The Collected Poetry of Nikki Giovanni (25 page)
Read The Collected Poetry of Nikki Giovanni Online
Authors: Nikki Giovanni
You never knowâ¦when you meetâ¦Is it at introductionâ¦with polite handshakes and an exchange of namesâ¦Or is it with eyesâ¦that ask can youâ¦will youâ¦maybeâ¦love me
Â
It seems sometimes that I always wantedâ¦to be grownâ¦and warmâ¦and freeâ¦and lovedâ¦yet you never knowâ¦until it stopsâ¦that you wereâ¦Until the dollsâ¦that some called childrenâ¦had childrenâ¦you think of as dollsâ¦and you remember Yesâ¦maybe I was grownâ¦up perhapsâ¦wider for sureâ¦more patientâ¦less tolerantâ¦who knows whatâ¦exactlyâ¦until it stops
Â
Love is more than stopping that acheâ¦It's paying those billsâ¦cooking that foodâ¦cleaning this houseâ¦answering when someone says Mamaâ¦and hoping it's a childâ¦who calls
Â
Did we meet when we were only a dreamâ¦of each otherâ¦Or did we meet with the criesâ¦of laborâ¦or feverâ¦or no work this week
Â
Do we knowâ¦because of the change of namesâ¦each otherâ¦Or do we knowâ¦because of an exchange of glancesâ¦that each is a bridgeâ¦free standingâ¦stretched between the good years and the bad
Â
It's hard to rememberâ¦when we metâ¦I am constantly being introducedâ¦to a youâ¦I never knewâ¦I offer you the sameâ¦
Â
Hello
An amoeba is lucky it's so smallâ¦else its narcissism would lead to warâ¦since self-love seems so frequently to lead to self-righteousnessâ¦
Â
I suppose a case could be madeâ¦that there are more amoebas than peopleâ¦that they comprise the physical majorityâ¦and therefore the moral rightâ¦But luckily amoebas rarely make television appeals to higher Godsâ¦and baser instinctsâ¦so one must ask if the ability to reproduce oneself efficiently has anything to do with loveâ¦
Â
The night loves the stars as they play about the Darknessâ¦the day loves the light caressing the sunâ¦We loveâ¦those who doâ¦because we live in a world requiring light and Darknessâ¦partnership and solitudeâ¦sameness and differenceâ¦the familiar and the unknownâ¦We love because it's the only true adventureâ¦
Â
I'm glad I'm not an amoebaâ¦there must be more to all our lives than ourselvesâ¦and our ability to do more of the sameâ¦
I hang on the edge
of this universe
singing off-key
talking too loud
embracing myself
to cushion the fall
I shall tumble
into deep space
never in this form
or with this feeling
to return to earth
It is not tragic
I will spiral
through that Black hole
losing skin        limbs
internal organs
searing
my naked soul
Landing
in the next galaxy
with only my essence
embracing myself
as
I dream of you
It's a journeyâ¦that I proposeâ¦I am not the guideâ¦nor technical assistantâ¦I will be your fellow passengerâ¦
Â
Though the rail has been riddenâ¦winter clouds coverâ¦autumn's exuberant quiltâ¦we must provide our own guidepostsâ¦
Â
I have heardâ¦from previous visitorsâ¦the road washes out sometimesâ¦and passengers are compelledâ¦to continue gropingâ¦or turn backâ¦I am not afraidâ¦
Â
I am not afraidâ¦of rough spotsâ¦or lonely timesâ¦I don't fearâ¦the success of this endeavorâ¦I am Raâ¦in a spaceâ¦not to be discoveredâ¦but inventedâ¦
Â
I promise you nothingâ¦I accept your promiseâ¦of the same we are simply ridingâ¦a waveâ¦that may carryâ¦or crashâ¦
Â
It's a journeyâ¦and I wantâ¦to goâ¦
I love you
because the Earth turns round the sun
because the North wind blows north
sometimes
because the Pope is Catholic
and most Rabbis Jewish
because winters flow into springs
and the air clears after a storm
because only my love for you
despite the charms of gravity
keeps me from falling off this Earth
into another dimension
I love you
because it is the natural order of things
I love you
like the habit I picked up in college
of sleeping through lectures
or saying I'm sorry
when I get stopped for speeding
because I drink a glass of water
in the morning
and chain-smoke cigarettes
all through the day
because I take my coffee Black
and my milk with chocolate
because you keep my feet warm
though my life a mess
I love you
because I don't want it
