The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (13 page)

The two men have their way with me again in their room and I lie there limp trying to block everything out. Please God save me. After they are all bored of me they throw me in the cell and I lie my head on the rock and imagine it's my mother's lap and start to tell her everything in my heart. She's the only one who understands. Don't you mama? I lie in mama's arms and sleep while speaking to her.

I wake up to the sound of a woman's scream from outside the door. I run to the door and try to look through the crack at the bottom. I can see bare feet moving on the ground. There goes another woman. When are we going to get saved? Are we really going to die here? No, No! We can't! I know God will save us.

The girl's scream pierces my ears. I hope she is loud enough for others to hear and come for us. Keep screaming. We can do it. In front of them I want the floor to open up and swallow me from fear but now I am filled with anger and hatred, enough to fill a country with. If only I had taken the karate lessons Wisam said I would need one day. I hope he is okay. Is he alive? It's funny how things change from I hope he is doing well to hoping he is alive. Even though I couldn't see myself with him any time before Adam grows up I still prayed he would wait for me and not find another woman. I hope it wasn't selfish of me. I hope that's not why I am being punished now. I simply love him and want him to myself. Circumstances don't help though. I thought I was done crying over him because nothing can be changed, but I keep crying for everything happening.

‘Y
ASMINE
! Y
ASMINE
!' I wake up in a hurry and run around looking for Yasmine. I can't remember when I last spoke to her. I had a dream she wasn't home when I called her name. I run around the house but I can't smell her. I knock on her door three times and then walk in. Her bed is neat and done. Her aura isn't in the room. Where's Yasmine? I walk out and see Khalid walking into the house. I run to him and grab onto his shirt. My mind is spinning with questions about Yasmine but nothing is coming out.

‘What's wrong?'

‘Where's… where's…'

‘Yasmine?'

‘Yes!…Yes!'

‘She'll be back soon, just don't think about it.'

‘Khalid I miss Yasmine.'

‘I do too.' He leans down onto his knees and smiles at me.

‘I have a feeling she'll come back soon.'

‘Where did she go?'

‘Do you not remember?'

‘I remember men took her, but I don't know where.'

‘Do you remember how those men looked?'

‘Khalid they were big.'

‘Do you remember anything else?'

‘They didn't have hair and they had a green smell coming out of them.'

‘If only I can find and kill those bastards,' Khalid whispers but I can hear him clearly.

We are not allowed to use bad words at home. I don't know what the word he said means but I know it's bad because he had black ink coming out of his mouth when he said it.

‘Khalid I'm cold.'

‘Come, we'll figure something out.'

I follow Khalid to the kitchen and we check for water but there isn't any. He opens the fridge and finds a bowl of water. I think Yasmine put it there before she left.

‘Go get me coal Adam from that drawer and get me the lighter from on top of the stove and follow me to the sitting room.'

I quickly get the things he needs and walk slowly after him. I think he's trying not to spill the water. We go to the fireplace and I watch Khalid use matches and lighters to light up the wood. After many attempts and the strong smell of burned out flames, he manages to light up the fireplace. Isa used to be able to do so quickly. I hope he told mama how much I miss her and they're having fun together. I want to have fun with them. I miss them. The house is empty without Yasmine and Isa. I don't know what to do. They've been gone for so long.

Khalid spills the water into the pot Isa left by the fireplace before he left us. The fire is keeping me warm and we can at last have some water to drink.

‘I know a trick.'

‘What is it Khalid?'

‘We can boil books with leather covers, it has good nutrients.'

‘Yes, but I love all my books.'

‘Shall we get Isa's?'

I don't know what to say; even though Isa is not coming back I don't want to ruin his books. He loved them so much and I loved listening to him reading his poetry.

‘Come on, what do you think?'

‘Okay, but can I pick the books?'

I run to Isa's room and enter it for the first time. Isa never liked anyone entering his room. It's like a different world. There are books on the wall, on the bed, on the floor, on the desk, in the cupboard, on the windowsill. It's like a book wonderland. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I don't know where to begin so I start picking the books from the floor. I open one of them and find a poem that Isa once read to me and I loved but never knew which one it was. Now I know it is by Mahmoud Darwish, it starts ‘O Homeland! O eagle.'

