The Cost Of Love And Sanity (19 page)

“It's okay. I'll catch you later, Alex.” Dan briefly placed a hand on Alex's shoulder.

Dan walked toward his “temporary” sports car, while Alex waded through the cars toward Nathan. Despite her attempt to look calm, she smiled at Nathan, allowing happiness to overtake her face. When she reached him, he wrapped his arms around her for a strong embrace and kissed her softly—a contradictory yet intoxicating combination for Alex.

“How you doing?” he asked.

“Good. How are you?” Alex asked, looking into his eyes for clues.

“Good. I got your text.” He nuzzled her nose with his.

“Is that why you came to my job?”

“Yes. Why didn't you call?”

Alex couldn't admit that she didn't know what to say. So, she lied. “I only had a few minutes left in my lunch break.”

“Umm. Do you have time for a movie tonight? The theater, my place, your place?”

Alex could go for a movie but she really wanted to go home, as opposed to sitting in a cold theater trying to listen over loud talking. “We can watch a movie at my place.”

Nathan loosened his grip. “Okay. I'll go buy some movie theater popcorn and chocolate.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Chocolate?”

“Yes. You have to eat popcorn with chocolate. It's a requirement.”

“I don't know about that. Chocolate is dangerous to a healthy diet.”

Nathan ran his eyes over her size 4 figure. “I don't think you have anything to worry about,” he said in a low voice.

Alex returned his earlier kiss. “See you in about two hours?”

“Two hours it is.”

Nathan jumped back into his car, while Alex pulled away in hers. She dashed home and squeaked into her driveway. Upon opening the door to her laundry area, she discovered that she hadn't folded the towels she'd washed that morning. Another unwashed load spilled over a basket. For a moment, she thought about closing the laundry door in hopes that he would not notice but she decided against taking the risk that he would see. Not that he was the type to judge her but she still wanted to be prepared for his arrival.

Alex threw the heavy load in the washing machine and took the basket of clean towels for a quick folding. By the time she'd finished folding and changing clothes, she heard the doorbell ring.
Right on time.
She jogged downstairs and opened the door. As he promised, Nathan stood there with movie theatre buttered popcorn and a bag of mini Hershey bars.

“You ready?” He smiled.

“Sure. Come in.” She waved him into the house.

About ten minutes later, they sat on her couch flipping through
the pay-per-view movies on her satellite dish. They settled on a horror movie. As they watched it, Alex began to regret agreeing to the movie. All the gory torture scenes made her lose her appetite for the popcorn and pile of chocolate on the coffee table. When a scene with someone stuck in a metal head brace popped on the screen, she turned her head in disgust.

“Ugh!”

Nathan chuckled. “Come here.” He pulled her into his body and they stretched out on the sofa.

“What? Are you going to be my knight-in-shining-armor now?” Alex asked still covering parts of her face.

“I don't know. I like taking care of you. You should let me do that more often.” Nathan's eyes pierced into her eyes as if he were dissecting her soul and examining each part.

“I'm a big girl,” she said, diverting her eyes to avoid any further probing from his.

“Everybody needs to be taken care of every now and then.” He paused. “I'm really glad you reached out to me today. After last night, I didn't know when I would hear from you again.”

“I needed to sleep on it,” Alex said.

“Sleep on what?”

“Last night's events.”

“But you understood what I said, right? I'm not with Clarissa anymore.”

Her nerves jumped at the mention of the other woman's name. Alex knew Nathan would bring this up but she really wanted to put it out of her head altogether and try to forget that it happened. If Nathan said he and his ex were over, she would have to take him at his word and leave it alone.

“Yes, Nathan. I understand.” She turned onto her right side to
face the screen, signaling her desire to end the conversation. After a couple of minutes watching the movie, a chill hit her and she shook her shoulders.

“Do you want to change the station?” he mumbled in her ear.

“No, it's paid for. Might as well watch the rest of it.”

“Not if you don't want to.” Nathan ran his hand down her back and slid it around her waist.

