The Black Queen (Book 6) (45 page)

Matt ate pieces from the day-old bread he had brought home from the school the night before, worried that there would be no food in the house, and drank the cool water he had drawn from their well. When he finished, he scraped off the dish and mug he’d used, then wiped the crumbs from the table. Once that table had been filled with people—not just him and his brother, but his father and his friends. There was Denl, a warm man with a limp, and Tri, another survivor of the Fey wars, badly scarred, but nice just the same. They still came sometimes, but not nearly as often as they had when Matt was little. He was alone here, and he didn’t know how to change that.

He stood for a long moment in the empty kitchen, shivering slightly. No matter what he did, his hands got cold without the fire going. He could, he knew, start his own small fire magickally, and put it out the same way, but all the Fey teachers at the school stressed conservation of magick. They said that the powers were to be treated as special things, not every day things, and they insisted that he not waste what he was given.

That was easy for him. He hadn’t used his powers much around home because they unnerved his mother and alarmed his father. His father used to look at Matt whenever Matt created something magickally, from a little lick of fire to a bit of water, and say, “In that lies madness.” His mother shushed his father, but the words stayed with Matt anyway.

Matt took a deep breath. He had no idea how his mother would react to being awakened. But he was going to do it anyway. He had never felt as strange as at this moment.

Then he heard the front door open. He went into the hallway, and saw Alex letting himself in.

Alex glanced up at him in surprise. In that moment, Matt knew that his brother had been coming home every day, but he had been doing so when he knew he wouldn’t see Matt.

Matt didn’t say anything, and neither did Alex. Any greeting felt false.

“How’s Mother?” Alex asked. So he too knew that something was wrong with their mother.

“Sleeping,” Matt said. “Like she always has been lately. I was just going to wake her up so that I could find out what’s wrong.”

Irritation and something else crossed Alex’s face. “She hasn’t told you?”

“I haven’t seen her awake for three days.”

Alex closed his eyes. Something was different about his brother as well. He seemed thinner, and older, as if the short time he had spent away had aged him somehow.

“What’s going on, Alex?” Matt asked.

“Let her sleep,” he said. “She’ll be all right.”

But he didn’t look as certain as he sounded. With the intuition that had always bound them, Matt knew his brother was extremely sad and very scared.

“What happened, Alex?” Matt asked again. “Is it Dad?”

Alex flushed. He pushed past Matt. “Is there anything to eat here?”

And with that question, Matt suddenly had a revelation. His mother hadn’t been cleaning and cooking during the day. His brother had.

“Alex.” Matt followed him into the kitchen. “I’m going to keep asking until you tell me.”

“I thought you had to go learn how to be Fey.” Alex crouched before the hearth fire. He took some wood out of the bin and laid it in the ashes from yesterday’s fire.

Matt was not going to listen to the taunt. “Is she dying?” he asked softly.

“No,” Alex said, then rocked back on his heels. “By the sword, Matt, will you just go?”

“When did I stop being a member of this family?”

The words had just slipped out, but he felt them, all the way down. His voice shook by the end of the sentence.

Alex bowed his head, then stood, placing his hand on the hearthstones as if for balance. He started to speak, and then stopped. “Three days ago,” he said finally, “Dad came back.”

“Here?” The emotions Matt felt were so jumbled and so sudden that he had trouble separating them. “He came home?”

“No,” Alex said. “But he was lucid. He had me get Mother, but she must have already known because she was on her way into the Vault.”

Matt’s coldness grew. He gripped the back of a chair for support.

“Father knew what was happening to him.”

“He always did when he was lucid,” Matt said.

“And he knew how bad it’s been getting.” Alex swallowed. His eyes were filled with tears. “He decided to go into the mountain.”

“He can’t!” Matt said. “The Fey Powers, they’ll kill him.”

“He knew,” Alex said. “He was waiting for them to come into the Vault. He said they could. But they never did. So he went to them.”

“And you didn’t get me? He was himself, he made this choice, and you didn’t give me a chance to talk him out of it?”

“He didn’t want to be talked out of it,” Alex said. “Believe me, I tried.”

“I could have done it.” Matt was raising his voice and he couldn’t stop himself. “We’re more alike than you are. I understand him.”

“No,” Alex said, “you don’t. None of us did.”

He sounded very tired.

“Surely, Mother tried to stop him?”

“In her own way.” Alex grabbed the tinderbox off the mantel. “But she couldn’t either, and I think she understood.”

“We have to get him,” Matt said. “We have to go in after him, and save him.”

The look Alex gave Matt was so condescending, so full of pity, that Matt took a step back. “It was three days ago, Matt. Even if he survived one of those days, he wouldn’t have survived the others. Mother told me the full story. The first time he went to the Roca’s cave, he nearly died immediately. The second time, he captured the evil spirit, but she would have killed him right away that time too. He’s dead. I don’t think we can doubt that. And all we would do if we went after him would be to die too.”

“You don’t know that,” Matt said.

“That’s what Dad said.” Alex lowered his voice. “Matt, please. Let it go.”

“Let it go? My father walked off to die three days ago, no one bothered to tell me, and you say let it go?”

“Yes,” Alex said. “He’s better off dead.”

“Who’re you to decide that?” Matt asked.

“I didn’t,” Alex said. “Dad did.”

“Boys.”

Matt turned. His mother stood behind him, her hair sleep-tousled, her eyes swollen. He finally understood why she was sleeping so much. She was mourning his father in the only way she knew how.

“Dinna fight,” his mother said. “Yer da wouldna a wanted it.”

“Just like he didn’t want to see me before he chose to die,” Matt said. “We should always do what Dad said, even now that he’s gone. He didn’t want me because I wouldn’t have let him go. You both didn’t care about him.”

