The Blackwell Lessons (14 page)

41

I’m so nervous that it’s hard to wee. But somehow I manage it and bring the test back to Dr Christian.

‘You really are nervous aren’t you?’ says Dr Christian kindly, noticing my shaking fingers.

‘Petrified.’

‘Any particular reason?’

‘I suppose I’ll just feel so disappointed if I’m not pregnant.’

‘You can always keep trying,’ says Dr Christian with a wink. ‘You’re young. Healthy. No problems. There’s no rush Sophia. It’ll happen when it happens. Besides, if you’re shooting a movie right now there’s no harm in waiting. Take a seat.’

I sit down. ‘I know. That’s what Marc says too.’

‘Babies are a lot of work. When they come along, suddenly people start thinking maybe they should have waited a few years. As beautiful as children are, they change your life.’

‘I have a baby brother. I know how much time they take up. But … I just want to have Marc’s baby.’

I feel Marc squeeze my fingers, and squeeze his in return.

Dr Christian smiles. ‘Well. I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Let’s see what the test has to say.’

Dr Christian holds up the pregnancy test.

I grasp Marc’s hand so tightly that I’m sure I must be cutting off his blood supply.

‘So the test is telling me—’

‘Dr Christian,’ says Marc. ‘Would you mind if we took the test and viewed it by ourselves? Privately? Sophia will be emotional, whatever the result. And it might be better just the two of us.’

‘I totally understand,’ says Dr Christian. ‘Of course – take the test and look at the result when you’re alone.’

‘Marc?’ I say, a little bewildered. ‘Don’t we want to find out now?’

‘We’ve waited for weeks. We can wait a little longer.’

‘How much longer?’

‘Not long. I know you’re desperate to know but … just trust me.’

Part of me wants to grab the test from Dr Christian. But I do trust Marc. So I take his hand instead.

‘Let me put the test back in the box for you.’ Dr Christian slides the test into a white cardboard box and hands it to Marc. ‘The instructions are inside.’

I stare at the box, knowing that our future is in there on a little plastic stick.

‘Thank you Dr Christian,’ says Marc, standing. ‘If it’s good news I’ll have Rodney check Sophia’s diary and schedule in her maternity appointments.’

‘Fine,’ says Dr Christian.

42

‘Okay,’ I say, as Marc leads me outside to the Aston Martin. ‘Why couldn’t we look at the test in there? Did you think I’d burst into tears or something?’

‘I just thought … this is between us, this news. If you’re happy, I want to celebrate together. And if you’re upset, I want to be able to comfort you alone.’

‘I appreciate that.’

Once in the car, we speed towards Oxford Street.

‘Aren’t we going back to the townhouse?’ I ask.

‘No.’

‘Then where are we going?’

‘Somewhere else.’

The wind whips my hair around my face.

‘Marc, I don’t like this,’ I say firmly. ‘I want to know where we’re going. I want to know how soon I can look at that test.’

‘Soon,’ says Marc, speeding the car around corners.

‘Look, this isn’t a game. This is a big deal. Is this funny to you? Making me wait for what could be the most important news of my life?’

‘
Our
life. And no. It’s not funny.’

‘I’m well aware of that.’

Marc roars the car down a long tunnel. An electric garage door rolls up, and suddenly I realise where we are.

‘We’re under Ivy College, aren’t we?’ I say, as Marc drives the car into a dark car park.

‘Exactly right.’

‘So what are we doing here?’

‘I’ll show you.’

A few moments later, we come up through the theatre and out onto the beautiful Ivy College lawns.

‘Marc. Will you tell me what’s going on?’

‘Soon.’

Marc leads me over the lawns and towards the woods. When we reach the woodland path, I pull him to a stop.

‘
What’s
going on?’ I say.

‘Just a little further.’

He leads me down the path and to a clearing.

‘Here,’ says Marc. ‘Right here.’

I let out a long breath. ‘This is … where we were married.’

‘Well remembered.’

‘So what are we doing here?’

‘I thought it would be a good place to look at the test.’ Marc pulls the white box out of his pocket. ‘Because it’s a special place for us. And if you’re having our baby, I thought you’d like to find out in a special place.’

