The Commander's Desire (37 page)

The guards beside the doors cast her a look
of sadness and pity. It had been a long day coming, and it pained
them all to see it arrive. She nodded, and they opened the doors
wide, letting in a spill of sunshine. How could one of the darkest
days of her life be so bright?

Elwytha stepped out into the sun. It came
from the east, directly before her, and momentarily blinded
her.

She saw the great figure of the new king
striding closer—only ten paces away now. She closed her eyes,
readying to curtsey before him. To pledge subservience. Everything
within her rebelled at the idea, but she had no choice. Opening her
eyes, she fixated them upon his black boots, now stopped three
paces away.

Swallowing her pride, she curtseyed deep, and
after lingering an obsequious moment with a bowed head, she rose to
her feet. Slowly, she raised her eyes from his feet up his powerful
legs and torso to his thick, flowing black hair, to his straight
brow…but instead of the King’s black eyes she had expected to see,
she saw silver.

The Commander!

The hair had thrown her off. In shock, she
scanned his face. Still the scar remained over his right eye. But
his nose…his nose was straight, with a slight hook in the middle.
She remembered it, bloody and broken when she had signed the
treaty. The bandage had still covered it when he had escorted her
to her palace. And now…

He
was King?

Mouth agape, she stared into cold steel eyes.
“But you look like…”

“
My father.”

She had almost forgotten his deep rumble. It
shivered along her nerve endings, as did his declaration.

Her husband, the King, the son of the enemy
King, stood before her. At last, all of the pieces fell into place.
The Prince treating him like an equal. The hints that they saw each
other as brothers. Now she realized the Prince had shown her his
father’s portrait in order to see if she recognized the resemblance
between the Commander and the King. Yet another of the mind games
he loved to play.

But as Elwytha’s gaze rested upon her
husband’s face, all of these truths faded to nothingness as her
heart wrenched yet again inside her. Pain erupted, like a scab
ripping off a fresh wound. Misery flowed like blood from her heart.
How she loved him! But clearly, he hated her still.

Elwytha searched for her well-rehearsed
words. “Please come in,” she said quietly. “We have a feast
prepared for you.”

She led the way into the
palace, glad to turn away from the Commander’s…the
King’s
…cold gaze. She
walked past the silent guards to the dining hall. With a hand, she
indicated that he should sit at the head of the table, and his men
beside him.

Elwytha wasn’t certain if he
wished for her presence or not. But for the sake of the delicate
transfer of power, she placed a tentative hand on the chair at his
right hand, and looked at him questioningly. He nodded curtly, and
she slid into her seat.

For a great feast, it was quiet. His soldiers
jested a little with one another, but the Commander…King…sat
silently, cutting his meat with swift slices of his sharp
blade.

Elwytha felt it her duty to submit
pleasantries. “The Prince? How is he?” she asked, chewing on a bit
of bread. It tasted like ash in her mouth, and she put the hunk
down, glad her nausea had at last abated. No need to tempt it,
however.

He cast her an unfriendly glance. “The King
sends his best wishes.”

Elwytha digested this. She could well imagine
that comment delivered in a mocking tone from the Prince. And then
the title caught her attention. “King? He would declare himself
King now? After all these years as Prince… Why?”

He chewed meat, jaw movements harsh, as if he
took no pleasure in what he ate. “The Prince always considered me
to be the true King. Foolish of him.”

Because the Commander was the King’s bastard
son, she realized. He had no true claim to the throne. However, he
was clearly his son—his eldest son. The resemblance was uncanny.
Only his bent nose, vicious scar, and shorn head had concealed his
true identity before.

“
When did you guess?” she
asked.

“
That the King was my sire?”
His well cut mouth twisted down, and Elwytha remembered the feel of
it, kissing her, loving her, and pain scorched her, so she barely
heard his next words. “The Prince noticed our similarities first. I
didn’t believe it. Then he tricked my mother into admitting it to
us.”

