The Bucket List to Mend a Broken Heart (33 page)

He’s commented on the photo that Ben took of me from the side looking out over the Seine. I’m gazing wistfully over at the Parisian buildings on the opposite bank. It’s the perfect shot and I had no idea he was taking it. I read Joseph’s comment and stare at it in disbelief.

Joseph
Small

I always wanted to go to Paris with you.

I can’t believe he wrote that. I read it again just to make sure that my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me. My mind immediately goes into overdrive. I try and interpret it in every way possible. Does it mean that he still wants to go to Paris with me, or that he did when we were dating?

My heart’s racing as I consider that my plan might be working.

I mean, he’s seen my photos, and he’s interacting with me. He’s not just liked a photo, but he’s taken the time to comment. And not only that, that comment had a semi-romantic undertone.

Sian deposits a glass of wine on the table in front of me and I practically throw the phone back into my bag.

‘What are you up to?’ she asks as she sits down on the bench.

‘Oh, just checking Facebook,’ I say
casually. My voice is ever so slightly squeakier than usual, and my cheeks must be flushed because they feel like they’re burning. Surely she’s going to twig that something’s up.

She wouldn’t understand my excitement about the comment. With her not knowing about my real motivation for completing the list she wouldn’t get what it could mean. In her eyes I’m getting over Joseph. She made her feelings
quite clear about him when we broke up, list or no list. I doubt she’d be pleased about him making contact now.

‘That’s what I should do,’ she says pulling out her phone. ‘I’ll check in on Facebook – then Pete will know we’re already here.’

She taps away at the screen before putting it down on the table.

‘You really are smitten,’ I say, laughing.

She tries to shrug it away, but she knows as
much as I do that it’s true.

Luckily for Sian her patience isn’t tested for too much longer as the door to the pub opens and in walk Pete and Ben. They’re closely followed by Laura, Giles and Doug and our group is complete.

As everyone says their hellos and sorts themselves out with drinks, I realise how pleased I am to be reunited with the Snowdon crew. I just hope this time there won’t be
a crazy Tammy interruption.

‘So you liked the photos then?’ says Ben as he sits down next to me and sips his pint.

‘They’re lovely. You’ve got a real eye for it.’

‘It’s one of my little hobbies, but it helps when the subject matter is pretty.’

‘Yeah,’ I say nodding. ‘I guess Paris is the ultimate photographer’s dream.’

Ben opens his mouth to say something, but he stops short.

‘What?’ I ask.

He smiles, before taking another sip of his drink. ‘Nothing.’

‘You’d never guess what just happened,’ I say, turning my head to check that Sian isn’t listening. She’s practically sat on Pete’s lap and something tells me that she’s not aware that anyone else is even in the room.

‘What?’

‘Joseph commented on one of the photos,’ I whisper, leaning close to Ben. ‘You know the photo you took of
me looking out across the Seine.’

He nods his head.

‘What did he say?’ he asks, without looking at me, his eyes firmly glued to the table.

‘He said, “I always wanted to go to Paris with you”. ’

The words are already etched into my memory.

He nods again, but doesn’t say anything.

‘Well, what do you think? Is it a good sign?’

‘It sounds like he’s still into you.’

My heart begins to beat
a little faster. Having a man interpret it that way too makes it all the more special.

I know that I’ve been doing my list to get Joseph back but there was always part of me deep down that thought I would never succeed. But with that one line he’s given me hope that I haven’t been wasting my time.

A smile spreads across my face. For the first time I actually feel like I want to abseil off the
tower.

‘Anyone want to play a game of bar billiards?’ asks Laura from across the table.

‘I do,’ says Ben, standing up.

‘Great. Abi, do you want to play too? Girls against boys?’

‘Sure,’ I say, standing up and walking to the game in the corner. I’ve only played a couple of times, but was really rubbish both occasions.

‘Looks like you guys had a great time in Paris,’ she says as she positions
herself next to me and chalks her cue.

‘We did,’ I say, looking at Ben, who’s taking the first shot and nodding.

‘The photos look amazing. You were lucky with the weather.’

‘It was perfect. Not too hot and not too cold.’

‘I went once in the summer and it was stifling, not to mention it stank.’

