The Confession of Piers Gaveston (18 page)

“Then I am glad you are leaving!” Edward cried blinded by tears and rage. “Never have I known such heartless ingratitude! Everything I have ever done has been for you; my every thought has been of you! And this is how you repay me, by tearing out my heart and stomping on it?”

His hand flew out and slapped me hard across the face and a trickle of blood snaked slowly from my nose. And with that he left me, slamming the door behind him.

I sank down onto the settle again, rubbing my cheek, which bore a stinging red print of Edward’s hand, while Agnes brought a cloth to staunch the blood-flow.

“It will be better if he hates me.”

“Aye, Child,” she agreed, “you may even leave him a wiser man.”

“I hope so, Agnes, I hope so!”

Again I delayed my departure for three days and was promptly excommunicated. When presented with the document I thanked the messenger heartily, saying that his arrival was timely as I was just on my way to the privy and would take it with me and put it to good use.

This time when I left only Agnes, Dragon, and Blanche would accompany me. My plans were uncertain and since Meg was once again with child it was ill-advised for her to travel. No, she would remain in England, and, in time, I hoped, forget and maybe even forgive me.

She wept copious tears and clung to me until I feared for her and the child. I had never seen her so upset. She begged me to stay at least until the child was born even though she knew I could not; the Lords Ordainers would not allow it. Agnes hastened to brew a soothing posset and, to quiet her fears, I promised I would return, in secret, to be with her when our child was born.

“I am not a child, Piers, even though you think I am! I am seventeen!” she sobbed. “So do not make me promises that you do not intend to keep!”

“I promise faithfully,” I said solemnly, “and by my word I am bound.” Only then would she consent to drink the posset and lie back quietly and rest.

Edward could not look at me without tears flooding his eyes. And neither of us could speak except to say “yea” or “nay” to innocuous questions like “Are you cold? Shall I put another log on the fire?” or “More wine?” otherwise tearful lumps filled our throats and we were always trying to swallow them down.

My last night, I sat alone beside the fire in the Great Hall. Everyone made a great show of avoiding me, but I didn’t care. I sipped my wine and watched as they rallied round Edward. Isabelle was at his side, radiant in red velvet and cloth-of-gold, rubies glittering like drops of blood around her fair neck, a proprietary hand upon Edward’s arm and a smile of triumph upon her lips. It annoyed her immensely I am sure that I did nothing but smile and lift my goblet to her whenever she looked my way with gloating eyes.

The Black Dog, The Buffoon, and Joseph the Jew showered Edward with praise as if he were a puppy newly learned to obey his master’s voice. There was dancing and a new troupe of Welsh minstrels to divert him, and a few ambitious young men even dared to smile invitingly.

Edward glanced often at me then quickly looked away, his bottom lip atremble. He tried to lose himself in the revelry and wine, and he danced every dance with Isabelle.

The younger Sir Hugh Despenser came to join me. He stretched out his ink-stained hands to the fire’s warmth then drew up a chair beside me.

“Ah, Sir Hugh, I hear you have lost your place on the council because you spoke out against my banishment. I hope you have not come expecting my thanks.”

He stared back at me unsmiling. Never have I know him to smile except in condescension or mockery. Though he is of an age with me he seems far older. His stern face is seriousness itself and his muddy gray eyes are like trampled snow. He cares nothing for any of life’s pleasures, though he attends all the court ceremonies and revels like a carrion bird circling over a carcass. And he dresses without style or cheer, and only in colors dark and earthy.

“Nay, do not flatter yourself, Gaveston, I know how you render your thanks and it appeals to me not at all.”

“Nay, Sir Hugh,” I retorted, “do not flatter yourself! I know you take me for a fool, but I also know that you care nothing for me or my cause. Favorites and councilors come and go, but as long as his life endures, unless he abdicates or is overthrown, Edward shall be King.” He looked startled but sought to hide it by signaling a servant to refill his cup. “You aspire to rise higher than the stars, Sir Hugh. And Edward never forgets a friend, and to side against me is to also side against him.”

