The Changeup (Men of the Show) (20 page)

“Hi,” he said tensely. As soon as he heard the edge in his voice, Chase knew he shouldn’t be here. It was too soon to be around her again, but it was too late to turn around at this point.

Maddie nodded and continued to stare, but didn’t say anything.

“How are you?” he asked, trying to calm the rage he felt building in his head. He had to remind himself again that he was here for Bree, not for her.

She shrugged a little, but didn’t move otherwise. “I’m all right. You?”

“I’m good,” he said with a clipped tone even though the bags under his eyes and his gray pallor said otherwise.

“I’m sorry about your suspensions. I heard about that...” she trailed off.

It was his turn to shrug. “Shit happens. Some stuff you can control, others you can’t. I was lucky I only got three games, so there’s just one more to sit out.”

They stood in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. He finally could hold his tongue no more.

“Ready to tell me what happened yet?”

She desperately wanted to, but held her ground like a stubborn fool, figuring it was too late to explain anything. “There’s nothing to tell. Nothing happened.”

“Would you stop lying?” he hissed, his voice rising. “I’m tired of your B.S.”

Her eyes quickly filled. “Chase...I...” she stammered, not knowing what to say.

“Naw, that’s okay. It’s no biggie.” He shrugged as if he didn’t care.

“Chase...” she started again, ignoring the tears streaming down her face.

He tried to keep his face flat, but she could see the pain in it. “I told you I loved you. Did that mean nothing to you?” he whispered.

“Of course it did,” Maddie cried. “I loved you too...I still do.”

“Then what the fuck are we doing?” he implored, throwing his hands up.

“I can’t do this. I told you that.”

“And you won’t tell me why...” he broke off.

“I told you, a feel—”

“Yeah, I know,” he interrupted. “A fucking feeling.” He grumbled in irritation as he put his hands on his hips and stared at the ground, shaking his head before he looked back at her.

They stood in uncomfortable, tense silence, words failing them again, when he finally broke it. “Uh, I actually came here to see if I could take Bree to the park for a while.”

“Oh, Bree,” she said stupidly.

“Yeah, I like to keep my word.”

Maddie knew he was referring to her not keeping her promises, but she refused to let it hurt any more than it did already and took a deep breath. “She would love that. Let me go get her.”

Chase waited outside, pacing up and down the sidewalk as she went to get Bree. It had gone all wrong. He’d let his emotions dictate, even though he’d told himself on the way over he wasn’t even going to broach the subject with her, and things had gotten absolutely nowhere, but at least he was trying, unlike her. It was apparent she was sticking with her choice and leaving him in the dark.

He glanced at the house and took a deep breath. He hated how weird the situation was now. Not that long ago, he’d been the one to go into Bree’s room and get her ready for a day at the park. Now he was like an ex-husband coming back to pick up the kids for his weekend.

Chase heard Bree before he saw her and that brought a small smile to his face. The door flew open and he kneeled down as she threw herself into his arms, her face aglow, in such stunning contrast to her mother.

“I’m so happy to see you! I knew you’d come back,” she said.

He squeezed her gently, taking in the soft powder smell of her hair and made himself ignore the pain from how much he’d missed her. “What do you say we head down to the park and see what we can hit with a baseball?”

She giggled as he set her down and grabbed her hand. Chase looked back at Maddie. Her face was set in tight lines while her eyes were bright with tears as she watched their exchange in silent pain. If she was determined to remain miserable, there wasn’t anything more he could do about it. “Is it okay if I have her back in a couple of hours?”

“Sure. No, that’s fine. Whatever works for you,” she stammered and wiped hastily at her tears.

He nodded and walked away without a backward glance.

* * *

Maddie stood glued to the sidewalk and watched until they disappeared around the corner. Bree was talking animatedly the whole way with Chase holding her hand and listening intently to what she was saying. It was the most life she’d seen her daughter show in a while, and if it was possible to feel even worse, Maddie did.