‘And if I’m not?’

‘Then you won’t be as sad here. Because you love trees. And trees make you happy.’

I feel myself smile. ‘Sometimes you know me better than I know myself.’

‘I agree.’

Marc hands me the test and I open it, searching the little white stick for something that says, ‘pregnant’.

‘How does this thing work?’ I ask.

Marc pulls instructions from the box, scanning them quickly. ‘There should be a window on the stick,’ he says. ‘A pink line means pregnant.’

My hands start to shake. I pass the stick over to Marc. ‘I can’t,’ I say. ‘I can’t look. I’m too nervous.’

Marc takes the test.

‘What is it?’ I say. ‘Oh god, is the test broken? Did it not work?’

‘It worked,’ says Marc. ‘Mrs Blackwell, we are having a baby.’

43

I let out a little squeal and jump about a foot into the air. Then I burst into stupid, happy tears. ‘Oh my god! Are you sure? Are you really sure?’

‘See for yourself.’ Marc passes me the test.

‘This is it? This pink line? That’s all there is to tell us?’

‘The test is very clear. No pink line. Not pregnant. Pink line. Pregnant.’

I start to laugh, swiping at tears. ‘I’m pregnant. I really am pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.’

Marc’s smile is more measured than mine. But the joy in his eyes is the same.

‘I can’t believe it.’ I know I’m grinning like an idiot, but I don’t care. ‘We’re having a
baby
.’

Marc’s eyes are so clear right now. As light as I’ve ever seen them.

‘You, Sophia Blackwell, are going to be the best mother there ever was.’ Marc lifts me off my feet and into his arms, kissing me with a force and passion that takes my breath away.

Our kissing becomes more passionate, my tears spilling down Marc’s clean-shaven jaw.

He carries me to a silver birch tree and pushes me up against it.

I wrap my legs around him, and Marc’s hands slide under my backside.

He lowers me to the leafy forest floor, still kissing me forcefully enough to leave me gasping for breath.

I struggle out of my shoes, jeans and panties, then grab at Marc’s trousers, my fingers pulling at the zip and freeing him from his underwear.

‘Sophia.’ Marc places a steadying hand on my hip. ‘Maybe this isn’t the time. You’ve just had some emotional news—’

‘Does that mean I can’t want you? Because I’m feeling emotional?’

Marc gives a tiny smile. ‘You know, for once I’m not going to argue.’

He slides himself inside me in one great, pleasurable rush.

I grab his buttocks with my fingers and pull him further in, moving my hips to meet him. Then I wrap my legs tight around his backside.

We move together against the damp, leafy forest floor. I smell fresh soil and leaves and Marc’s beautiful, crisp clean smell, see green leaves and tree branches and Marc’s eyes – everything melding together under the bluest of skies.

We come together quickly, both gasping and kissing each other, our bodies meshed together under the trees.

‘I’ll have to remember the effect good news has on you,’ says Marc.

‘I just wanted to be close to you. Is that such a bad thing?’

‘Not a bad thing at all.’

‘What if the test had been negative? How would you have felt?’

‘It was never going to be negative.’

‘Says who?’

‘Says me. It’s not only women who have instincts.’

‘So you’re saying you thought this whole time I was pregnant?’

‘I
knew
this whole time.’

‘How?’

‘My urge to protect you has known new levels. I’ve never been this bad before. If anyone touched you I would have ripped their head off—’

‘Hey. No ripping off heads. This is a happy time.’

‘Yes it is. You’re going to be an amazing mother.’

‘And you’re going to be the best father.’

Marc turns away from me.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Fine.’

Marc does up his trousers. He passes me my jeans and panties.

‘You’re not fine,’ I say, pulling my clothes on and clambering to my feet. ‘Whatever it is … don’t hide things from me now. Of all times. When we have this amazing news.’

‘It
is
amazing news,’ says Marc. ‘Which is why I don’t want to spoil it.’

‘What could spoil it?’

‘Me. I could spoil it.’

44

‘How could you spoil it?’ I ask. ‘Marc. Talk to me.’

