The Choir Director 2 (9 page)

Part of my new job as the church secretary was to collect and sort the day's mail, and I was continually amazed by the amount of fan mail that Aaron received. I wasn't supposed to open it, just leave it in a pile for him, which he would collect whenever he came back to work. That pile of perfume-laced envelopes had me more than curious, though. I just knew they contained some wild letters. One day I gave in to temptation and opened a couple, and I was blown away by what I saw. Talk about steamy. These sisters made my obsession with Aaron look tame. One woman even sent a naked selfie, her legs spread-eagled and her pubic hair shaved to look like a cross. The caption written in red ink read:
BAPTIZE ME
. How crazy is that? I filed that one in the trash can in a hurry.

I was in the process of sorting the latest mail delivery when my cell phone rang. I answered it without even thinking. “First Jamaica Ministries.”

“What? Jamaica who?”

“Oh my God, Lynn, I'm so sorry,” I whispered into the phone. “I thought I was answering my work phone.”

“Work? You got a job?” she shouted. “When the hell did that happen?”

Lynn was my best friend and roommate down in Virginia. She was in the army and had gone out into the field on a training mission right before I made the trip up to New York. She'd known about my plan to seduce Aaron, and if her training exercise hadn't interfered, I would have asked her to make the trip along with me.

This was my first time talking to her since I'd left Virginia, so we had a lot of catching up to do. Lynn did not like being out of the loop.

“Yeah, I got a job. Can you believe it?”

“No, I can't. What kind of job you got?”

“I'm the new secretary at First Jamaica Ministries.” Saying it out loud made me want to get up and do a little dance. I still couldn't believe how the job had just fallen into my lap.

“But you're not a secretary!” Lynn said.

“I am now,” I said, chuckling.

“Wait! Roll that back a second for me. You said you're a secretary…for First Jamaica Ministries?”

“That's right.” I thought she'd be proud of my accomplishment, so I was surprised when she started yelling at me.

“Girl, are you out your fucking mind? The plan was for you to go up there and fuck the man, not work at his damn church!”

“I know, but the plan had to change,” I protested. “Don't be mad at me.”

“What do you mean it had to change?”

“I didn't get the chance to sleep with him at his bachelor party.”

“Well, I'm sorry about that, but you need to come home. Aren't you supposed to be going to the doctor?”

I rolled my eyes. Lynn had the annoying habit of trying to parent me sometimes.

“I'm seeing a doctor up here,” I told her.

“Well, I'm worried about you. With everything going on, you need someone to look after you.”

“I know you are, Lynn, and I appreciate that, but I still have a chance to see this plan through, and I'm going to stick with it. I mean, the way things are falling into place for me, I feel like I'm meant to succeed.”

“Desiree, I know it feels like that, but—”

“No, it's more than just the job, Lynn. I mean
everything
is falling into place. Aaron's wedding didn't even end up taking place. His fiancée stood him up at the altar, and then I ended up getting her job. Can you believe my luck?”

“Holy shit! Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. That will tell you what can happen when God is on your side,” I said confidently. “I still haven't met Aaron yet, but today's supposed to be his first day back to work.”

There was a lull in the conversation as Lynn processed everything I'd told her. “Wait,” she said. “Does your taking this job mean that you're not coming back to Virginia?”

“Kinda,” I said hesitantly. I hated to think that my friend was sad, but I wasn't about to give up this opportunity. I had the perfect solution. “I'd love for you to come to New York and hang out with me.”

“Serious business?” she hollered in my ear, her mood suddenly lighter.

“Of course I'm serious. You know you're my girl.”

She definitely liked the idea, because she started singing “Empire State of Mind.” I held the phone away until I was certain that she was done. Lynn had a lot of talents, but singing wasn't one of them. “I always wanted to go to New York! You want me to come up for the weekend?”

“No, I want you to come up for the
duration
.” I knew what the gravity of my words would be on her. I didn't make a habit of needing anyone, and she knew it. “I need you here Lynn.”

She hesitated for a minute. I was sure she understood that this wouldn't be just a fun “girls in the city” kind of trip. I was recruiting her to help me fulfill a once-in-a-lifetime dream.

“Okay,” she finally said. “I'm there till the end.”

“What about Uncle Sam?”

“I have some time coming to me before I go TDY to Afghanistan. Now's as good a time as any to take it. I'll tell them my mom is sick or something.” Just like I expected, Lynn had my back in whatever way I needed. I could hear the unmistakable sound of excitement in her voice.