She’d known that her decision wasn’t the right thing to do when it came to Bree, but she’d convinced herself that Bree was young and would get over it quickly, that she herself would be the only one deeply affected. She now had to acknowledge her own lie.

Her shoulders started to shake as she felt the sobs come over her. She turned and made her weak legs carry her back into the house. She didn’t think it was possible that she could affect so many people at once with one decision but that’s exactly what happened. Not only were she and Chase the victims of her decision, but her daughter was an innocent bystander. It seemed she caused pain and suffering all around and she was the only one who could fix it. But she couldn’t. To do so would mean losing her job and her daughter. She couldn’t forget that.

At the sound of the door opening, Maddie felt herself flush thinking that Chase and Bree had returned early catching her in the midst of her meltdown, but when she glanced up, she was relieved it was only Karen.

Taking one look at her friend, Karen sighed and walked over to the couch. “What happened now?”

“Chase came over.”

Karen’s brow raised in surprise. “He did? What did he say?”

“He took Bree to the park. She was so excited to see him. You should have seen her,” Maddie said as she hiccupped and tried to wipe her eyes dry.

“He didn’t say anything to you?” Karen pressed.

“He asked again,” she replied simply.

“And you told him nothing, right?”

“He’s so angry with me. I could see it in his eyes.” She looked up at her friend. “He resents me,” she whispered, horrified at the thought.

“And yet you could change all that and you didn’t,” Karen reminded her as she set her hands on her hips.

“It’s not that easy, Karen,” Maddie said standing up and walking around her to the kitchen. She grabbed a tissue out of the box on the sink and wiped her nose. “Even if I tell him, it doesn’t change anything. There isn’t anything he can do.”

“You’re not giving him a chance, Mad. He could help, he would want to help, but you won’t even give him a chance.”

“It isn’t his responsibility. Bree is my responsibility,” she said as she poked her chest hard with her finger.

“Jesus, Maddie. The same excuse over and over. It’s tiring!” Karen shook her head and her eyes filled with pity. “I thought you loved him and he loved you.”

“I do...we did.”

“So, then who the fuck cares if he isn’t her biological father. Being with you makes her his responsibility and that’s what he wanted. He
wanted
her to be his responsibility.”

Maddie shook her head, refusing to hear what Karen was saying. “No. No, she isn’t. She’s mine and I have to protect her.”

Karen walked over and grabbed Maddie’s arms to shake her gently. “He isn’t Kyle, Maddie. He isn’t going to turn his back on her, no matter what happens and he proved that today. What guy is going to come over after being dumped to take her kid to the park? Come on! Get over yourself and get over this bullshit of yours of putting every guy in the same category with Kyle when it comes to Bree.”

She continued to shake her head in denial. Maddie knew it was true, but she couldn’t hear it because then it would mean she had made the wrong decision. That she’d ruined everything for no reason. She tried to wrench herself out of Karen’s hands, to get away from the hard truth, but she had her gripped tightly.

“I know it’s hard, Mad, but you’ve got to do it. You have talk to him and tell him what’s going on. Let him in, Maddie. Let him help. He loves her just as much as you do.”

She shook her head violently as she sobbed against her friend’s shoulder. “I can’t, Karen. I just can’t.”

“What do you think is going to happen if you tell him?”

“He’ll see how weak and horrible I am.”

“Maddie, answer me this. Do you think you did the right thing?”

Her shoulders sagged as she leaned again the counter. “I have to know what I did was the right thing.”

“That’s not what I asked you. Do you believe it? You have to believe it yourself.”

Defeated, Maddie closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. “I don’t believe it,” she whispered.

Chapter Twenty

Dropping Bree back at Maddie’s hadn’t been as eventful as when he had picked her up, since Karen had answered the door. Thankful for that, at least, Chase walked back to his place, his mind a churning mess.