‘Why are you crying?' Khalid asks and I look up and realise my face is wet. I didn't know I was crying. I was concentrating on how the poem made me feel. I wish Isa was here to explain things to me.

‘Did you find books we can boil?'

‘Not this one!' I shout at Khalid.

‘No need to shout Adam, come on pick a few books.'

I don't know why I suddenly feel different and I don't want to burn any of Isa's books but I have to because I told Khalid I would choose some. I pick three from the floor that I've heard Isa read out of before and smell like real leather and give them to Khalid. We put them in the pot and I watch the ink spread into the water. We are going to eat Isa's favourite books.

‘What if we hiccup poetry Khalid?'

Khalid laughs and looks at me without answering.

‘Oh you're serious?'

‘Yes Khalid.' I don't understand why he would ask me that. Why would I ask him if I wasn't serious?

‘That won't happen Adam, don't worry.'

‘How do you know?'

‘It's just one of those things you know.'

‘What does that mean?' Khalid is confusing me; I don't understand what he is trying to say.

‘Sorry Adam I can't explain what I mean'. I like Khalid but I'm not used to talking to him and I don't understand him. I wish Yasmine would come back soon. I haven't been counting the days because my brain hurts whenever I try to think about it but I know it's been long because her smell isn't in the house and I miss her. Maybe if I close my eyes and try to send her a message through the air she will get it.

‘I'm pregnant!' Amira comes running into the sitting room laughing.

‘How did that happen?' Khalid jumps up.

‘What do you mean?'

‘Your husband died.'

‘No he didn't! I was just with him!'

I don't know why Amira is lying, she keeps her hand on her stomach and repeats her last sentence.

‘Come sit down Amira.' Khalid walks up to her and pushes her to the sofa.

‘Do you think I'm pretty?'

‘Yes I do.'

She smiles and her yellow smile becomes pink.

‘I'm going to call my baby Khalid.'

‘Why don't you call him Adam?' I ask. Mama said she was going to call me Haitham but she felt Adam fitted me better. I think so too. I can never imagine my name being anything else.

‘Khalid looks like my baby.'

I don't know why Amira keeps on saying weird things that don't make sense. She hasn't even seen her baby, how does she know it looks like Khalid? I look back at the boiling pot and now it looks like ink. Are we really going to drink ink?

Khalid goes to the kitchen and comes back with three bowls and pours the ink in it. I haven't seen Baba and Ali for a few days and the moment I think about them I see Baba come into the sitting room. I don't think it's been that long since Baba has come out of his room but he looks very different. His jaw is long and looks like he has a sad face on it. He has more wrinkles than I last counted. I used to look at Baba and count his wrinkles because they looked weird on faces. How do wrinkles grow? It's like people grow extra skin on their faces. I hope I don't get wrinkles when I grow up. Baba's wrinkles are too many for me to count now. He has some on his cheeks, eyes, forehead, chin and neck. It's too much for me to count.

‘Maha!'

We all look back at Baba and I can feel spiders crawling in my heart. My heart has been getting darker every day because I'm never happy any more.

‘Where's Maha?'

‘Baba are you hungry?' Khalid asks.

‘I asked you where's Maha?'

None of us answer. I don't know what to say. I look around and Amira is still whispering to her stomach and Khalid's eyes are looking down. I think he is scared.

‘Get me food then.'

Khalid jumps up and gives Baba his bowl.

‘I asked for food not a blue drink, do I look like a kid to you?'

‘We don't have food Baba.'

‘Why? Do I not work hard enough to feed you?'

‘None of us have any more money and there are no jobs.'

‘What are you talking about? Where do you think you are? I have always provided for you!'

