The Collected Stories of Richard Yates (56 page)

“Oh, good. And my memory book is getting so wonderfully full, isn't it? What a pleasure it'll be when I'm sixty years old. Look, Jack. You coming or staying?”

“I'll follow you,” he said, and he wondered at once, as he moved away to his own car, why he hadn't had the guts to say, “Staying.”

Then he was following her among the slender palms of the first shallow rise of Beverly Hills, and then they were bringing their cars to a halt in Jill's big driveway, where the cars of two other visitors were already parked. Sally slammed her car door a little harder than necessary and stood waiting, ready to deliver a smiling speech that she'd probably prepared and rehearsed during the short drive from the hotel.

“Well, if nothing else,” she said, “this should be interesting. I mean wouldn't any woman want to meet a man like Cliff Myers? He's young, he's rich, he's going places, and he's available. Wouldn't it be funny if I snare him away from Jill before she even gets her hands on him?”

“Ah, come on, Sally.”

“Whaddya mean, ‘come on'? Whadda
you
got to say about it? You really take a hell of a lot for granted, you know that?” They had made their way up onto the pool terrace and were approaching the big French doors of the den. “I mean in four more weeks you'll have gone back to wherever the hell you came from, so what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Am I really supposed to sit around and
knit
while every halfway decent man in the world passes me by?”

“Sally and Jack,” Jill said solemnly from a leather sofa, “I'd like you to meet Cliff Myers.” And Cliff Myers rose from his place close beside her to accept the introductions. He was tall and thick, in a rumpled suit, and his short hair stood upright in the blond bristles of a crew cut that made him look like a big, blunt-faced boy. Sally went to him first and told him of her sorrow for his terrible loss; Jack hoped a similar message might be conveyed in the dead-serious way he shook hands.

“Well, as I was just telling Jill,” Cliff Myers said when they were all settled, “I've sure been racking up a lot of sympathy points. Walked into the office yesterday and a couple of the secretaries started crying; stuff like that. Went out to lunch with a client today and I thought the maiter dee was gonna start crying on me too. The waiter too. Funny business, this sympathy-getting bit. Too bad you can't put it in the bank, right? ‘Course, it prob'ly won't last, so I may as well enjoy it while I can, right? Hey, Jill? Mind if I help myself to a little more of the Grand-dad?”

She told him to sit still, and she made the fixing and serving of his drink into a little ceremony of selfless admiration. When he took the first sip she watched carefully to make sure it was just to his liking.

Then Ralph came staggering into the room on rubber legs, comically exaggerating the heaviness of a load of firewood he held against his chest. “Hey, know what?” he said. “This really takes me back to old times. Jill used to work the hell out of me when I lived here, you see, Cliff,” he explained as he crouched and dropped the wood in a neat pile on the hearth. “That was how I paid my rent. And I swear to God, you'd never guess how much work there is to do around a place like this.”

“Oh, I can imagine,” Cliff Myers said. “You got a really big—a really big place here.”

Ralph straightened up and brushed shreds of bark from his rep tie and Oxford shirt, then from the lapels and sleeves of his trim hopsack jacket. He might still be a funny-looking little guy, but he no longer wore the wrong kind of clothes. Dusting his hands, he smiled shyly at his employer. “Nice, though, isn't it, Cliff?” he said. “I knew you'd like it here.”

And Cliff Myers assured him that it was very nice, very fine indeed.

“I suppose it may seem funny to have a fire in the summertime,” Jill said, “but it does get chilly here at night.”

“Oh, yeah,” Cliff said. “Out on the Palisades we used to light fires in the evening all year round. My wife always liked to have a fire.” And Jill conspicuously squeezed his heavy hand.

Dinner was on time that night, but Jack Fields ate almost nothing. He brought a full drink to the table and went back once or twice to replenish it; as soon as the unusually elaborate meal was over he sank into a shadowed corner of the den, well away from the party, and went on drinking. He knew this was his third or fourth consecutive night of dmnkenness, but he could worry about that some other time. He couldn't rid himself of Sally's saying, “He's young, he's rich, he's going places, and he's available,” and whenever he looked up now he could see the profile of her pretty head on its elegant neck, glowing in the firelight, smiling or laughing or saying, “Oh, that's marvelous,” in response to whatever dumb, dumb remark this bereaved stranger, this asshole Cliff Myers, had just made.