“Hey, Lynn,” I said, changing the subject. “Did you get the mail? Did my check come?”

“Yep, I got it right here.”

“Well, then you need to get your ass up here as soon as possible.” As much as I didn't mind trying to exist on this measly salary for show, in my real life I liked money and everything that it could buy. I'd waited a long time for this check, and it was going to provide for me in a way that this job could not.

“Done. I have some loose ends to tie up with my CO, but then I'll be there on the first thing smoking tomorrow.”

“Perfect. I can't wait,” I told her. As much as I had come to like living in New York, it was really lonely. It would be nice to have someone to hang with, because spending every night with books and television as my company was getting old fast.

“Me neither. You need me to bring you anything else?” she asked.

“Nope. Just bring me my check, girl,” I said, eager to get my hands on that money.

“You sure?” she persisted. “Have you filled that prescription yet?”

I sighed. “Lynn, I am fine. Would you stop worrying about me for once?”

“I would if I thought you were doing what you were supposed to and taking your medicine,” she said. “This is nothing to play around with. You're acting way too casual about your health, and that shit ain't funny.”

“Look, someone just went to get my prescription filled up here today,” I said. “I promise I'll take a pill as soon as I get it, okay?”

“Don't make me FaceTime you to prove it,” she threatened. I imagined her tapping her foot like a drill sergeant with an I-mean-business look on her face. It was the same look my father used to give me when I was in trouble.

“I will text you as soon as it gets here and I take it, okay?”

“As long as you're clear that this is not something you can mess around with,” she said. “I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you.”

“I'm sitting pretty up here. Don't waste a good worry on me,” I assured her. “Look, I got to get off this phone and get back to work, okay? Text me when you make your travel arrangements.”

“All right, girl. I love you.”

“I love you too. I'll see you
and my check
real soon,” I said, then hung up.

No sooner had I put away my phone than Pippie came strolling into the office. “Here's your prescription,” he said, handing me a small paper bag.

“Thank you so much. I told you I could have gotten it myself.” Pippie had been coming by the office quite a bit ever since I started working. It was obvious he was interested, and even though I had no plans of giving him any, I didn't want to push him away. I knew he was a friend of Aaron's, and he could turn out to be a good source of information at some point.

“No problem. It was on my way,” he said with a smile.

Just as I'd promised Lynn I would, I opened the bottle of pills and poured one into my hand. Before I had time to blink, he handed me a bottle of water.

“Thanks again, Pippie,” I said after I swallowed the pill.

Waving his hand, he said, “Please, that's how we do around here for each other. I would've had it to you sooner if I didn't have to chauffeur Aaron around. It took a little longer than I thought.”

“So the choir director is back, huh?”

“Yep, he's down in the chapel talking to the bishop as we speak. Who knows? Maybe this place will finally get back to normal.”

“Do you think that girl Tia's coming back for her job too? I hate to swim in other people's misery, but I need this job.”

“I think you're good. From what I hear, she's trying to stay as far away from this place as she can. So I wouldn't worry about it.” He gestured toward the bottle of pills. “Is everything all right?”

I resisted the urge to snap at him for being a nosy-ass. Fortunately, it was a pretty common pill prescribed for many different illnesses, so most likely he had no idea what my problem was. If I reacted harshly, he might sense that I had something to hide.

“I hope so,” I said casually. “I probably should have filled this a while ago, but now that I got this, I'm gonna be perfectly fine.” I made sure to add a little extra Southern lilt to my voice. It was the quickest way to divert a man's attention away from whatever you didn't want him focusing on.

“Good.” He smiled at me, and I looked down at my desk, hoping he would get the hint and let me get back to work. He didn't.

“Can I ask you something?” he said, still hovering over my desk.

I looked up at him and nodded, waiting for him to continue.

“Are you doing anything this evening?”

“This evening?” Oh Lord, I thought, this man was about to ask me out. I would have to figure out a way to let him down easy, so I didn't alienate him. No need to have Aaron's friend talking bad about me just as Mr. Mackie was coming back to work. “No, I haven't made any plans,” I said. “I've been pretty much a homebody ever since I moved here.”

“You like Alicia Keys?”

“Yeah, that's my girl!” I said, dropping my guard just a little. I didn't just like Alicia Keys; I loved her. Just thinking about her music had me moving my head to the imaginary beat of one of her jams. I couldn't stop myself from singing a few bars. “You and me together, through the days and nights; I don't worry 'cause everything's gonna be all right.”