On one hand, he felt better after spending time with Bree. He thoroughly enjoyed her carefree spirit and, for the first time in a long time, he’d found himself smiling and laughing for real rather than forcing it. She lit a spark within him that made it easy for him to block out all the darkness threatening to overtake him.

On the other hand, it did remind him of what he was missing. One day he’d been thinking that perhaps he could be in Bree’s life permanently, the father figure she’d never had, and now had to act like the ex whenever he wanted to spend time with her. Did he even have a right to spend time with her? He didn’t know, but he knew he didn’t want to stop seeing her when he could, regardless of what had happened between him and Maddie.

However, it just made him angry with Maddie and the situation all over again. It seemed he was stuck in a never-ending cycle that he had no idea how to break out of. He knew the key was finding out the answers from Maddie, but he wondered if even that would be enough. Once he learned the truth, would he be able to move on? Would he stop being so angry all the time? He didn’t think so and that only pissed him off even more.

He couldn’t swallow the fact that he was letting Maddie ruin his life, but he couldn’t figure out a way to stop it either. It was a downward spiral and he’d never felt so out of control. From day one, he’d always been the one in command, never letting anything else dictate his decisions, and for once, he was out of the driver’s seat and he didn’t know how to handle it.

Opening the door to his condo, he stepped in and threw his keys on the table. Jerry, slouched in the beanbag on the floor playing an Xbox game, glanced at him while he continued shooting at the alien on the screen.

“What’s up? Where you’ve been?”

“I took Bree to the park for a while,” Chase replied as he slumped down on the couch watching the action on the TV in front of them.

“Oh yeah,” Jerry said as he grimaced and pushed some of the controller buttons more aggressively. “Die, you fucker,” he mumbled under his breath.

When the alien finally won out the battle and Jerry’s character finished dying his untimely death, Jerry tossed the controller onto the floor and leaned back with his hands behind his head. “Did you see Maddie?”

Chase sighed and closed his eyes as he rested his head on the back of the couch. “Yep.”

Jerry waited a few pauses. “And?”

“And what?”

“Cut the shit, Chase. What the fuck is going on with the two of you? You going to talk this out with her or what?”

He shook his head before he raised it and looked at Jerry with dull, lifeless eyes. “No, probably not.”

“What?” Jerry said, obviously confused. “You were head over heels for this girl and then suddenly that’s it? I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, well I don’t either, and I guess I’m not supposed to.”

“Chase, you need...”

Chase raised his hand stopping him. “Look, Jer, I get what you’re trying to do, but it’s not going to work okay. Besides, I’m not sure it’s even worth it anymore. I get more frustrated and angry even time I think about it, so I’m better off just trying to move on and forget any of this happened. Maybe this is for the best and it wasn’t meant to be.”

Jerry watched him for a few seconds and then scoffed. “You don’t actually believe that shit, do you?”

He stood and threw his arms up in frustration as he looked down at Jerry. “Of course I do, I have to. Don’t you get it, Jerry?”

“No, I don’t get it. Why don’t you explain it to me?”

“It’s over, Jer. That’s it. Done. I don’t get an explanation, no answers, no nothing. Just a big ‘fuck you’ and thanks for a good time, but it’s over and there’s nothing I can do about it. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I say, that’s it.”

“Well, maybe that’s not it,” a female voice said from the front door catching them both by surprise.

Jerry jumped up as Chase walked over to the door where Karen stood on the opposite side.

“Hey,” he said as he opened it to let her in.

“Hi.” Karen glanced around the room and her gaze landed on Jerry. She froze as she took in her hero standing just a few feet from her before she cleared her throat. “Hi.”

“Jerry, this is Maddie’s friend, Karen. Karen, Jerry Smutton,” Chase said.

Jerry’s smile lingered as he gave her a quick appraisal. She was definitely nice on the eyes. “Ah! The infamous Aunt Karen.”

Her cool, blue eyes bugged a bit, before she quickly composed herself. “I’m afraid to ask exactly how you know that, but unfortunately, I have more pressing matters at the moment.”