Soon he found he couldn't even watch her anymore because a heavy dark mist had closed in on all four sides of his vision, causing his head to droop and hang until the only thing he could see at all—and he saw it with the terrible clarity of self-hatred—was his own left shoe on the carpet.

“. . . Hey, uh, Jack?”

“Uh?”

“I said wanna gimme a hand?” It was Ralph's voice. “Come on.”

“Uh. Uh. Wai' second. Okay.” And with energy that came from nowhere, or from the desperate last reserves of shame, he forced himself up and followed Ralph rapidly out into the kitchen and down the cellar stairs, nearly falling, until they came to a heap of firewood against the cellar wall. Off to one side, by itself, lay a log cut to fireplace length that must have been two feet thick: it looked like a sawed-off segment of telephone pole, and it held the full weight of Jack's drunken scrutiny. “Son of a bitch,” he said.

“What'sa matter?”

“That's the biggest fucking log I ever saw in my life.”

“Yeah, well, never mind that,” Ralph said. “We just want the little stuff.” And with double armloads of the little stuff piled to their chins they went back upstairs, all the way up to the second floor and into the high, wide emptiness of Jill's bedroom, or Jill's and Woody Starr's bedroom, which Jack had never seen before. At the far end of it, well away from the hearth where Ralph squatted to unload the wood, many yards of white cloth were hung from the ceiling and draped partly around the borders of a great “Hollywood” bed to form a bower that might have been dreamed by an adolescent girl as the last word in luxury and romance.

“Okay,” Ralph said. “That'll do the job.” And though he was plainly drunk himself, swaying on his haunches, he began the meticulous task of building and lighting a fire between the polished brass andirons.

Jack did his best to leave the room quickly but kept veering sideways against the near wall; then he decided it might be helpful to use the wall for support and guidance, letting one shoulder slide heavily along it while he gave his whole attention to lifting and placing his feet in the deep champagne-colored carpet. He knew dimly that Ralph had finished at the fireplace, had lurched past him muttering, “Come on,” and gone away into the hall, leaving him alone in this treacherously unstable but mercifully open room; he could see too that the bright doorway was very near now—only a few more steps—but his knees had begun to soften and buckle. He thought he could feel his shoulder sliding down the wall, rather than along it; then the tilting yellow carpet came slowly closer until it offered itself up as a logical, necessary surface for his hands, and for the side of his face.

Sometime later the sounds of low voices and laughter brought him awake. He lay staring at the open door and calculating whether he'd be able to make a run for it, knowing suddenly that Jill Jarvis and Cliff Myers were huddled together on this same carpet at the fireplace, ten or fifteen feet behind his head.

“So what's with this character on the floor?” Cliff Myers inquired. “He live here too?”

“Well, sort of,” Jill said, “but he's harmless. He belongs to Sally. She'll come get him out in a minute, or else Ralph will, or else he'll get himself out. Don't worry about it.”

“Hell, I'm not worried about anything. Just wondering how I can get this log settled in there without burning my mitts, is all. Sit back a second. There. That's got it.”

And Jack took drunken, disdainful notice of Cliff Myers's saying “mitts” instead of hands. Only a dumb son of a bitch would say that, even when constricted with the shyness of flirtation, even if still in shock over his wife's death.

“Know something?” Jill said quietly. “You're quite a guy, Cliff.”

“Yeah? Well, you're quite a girl.”

There then began moist little sounds of kissing, and pleased, purring moans that suggested he was feeling her up. A zipper raced open (The back of her dress? The front of his pants?) and that was the last thing Jack Fields heard as he clambered to his feet and got the hell out of there and shut the door behind him.