Elwytha could well imagine that. The Prince,
sporting with his tricks and games from an early age.

The Commander continued, cutting more meat.
The blade flashed in abrupt, precise motions. “The Prince was glad
to have a brother. He flaunted it to the King. It was why I was
allowed to learn to read. And train with the best warriors. But the
King refused to acknowledge me as his son. And I understood.”

Elwytha nodded, overcome with empathy for
this man she loved; for all the pain he had suffered as a
child…taunted, rejected, face broken, and then mutilated. But he
had matured into a fine man. The best, most honorable man she had
ever met. “The Prince…King…has been a true friend and brother to
you all these years.”

His steely eyes impaled her. “I know no one
with more loyalty.”

Quick tears flooded her eyes, and she looked
down at her food to conceal them.

In silence, she finished a few more bites of
her meal. After he’d finished, she said, “Do you wish a tour of the
castle, or of the grounds?”

He looked at her, unsmiling. “I wish to see
my chambers. And I wish you to take me there. Alone.”

Alarm sparked. She tried, but failed to read
his expression. “Very well,” she agreed, and rose.

He spoke to one of the men at his side and
then strode beside her up the stairs leading to the King’s
chambers. She’d had them scrubbed and readied. Elwytha had never
resided there, knowing she would never be queen.

She pushed open the door to the great chamber
and allowed him to enter first. Sunshine spilled in on lavish rugs,
tapestries, and the massive bed was covered in blue silk and soft
pillows.

Elwytha laced her hands. “Does it please
you?” She felt trepidation, being alone in his presence like this.
It was the first time since that terrible night over three months
ago.

By way of an answer, he closed the door. Now
they were truly alone. Cut off from the world.

She stared up at him, at the face she loved—a
little different now, but still the Commander. The harshness of his
expression stabbed into her heart like daggers. “Can I do something
else for you?” she whispered, and moved a step across the room.
“Perhaps show you the other chambers…”

His large hand caught her wrist, stopping
her, and she looked up at him, startled, and apprehensive.

He heaved a great breath and said harshly,
“Yes. You can do one more thing for me.” She trembled at the
burning smoke of his eyes. “You can please me, my wife, if you
would lie with me.”

Elwytha stared at him in shock, her mouth
open. “But you hate me. Why would you wish to…to touch me?”

“
I can wish for nothing
else,” he roared. His fist clenched. “At night I dream of
you…during the day I want you. You are a fever in my blood I cannot
purge.”

Passion. Need. But no words of love.

Elwytha’s heart beat very fast. She longed
for him, too, but not like this. “Commander…King…Gile…”

“
Commander,” he demanded
roughly.

She took a breath. “You are my husband, and I
will not deny you what you wish. But first, please, I would speak
to you.”

“
Words mean nothing between
us,” he growled.

“
I must speak. Pray,
listen!” Her first spark of temper in months.

His eyes narrowed, and a little of the old
Commander flashed through. “Speak,” he gritted.

Elwytha searched for the words that she’d
practiced so oft. They failed her now. She blurted, “I was not
going to betray you that night.”

He turned his head away, and a great scowl
contorted his features.

“
Listen, drat you,” Elwytha
exclaimed. “You would listen to me. You told me over and over that
you were innocent of my brother’s murder. You had no proof. But I
believed you.”

“
Because I spoke the truth,”
he snarled back. “You spoke nothing but lies.”

“
It’s true I came intending
treachery,” she admitted, feeling shame, but she continued to meet
his eyes. “Please forgive me for that. Verily, it sickened me from
the first. I wanted vengeance for Thor’s death, true. But the lies
and murder I’d agreed to commit haunted me more every day. That
first time at the chapel, I realized plotting to kill you was
wrong; I would be no better than Thor’s killer. So I decided to
battle you face to face for Thor’s honor. The next time at the
chapel I realized even that was wrong. I could not kill
you.

