’ Harriet predicted, taking a deep drink regardless. Adam’s eyebrows rose.

‘With you or with me?’ he asked. Harriet shot a look at him through her eyelashes.

‘Both,’ she replied, neutrally, reaching forward and drawing shapes in the condensation on the swell of the pitcher with her forefinger.

‘Let her,’ Adam stretched out his legs casually under the table. ‘She’s not my keeper.’

‘Shows what you know,’ Harriet said; her tone was light and playful but Adam glowered at her in response. Harriet rolled her eyes and reached forward for her glass again, the drink making her indiscreet. ‘Christ, any other bloke would be falling at Leigha’s feet for one iota of the attention she’s bestowing upon you.’ Adam redirected his glower towards his drink, which he then saw off with slow, careful swallows. Harriet was not to be deterred; ‘what’s wrong with you?’ she persisted.

‘Nothing’s wrong with me! I just don’t like this whole sense of ownership, it’s so obvious that you guys totally assume me and her will be getting together.’

‘And what’s so odd about that?’ Harriet challenged. ‘You’re single, she’s single, you clearly fancy one another. Get on with it. Stop messing her around.’

Adam inhaled sharply, incredulous. ‘Messing!’

‘Yes, messing!’ Harriet’s eyes narrowed. ‘Unless you’re the sort of guy who’s just after one thing.’

Adam reddened. ‘Of course not.’

The swift and emphatic denial seemed to take the wind out of Harriet’s sails; she fell silent but looked him square in the face, exasperation still showing on hers.

‘Never mind,’ she said, finally, standing up. ‘Look, I’m going to go to the toilet and then we really should head back home.’ She was away from their table before Adam could even reply. He sat back against the dark leather backing of the booth, feeling entirely unsettled, eyes on the swing door to the Ladies’ which Harriet had just disappeared through. For the fourth time that evening, he ignored the persistent vibration of his mobile ringing in his jeans pocket.

After first being informed that Harriet and Adam had gone to the pub for a quick one, Leigha had thoughtfully nipped across to the shop and bought a six pack of the lager that Johnny advised was Adam’s favourite.

Johnny was on his third can, feet up on the coffee table, uncaring of the abandoned game board beneath them.

‘Maybe they’re caught up with people from their course?’ Sukie yawned, legs curled under her on the couch. ‘Shall we just watch a film?’

‘Shall I try Adam again?’ Johnny asked, reaching for his mobile.

Leigha didn’t answer, just crossed the open-plan room to the kitchen cupboards, adding a generous glug of Malibu to her glass of juice.

‘Let’s just watch a film,’ Sukie repeated, frowning.