‘I did tell her that everyone says not to go to Paris in August,’ says Giles, rolling his eyes.
‘She wouldn’t listen though.’

‘I wanted to do al fresco dining so I needed to go when it was warm. Learnt my lesson though. I loved the photo of you two up the Eiffel Tower. It looks almost romantic.’

There’s a twinkle in her eye and I know what she’s thinking.

It hits me that I never stopped to consider what Tammy would have thought of the pictures. I’d put them up and tagged Ben and never
gave it another thought. I was so hellbent on what it could do to make Joseph jealous that I hadn’t thought about what implications it might have on Ben’s relationship.

‘So, was it romantic?’ she says leaning into me and lowering her voice.

I look up at Ben as he takes his shot and think back to our almost kiss. It was romantic, but I can’t tell Laura that. I don’t even want to admit that to
myself.

‘Don’t forget, Ben has a girlfriend,’ I whisper back.

That ought to shut her up – it’s pretty hard to argue with.

She looks back at me before looking at Ben and whipping her head round back at me.

‘You mean he didn’t tell you?’ she says. Her eyes wrinkling and her brow furrowing.

‘Tell me what?’

‘That he broke up with Tammy.’

‘What?’ I say, my voice barely audible.

‘Abi, you’re
up,’ says Giles.

I’m confused for a second before I realise that he’s talking about the bar billiards. I go up to the table on autopilot and I take my shot, not really caring that I miss as I want to get back to Laura.

In my absence Giles has wrapped his arms around her and they look like they’re having one of their cute moments. I’m desperate for it to be his turn so that I can get her back
on her own.

When did Ben break up with Tammy? Was it after Paris? Was it because of Paris? Had he felt what I had? Why hasn’t he told me?

As if my mind needed anything else to whirl around it after Joseph’s Facebook comment. I nibble my fingernails as I wait impatiently for Laura and Giles to take their turns.

All the while I’m watching Ben out of the corner of my eye. He’s not acting any different.
He doesn’t look like a heartbroken man. He’s not like the shell of a person that I was when I broke up with Joseph.

‘When did they break up?’ I ask, as soon as I’m alone with Laura again.

‘Before we went to Snowdon.’

‘What?’ I say, a little too loudly and Giles looks up at us.

That doesn’t make any sense.

‘But what about her turning up and them going off to the B&B?’

‘Apparently,’ says Laura,
lowering her voice and arching her eyebrows, ‘she wanted to try and convince him that they should get back together. Ben being the nice guy he is didn’t want to reject her in front of everyone so they went to talk.’

‘And they didn’t get back together?’ I say, not so much a question but a statement to try and get it straight in my head.

‘No, it’s over and I think from what Giles says that it’s
for good this time.’

It doesn’t quite sink in. Ben’s been single for the past two weeks, during which time I’ve spent hours and hours alone with him, and yet he didn’t think to mention it.

‘I honestly thought you knew,’ says Laura. ‘I mean those photos on Facebook . . . I thought you two were getting together.’

This doesn’t make sense. What has Ben being playing at? If only I’d known there
was nothing but my feelings for Joseph standing in our way in Paris. That moment when I thought I wanted to kiss him, I could have.

‘Why didn’t he tell me?’ I repeat out loud.

Laura and I both stare at Ben and he must sense it. He turns to us and looks taken aback that we’re both looking directly at him.

‘What? Have I got beer round my face?’

‘Nothing,’ Laura and I say in unison, making us
seem even more shifty.

Ben shrugs his shoulder and takes his turn on the bar billiards table. Unsurprisingly Laura and I are getting well and truly trounced, but we’re far too busy trying to work out what’s going on in Ben’s head.

Giles pots the winning ball, and celebrates with an air punch.

‘See, girls suck,’ he says, putting his hands on his hips in a superhero pose.

Laura hits him playfully
before slipping her arms around him. She subtly leads him towards the bar, leaving Ben and me together.

‘Want a rematch?’ asks Ben.

I shake my head. I’m in no mood for games.

‘Why didn’t you tell me about Tammy?’

Ben’s mouth drops open and he looks totally caught off balance.

‘Whoa,’ he says, running his hand through his hair. ‘Who told you? Giles?’

‘Laura.’

‘Ah,’ he says. ‘Figures.’

‘So . . .’

