The Christmas Pig: A Very Kinky Christmas (11 page)

A
ND
G
OD CALLED
about Him a band of angels. And He said, “Bring me two shining stars.” And the angels weren’t quite sure what He meant so they got together a little focus group.

“What’s the Old Man talking about?” said the angel named Tom Baker. “We can’t bring him two stars.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said the angel named Kacey Cohen. “He’s just speaking metaphorically again.”

So the angels decided they would find the two most shining spirits in all the earth. They had been watching mortal events unfold, so they went directly to the forest and found the little frozen bodies of the young boy and the pig. These they wrapped in gossamer and took back before God’s throne.

“Bingo!” said God to the angels. “This young boy shall forever paint in My mansion of peace, and this young pig shall forever romp in its hallways of happiness. And both of them shall be by My side for all eternity.

“Furthermore,” said God, “on either side of that star that led the wise men to Jesus, I shall place two other stars. One will be for Benjamin, and one will be for Valerie.

“And though men may later call these three stars in a line Orion’s Belt, they are placed by
My
hand for a purpose. And that is to lead men, women, children, and animals to the light forevermore.”