I realized I had gone a little overboard when I saw the look in Pippie's eyes. It was the one men get when they've settled on their next target. I should've shut the heck up.

“Damn, girl, you can blow! You have got to join the choir.”

“Yeah, I'm thinking about it.”

“Well, Aaron is back. I can't wait to tell him about you,” he said. “He's going to love having you in the choir.”

He can have me anywhere he wants
, I thought as I gave Pippie a modest smile.

“So, one of the church members hooked me up with prime seats to Alicia's concert at Madison Square Garden. Since you're not doing anything…”

“Pippie,” I started, “that's really kind of you to offer, but I don't want to lead you on. I'm not looking to date anyone right now. Maybe you want to use those tickets for someone who's available.”

He looked crestfallen for a split second, but then he covered it with a smile. “Oh, no. It's not like that. We can go as friends.”

Given the amount of time he'd spent hanging around my desk recently, it was obvious he was hoping for more than friendship, but hell, if that's the way he wanted to play it, who was I to pass up tickets to see my girl Alicia?

“Oh, what the heck,” I said. “Why not?” Between now and Friday I was sure I could come up with a plan to make sure that Pippie kept his hands to himself now that we were “just friends.”

“I can't promise you that,” I told Monique then ended the call.

How could I promise her anything when I didn't have a clue what was going to happen next myself? It wasn't like I planned on being in front of his house. Hell, I hadn't planned much of anything since the night of my bachelorette party. Ever since I saw my rapist, I had sunk into a pit of despair. I was full of so much hatred and rage that I barely recognized myself. All the counseling of other rape victims that I had done at the church felt like wasted time now, because I couldn't even take my own advice. I had told so many women to rely on their faith, to pray for emotional healing, but I couldn't do that for myself. Instead, I was stalking the guy, entertaining revenge fantasies all the while.

For three days I had been sitting in and around the restaurant where he worked, content with just watching and hating him. At one point I gathered the nerve to sit at the bar and order a drink from him, and that's when my anger boiled over. He looked me in the face and took my order, as calm as can be. The guy had no clue that he was looking at a woman whose life he had destroyed. As if that wasn't bad enough, he tried to flirt and make small talk with me for a minute, until my dead stare told him I wasn't interested.

I left the bar before he even came back with my drink, and I sat in my car, trembling with fury. Part of me wanted to go back in there and confront him immediately, but I couldn't do what I really wanted to do in a crowded restaurant. So I waited until his shift was over, and then I followed him back to his apartment. This bastard was going to know who I was, dammit, and he was going to apologize for ruining the last six years of my life—years I could never get back.

I watched him enter the building as I considered my next move. Reaching into my purse, I rested my hand on Black Beauty, which I'd been carrying everywhere ever since I picked it up from Kareem's house. The gun gave me a sense of security, and now it gave me a sense of power that propelled me to step out of the car and head toward the apartment building.

Not long after he walked in, a light came on in the third-floor window, so I knew where I would find him. Approaching the building, I planned on pushing buttons until someone buzzed me in, but it turned out that wasn't even necessary. He lived in such a crappy building that the front door lock was busted and I was able to go right in.

I headed up to the third floor, where there were two doors, and I knocked on the one facing the front of the building, where I had seen the light come on. My heart was pounding as I wondered briefly what I would do if somehow this was the wrong apartment. What would I say to whoever opened the door? Then I heard him say, “Who is it?” and I knew I had the right place. The sound of his voice had been seared into my memory, filling my nightmares ever since the night he raped me.

“It's me,” I said, resting my hand on my purse to gain confidence from Black Beauty. “Open the door.”

I saw a shadow pass over the peephole, and then I heard him taking the chain off his door. He pulled it open and my knees began to wobble as he stood before me, wearing only boxers and an unbuttoned shirt. Taking a swig of the beer he held in his hand, he looked me up and down then said, “You look familiar.”

“Yeah, you gonna let me in?” I asked, trying to maintain my calm, at least until I gained access to his apartment.

His eyes wandered down to my chest again, and then he shrugged. “Why not?” He stepped aside, and I rushed in before I could lose my nerve.

“What's up?” he asked casually, like an unexpected visit from someone he thought was a stranger was nothing new to him.

“You alone?” I asked, looking around the small, dirty apartment.

“Nobody here but you and me,” he said, rubbing a hand over his exposed chest in what he probably thought was a seductive move. “So what's up?” he asked again. “Somebody sent you here?” The guy was acting like he'd just gotten a pussy delivery, and I had to wonder if it was something he and his other rapist friends did for each other—sent random women over for them to use and abuse.