any other way
I am helpless
in my love for you
It makes me so happy
to hear you call my name
I am amazed you can resist
locking me in an echo chamber
where your voice reverberates
through the four walls
sending me into spasmatic ecstasy
I love you
because it's been so good
for so long
that if I didn't love you
I'd have to be born again
and that is not a theological statement
I am pitiful in my love for you
The Dells tell me Love
is so simple
the thought though of you
sends indescribably delicious multitudinous
thrills throughout and through-in my body
I love you
because no two snowflakes are alike
and it is possible
if you stand tippy-toe
to walk between the raindrops
I love you
because I am afraid of the dark
and can't sleep in the light
because I rub my eyes
when I wake up in the morning
and find you there
because you with all your magic powers were
determined that
I should love you
because there was nothing for you but that
I would love you
I love you
because you made me
want to love you
more than I love my privacy
my freedom      my commitments
and responsibilities
I love you 'cause I changed my life
to love you
because you saw me one friday
afternoon and decided that I would
love you
I love you I love you I love you
I wrote a good omeletâ¦and ate a hot poemâ¦
after loving you
Buttoned my carâ¦and drove my coat homeâ¦in the rainâ¦
after loving you
I goed on redâ¦and stopped on greenâ¦floating
somewhere in betweenâ¦
being here and being thereâ¦
after loving you
I rolled my bedâ¦turned down my hairâ¦slightly confused
butâ¦I don't careâ¦
Laid out my teethâ¦and gargled my gownâ¦then I
stoodâ¦and laid me downâ¦
to sleepâ¦
after loving you
Dance with meâ¦dance with meâ¦we are the songâ¦we
are the musicâ¦Dance with meâ¦
Waltz meâ¦twirl meâ¦do-si-do pleaseâ¦peppermint twist
meâ¦philly
Squeeze
Cha cha chaâ¦tangoâ¦two step tooâ¦
Cakewalkâ¦charlestonâ¦bougalooâ¦
Dance with meâ¦dance with meâ¦all night longâ¦
We are the musicâ¦we are the songâ¦
Cancers are a serious conditionâ¦attacking internal organs
â¦eating
them awayâ¦or clumping lumpsâ¦togetherâ¦
The blood vessels carryâ¦cancerous cellsâ¦to all body parts
â¦cruising
would be the termâ¦but this is not necessarily a love poemâ¦
Cancer is causedâ¦byâ¦
the air we breathe
the food we eat
the water we drink
Indices are unusually highâ¦in cities that have baseball teams
â¦or peopleâ¦
Coffeeâ¦milkâ¦saccharine
cigarettesâ¦sunâ¦and birth control
devicesâ¦
are among the chief offendersâ¦
Monthly phenomena stoppedâ¦internallyâ¦will
only leadâ¦
to shock syndromeâ¦
What indeedâ¦porcelanaâ¦does a womanâ¦wantâ¦
Cancers areâ¦
the new plague
the modern black death
all that is unknown
yet
I have a cancerâ¦in my heartâ¦I'm toldâ¦on
knowledgeable authorityâ¦
it is not possible
For the heart we haveâ¦
cardiac arrestâ¦and outright attacksâ¦
holes in valvesâ¦and valve stoppageâ¦
constricted vesselsâ¦and nefarious air
bubblesâ¦
But thenâ¦my doctor never saw youâ¦and doesn't believeâ¦
in the zodiacâ¦
Vowelsâ¦are a part of the English languageâ¦There are five in the alphabetâ¦though only oneâ¦between loversâ¦
Â
My fatherâ¦you must understandâ¦was Humanâ¦My motherâ¦a larvaâ¦and while I concede most Celestial Beingsâ¦have taken the bodies of the majorityâ¦I chose differentlyâ¦No one understands meâ¦at allâ¦except the cloudsâ¦and grassesâ¦and waters crestingâ¦against the Heavensâ¦
Â
I just don't knowâ¦what to doâ¦with myselfâ¦I have forgotten the namesâ¦I feared being calledâ¦I have rested the burdensâ¦of my willâ¦I inhale the illogicâ¦of the momentâ¦exuding inert emotionsâ¦I am stillâ¦beside youâ¦happily confusedâ¦
Â
Wordsâ¦are the foundation of thoughtâ¦Many people think they thinkâ¦but cannot put itâ¦into wordsâ¦My grandmother thoughtâ¦she could drive a carâ¦tooâ¦though she couldn't do Reverseâ¦There is a word for meâ¦alsoâ¦
I am sheâ¦making rainbowsâ¦in coffee cupsâ¦watching fish jumpâ¦after midnightâ¦in my dreamsâ¦
Â
On the stoveâ¦left front burnerâ¦is the stewâ¦already chewedâ¦certain to burnâ¦as I dreamâ¦of wavesâ¦of nothingnessâ¦