“You cared about him?” Alex asked. “You didn’t even know he was gone. When was the last time you saw him? Two weeks ago? I saw him every day before he died.”

Matt sucked in a breath. The comment hit home. He hadn’t seen his father because he couldn’t face what his father had become.

“Boys.” Their mother’s voice was raspy.

“You think we should have found you? I think you should have known the time was coming. Mother did.” Alex took a step forward. “And maybe I did too. Maybe—”

“My magick,” Matt said, deliberately using the word that wasn’t allowed in this household, “is different from yours, Alex. I don’t See things like you do. I couldn’t have known. And no one bothered to tell me. No one even sought me out.”

Alex had stopped moving, his face pale now in the morning light. He knew he had been wrong. Matt recognized the expression. Alex knew it, and regretted it.

But he didn’t say so, and that made Matt even angrier.

“You were always afraid of me, always wanting me to be something different. I couldn’t be myself in this family because of what I might become. And now you tell me that I wasn’t even worth finding when you knew my father was going away.” He turned to his mother. “You could have found me. I would have stopped him.”

“I know,” his mother said. “Tis why I dinna. He wanted ta go.”

“He could still be alive in there.”

“No,” his mother said. “He went to a place where he knew death’d find him. He’s gone, Matty. Ye have ta accept that.”

“Maybe I could if I’d had a chance to say good-bye to him like you did,” he snapped. “But you didn’t think me worth it, either of you.”

He had his fists clenched so hard his fingers ached. Alex was watching him warily. His mother just looked overwhelmed.

“Well,” he said when neither of them spoke. “You couldn’t have made it more clear about how I fit into this family. You don’t want another burden like Father. Fine. You won’t have one. I have a place to go, a place where people are willing to help me and to treat me with respect. I don’t need either of you.”

He pushed past his mother and headed to the front door. She called his name. He didn’t stop.

“I guess you don’t want to know the message he left for you,” Alex called.

Matt silently cursed his twin, who always knew how to reach him. Matt held the door open, without turning, but waiting to hear.

“He knew,” Alex said, sounding closer than he had a moment ago, “that he might not be lucid for very long, so he said his good-byes then. There was no time to get you, Matt.”

Matt was silent. They had already had part of this argument.

“So he gave me a message for you.”

Matt waited. He wasn’t going to turn. He wasn’t going to look at either of them again. Ever.

“He said that you should remember what he taught you.”

Matt bowed his head. “Remember that I should be ashamed of who I am? Remember that he taught me to hate half the population of Blue Isle?” He kept his voice low. “I’ll remember that. Believe me. And I’ll make sure I’m a better man than he ever was.”

Then Matt stepped outside the door and slammed it shut. He stood there for a moment, catching his breath, feeling a weight so heavy that it felt as if it would crush him.

Neither his twin brother nor his mother came after him. Why would they? They hadn’t shown any consideration for him before. And even if they did, he wouldn’t go back inside with them. He was done with them, done with the whole family.

He would be like the unwanted kids at the school, hidden away because he was different. Only it took his family fifteen years to shove him out. Maybe it would have been easier if he had been like those kids, dropped off as soon as their magick grew uncontrollable. Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much.

He shook himself, then walked toward the road. There was nothing for him here. His future lay elsewhere, in a place that taught him to see how strong he was, and how to control that strength. A place where he could be what he was meant to be. A place where people appreciated him for who he was.

TWENTY-FIVE

ALEX LET OUT THE BREATH he had been holding. He was shaking. He wanted to go to the door, throw it open and pull his brother back inside.

But he wouldn’t. Matt had to come back on his own. Maybe after he cooled down, he would realize that Alex had told him the truth: there hadn’t been time to get him, and both Alex and his mother were afraid that Matt, good-old impulsive Matt, would go into those tunnels too, and bring their father back.

It was clear to both of them that his father wanted to go. Alex hated it, but he understood it. Who would want to live as his father had lived? How could a man knowingly survive the gradual loss of his mind?

His mother was still standing in the hall, a hand over her mouth. She didn’t have anything left. That was so clear to Alex. He wasn’t even sure if she knew how hurt Matt was.

In a few days, Alex would go after him, and bring him back. By then, Matt would know that he didn’t fit in with those Fey. By then, he would want to come home.

Alex turned and put his arm around his mother. In three days, she had gone from being a strong woman who stood tall and ordered her sons around to an old woman, hunched and broken, whose eyes barely saw anything. He and Matt had been arguing for a long time before she showed up, and Alex wasn’t sure if she had come in because their voices woke her up or if she was actually trying to stop the discord between them.

He led her into the kitchen and sat her at a chair. Then he went back to starting the hearth fire.

“Alex,” she said softly. “Dinna let Matty go.”

“He’ll be all right, Mother,” Alex said. He had finally got the fire lit. It would take a few moments, but then it would warm the room.

“Yer da, he dinna want ye ta be apart.”

Alex said nothing. He didn’t really want to go after Matt. He wanted Matt to see the mistakes of his ways and return home. Otherwise, Matt would take Alex back to that place, where the Fey walked freely and the leader, Coulter, had eyes that could see right through him.

The more Alex studied the Words, the more leery he became of Coulter. The Roca had originally been named Coulter, but this Coulter had none of the Roca’s blood like Alex’s family did. There were dark hints in the Words of a split, not just between the Roca’s sons, but of another, a more insidious one, one that nearly tore the Isle apart. And it had happened between the Roca and the others who had discovered the cave with him. They were trapped, or so the Words said, in some of the soul repositories, trapped and unable to influence the Isle in any way.