He wasn't yet in good enough shape to find his way to Sally's room; all he could do was sit at the top of the stairs with his head in his hands, waiting for balance. After a few minutes he felt the whole staircase shuddering, and Ralph's voice called, “Coming through! Coming through, please!” The sturdy little Hawaiian was climbing the stairs with remarkable speed and agility. His straining face gleamed with happiness, and in his arms he carried the single giant log from the cellar. “Coming through, please!” he called again as Jack made way for him, and without pausing to knock at the bedroom door he shouldered it open and lunged inside. There was just enough light to show that Jill Jarvis and Cliff Myers had left the fireplace; they were evidently in the bed. “Sorry, miss!” Ralph called as he hurried with his burden to the hearthside, “Sorry, sir! Compliments of the Company Commander!” And he dumped the great log onto the fire with a terrible thump that made the andirons ring and sent up a multitude of orange sparks.

“Oh, Ralph, you
idiot
!” Jill cried from within her bower. “Get
outa
here now!”

But Ralph was already leaving as quickly as he'd come, giggling at how funny it must have looked, and he was followed by rich, hearty peals of baritone laughter from the bed—the laughter of a man who might soon be the most prominent engineering executive in all of California, and who had always prided himself on knowing how to spot real talent in the young fellows he put on his payroll.

“Well, I guess neither of us were exactly at our best,” Sally said the next morning, trying to do something about her hair at the mirror of her dressing table. It was Saturday: she wouldn't have to go to work, but she said she didn't know what else she wanted to do.

Jack was still in bed and wondering if it might be wise to drink nothing but beer, in moderation, for the rest of his life. “I guess I'll go back to the beach,” he said. “Try and get some work done.”

“Okay.” She got up and drifted aimlessly to one of her many French windows. “Oh, Jesus, come and look at this,” she said. “I mean really. Come and look.” And he struggled up to join her at the window, which overlooked the swimming pool. Cliff Myers lay floating in the water, on his back, wearing a pair of maroon trunks that must surely have belonged to Woody Starr. Jill stood at the edge of the pool in a stunningly brief bikini, apparently calling to him, holding out a bright cocktail glass in either hand.

“Brandy Alexanders,” Sally explained. “When I went down to the kitchen for coffee, Nippy gave me this big worried look and said, ‘Sally? You know how to make a brandy Alexander?' She said, ‘Miz Jarvis told me to make up a whole batch of 'em, and the trouble is I don't know how. We got a book on it somewhere?'” And Sally sighed. “Well, so everything worked out nicely, didn't it. Mr. Myers and Mrs. Jarvis are seen enjoying their breakfast cocktails at poolside, on the third morning after the late Mrs. Myers's death.” After a silence she said, “Still, I suppose this is a little healthier for Jill than the way she's spent all her
other
mornings as long as I've known her—lying in bed till noon with her coffee and her cigarettes and her endless, mindless fucking
cross
word puzzles.”

“Yeah, well, look, Sally. You want to come home with me?”

And she answered him without taking her eyes from the window. “I don't know; I don't think so. We'd just start fighting again. I'll call you, Jack, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Besides,” she said, “I ought to be here when Woody and Kicker come home. I think I might be able to help. Oh, not Woody, of course, but Kicker. I mean Kicker loves me—or at least he used to. Sometimes he used to call me his ‘proxy mother.'” She lingered silent at the window for a long time, looking jaded, her upper lip beginning to loosen the way it did when she was drunk. “Have you any idea,” she asked, “of what it means to be a woman unable to have a child? Even if you don't necessarily want one, it's a terrible thing to discover you can't; and sometimes—oh, God, I don't know. Sometimes I think having a child is all I've ever really wanted in my whole life.”

On his unsteady way out of the house, Jack went into the kitchen and said, “Hey, uh, Nippy? Think you could find me a beer?”

“Well, I believe that can be arranged, Mr. Fields,” the maid said. “Sit right here at the table.” When he was settled with the beer she sat across from him and said, “See that blender? Empty, right? Well, twenty minutes ago that blender was full to the top with brandy Alexanders. And I mean I don't think that's very sensible, do you? Giving a man all that drink first thing in the morning when he prob'ly doesn't even know where his brains are at anyway because it's only been three days since his wife passed away? I like to see a little restraint.”