“Do you even remember me?” I asked, sliding my hand into my purse.

“Aw, don't get mad, sweetheart,” he joked. “I was probably drunk the last time we met.”

I pulled Black Beauty out of my purse and aimed at the middle of his chest. “Oh, you were definitely drunk,” I snarled, “but that still wasn't an excuse for you to rape me.”

He took a step backward, his demeanor going from arrogant to freaked the fuck out. Now instead of staring at my chest, his eyes were locked on my gun.

“Who—I don't even know what you're talking about. I didn't rape you or anyone else,” he said in a shaky voice.

“You fucking liar!” I shoved the gun into his chest, backing him further into the apartment. “You and your friends raped me like I was a worthless piece of shit.”

“Look, you've got the wrong guy. Now please put down that gun before someone gets hurt,” he pleaded, raising his hands.

“Sit down!” I demanded.

“Sure, sure, just stop pointing that gun at me.”

He fell back on the sofa, staring up at me with fear in his eyes. Keeping the gun aimed at him, I glanced down at his laptop, which was open on the coffee table. His Facebook account was on the screen.

“Vinnie Taylor. So that's your name, huh?” I said. “Sounds like a pretty average name for a fucking monster, wouldn't you say?”

He was still watching the gun until I said, “So if I look through your friends list, will I find your old roommate Michael?” Then his eyes left the gun and he took a good look at my face. I could see recognition dawning.

“Oh…” he said. “You're that chick…”

As I watched a smirk form on his face, I realized that the event that was burned into my brain as the worst night of my life was for him a pleasant memory. My vision became blurry with tears, and just like that, I lost the upper hand. I'd shown my weakness, and he was no longer scared, in spite of the gun in my hand.

He leaned back on the couch and took another swig of his beer. “I got to give it to you. You are one bold bitch coming up in here like this. Now, let's just say I did rape you…and I'm not saying I did…” he said, with a big grin on his face that told me he was, in fact, proudly admitting that he'd been involved. My stomach turned and I tasted bile in the back of my throat.

“You bastard,” I shouted. “Just admit it! You raped me. You and your filthy friends.”

He took another swig of beer, wiped his mouth, and said, “Sure. Why not? I'll admit it. I probably did rape you. There were so many I barely remember. But so what? It ain't like you the only bitch who had one too many and then had to pay the price. Get over it already.”

The tears escaped and began running down my cheeks.

“Why'd you bother to come here with your weak ass anyway? You got me to admit it, but what the fuck you gonna do about it now? You think the cops are really gonna believe you this many years later?”

“Who said anything about cops?” I said, trying to sound tough even as I struggled to keep myself together. “Did you forget I have a gun?”

He laughed at me. “You mean the gun you can't even hold straight because you're shaking so bad?”

I took a step toward him, hoping it would intimidate him enough to make him shut up, but it was a big mistake on my part. Once I was within reach, he grabbed my wrist and knocked Black Beauty out of my hands. Within seconds, he had the upper hand, and I was pinned to the floor, with him sitting on my midsection.

“You dumb bitch,” he said as he pressed his hands on my shoulders to keep me from struggling. “You come into my place with a gun, threatening me? I should shoot your ass right now and be done with you. Wouldn't do a day in jail for shooting a deranged psychopath who broke into my place because she mistook me for someone else,” he said, sounding like he was enjoying himself. “But I don't think I'll kill you right away. I think first we'll play around a little. You know, take a trip down Memory Lane.” I could feel his penis begin to harden against me. “You had some pretty good pussy if I remember correctly.”

He raised up on his knees and pulled down his boxer shorts, and in the split second that he released his grip on my shoulders, I began flailing like a wild animal. “Noooooooooo!” I screamed. “You're not going to rape me again!”

“That's it bitch, fight me, that just makes it better!” he laughed, and I could see the pleasure on his face.

As I scrambled to try to regain control, I swung my leg and it connected with his groin. He yelled out in agony and fell to the floor, grabbing his balls and curling into a ball. I jumped up and grabbed the nearest object, a lamp on the table beside the couch. Acting on survival instinct, I raised the lamp up high then brought its heavy ceramic base down on his head. I swung it one more time. His body jerked, and then he lay totally still.

I dropped the lamp and stood looking over the unconscious, bleeding body of my rapist for a few seconds then calmly walked over to pick up my gun from the spot where it had fallen during the scuffle. It felt good to have Black Beauty in my hands again. I could feel the power it wielded come back to me.