Baba and Khalid continue their conversation and I start thinking of mama's food. Her roasted chicken with garlic was my favourite. My mouth is now watering and my stomach makes a funny noise again so I drink the ink and hope that I don't hiccup poetry. I don't want Isa to be upset that I am reading his books. Baba hasn't asked about Yasmine, only about mama. I don't know how he forgot that mama is gone.

‘Just shut up and call Maha, I am fed up of arguing with you.'

‘Baba mama is dead,' I say. I don't want Baba to get angry but my head is like a washing machine; twisting and turning and it hurts more when he says mama's name.

‘What are you talking about? How dare you say that about your mother.'

Khalid sits Baba down on the sofa and starts reading the Quran in his ears. Baba doesn't say anything and his eyes start to close. I remember the room he showed me and I sneak out while Khalid is looking after Baba. I tiptoe into Baba's room and as soon as I walk in I smell a weird smell that reminds me of the smell of medicine. I look around and find bottles of medicine spilled on the floor. The smell reaches my throat and I nearly vomit.

I run to the small room to get away from the smell. I walk in and find Tariq sitting in the corner. He jumps up when I open the door.

‘Tari!' His name gets stuck in my throat. I don't know why.

‘Come sit with me?'

I sit down and look over at the number of records on the floor. They look like a column of rainbows.

‘How have you been Adam?'

‘I have been hungry Mr Tariq.'

Tariq laughs and tries to explain that he is asking how I am doing.

‘Baba is a different colour and I'm scared of him.'

‘What do you mean a different colour?'

I don't know how to explain to Tariq that I see in different colours.

‘I'm sick of the protests every day, they're giving me a headache. Life was so much better before people tried to act clever and rise against everything. Now Isa's dead and Yasmine's gone,' Tariq says.

‘Yasmine is going to come back Tariq.'

‘How do you know? We don't even know where she is.'

‘Because she told me.'

‘Adam, we don't know where she is, we don't even know if she's alive.'

My heart becomes hot. Why would Tariq say that? Of course Yasmine is alive. She's just gone for a while and will come back. I know that.

‘Are you okay?' Tariq puts his hand on my shoulder. I move away from him. I feel black smoke rising inside me. I want to be alone.

I turn away from Tariq and rock myself to get rid of the smoke. If I don't do this I'll get angry and hurt something. I bang my head on the wall to shake away the bad thoughts. Why did Tariq say that? Now I have black and violet smoke fighting inside my heart.

‘Adam, are you okay?' Tariq's voice is now louder and he is starting to scare me.

The voices in my head start to get louder and I start to rock harder. I hear the record player go on and play a song that sounds familiar and soothes me.

The smoke in my heart starts to disappear and melt away like ice. It's all gone now but Isa's face is now on my mind. I start crying heavily and my body begins to shake and shiver. I can feel every tear shake me.

I can hear Tariq's voice mixed with the song but they both sound like they're in slow motion coming out of a robot's mouth.

Tariq carries me and runs out. I try to fight out of his arms but he is too strong. He has big muscles. I wish I had big muscles. I start to calm down as I think about how I can fight him and run out of his hands. He smells like old rain. He doesn't smell nice. I wonder how I smell.

Khalid comes up to Tariq and I and asks us what's going on. His voice doesn't sound happy.

‘Go get one of the pills I told you about from the kitchen' Tariq says and sits me down on the sofa. Something bad is happening. I can see snakes.

‘What… What… Pill?' I ask. My voice sounds like it's cold, it's shivering.

‘Just relax, you're going through a lot.'

Tariq holds both my hands down and leans over me. What am I going through that I don't know about?

Khalid comes back in with a box of pills and hands them over to Tariq who opens the box and takes out a pill and breaks it in half. Some of the powder from the pill falls onto me. I have seen these pills before. When mama died and I wasn't feeling well and Baba took me to the doctor. He said I was going through a hard time and in my condition I needed something to calm me down. I kept asking Baba what the doctor meant when he said that but Baba didn't answer. I know I'm different because I speak differently. I just don't know what condition I have. Those pills used to make me sleepy. I once slept for three days Yasmine told me. When I woke up I remember it felt like I just slept for a few hours.