The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya (6 page)

“I’m terribly sorry. We happen to be a slightly unreasonable group.”

As I wondered if he was including me in that unreasonable group, I released a deep sigh.

Game over.

The members of the Kamigahara Pirates were weeping. I didn’t really get it, though. Were they going to be punished by alumni later? Or were they just frustrated by the fact that they lost to a
team of high school amateurs that had more females than males and included a girl in grade school. Probably both.

On the other hand, Haruhi, who obviously didn’t care about the grief the losers were feeling, was in high spirits. She had a smile on her face much like the one she had back on that day when she came up with the idea of creating the SOS Brigade.

“Let’s win this tournament and enter the national tournament this summer! Dominating the entire country isn’t just a dream!”

She was shouting stuff like that in a serious tone. Taniguchi was the only one who looked interested, though. I merely wished that she would give it a break already, and I’m pretty sure the High School Baseball Federation felt the same way.

“Excellent work.”

Koizumi had come over next to me while I wasn’t paying attention.

“By the way, what do we do now? Shall we continue into the second round?”

I shook my head.

“So basically, Haruhi will be in a bad mood if we lose, right? Which would mean we have to keep winning. That would require more of Nagato’s bogus magic. No matter how you look at it, it’s pretty obvious that there’s going to be trouble if we keep ignoring the laws of physics. Let’s forfeit.”

“That sounds best. The truth is that I need to go help my colleagues soon. To eliminate closed space. It appears that they need more people to deal with the Celestials.”

“Say hello to your people for me. To those blue guys too.”

“I shall do that. In any case, this incident has taught us that it is a bad idea to allow Suzumiya to be bored. We should take that into consideration during future endeavors.”

After telling me to take care of the rest, Koizumi headed off
toward the administrative tent to inform them that we wouldn’t be advancing to the second round.

He left me with the harder job. Guess I don’t really have a choice.

I walked over to where Haruhi was forcing Asahina to dance the can-can with her and poked her in the back.

“What? You want to dance with us?”

“We need to talk.”

I took Haruhi outside the field. She became unexpectedly quiet.

“Look over there.”

I motioned toward the bench where the Kamigahara Pirates were sobbing.

“Don’t you feel bad for them?”

“Why?”

“They’ve probably undergone intensive training for this day. The opportunity to become the champion for four years running was on the line so they were probably under a lot of pressure.”

“So?”

“They probably have a few benchwarmers who didn’t even get a chance to play, that are holding back their tears. Yeah, like that guy with the crew cut behind the net. You really have to feel bad for him, right? He’s never going to get a chance to play.”

“What’s your point?”

“Let’s forfeit.”

I just said it flat out.

“You’ve had your fun, right? I’ve had enough to share with anyone who asks. I’d rather just go grab lunch and talk about stupid stuff. To be honest, my arms and legs are completely worn out.”

That was the truth. After all that running between the infield and outfield, I was physically exhausted. Mentally too.

Haruhi then made her favorite face, the one that resembled a sulking pelican, as she glared up at me. I was starting to get worried when she finally spoke up.

“You’re okay with that?”

“I sure am. Asahina, Koizumi, and even Nagato probably feel the same way. My sister’s been over there practicing her swinging for a while now, but if you give her some candy, she’ll drop the bat.”

“Hmm.”

Haruhi alternated looks between me and the field as she thought it over. Or maybe she was just pretending to think it over. She grinned.

“I guess that’s fine then. I’m pretty hungry anyway. Let’s go have lunch. I was thinking, baseball sure is a simple sport. I didn’t expect to win so easily.”

Really.

I kept my mouth shut and shrugged.

When I told the captain of the opposing team that we were letting them advance to the second round in our place, he began thanking me profusely while weeping. That just made me feel even guiltier. After all, we basically stole that win by using some ridiculous methods of cheating.

I had immediately turned to leave when the captain told me to hold on and whispered in my ear.

“By the way, how much do you want for the bat you guys were using?”

And so, at the moment, our group, excluding Koizumi, was occupying the corner of a family restaurant and chowing down.

My sister had grown attached to Haruhi and Asahina and sat between two of them, stabbing at her hamburger steak with a
knife in a dangerous fashion. Taniguchi was holding a serious discussion with Kunikida about how he was going to join the baseball team. Yeah, he can do whatever he wants. Tsuruya’s attention was now focused on Nagato. “So you’re Yuki Nagato? I’ve heard a lot about you from Mikuru.” Her random chatter was ignored by her reticent underclassman, who silently munched away at her BLT sandwich.

Everybody had ordered way more than necessary, but that was expected. Since I was paying for everybody.

Haruhi had announced that little tidbit as though it were some kind of brilliant idea. I have no idea how Haruhi came up with it. Nobody has ever been able to trace her pattern of thought, so I wasn’t exactly surprised. I didn’t bother protesting because it would have been too much of a pain. In fact, I was in a pretty good mood.

Because I’d managed to get my hands on some unexpected extra cash.

Here’s to the success of the Kamigahara Pirates.

The following happened a few days later.

After school one day, we were in our room in the clubhouse, living another normal day as usual.

I was playing Othello with Koizumi as I drank tea made by Asahina in her maid outfit. Nagato sat next to us reading a philosophy book she’d borrowed from the library that looked like a thick dictionary. By the way, Asahina was dressed according to my request today. It’s definitely better to be served by a maid than by a nurse. And Asahina stood carrying a tray as she intently watched our match.

This was the usual scene in this room as of late.