‘It may have escaped your attention Sophia, but I’m not like most men.’

‘No you’re not. And I couldn’t be happier about that.’

I try to take his hand, but he pulls away.

‘I haven’t had what you call a stable upbringing.’

‘Nor have I.’

Marc gives a humourless laugh. ‘It’s a damned sight more stable than the one I had. You had two parents who loved you. Role models.’

My heart feels soft. ‘Marc. Are you saying you’re scared about becoming a father?’

‘In a manner of speaking. I’m delighted you’re pregnant. But I have a lot of work to do.’ Marc’s eyes are wide and vulnerable. And so, so blue. ‘I can tell you this though. I’ll work harder than any man has ever worked.’

‘I know. I’m not worried. Marc – you’ll be amazing.’

‘I’m not so sure. My father was a monster. I could be naturally like him. It could be genetic. I may have a
lot
of obstacles to overcome.’

I don’t mean to, but I laugh. ‘Sorry.’ I put a hand to my mouth. ‘Marc. Parenthood isn’t genetic. We make our own choices.’

I pull his hands and reluctantly he takes a step towards me.

He looks so exposed. So young. I’ve never seen him this way.

‘You’re a good man. So you’ll be a good father. Okay? No matter what your upbringing. Listen – now it’s your turn to trust me. You, Marc Blackwell, will be an amazing parent. Look at how you are with your sister. With me. With my little brother. And this will be a baby of your very own. I promise you, when you see our baby all your fears will leave you.’

‘I hope so.’

‘You don’t need to hope so. Because I know so.’

‘Come on.’ Marc squeezes my fingers. ‘There’s somewhere we need to go. I have a celebration planned.’

‘A celebration?’ I say incredulously, as Marc leads me back over the lawn. ‘Oh wait. I forgot. You were already sure I was pregnant. So you’ve been planning something.’

‘For weeks,’ says Marc, with a gentle smile.

I’m relieved by that smile.

‘So where are we going?’

‘Back to the townhouse.’

I feel Marc’s arm around my shoulder, and slide my own arm around his waist.

‘I can’t believe it,’ I say, fizzy with happiness. ‘We’re having a baby Marc. I’m carrying our child. I feel like I’m dreaming. Wait – should we start thinking about names or something? And are we going to find out the sex before the baby is born?’

‘I’ll leave that decision up to you.’

‘I think I’d like to wait. Finding out before the baby is born feels a bit like opening your Christmas presents before Christmas day. I can’t
wait
to see you as a daddy Marc. I just can’t wait.’

That frown again.

‘Marc, you’re going to have to stop thinking bad thoughts. I’m not going to spend nine months with you frowning.’

‘Just being realistic.’

‘You mean negative.’

‘Possibly.’

45

Back at the townhouse, Marc has arranged a surprise party with all my friends and family.

I’m totally overwhelmed when we walk into the kitchen.

‘Oh,
wow
.’ I put a hand to my mouth.

Familiar, smiling faces surround the breakfast bar. My dad and Denise, little Sammy, Jen and Leo, Tom and Tanya, Marc’s sister Annabel and her son … everyone is here.

‘Congratulations!’ every one shouts, shooting party poppers into the air.

Pastel pink and blue bunting hangs above us, and helium balloons bob on strings.

‘What would you have done if the pregnancy test was negative?’ I whisper to Marc. ‘Told everyone to go home?’

‘The test was never going to be negative. I knew you were pregnant.’

‘So you’re a doctor now?’

‘Absolutely. Your very own personal doctor. Ready to administer to your every need.’

He guides me forwards.

I fall into hug after hug with the people I love most in the world, and I can tell everyone is just delighted for us. Although Jen is a little quieter than usual. When Leo darts into the garden to take a phone call, she looks sort of sad.

‘Everything okay Jen?’ I ask.

She nods a little bit too quickly. ‘Fine, fine.’ She pastes on a smile. ‘You’re having a
baby
Soph! That is just the best news ever. You’ll be such a great mum.’

‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘But seriously Jen. I’ve known you a long time. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing that can’t wait. This is your celebration day.’

