The Black Mage: Apprentice (20 page)

It took me a moment to figure out what had
upset her. And then I remembered.

Ian
.

The moment was shattered in less than a
second.

"Ryiah, look at me."

Ian
.

Darren touched my face and I turned away,
hating myself for what I had just done to the boy I claimed to
love. And the one I didn't want to love.

"Don't do this."

"This was a mistake," I heard myself say.
"I'm not – you aren't yourself - we-"

"Ryiah." Darren's eyes burned crimson. "I'm
not sorry."

****

I'm not sorry
. Darren's words
continued to echo across my thoughts as I raced down the corridor
halls. Panic invaded everything I had worked so hard to build. I
had to find Ian before Lynn got to him. I had to tell him that it
didn't-

"Ryiah!" Ella and Alex found me as I stumbled
down the stairwell. "What happened? Lynn just told Ian she needed
to talk to him and when he declined she said…" Ella's hazel eyes
took in the rest of my appearance: the tussled hair, the smeared
rogue, the frayed ends on the back of my dress when Darren had
shoved me against the wall.

"Ry." My twin's eyes were huge. "How could
you?"

I spotted Ian stumbling out of the ballroom,
Lynn running after him talking rapidly. The blood froze in my veins
when he saw me. Pain flared in his eyes.

He immediately turned heel and headed in the
opposite direction.

I ran after him, not caring that everyone in
the atrium saw me as I dashed across the room in panic.

"Ian – wait!
Please
!"

The fourth-year turned, green eyes flashing.
"Don't follow me, Ryiah."

"Ian, Ian I'm
sorry
!" I couldn't
speak. Tears were pouring down my face and I couldn't stop them as
I stood shaking in the hall, begging him to stay.

Ian hesitated, and something slipped across
his eyes as he looked back at me. "Who is it, Ryiah? Is it me? Or
him
?"

My breathing hitched and it felt impossible
to speak. I knew which one I should say, but the last ten minutes
could not be erased. No matter how much I wished they could. "I," I
faltered. "I don't know."

"I hope you figure it out soon, Ryiah." He
swallowed painfully. "Because my heart is breaking until you
do."

I watched him go, hating myself.

"Ryiah."

Darren was watching me from the shadows.

"You did this!" I turned on him. "You
always
do this. You swoop in and ruin my life and then you
run away leaving me to pick up the pieces! Haven't you done
enough?"

His eyes stayed on my face. "Ryiah. I'm not
running away. I'm in lo-"

"Don't!" I clapped my hand over his mouth,
suddenly afraid. "Don't you dare say it!"

Darren stared down at me, two flames dancing
across my vision. My hand trembled.

"You had your chance," I continued bitterly.
"There was no one else and you chose
her
. Not me.
Priscilla
, Darren! You are
still
with her."

"Ryiah, it's not that simple!"

"But it should be!" I cried desperately. "It
is with Ian!"

"Are you really in love with him?" Darren
asked quietly.

My eyes stung and I forced myself to walk
away. I was too afraid of what I might do if I stayed with the
non-heir a moment longer.

"You don't love him." Darren's voice chased
after me. Haunting me. "If you did, you wouldn't have kissed me
back. Not like you did."

I didn't reply. I was too busy running
away.

I liked misery. It was the only possible
explanation for why after four weeks of awkward silence and long
pauses there was still no answer to Ian's question. It was wrong to
draw out my decision …but it seemed like every time Ian's name came
to my lips I would remember Darren and a little part of me would
shatter.

Why are you stalling, Ryiah?
It was
ridiculous. Darren was with Priscilla. He was a prince. There was
no hope in saying yes to the boy with the garnet eyes who left me
reckless and confused at every turn. There was no future with him.
None. Darren had duty. To the Crown. Gods only knew Priscilla and
Blayne had spent enough time reminding me of that.

And I was not – would never be - a
mistress.

"Concentrate, apprentices, if I have to say
it one more time I am going to have all of you take turns serving
as your partner's mark for this exercise."