Chase pointed to the couch. “Have a seat. Can I get you a drink or something?”

“Water would be great,” she said as she looked for a clear spot to sit on the love seat.

Jerry watched her look anxiously at the couch, where a bunch of magazines, clothes and video games were haphazardly scattered, before he stepped forward and pushed the load to the floor. “Sorry about that,” he said as he stepped back and shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. “We haven’t been home for a while.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I was just making sure there was nothing alive underneath all of that,” she said as she sat down gingerly.

He stayed where he was, standing awkwardly watching her, with a goofy grin on his face. She wasn’t quite sure what to do about it and for once, she was speechless. She’d always dreamed about what she would say to Jerry if she was ever in the same room with him and unfortunately, all of her sexy, witty comments had flown out of her head with one look into his big brown eyes. Chase returned holding two glasses of water, saving them both the discomfort.

Jerry cleared his throat. “I’ll just be...uh, getting out of the way. It was nice to meet you, Karen. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

They watched as he rushed up the stairs, shutting his bedroom door behind him.

Chase chuckled as he plopped down into the beanbag with his long legs stretched out in front him. “It seems you’ve rattled him a bit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that quiet.” He took a drink from his glass. “So this is interesting, to have you in my living room.”

“Don’t worry, I may be her friend, but I call her bluff just like anyone else.”

“I would have expected you’d be on her side with this.”

“Her side? Are you kidding me? I’ve been telling her from day one that she’s being stupid and has made the biggest mistake of her life.”

He was stunned. “Thank you.”

“Well, don’t thank me yet,” she said as she pointed at him. “I still need your help with this.”

“And what do you think I can do about it? I don’t even know why she ended things.”

“I know,” Karen said with a sigh. She turned to face him. “I need to know something first before we figure out what we’re going to do. Were you serious about her? I mean, I can make all sorts of assumptions based on what I overheard while I was standing outside, but I’d rather hear it from the horse’s mouth.”

“Yes. I was very serious about her,” he answered without hesitation.

“And did you think she was serious about you?”

“Yes.”

She nodded as she took a sip of water. “Were you going ask her to marry you?”

His eyes widened for a second before he narrowed them. “I’m not sure I understand the point of this conversation.”

“I’m just trying to get a gauge on what is serious with you.”

Chase sighed. “The same thing it means to you. Jesus, what is it with you women who think my idea of serious is going steady or holding hands? If you must know, yes, I was heading in that direction. I wanted to get through the season first and then figure everything out after that.”

“Okay, okay,” she said and held up her hand as her lips curved slightly. “Sorry. I wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing.”

“Why are you here, Karen? No offense, but I’ve already had a crappy day and I really don’t want to feel any worse than I do by rehashing the Maddie dumping Chase show. I’m tired and I have to pack since we head back out tomorrow night.”

Karen turned to him, her decision made. “I am not going to tell you what happened, but you were right to ask if something happened. Some
things
happened, plural, but it is her responsibility to tell you because only she can explain why she reacted the way she did.”

“Okay, so we’ve made no progress here. I’ve gotten nowhere.”

“I’m not done,” she said. “You need to proceed as you were, asking her to marry you and all that. Well, maybe sooner rather than later.”

He quickly frowned. “What? Why the hell would I do that? She broke up with me, remember?”

“Look, you’re miserable, right? You want to be with her, right?” she asked as she stood up and pointed at him. At his hesitant nod, she continued. “She’s beyond miserable. She’s like a freaking zombie or something. It’s ridiculous. She knows she’s done the wrong thing, but she doesn’t know how to correct it and she doesn’t think she can. She thinks that even if she talks to you, she’ll still be in the same bind.”

Chase felt a new anger wash through him at the thought that someone had put her in a position where she felt trapped. For a change, he was angry for Maddie and not at her. “Is that what happened? Did someone put her into a tight situation because of me?”

“Not just someone, a few people.”

“Who?” he demanded as he jumped to his feet.