And this peaceful time, as tranquil as the grand Yellow River, was always ruined by Haruhi Suzumiya.

“Sorry I’m late!”

Haruhi apologized for no reason as she jumped in like a cold winter draft.

Her entire face was lit up by a smile, which gave me the creeps. Whenever she smiles like that, something’s bound to happen that will leave me exhausted. We live in a funny world.

As expected, Haruhi had something stupid to say.

“Which one do you want?”

I placed a black piece on the board and flipped over two of Koizumi’s white pieces.

“Which what?”

“This.”

Haruhi held out two sheets of paper. I reluctantly took them.

More flyers again. I looked them over. One was for a soccer tournament. The other was for a football tournament. I’m seriously going to curse whoever it is that prints these things out.

“I was actually planning on doing one of these two instead of baseball. But the baseball tournament just happened to be earlier. So, Kyon, which one do you want?”

I succumbed to my feelings of gloom and looked around the club room. Koizumi smiled wryly as he flicked at his pieces. Asahina was shaking her head with tears in her eyes. Nagato remained buried in her books with her fingers being the only part of her body showing any sign of movement.

“So how many people do you need for soccer and football? Will the roster from last time suffice?”

As I watched the glowing smile on Haruhi’s face, I tried to figure out which one would require fewer people.

Come to think of it, May had been a pretty hot month, temperature-wise, but here we were in July, and it was even hotter. Plus, the humidity was rising at such a ridiculous rate that my discomfort index was off the charts. The cheap-looking buildings that made up our high school were completely free of any fancy comforts such as air conditioners. The interior of the 1-5 classroom felt like a burning waiting room to hell, which made you wonder if the person who designed this place understood what amenities were.

On top of that, we were in the first week of July, with finals around the corner, so my happy feelings had wandered off to somewhere in the vicinity of Brazil and wouldn’t be returning anytime soon.

Midterms had been quite a disaster, and at this rate, I seriously doubted I’d get a decent grade on my finals. And there was no denying that the problem was due to too much time spent on SOS Brigade activities and not enough time devoted to studying. Not that I chose to spend my time on that crap, but a rule had been established in spring that every time Haruhi said something, I
had to go from place to place for no real reason at all, and this was now my part of normal lifestyle. I really hated how I was growing accustomed to this practice.

We were sitting in the classroom during a break with sunlight streaming in from the west. The girl sitting behind me poked me in the back with her pencil.

“Do you know what day it is?”

Haruhi Suzumiya said this with a look on her face like she was a grade schooler on Christmas Eve. When she starts showing this much emotion on her face, it’s a signal that she’s up to no good. I spent three seconds pretending to think.

“Your birthday?”

“No.”

“Asahina’s birthday.”

“No!”

“Koizumi’s or Nagato’s birthday.”

“I don’t even know when those are.”

“Incidentally, my birthday is—”

“I don’t care. You have no idea what an important day it is, do you?”

You can say whatever you want, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s just a really hot weekday.

“Tell me what month and what day it is.”

“July seventh… This seems like a stretch, but don’t tell me you’re talking about Tanabata.”

“Of course I am. It’s Tanabata, you know. Every Japanese person is supposed to remember Tanabata.”

First of all, that actually began as a Chinese tradition. And Tanabata, the Star Festival, is supposed to be next month if you go by the Chinese calendar.

Haruhi waved her pencil in front of my face.

“Everything this side of the Red Sea is considered Asia.”

That’s an odd way to describe geography.

“We’re in the same block for the World Cup preliminaries, right? And there isn’t much of a difference between July and August. It’s still summer.”

Oh, really.

“Whatever. We have to do a proper job of celebrating Tanabata. I always throw myself into these kinds of events.”

I’m pretty sure there are better things for you to throw yourself into. And more importantly, why is it necessary for you to tell me this? I could care less about what you want to do.

“It’s more fun if everyone participates. Starting this year, all the brigade members will get together for a big party on Tanabata.”

“Don’t decide that on your own.”

I was watching a needlessly triumphant look on Haruhi’s face as I protested, which left me feeling that it was stupid to bother to try to object.

And once class was over for the day, Haruhi flew out of the classroom the second the bell rang.

“I’ll be waiting in the club room! You’re not allowed to go home!” she said in parting.

I didn’t need her to tell me to go to the club room. After all, there happens to be a person I try to meet at least once a day. The only such person.

The other brigade members had already assembled in the SOS Brigade’s hideout, the literary club room on the second floor of the clubhouse, a place where we would be considered parasites rather than tenants.

“Ah, hello.”

That greeting came from Mikuru Asahina, who had a bright smile
on her face. She’s the source of my peace. An SOS Brigade without her would be as meaningless as curry rice without the curry.

Since it was July, Asahina had switched to a summer version of her maid outfit. Who knew where Haruhi had brought the costume from, but upon receiving it, Asahina had sincerely thanked her by saying, “Ah, thank you very much.” She was serving as the SOS Brigade’s maid again today, earnestly making tea for me. As I drank the tea, I looked across the room.

“Hello, how are you doing?”

Itsuki Koizumi nodded to me from his seat in front of a chessboard at the long table as he moved pieces around with one hand and held a book of chess problems in the other.

“I’ve been going insane ever since I started high school.”

Last week, Koizumi had brought the board after saying something about trying out chess since he was getting tired of Othello. Unfortunately, I didn’t know the rules, and neither did any of the other people here so he was left playing chess by his lonesome, which I supposed was an indication that he had nothing to worry about regarding the upcoming exams.