No matter how well he can kiss.

A surge of heat sprung from my hands and I
sent my casting crashing into sky beyond. The bolt shimmered in the
air, a brilliant flash of gold, and then it was gone. My jaw
dropped.
Lightning
. I had just cast lightning.

"Ry," Eve said to my left, impressed. "How
did you do that?"

Several others had turned to stare as well
and I felt myself blushing under the attention. The younger
apprentices had been trying for weeks to successfully cast the most
infamous of all weather magic… I had been the first one of my year
to successfully manage it.

"I – I don't know," I stammered. I tried
again, holding my breath and summoning the same projection as
before. Nothing.

"Weather castings feed off emotions," Master
Byron noted dryly, "they are a charge to heighten one's magic.
Whatever Ryiah was thinking about before her casting clearly had
the intensity she needed. Lightning requires focus, but it channels
emotions with it… Apprentice, perhaps you would like to share what
you were thinking of before?" His words had a bitter edge and I
could tell he was disappointed his favorite, the prince, hadn't
been the first one to cast the magic.

"I…"
Darren's lips on mine, a dark hallway
with just the two of us
. No, there was no way I was going to
tell the class about that. "I don't remember."

"I highly doubt that, Ryiah. The charge to
produce lightning requires a very intense emotion – one that would
not be forgotten so easily." Byron was frowning and by this time I
could see Darren and Ian further down the line looking at me with
interest – and suspicion.

Why? Why did I always have bad timing?
Why
couldn't I be good at the one thing that demanded focus – not
fevered daydreams in the middle of class?
Embarrassment crept
up the back of my neck and I willed myself to pretend I was
anywhere else, somewhere quiet and alone where the Master of Combat
couldn't draw attention to my secret fantasies.

"Perhaps it's something Ryiah would prefer to
keep private." My gaze shot to Darren as he added, "Something she'd
rather
not
describe…"

My whole face was aflame. When I finally
looked I could see Ian scowling at the non-heir who had turned back
to the sky with a not-so-innocent expression.

A second later there was a bright flash of
yellow and a stark white display as lightening crashed in the air
above. Only this time it hadn't come from me.

"Well done, Darren!" Master Byron was full of
praise for the prince. "What did you use to cast it?"

Darren's eyes found mine. "Something I don't
regret."

There was a tightening, something pulling at
my lungs. I made myself look away.

"D-don't regret?" Byron was lost, unsure how
to respond to Darren's vague answer. The rest of the class, all of
whom had been in the ballroom during my fight with Ian, had a
pretty good idea. Priscilla was glaring daggers at me. I didn't
have the slightest doubt that if she tried to cast her lightning
from her emotions now, she would be successful. That seemed the
last thing on the girl's mind, however, as she stormed out of
practice – not caring that we hadn't been formally dismissed.

The Master of Combat didn't seem to notice.
He was too busy studying the prince and me. A sour expression
formed on his thin lips. The second Byron released our faction I
took off, not wanting to be there when the man aptly deduced why
Darren and I had been the only ones to successfully cast in the
day's lesson.

I had just readied myself for the evening
meal when I heard a loud crash beyond the barrack walls.

Ella rushed out of the adjoining bathhouse to
find me. "What was that?" she breathed. "It sounded like it came
from outside…?"

As the two of us stared at one another there
was a loud curse and a subsequent thud. We raced out the barrack
doors to find Ian and Darren grappling on the ground just a couple
paces away from the wooden building. The non-heir had a bloodied
nose and Ian didn't look much better, half his tunic was ripped in
two and there was a large welt on his shoulder where he had fallen
against something hard.

I dove in and grabbed Darren's arm just as
Ella went to catch Ian. "Stop it!" I shrieked. The non-heir
immediately stopped struggling but Ella had to drag Ian back hard
in order to get him to cease fighting.

"You stay away from her!" the fourth-year
snarled. "You should be lucky I haven't challenged you to a duel
for accosting her at the solstice!"

