The Bride of the Immortal (28 page)

“Please calm down.” His words sounded to her like spoken in a dream. Mairin felt slightly sick and dizzy. Adrijan had gotten up from the chair and gently eased her grip.

“Calm down,” he repeated and led her to the bed where she slipped under the blanket like a will-less puppet. It took a few moments until she had recovered from the shock and when she did, she realised that she had started to believe what they had told her.

“Do you want me to leave and fetch Hilda?” Adrijan sounded concerned.

Mairin shook her head and sat up in bed, leaning against the back rest. She was shivering, even though she had drawn the blanket up to her chin.

“Will you tell me everything?” Mairin was scared of the truth, but she felt that she would become insane if she had to stay at
Mondstein
castle without knowing the secrets of its inhabitants.

“Everything?” Adrijan nervously grabbed some pillows and started piling them up around Mairin as if he were trying to build a fortress for her. He had noticed her shivering and had started the process without thinking.

“I would like to know who you are.”

Mairin’s words hit him worse than the knife her attacker had thrown. Was it alright to tell her his story?

“Where would you want me to start?”

Was she only interested in her father’s death or did she want to find out more about him? Adrijan wasn’t certain which was preferable. The outcome would probably be the same.

“About 700 years ago,” she replied.

Adrijan sat down at the foot of the bed and took a deep breath before he started to speak. This was going to be another long, long night.

“Only Vivian knows about my past and honestly I dislike talking about it.”

Mairin wanted to tell him not to force himself after all but Adrijan raised his hand before she could.

“I will do my best… for you.”

She felt silly noticing what kind of impact the choice of his words had on her mood.

“First off you must understand though, that memories can slightly change over time. Your brain adjusts them, adding one thing or the other without you realising it. For example I wouldn’t be able to tell you what I did on my 103
^rd
birthday or who I spent it with. I might have been alone but perhaps I added Vivian to my memory because he has been with me for so long. Some of the images that appear in your head might actually be influenced by paintings or photographs that helped you to remember certain incidents or they might have also been modified by hearing the accounts of others. Anyway, the core of what I’m going to tell you is the truth as far as I can tell and hopefully won’t contain details my brain made up over the centuries.”

Adrijan paused. He seemed nervous.

“I’m sorry… was that confusing?”

Mairin shook her head. There were books she had read and she could have sworn that she had discussed them with Renga, if she hadn’t known that by the time she had held them in her hands, her sister had already been out of reach for her. Perhaps she had talked to her in her thoughts and her mind had turned it into reality.

“700 years is a long time. My memories have started to resemble a nightmare – and then again they are entirely different. Unlike a dream, memories have more power over you. It may feel like you’re remembering someone else’s experiences, but inside you’re shaken and before you know it, part of you has turned into the frightened child you once were. The pain you felt then is revived and although somewhat isolated by the time that has passed – it’s real. It’s similar to feeling sorry for someone else and then realising the person you feel sorry for is actually you.”

Adrijan cleared his throat.

“Hmm... now where to begin... ah- Maybe it would be best to tell you about my mother first. She was from a poor family and her parents died young. With some luck she was accepted as a servant to
Mondstein
castle which differed greatly from the
Mondstein
castle you know. For as long as Vivian’s father ruled, it was a dark and cold place, lacking compassion and benevolence. You see, the king was a cruel and self-loving man. He treated his wife badly and like it wasn’t uncommon back then regularly cheated on her, fathering countless bastards.”

Mairin watched Adrijan nervously play with his hands. Vivian surely seemed to share his father’s pastime, with the exception that he at least wasn’t married at the time and if one could believe him, he also had a reason for his behaviour.

“I can’t remember my mother’s face clearly anymore but I was told she was very pretty. I’ve inherited this peculiar hair colour from her, a trait that made her stand out and, counting myself, never brought her anything good.”

“So… the king… he…?” Was she making the right assumptions?

“I’m not certain if it was him or one of the noblemen who… raped her. Whenever I asked, my mother insisted that I was the king’s son, but of course he never acknowledged me and in the end it didn’t matter whose bastard I was. As soon as they found out that my mother was with child she was removed from the castle by the queen’s order – like many of the king’s victims before her – and she had a hard time fighting herself through. I can’t even imagine how, but against all odds she managed to stay alive and eventually gave birth to me.

Despite her efforts, life didn’t treat her any more kindly after the ordeal. I was too small to be of use to anyone and still required my mother’s attention, so nobody wanted to take her into their service. In the end she had to sell her body to support our living. When I was a little older she would sometimes send me away to play on my own for a while and I remember the sad smile on her face even though everything else is blurred. Maybe it’s one of those things my mind made up.”

Again Adrijan paused. It was obvious how difficult it was for him to talk about his past.

“Only once I didn’t comply with her request. That’s why… I know what she was doing. Finding out made me regret that I hadn’t listened to her.