I can’t believe he’s leaving me hanging.

‘I didn’t know how to bring it up.’

‘Right, so when we were in the pub talking about your trip to the B&B, or when she phoned when we were in Paris, neither of those were good opportunities to mention it?’

‘It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. In fact, it’s the opposite.’

I’m about to ask him what he means, when I see Joseph walking into
the pub with Marcus.

‘Joseph,’ I say.

‘Exactly,’ says Ben.

‘What?’ I look up at Ben, confused. He’s got his back to the door and he can’t possibly have seen him walk in.

‘Nothing,’ he says, sighing.

‘Joseph’s here,’ I say, staring in disbelief.

Ben looks round.

‘Which one is he?’

‘The one with the waves in his hair.’

Ben nods. ‘Aren’t you going to go over and see him?’

Joseph gets to
the bar and turns round and we immediately lock eyes. He smiles, before walking towards me. He taps Marcus on the arm and mutters something to him as he passes.

My knees are starting to buckle and I wish I could grab onto Ben to steady myself, but he’s walked away, leaving me alone and unsupported.

‘Abi,’ says Joseph, bending down and kissing me on both cheeks. I’m motionless and let him, too
scared to move. As his lips brush my cheeks I feel my whole body tingle.

‘Hi, Joseph. I wouldn’t have expected to see you here.’

It’s not his kind of pub. It’s got real personality, with its shabby-chic interior and homely feel. It’s far from the shiny floorboards and bright spotlights that the bars he usually goes to have.

‘I’ll come clean with you. I came to see you.’

‘How did you know I’d
be here?’

Unlike him, my movements aren’t so habitual.

‘Sian tagged you on Facebook as being here and Marcus and I were in Southsea drinking and we thought we’d pop by.’

Ah, Facebook, the twenty-first-century stalker’s tool.

I manage to smile at him. I can’t believe he’s here.

‘I hope you don’t mind me coming. Your new boyfriend wouldn’t mind?’

Joseph is nodding his head towards Ben who’s
talking to Sian and Pete. I think my ears should be burning because from the not-so-subtle glances in my direction I can tell me talking to Joseph is the topic of conversation.

‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ I say. ‘He’s just a friend.’

‘A friend you went to Paris with.’

‘Yep, just a friend,’ I repeat.

So he
was
jealous.

‘That’s a relief to hear.’

I search his hypnotic eyes, trying to work out
how he feels. Has my list worked? Is he here to get back together with me?

I feel my mind spinning out of control. I no longer know what I think. I would have thought that seeing him would have made me really happy, but the truth is it’s just adding to the confusion. I can’t work out why I’m so mad at Ben about keeping the secret about his break-up with Tammy. But seeing Joseph in front of me,
my feelings for him come flooding back and the hope that I’ve clung on to since our break-up is still there.

I look over Joseph’s shoulder and see Ben putting on his jacket. He’s saying goodbye to the rest of our table and before I can catch his eye he’s gone.

‘Abi,’ says Joseph. ‘I think we should talk.’

My eyes flick between him and Ben, and I’m torn.

The last time Joseph said those words
to me I knew exactly what was coming, and this time I sense he’s about to say the opposite. Up until now I’ve wanted nothing more than to have that conversation, but something’s stopping me.

I desperately want to go after Ben, to see what’s happened and why he’s leaving so suddenly.

‘I feel like there’s so much I want to say to you, Abi,’ says Joseph, snapping my attention away from the door.

I look back into Joseph’s eyes and I’m sucked into them. It’s almost like I can see our relationship played back in them. The nights I spent tracing shapes on his chest when we lay in bed, our country-pub Sunday lunches, the times we sipped wine in the intervals at the theatre. So many times I found myself lost in those eyes – they’re almost hypnotic.

‘I want to explain why I broke up with you,
and how I’ve started to regret my decision. I want to know if there’s any hope of us getting back together.’

I feel like I’m out of my trance but realise that it’s too late to go after Ben. He’ll be on his bike and will probably have pedalled halfway home.

I try to focus on what Joseph’s just said. Did he really want to know if there was a chance we could get back together?

‘Am I wasting my
time? Do you want to hear what I’ve got to say?’

‘I do,’ I say, nodding. Isn’t this, after all, what I’ve been working towards with the list?