"Why don't you do it then," Darren retorted,
"I have grown restless cooped up in this port for weeks." I could
feel him loosening deceptively in my grip, readying for another
brawl.

"Enough!" I jerked the prince back, throwing
his balance off as he fell against the barrack wall. "This is
enough!" My whole face flushed. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you
two – I really am! But this has to stop!"

Darren's eyes met mine and he said the next
words slowly. "It will stop when you make a decision."

I didn't reply. I turned heel and headed for
the commons. The only way I was ever going to make the right
decision was if I stayed as far away from the non-heir as
possible.

"You can't avoid them forever, Ry." Ella had
caught up with me, panting from the run and looking slightly
annoyed. "You have to make a decision soon. It isn't fair what you
are doing to either of them."

"I know." My stomach was a mess of knots and
I could feel shame imprinting itself across my face. We'd been
having the same conversation for days. "I'm just afraid of making
the wrong one."

"You aren't afraid of making the wrong one,
Ry, it's the fact that you
want
to make the wrong one." She
sighed. "I know you have liked the prince for a long time – but
becoming Darren's mistress? That's beneath you. People would look
down on you, Ry! He's still betrothed to Priscilla! You'd lose any
prestige you might earn as a mage and you'd have to live with the
fact that your children would never be-"

"Enough!" I turned on her, suddenly furious.
She wasn't telling me anything I hadn't already considered. I knew
I was a horrible person for putting poor, sweet Ian through this
mess. I knew Darren couldn't afford me the happiness I deserved. I
knew better. I did.

But I was tired of having everyone else point
it out to me.

"If I want your advice I'll ask for it!"

"Ry." Ella's tone was alarmed. "What has
gotten into you?"

"If you can't accept the way I am handling
this then go find someone else to complain to!" I didn't know where
the words were coming from. I didn't know why I was so being so
cruel. I didn't know why I continued to draw out the problem when
the answer was right in front of me.

"Ry, that's not what I-"

"Really, because that's all you have done
since we got here!"

"It's been a month." Ella put her hands on
her hips defensively. "You aren't choosing, Ry. Admit it, you are
stalling."

Hysteria began to bubble to the surface –
unwanted and full of disdain. "You know what? Enjoy your dinner –
because I have suddenly lost my appetite!"

"Ryiah, you need to calm down!" Ella reached
out to grab my arm and I pulled away, livid.

"No, what I need is for my friend to leave me
alone!" Without waiting for a response I immediately turned back
toward the barracks and stomped away, shoving past both of the boys
in question as I did.

I have to get out of this place,
I
decided
, even if Byron sticks me with scut work. I will
volunteer on the first deployment out of here.

I might not be able to run away from my
problems, but I could certainly try.

****

It turned out that I would get my wish. The
next morning at breakfast Master Byron announced that he had a
surprise for us. A wonderful, rare,
important
one.

"Port Langli is not like the other cities we
train in. Here most of a mage's time is spent on patrols. The
threat is not so much war as the prospect of pirates and local
thieves. Langli is the wealthiest port in Jerar, our main trading
post, our most prosperous harbor. I know you have all grown
restless because it's not the fast action you desire. But that is
the way of it.

"Lucky for you Commander Chen has recently
received orders from the Crown itself. Our local regiment is to
deploy five of its own tomorrow on a special assignment that will
take them out of the city. The commander has graciously offered up
one spot on his ship for a Combat apprentice.

"There is a great probability this will be
the only opportunity to serve in a Langli deployment. Missions like
this are far and few between. Most of the regiment mages never even
get an opportunity at sea. As such, I will be taking a break from
your traditional schedule to host a tourney of sorts…"

I drew a sharp intake of breath and heard the
excited whispers around the room. A tourney. A mission.
Deployment
. All but the second-years who had missed our time
in Red Desert were restless, eager to do something besides the
nightly rotations as sentries. Our time assisting the local
regiment had been too quiet, too peaceful. The opposite of what a
Combat apprentice trained for.