Years passed and as I grew older my activities weren’t limited to suffering and waiting anymore. Most of the day I’d spent begging for food and other necessities but sometimes I’d also play near the castle, suffering from the delusion that the king would one day approach me and recognise me as his son.”

His voice sounded bitter and Mairin suppressed the urge to comment.

“I met Vivian when I was playing near
Mondstein
castle. His garments were dirty and torn in some places but they were of a much higher quality than mine and the way he walked and talked alone was enough to make me realise that we were living in two different worlds. While I wasn’t certain whether I should avoid him or play with him, Vivian never seemed to care in the least that I wasn’t like him. We started to meet each other almost daily and whenever he could he’d bring some food and share it with me. He often claimed not to be very hungry and ate little, leaving most of what he had brought to me. Thanks to his excuses I was able to accept his gifts without having to feel bad for my poverty.”

Adrijan got up from the bed and started pacing up and down. Mairin followed him with her gaze.

“In the evening I’d usually meet up with my mother so we could share our food – if we had managed to get any. Not all people were heartless but times were harsh and most families had their hands full with keeping their own children from starving. After I had come to know Vivian I was able to spend a lot more time playing, since meeting him usually resulted in obtaining more food than I could have gotten by a whole day of begging. With his support – even though it was only the support of a child – it was easier for my mother and me to survive the cold seasons and finally summer approached and the nights outside were easier to bear. It lies in the peculiar nature of life though, that it gets better before it gets worse. First the drowning man is offered the saving hand, a hand that promises hope, and then at the last moment it is drawn back and all hope extinguished.”

Mairin was glad that Adrijan finally decided to sit down again. His own restlessness as well as the content of his talk had started to affect her.

“Do you still want me to continue or am I boring you?”

The question surprised her and she hastily shook her head.

“Not at all. Please continue, if it’s alright with you.”

Adrijan nodded but the way he was seated with the back towards her, she couldn’t make out more than that. When he continued speaking, Mairin realised that his inquiry had been the last attempt to avoid telling her about an unpleasant memory.

“It was on a warm summer evening when my mother didn’t come to the appointed place. It had happened before so I wasn’t too worried at first. Even though we had gone through so much we had always survived somehow and I believed that it would remain that way. Especially after gaining Vivian’s help I had also gained hope and was inclined to believe life was changing for the better.

The daylight was fading away when I started to feel nervous about my mother’s absence. She had come back with bruises before and then the quiet behaviour that had made her appear more dead than alive had always unsettled me. Still, I waited, hoping she would come, but when the moon was clearly visible in the sky and she hadn’t shown up I decided to go look for her. Usually we would camp outside town to avoid people and I was forbidden to go back on my own at night, but I saw no choice but to disobey and search for her. I walked about for hours, carrying the bag with food yet ignoring my hunger. It’s strange that I remember that day so well. Perhaps it’s because I dreamt of it often. The search consisting of panic and fear, dark and mostly empty streets, the shapes of strangers with expressionless faces and the important purpose that drives me.”

Adrijan fell silent and after a few minutes Mairin was wondering if he was going to continue to speak.

“Did you find her?” she finally dared to ask.

“I found her dead in an alleyway, covered with bruises and hardly recognisable in the faint light. Her clothes were torn. I knelt down next to her and tried to cover her with the rags. I embraced her and cried until morning.”

Mairin swallowed hard.

“Someone found me like that and I was thrown out of town together with my mother’s body.”
“They didn’t…” Mairin mumbled aghast.

“Besides my mother, Vivian was the only person that I trusted so I left her behind with a heavy heart to ask him for help.”
“Was he able to do something?”

“Mhm. Vivian was the prince of
Mondstein
castle after all. Even though I had guessed that he was important I hadn’t known that he was royalty. He commanded some servants to give my mother a burial and although he was forbidden to place her grave on sacred grounds I was eternally grateful for what he was able to accomplish. In the absence of a priest he even spoke a prayer, claiming that a prince’s words would certainly be heard by the Lord and stayed with me until nightfall. Then he forced me to get up and took me with him to the castle.”

“How old were you back then?”

“Hmm. Perhaps nine or ten years old. I’m not certain.”

“And what happened at the castle?”

“I was a child from the streets. Hygiene had never been on the top of my list of priorities to survive and of course there had been no opportunities for me to learn how to read or write. When I hadn’t been begging for food I had always done my best to seem unremarkable which had proved to be impossible because of my hair. It had always drawn everyone’s eyes to me and sometimes people had made the sign to ward off evil – mostly when they thought I wasn’t looking. In short: I was of no apparent use and unpleasant to look at and therefore not welcome at
Mondstein
castle. Nevertheless Vivian fought for me. He received quite a few beatings by his father for disobeying his orders whenever I was discovered in his room by the servants. Luckily, stubborn Vivian emerged victorious and I was allowed to stay and serve him. Even after that he continued to do his best to raise my status. He lent me his clothes, shared his food and demanded that his servant stayed with him when he received his lessons. I don’t remember much of those times, only that I liked being clean and well fed.”