“It’s not my place to tell you, Chase, as much as I want to. But if you think about it, think about what’s most important to her—”

“Bree,” he interrupted. “They threatened something with Bree.” Then he shook his head. “But what does that have to do with me? I don’t get it.”

Karen turned around and sat back on the couch. “I think you’re simply a convenient excuse, but who knows? That’s what’s so fucked up about it.” She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair trying to figure out the next step of her plan. They had to execute it perfectly or else it would end disastrously for everyone. “We need someone neutral. Someone that isn’t personally involved in this to talk to her, to get her to open up. I obviously can’t do it because I haven’t been able to get through to her so far, and then I get frustrated and call her stupid. You can’t do it.” She glanced up at the ceiling. “I don’t think she’d open up to Jerry. Any thoughts? Who can make her talk?’

He thought about it for a few minutes as he walked around the room. Who did he know that could make anyone talk? Who could make someone open up to them and not feel threatened? Who would Maddie feel like she owed some explanation to? It hit him and he turned with a smile. “My father.”

* * *

Maddie got past her breakdown with Karen and actually came out the other end feeling somewhat better. She knew she had to face Chase and give him the answers he deserved, and she was ready to do it. Unfortunately, when she’d finally developed the courage to do so, she saw one of their games on TV being broadcast from Toronto. She would, it seemed, have to wait a bit longer before she could talk to him, but that was okay.

She was going to take the time to clean herself up, do whatever she could to make herself feel better, so when she finally sat down with him, she didn’t worry that the sight of her disgusted him. She’d let herself go downhill and that didn’t help her feel ready to face him. She made a concerted effort each day to get out of bed and head straight to the shower. She made herself put on some makeup, do her hair and no longer allowed herself to put on sloppy, baggy clothes. She at least looked presentable. It didn’t fix everything, but it did help to lift her spirits a little.

The day she knew the team would be returning home, she set to cleaning the house from top to bottom trying to find anything that would help to settle her nerves from the thought of facing Chase. She ripped apart the family room while Bree played in the backyard and it was when she was fighting with edging the entertainment center out of the corner so she could dust behind it that the doorbell rang. Cursing, she brushed her clothes off as she went to answer the door. Cold dread coursed through her when she saw who was standing on the other side. This was the last person she was expecting to find on her doorstep.

Rick stood looking down at her, a tentative expression on his face, so like his son, unsure of her reaction. “I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time. We’re in town for Chase’s game this Friday and I wanted to stop by.”

Maddie looked at the mess behind her. The room looked like a tornado had ripped through it. “Well, I’m in the middle of cleaning, so you’ll have to excuse the mess.” She held the door open so he could step through.

He stopped just inside the door and gaped. “Cleaning, huh? It looks like you had an earthquake here.”

“Yeah, well, I really wanted to get every last speck of dust.” She walked past him and into the kitchen. “We can sit down in here. Can I get you something to drink?”

Rick shook his head as he sat down at the table. “No, thanks. I really don’t want to take up too much of your time.”

Without any task to focus on, she sat at the table across from him clasping her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking, and waited for him to tell her how much she’d messed up his son. He was going to tell her how he knew she’d always been wrong for Chase and how she’d proven him right. She couldn’t blame him it and she just wanted it to be over. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

“Over with? What do you think I’m here to say?”

“Oh, I’m sure a number of things. Starting with how you knew all along how wrong I was for Chase.”

He nodded in muted agreement. “Well, I can’t deny that I had doubts in the beginning, but no, that’s not what I’m here to say.”

That had her raising her brows in question. “No? Then to what do I owe this surprise visit? Does Chase know you’re here?”

Rick studied the fingers that he’d splayed on the table in front of him, long and strong, just like Chase, as he tried to figure out where to start. Based on what Chase had asked him to do, he knew he only had once chance and didn’t want to mess it up. “I’m here because I wanted to tell you I was wrong,” he said, ignoring her question.