Â
Floating to shoreâ¦riding a low moonâ¦on a slow cloudâ¦I am sheâ¦who writesâ¦the poemsâ¦
And when she was lonelyâ¦she would go into the roomâ¦where all who livedâ¦knew her wellâ¦
Â
Her hands would touchâ¦her lipsâ¦silently movingâ¦would punctuate the talkâ¦with a smileâ¦or a frownâ¦an occasional “Oh My”â¦
Â
If it was coldâ¦she would wrap herselfâ¦in the natted blue sweaterâ¦knitted by a grandmotherâ¦so many years agoâ¦If warmâ¦the windows were openedâ¦to allow the windâ¦to partake of their pleasureâ¦
Â
Holidays were never sadâ¦seasons in factâ¦unchangingâ¦Family and friendsâ¦lovers and longingsâ¦restedâ¦waitedâ¦never to betrayâ¦never to leave herâ¦
Â
Her booksâ¦her secret lifeâ¦in the room with the tapestry rugâ¦
We are like a fieldâ¦of wild flowersâ¦unpollinatedâ¦swaying against the windâ¦
Â
Dew sparklingâ¦buds burstingâ¦we await the drying dayâ¦Let's not gainâ¦the notice of the womanâ¦with the large straw basketâ¦
Â
Autumn will comeâ¦anywayâ¦Let us continueâ¦our danceâ¦beneath the sunâ¦
Planes fly patternsâ¦rather than landâ¦on icy runwaysâ¦
I ran a patternâ¦around youâ¦
Captains cut their enginesâ¦to passively ride storm wavesâ¦
You put meâ¦on holdâ¦
Only clear skiesâ¦and still watersâ¦
Can support engines of displacement
Aretha said it bestâ¦in Lady Soulâ¦Ain't No Wayâ¦(for
me to love you)â¦
If you don'tâ¦let meâ¦
You were gone
like a fly lighting
on that wall
with a spider in the corner
You were gone
like last week's paycheck
for this week's bills
You were gone
like the years between
twenty-five and thirty
as if somehow
You never existed
and if it wouldn't be
for the gray hairs
I'd never know that
You had come
When I write I like to writeâ¦in total silenceâ¦Maybe totalâ¦silenceâ¦is not quite accurateâ¦I like to listen to the notes breezing by my headâ¦the grunting of the rainbowâ¦as she bendsâ¦on her journey from Saturnâ¦to harvest the melodyâ¦
Â
There is no laughterâ¦in the cityâ¦no joyâ¦in the sheer delightâ¦of livingâ¦City soundsâ¦are the cracking of ice in glassesâ¦or hearts in despairâ¦The burglar alarmsâ¦or boredomâ¦warning of illicit entryâ¦The fire bells proclaimingâ¦yet another homeâ¦or jobâ¦or dreamâ¦has deserted the willâ¦to continueâ¦The criesâ¦of all the lonely peopleâ¦for a drumâ¦a tom-tomâ¦some cymbalâ¦some/bodyâ¦to sing forâ¦
Â
I never saw old/jerseyâ¦or old/arkâ¦Old/ark was a forestâ¦felled for concreteâ¦and asphaltâ¦and bridges to Manhattanâ¦Earth acres that once held familiesâ¦of deerâ¦foxâ¦chipmunksâ¦hawksâ¦forest creaturesâ¦and their predatorsâ¦now corral businessâ¦men and womenâ¦artistsâ¦and intellectualsâ¦Peopleâ¦and their predatorsâ¦under a banner of neonâ¦graying the honest Blackâ¦cradling the stars aboveâ¦and the earth belowâ¦turning to dustâ¦white shirtsâ¦lace curtains at the front windowâ¦automobiles lovingly polishedâ¦Dreamsâ¦encountering racist resistanceâ¦New-Ark knows too much painâ¦sees too many people who aren't specialâ¦watches the buses dailyâ¦the churches on Sundayâ¦the bars after midnightâ¦disgorge the unyoungâ¦unableâ¦unqualifiedâ¦unto the unacceptingâ¦streetsâ¦I livedâ¦one summerâ¦in New-Arkâ¦New-Jerseyâ¦on Belleville Avenueâ¦Every eveningâ¦when the rats left the riverâ¦to visit the central wardâ¦Anthony Imperialiâ¦and his boysâ¦would chunk bulletsâ¦at the fleeing mammalsâ¦refusing to recognizeâ¦the obviousâ¦familyâ¦tiesâ¦I nappedâ¦to the rat-tat-
tatâ¦rat-tat-tatâ¦wondering whyâ¦we have yet to learnâ¦rat-tat-tatsâ¦don't even impressâ¦ratsâ¦
Â
When I write I want to writeâ¦in rhythmâ¦regularizing the moontidesâ¦to the heart/beatsâ¦of the twinkling starsâ¦sending an S.O.Sâ¦. to day trippersâ¦urging them to turnbackâ¦toward the Darknessâ¦to ride the night windsâ¦to tomorrowâ¦I wish I understoodâ¦birdâ¦Birds in the city talkâ¦a city languageâ¦They always seemâ¦unlike humansâ¦to have somethingâ¦usefulâ¦to sayâ¦Other birdsâ¦like Black americansâ¦a century or so agoâ¦answer backâ¦with songâ¦I wish I could be a melodyâ¦like a dampâ¦grayâ¦feline fogâ¦staccatoingâ¦stealthilyâ¦over the cityâ¦