‘You’re my best friend. I can’t be happy unless you’re happy. So spill it.’

Jen gives a theatrical sigh. ‘Okay, fine. I’m just a bit worried about Leo. That’s all.’

‘Worried in what way?’

‘He’s acting funny.’ Her eyes wander to the French windows that lead to the garden. ‘I mean, why did he have to close those doors? It’s warm enough. It’s like he doesn’t want anyone to hear him on the phone.’

‘Maybe he was just being considerate,’ I say. ‘Sammy is toddling around. Perhaps Leo thought he’d get into the garden and hurt himself.’

Jen frowns. ‘Why is it always like this with me and guys? It always starts out so great. Leo is just AMAZING. You know? When I see him in bed I pinch myself. That body. Those muscles.’

Tom leans over his wheelchair and says, ‘Who are you talking about Jennifer? Would it be me by any chance?’

We both laugh.

Tom is dressed flamboyantly as always in a pink paisley shirt and Robin Hood hat banded with a pink silk ribbon.

‘Hallelujah!’ Tom cries. ‘Laughter! You too were looking far too serious. But I’d keep your voices down when you’re talking about my muscles. Tanya might get jealous.’ He calls out, ‘Isn’t that right Tanya my love?’

‘Isn’t what right?’ says Tanya in her thick Yorkshire accent.

‘Jennifer was talking about me. She mentioned
that
body.
Those
muscles. Sounds like me, doesn’t it?’

Tanya moves around the breakfast bar, a cup of tea in her hand. ‘Oh absolutely.’ She pats Tom’s slight beer belly. ‘You know how much I love your one pack. I’m always talking about it.’

‘So why are you two girls looking so serious?’ Tom asks. ‘This is a celebration. What’s going on?’

‘Man troubles,’ says Jen. ‘Or at least … possibly man troubles.’

‘With the mighty Leo Falkirk?’ says Tom, his accent refined and perfectly English as always. ‘What on earth could be the trouble with him? If I weren’t in love with Tanya I might have a crack at him myself. He’s good looking enough to turn a straight man’s head.’

‘Hey.’ Tanya puts an arm around Tom’s shoulder. ‘Don’t you go flirting with movie stars.’

‘Oh for Leo Falkirk you could make an exception, surely?’ says Tom. ‘He is
very
handsome.’

Tanya laughs. ‘Jen might have something to say about that. Is everything okay Jen love? Nothing serious going on I hope?’

‘I don’t know,’ says Jen. ‘It feels like
something’s
going on. How serious … I couldn’t tell you.’

‘Leo seems like a great guy to me,’ says Tanya. ‘I mean … I know I don’t
know
him exactly. But from what I’ve seen. And he’s crazy about you. He has to be near you. Always looking at you. You’ve got him wrapped around your little finger.’

‘He’s a great guy,’ says Jen. ‘Considerate. Thoughtful. Giving. I mean I know he can be a big kid at times, but he’s always thinking about other people. And the sex … oh my God. He’s like all spiritual. He can do this tantric stuff and make it last for hours.’ Jen’s eyes glass over for a moment. ‘Sorry, what was I saying?’

‘You’re worried something’s going on with Leo,’ I prompt.

‘Oh right. Yes. So … since he started shooting this movie with you he just hasn’t been himself. He makes phone calls at weird times and … other things. The other day he was writing an email and when I stood over his shoulder he pulled up Google to cover what he was writing. He tried to pretend he was researching something but it was
so
obvious he was just hiding the email from me.’

‘Oh I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,’ says Tom.

But Tanya looks troubled. ‘It’s not good to hide things in relationships,’ she says.

‘That’s what I think,’ says Jen. ‘Should I ask him? Ask him outright if something’s going on?’

‘Oh don’t do that,’ says Tom. ‘Men hate paranoia in women. Do the decent thing and give him the benefit of the doubt. At least until you know something for certain.’

‘I’m not sure Tom,’ says Tanya. ‘I’d want to know right away. If something was going on.’