“He has told me as much, yes,” he affirmed. “When I left the council chamber he clasped my hand and said: I never forget a friend. You surprise me, Gaveston; your perceptions are not only apt but unexpected. Whoever have you been talking to?”

“My perceptions are my own. Do you think I could not have thought of them myself? Unlike Edward, I see you for what you are, and I know what game you play.”

“Because you have played it yourself and lost! But I shall not go your way, Gaveston; I shall win! Poor, foolish catamite, you had all the power in the land, but you did nothing with it! You frivoled and frittered your time away and now all you have to show for it are your fripperies and baubles! Someday when I, as King’s Favorite, reign …”

My wild burst of laughter interrupted him. “Verily, Sir Hugh, you cannot mean you seek to wear my shoes? Do not take it amiss, but I do not think you are to Edward’s taste; you are far too serious and unsmiling!”

“Nay, Gaveston, I shall not take the King to my bed!” he said scornfully. “I shall win Edward’s favor, but others shall slake his lust. London is full of creatures like you, pretty hell-bound men with whorish talents who lust after their own sex, so when the need arises Edward shall be sated. But they shall dance to my tune, I shall choose them with care, and none shall he see twice, so none can win his favor. I mean to be Edward’s rock, a shoulder of granite that shall always support him, he will come to depend on me for everything, and he will make no decision lest it be my own! Those who say there are two kings in England—Edward who reigns and Gaveston who rules—are mistaken. For you do not rule, Gaveston, and never have, you are but a pretty whore for whom Edward has paid too dear a price! But when my day comes—and it will—there will indeed be two kings and Hugh Despenser will be the one who rules!”

“Verily, you are a confident, boastful fellow! And do you not fear the people will revile you as they do me?”

“I do not fear the people!” he sneered. “But I shall bide my time. Not now, while your memory still burns bright, but once it dims, and it will … My day will come!”

“And have you no fear that I will tell Edward of your ambitions?” I asked.

“Do you honestly think he would believe you?” he taunted. “Has Edward ever believed evil of one he considers a friend? And you are in no position to even try! It is known all about that you have quarreled and no longer speak or share a bed. So much for witchcraft, Gaveston, your spell is broken! You have no power!”

“Indeed?” I asked softly. “When one plants a seed, Sir Hugh, one knows not whether it will wither or flourish, one can but hope. And as for power …” I smiled as I stood up, the diamond brilliants on my black velvet sleeves flashing in the firelight as I smoothed down my tunic which was cut daringly short to expose my black-silk-sheathed thighs. “There is power, Sir Hugh, and there is power.Be not so dismissive of witchcraft; I am my mother’s child.”

Edward’s eyes turned my way again as the musicians finished their tune and the air betwixt us seemed to crackle and hum. I smiled and began wending my way slowly across the crowded hall. As I passed all fell silent and stepped away, clearing a path for me. Hostility hung heavy as a hanged man upon the air. On the threshold I lingered and looked back over my shoulder. My eyes met Edward’s and, giving him only the briefest of nods and a small, beguiling smile, I moved onwards towards the shadow-shrouded stairs.

Edward’s chest heaved mightily and sweat beaded his upper lip like a moustache of seed pearls and shimmered upon his brow while a crimson flush suffused his face. His hand trembled as he grasped the golden goblet and wine sloshed out over his fingers. My foot had scarcely touched the first step when I heard his anguished cry and the startled, angry gasps of Queen and courtiers alike as he dashed the goblet to the floor, the wine spattering Isabelle’s gown, and ran after me, shouting my name. And with a satisfied smile I continued upstairs, the flickering pitch-tipped torches lighting my way.

“Once again the glamour has been cast!” Pembroke bemoaned.

“Devil damn that popinjay!” The Black Dog bellowed.

“How does he do it?” Lancaster wondered aloud.

Edward caught up with me in the torch-lit corridor. And then my back was against the wall and his body and mouth were pressed hungrily to mine and we were moving as one to his bedchamber.