Suddenly hyper aware of his touch, Alex sought to maintain her composure. She reached for the remote control and pressed the select button. “There's only thirty-six minutes left in the movie. We should finish it.” She replaced the remote back on the coffee table and placed her head back on the couch arm rest.

“Well, I can think of something else to do if you don't really want to watch the movie.”

Alex looked over her shoulder at him. “What?”

Nathan maneuvered his hand up her shirt. His warm breath traced her neck while his lips followed close behind. Alex closed her eyes. Not to shun the graphic scenes in the movie but to try and control the wave of emotion rising within her. It wasn't working. By the time his lips found hers, his hands had found the supple mound under her bra. He caressed it slowly, coaxing her out of her usual self-control. Unable to take any more, Alex shifted on her back and pulled Nathan closer to her.

Her heartbeats doubled their normal speed. She shook all over with anticipation and want. The moment of truth had arrived. Nathan was offering her the love that she'd gone so long without. She hadn't felt this type of intensity since they were together years ago. And she could not allow herself to go another day without it.

Alex wiggled out of her pants. Nathan followed suit. She could barely wait for him to finish before enveloping his waist with her
legs. Although her squeezes to his back sent clear signals she wanted him right then, he insisted on taking his time. Nathan ran his hands back up her stomach, moving her shirt over her head. He paused at her chest to wind his tongue in circles around her jutted pebbles of flesh.

Unable to wait any longer, Alex clawed at his back until he finally pushed himself inside of her body. She squealed and squeezed him tighter, taking comfort in his long-lost familiarity. He responded by rolling his hips in rhythmic motion, as if he could hear a sensual ballad in the distance. His movement drove her into an irrepressible frenzy. Curling her toes, she finally gave in and rode over the edge. Nathan was not far behind.

He momentarily collapsed on her before silently lying behind her on the couch and wrapping his arms around her. As they turned back to the TV screen, Alex made no attempt to concentrate on the movie. Instead, she closed her eyes, preferring to focus on how it felt to lie in Nathan's arms again.

T
he next morning, Alex woke up to her familiar routine. She did all the same things: showered, dressed, made breakfast with a side of tea but, despite the familiarity, something about this day wasn't familiar at all. Alex walked around the house, to and fro, with a consistent smile on her face. She'd been that way since Nathan left.

All of a sudden, everything was perfect. She felt certain that Nathan loved her and, for once, she could admit that she loved him, too.
Wait until I tell Izzy.
As Alex reached into the cabinet for a tea bag, she chuckled, thinking about her friend's reaction to her revelation. It would be exactly what she wanted to hear.

While the bag soaked in her go-to travel mug, she reached for her cell phone to check her messages. She immediately saw a text from Nathan. She smiled and opened it to read three simple words.
I love you.
She hit the reply button and typed that she loved him too. After hitting send, she returned to her main screen and saw a pop up alert that she was supposed to schedule a follow up doctor's appointment. She hit her contacts button and obeyed her calendar's reminder.

A super-friendly medical receptionist answered the phone. “Dr. Nguyen's office. May I help you?”

Alex greeted her with the same pleasant attitude. “Morning. I want to schedule a follow-up appointment with the doctor.”

“Okay. What is your name?”

“Alexis Carter.”

“What's your date of birth?”

“August 21, 1976.”

“What are you coming in for?” the receptionist asked.

“I was having headaches. Dr. Nguyen gave me a prescription and requested that I come back in for a follow up.”

The receptionist typed for a few seconds. “Which day were you planning to come in?”

“Can I get an appointment for next Wednesday around ten forty-five?” Alex planned to take that day off, since it'll be the day after the job fair. She was sure she could use the break.

“All righty. You're all set for next Wednesday at ten forty-five.”

“Thank you.”

Alex hung up and went to her mug to finish preparing her tea. When she was ready to go, she grabbed her mug, briefcase and headed out the door. She encountered a little bit of traffic on her way to work but it didn't dampen her spirits. She still rode high from their afternoon together. She strolled into the building, passing Betty.