Tom puts an arm around her waist. ‘
Nothing
would
ever
be going on my love. I have found the best girl in the world and I’d never be stupid enough to ruin things. Now of course, I’m expecting you to cheat on me at some point—’

Tanya shrieks with laughter. ‘Don’t be daft.’

‘It’s ever since Leo started shooting this Rapunzel movie,’ says Jen. ‘And I can’t help thinking … I mean Sigourney Seymour is in the movie isn’t she? His ex.’

My eyes fall to the floor as I think about the way Leo acted around Sigourney in the Peacock Lounge.

‘Soph? What is it?’ Jen’s eagle eyes fix on mine. ‘Do you know something?’

‘No. Not really.’ I chew a fingernail guiltily.

‘Soph! Don’t even try and hide something from me. You know you’re terrible at it. What is it? Tell me.’

‘It really is nothing Jen. Just in the bar the other night I suppose Sigourney was flirting a little. And it seemed to bother Leo.’

‘
Bother
him?’ Jen asks. ‘In what way bother him?’

‘He just seemed … ruffled.’

‘Did he indeed?’

Uh oh. I exchange nervous glances with Tom and Tanya.

‘That’s it. He’s having an affair with fucking Sigourney the fucking supermodel isn’t he?’

‘Jen – that’s so not what I meant. You know Leo. He’s a good guy. I don’t think he’d do something like that.’

‘You don’t
think
? That doesn’t sound very certain. Right. I want to know everything. Every time they’ve talked on set. What was said. Everything.’

‘They haven’t spent time together from what I’ve seen,’ I say. ‘It really was only that time in the bar and it could mean anything. Leo told me that he and Sigourney were a disaster. They should never have been together. And that she did him a favour by breaking up with him.’

‘He never told me
she
broke up with
him
,’ says Jen, her volume rising.

‘Did you ever ask him?’ Tom asks gently.

‘No but … I mean it’s important information. The papers said he dumped her and moved on to someone else.’

‘No, she cheated on him,’ I say. ‘With the guy she married.’

‘So he could still want her,’ says Jen. ‘God! Why do all my boyfriends turn out to be total arseholes?’

‘They don’t,’ I say. ‘You’ve had some great boyfriends.’

‘And some not so great ones. I knew all this was too good to be true. When it starts out great it only ever goes downhill.

‘I don’t think Leo is an arsehole,’ I say. ‘Give him a chance. You don’t know he’s done anything yet.’

‘He’s been hiding emails and making secret phone calls. And now I find out that he’s
bothered
by his ex-girlfriend flirting. You don’t have to be a genius to figure it out, Soph. He’s having an affair.’

‘You read too many newspaper stories,’ I say. ‘Two and two doesn’t always equal five.’

But Jen isn’t listening to me.

‘Well he’s had it,’ she shouts. ‘It’s so over. Completely over. I won’t be treated like this.’

She storms towards the French windows and flings them open. ‘Hey! Leo!’ She throws a set of keys at him. ‘When you’ve finished talking to your ex-girlfriend, you can help arrange for my stuff to be moved into my old apartment. It’s finished. Do you hear me? Over.’

Jen stalks back through the kitchen.

Poor Leo. He nearly drops the phone in shock. After whispering a hurried ‘Gotta go, bye’ into the phone, he tears after Jen.

‘Baby. Wait!’ He catches her in the hallway. ‘Please. You’ve got this all wrong.’

‘That’s a line I’ve heard before,’ says Jen, putting on her camel-coloured trench coat. ‘The words of a guilty man.’

‘I’m not guilty. I haven’t
done
anything,’ Leo pleads. ‘Wait Jen, please. There’s something I’ve got to tell you.’

Jen’s face goes white, and Leo glances back at the kitchen.

‘Privately okay?’ He takes Jen’s arm. ‘Look, take your coat off a moment. Give me a chance?’

Reluctantly, Jen hands him her coat.

I tiptoe forwards. ‘Um … you can talk upstairs,’ I say. ‘Help yourself. There’s like fifty hundred guest bedrooms. Take your pick. Any open door.’

The closed bedroom has the swing in it, and I sneak an embarrassed glance at Marc.

‘Okay fine.’ Jen glares at Leo. ‘But this had better be good.’