“Silly thing!” Edward chided me afterwards when we lay in a tangle of naked limbs and rumpled sheets. “Will you admit now that you truly love me?”

“It was why I called you back to me tonight. I would have gone away and left things as they were. Indeed, it would be far better for you if you did hate me. Yet I could not, knowing what I know, turn my back and walk away. I would ever regret it if I did not warn you.”

“Nay, love, I could never hate you!” Edward cried, throwing his arms about me and covering my face and neck with kisses. “You and I, we are passionate people, in our anger and our love! Now what would you warn me of?”

“Deal carefully with the young Hugh Despenser; his sympathy is false and he has an insatiable lust for power.”

Edward began to laugh and flung himself back onto the bed, wallowing like a pig joyous in the muck; and I knew then that it had all been in vain. Yet I had spoken the truth and appeased my conscience, so it need never reproach me.

“Nay, my love, be not jealous!” Edward exclaimed. “It is men like Hugh and his father I need about me to govern, not The Black Dog and his ilk! The elder Despenser was held in high esteem by my father and he raised his son on statecraft as if it were mother’s milk. And, by my soul, I like them well! I trust them! Whenever I must make a decision they do not lecture me like Pembroke, nor ramble on until I am bored to tears, no, they tell me plainly what I should do, and the decision is made, and I am on to more amusing things! Oh Piers, please do not sulk! Saint’s above, I like it not!” He sat up and put his arms around me, but I sat rigid and would not be drawn into his embrace. “If I must decide whether to wear the liripipe on my hat draped round my neck in cunning fashion or to leave it flowing free, no opinion save yours would I more readily seek! Just be beautiful and witty, Piers, and leave governing and politics to men like the Despensers!”

He kissed my brow and would have kissed my lips but I turned away.

“If you choose not to heed my warning then be it on your own head.”

Undaunted, Edward pressed a kiss onto my shoulder. “My sweet Perrot, you must trust me to know a friend when I see one!”

I left the bed then and began gathering my clothes up from the floor.

“Verily, I can see it now!” I cried as I pulled on my black silk hose. “I need no crystal ball to scry the future! He shall play you like a fiddle! How glad I am that I shall not be here to see it! I would save you if I could, and by going away I shall save you from myself, I shall not be the instrument of your destruction, neither you nor anyone else shall use me as such, but I cannot save you from yourself, nor apparently from Hugh Despenser either!” And I snatched up my black velvet tunic and turned my back on him.

“Speak not of partings, my love! You know I shall have you back in my arms again before much time has passed! Have I not always found a way to bring you back to me?”

“No, Edward, not this time!” I stood before him now, fully dressed. My eyes filled with tenderness and regret and I leaned down and kissed his brow. “I shall always remember you with affection, Edward, but I shall not warm your bed again. We are done!”

I was gone before he could summon wits enough to speak. There was a stab of pain in my heart when the anguished, keening sobs began, so like a wounded animal, but I kept walking, I would not turn back.

I waited in the courtyard while my coach was brought round from the stables. In spite of my furred cloak I shivered in the biting November wind as I paced back and forth in the new-fallen snow with Blanche trotting alongside me. And I remembered how, almost a year ago, Edward and I had stood in this same courtyard and he had held a sprig of holly over my head and kissed me.

I started and turned at the sound of someone clearing their throat and beheld the cloaked figure of Hugh Despenser.

“I have come to see you off, fair catamite, and bid you farewell. Methinks victory is mine. Did not the seed you planted in the King’s mind fail to prosper?”

“Only time will tell, Sir Hugh. But I have one more seed left to plant; you may consider it my gift to you.”

“What, more witchcraft, Gaveston?” he sneered.

“Call it what you like, Sir Hugh,” I said mysteriously, smiling as my fingers caressed the diamond-paved crescent moon pinned upon my cloak. “You are wrong; the people of England will not forget me! You shall remind them! The memory of Piers Gaveston the man may fade into the mists of time, but the legend shall burn as bright as a bonfire blazing in the night! My shade shall haunt thy every step, and thy every deed with mine they shall compare!”