“
Richard wanted me to kill
you before our wedding. He promised to come with his forces to
rescue me. He didn’t come. And I had assembled no knives to kill
you.

“
By our wedding I believed
your word. That you were innocent. I gladly married you…because
I
loved
you.” Her
voice broke. “And that night when Richard expected me to kill you,
truly I had planned to trick him. I was going to tell him I’d
killed you, and convince him to leave.…” her voice trailed off. “I
had no true plan beyond that. But I did warn Mary to tell Henry to
protect the Prince. I wanted only to protect you…and
him.”

The Commander stared at her. “You expect me
to believe you after all of your lies?”

“
They ate at my soul,” she
cried out. “Why do you think I cried at the chapel? I knew I was
sinning before God, and I couldn’t stand myself anymore. Remember
when you held me and kissed me?”

He gave a curt nod.

“
That’s when I decided to
abandon my brother’s treacherous plan. It was wrong and deceitful
and I couldn’t bear it any longer. And I was falling in love with
you, even though I didn’t realize it yet.”

Elwytha looked at him, awaiting a response.
Anything.

For the first time, the hostility in his gaze
wavered. “You didn’t love me.”

“
I
do
love you!” Her voice shook. “With
my whole heart.”

The Commander took a deep breath. He shook
his head once, as if to clear it. “You love me? Verily?” The words
scraped, low and rough.

“
Yes.” Elwytha could no
longer keep still about her surprise. She took his great hand and
placed it on her abdomen. “And I carry your babe, Commander. I wish
you to be his father…and my husband, forever.” She couldn’t stop
her tears now. “I know you don’t love me, and you don’t trust me. I
know I can never prove my innocence. I understand that, but I will
accept whatever part of your life you’ll give me.” Tears ran down
her cheeks.

A cautious wonder overtook his features. His
large hand spread gently over her stomach. “My baby?” Awe sounded
in his deep voice. “You carry my babe?”

“
Yes.” Elwytha sniffed. “The
midwife says I have just over five months until delivery. Already I
feel little pops inside. Mayhap a strong warrior, beginning his
first kicks.”

His fingers stroked her stomach, then slid
around her waist. His other hand brushed the tears from her
eyes.

Here was her husband again. The gentle man
she loved.

“
You love me?” he asked,
searching deep into her eyes.

“
Yes,
” she whispered. “And I’ve missed you terribly. I’ve been so
miserable without you.”

Both of his hands cupped her waist now,
pulling her closer to him. “You believe I didn’t kill Thor?”

“
I
know
you didn’t. I knew it in my heart
all along, and then I found Richard’s diary. He ordered Thor’s
murder. He wanted to gain the throne.” Pain again stabbed her,
remembering the awful day she’d made that discovery.

The Commander nodded, his eyes locked on
hers. “And I believe you now.”

Joy took wing in her heart. “You do?” She
flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

He said, low and rough in her ear, “I wanted
you to love me. But I never thought it could happen for one such as
me.”

“
You mean an honorable man?
A brave and gentle and kind man?” She looked up at him with a
wobbly, teasing smile. “What woman in her right mind wouldn’t want
you?”

“
Ones who saw only my ugly
scars and low birth. No woman has ever seen beyond those
things.”

“
Then their loss. And I’m
glad,” Elwytha said fiercely. “I want you all to myself,
forever.”

He smiled at last, and it was like sunshine
lit his silver eyes. “I’ll confess the truth.”

“
What?”

“
I fell in love with you the
first time I saw you. I wanted you for my own. And I was glad the
Prince gave you to me.”

“
Because he thought you were
the true king, and deserved first choice?”

“
Yes. And because he didn’t
want to stop his philandering lifestyle.”

Elwytha giggled. “That sounds like him.”

The Commander smiled. “I pursued you from the
first minute you promised yourself to me. I set about it as a
battle plan, to break down every one of your walls.”

“
To gentle me, like a
horse,” she reminded him.

“
It worked.”