“Hello, Betty,” Alex said.

“Morning. You look really nice today, Alex,” Betty said.

“Thank you. So do you. I like your haircut.”

Betty raised her eyebrows. “Thanks. I cut it a few days ago. I didn't think you noticed.”

“Of course, I noticed. I think it's great. Did you add a little bit of color, too?”

“Yes. There are some highlights in there.” Betty ran her fingers through her hair to draw attention to them.

Alex nodded. “I knew it.”

Betty smiled, looking self-satisfied. “Oh, Dan wants you to call him when you're ready to go over to the Rockford Center,” Betty said, suddenly remembering her message for Alex.

“Okay. Thanks.”

Alex quickened her step toward her office. When she sat down at her desk, she turned on her computer and checked her emails. It wasn't anything earth shattering—regular updates. She placed her briefcase in her drawer. She then dialed Dan's extension.

“Hey, Dan! It's Alex. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I'm ready. I'll meet you downstairs.”

Alex grabbed her tablet, purse and keys and walked back out the door. About ten minutes later, Dan came downstairs to join her.

“Are we going in your car or mine?” Dan asked.

“What? And miss the opportunity ride in that Jag? Are you kidding?”

Dan smiled wide. “All right. Let's go.”

They pulled out of the agency's parking lot and glided onto the expressway.

“Do you want the top back?” Dan asked, hovering a finger over the button.

Alex shook her head. “No. Not now. Maybe when we're on the street. Can't have messy hair when I'm talking to the director at the center.”

“Right. Right.” Dan nodded in agreement. “So, how is everything?” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Everything is good.” Alex glanced over at him. “I'll be glad when this job fair is over. It feels like we've been working on it forever.”

“Yes, it does. The good news is it'll all be over soon and you can spend more time with the guy.”

“What guy?”

“You know the one that was in the parking lot.”

Alex remembered Nathan outside her job. She also thought about their time together after that. Heat rushed to her face as she realized that Dan was looking at her waiting for an answer.
I hope he doesn't read minds.

“Oh, him,” she said, choosing not to elaborate. “Well, I mean it'll be good to be able to relax for once.”

“True but the guy? Uh, what's his name?”

Alex sighed. “Nathan.”

“Nathan. You are dating him, right?” Dan asked.

Alex squirmed in her seat. The conversation made her uncomfortable. “We've known each other for a long time.”

“If you're not dating, you should be. You guys look pretty cozy together. Plus, he's making you happy.”

“How do you know my happiness has anything to do with him?”

“The same way I know the sky is blue. I look at it,” Dan said.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

Dan paused for a couple of seconds before speaking again. “You're tough and everything but it's okay if you love him, Alex.”

She stared at Dan.

He continued as if unaware of her. “Sometimes we, ambitious types, work so hard in the office that we forget what's really important to us. We forget what we really want.” Dan faced her. “I'm saying don't be afraid to want something else.”

Alex looked away. It was strange to hear Dan talk this way. Because of their office rivalry, they hadn't shared many deep conversations. To be honest, she never thought he was a deep person but she was wrong and his insight proved it. His words seemed to come from a deep, dark place, alluding to a few not so fortunate experiences. She felt like his words were for himself, as well as for her.

She appreciated the advice but, despite his effort to reach out to her on a personal level and her persistent afterglow, Alex had to stay mindful of the fact that she was talking to a coworker. She still felt the need to be professional, even if they were having a comrade moment.

Alex swallowed. “I won't.”

A few short minutes later, they arrived at the center, a large, beige structure with four columns at the entrance. They walked into the center and went to the main office to see the director. He pointed Dan and Alex to the area of the center they would be using. They viewed the rooms they would use during the job fair and considered the lay out for the set up.

“Okay. So, we can put the registration table out front. That way as soon as they walk through the door, the table will be the first thing they see,” Alex said to Dan.