“I’m curious about your son,” he said, cutting to the chase. He noted that her full, lush lips tightened into a thin slash of irritation. The flash of the nearby red neon sign advertising the Grady Gulch Motel cast a faint blush over her features.
“Why would you be curious about him?” Her entire body language was one of intense defensiveness, but her gaze met his boldly.
A tight pressure filled Nick’s chest, a pressure that was both severe and painful. He knew what the pressure was...it was the question that begged to be answered, and he somehow knew that the answer might change his life forever.
“Is he mine?” He felt as if his heart stopped beating, as if by merely asking the question all the air in his lungs had been completely depleted.
She raised her chin. “Of course not. No,” she added more firmly.
The air he thought was gone whooshed out of his lungs.
“Did you really think I just sat in my room night after night and cried my eyes out when you left here?” Her voice quivered slightly, and in that quiver Nick recognized that she was lying.
“There have been other men in my life since you left, Nick. In any case, it doesn’t matter who Garrett’s father is. It doesn’t matter if he’s somebody from Evanston or a cowboy who traveled through town. He’s my son and I’m all he needs.”
“I’d like to see him.”
Her gaze darted away from his. “There’s no reason for you to see him. Besides, he’s sleeping.”
“I can be quiet,” Nick said persistently.
“I really don’t want him disturbed.” She tucked a strand of her shiny dark hair behind her ear, still not quite meeting his gaze.
“I plan on being in town for a while, Courtney. Why wouldn’t you want me to see your son? Most mothers can’t wait to show off their kids. Why do I get the feeling that you’re intentionally trying to hide him from me?”
Suddenly he couldn’t wait another minute. He had to know the truth, and the truth was she wasn’t the kind of woman who would have fallen into bed with just anyone... With a lot of anyones from Evanston or some dusty cowboy riding through.
Without warning, he pushed past her and into the room. “Nick, stop!” she cried sharply. “You have no right.”
The only light in the room was the one hanging over a small table on the other side of the room from the crib, but it was enough illumination for Nick to see the little boy who pulled himself up to stand in the crib and eye Nick with a sleepy blue gaze and tousled dark curls.
Nick froze at the sight of the bright blue eyes, the colorful cowboy pajamas and the little cleft chin, so like the one that greeted him in his mirror each morning.
The entire world stopped. There was nothing else in the room, in the universe but him and the little boy he knew now with certainty was his son. He hadn’t quite believed Mary. He hadn’t really thought it possible. He had a son!
Garrett.
A joy he’d never imagined possible filled his very soul. Even though he and Courtney had talked about someday having a family, a boy first and then a girl, he’d never really seriously considered fatherhood.
And yet here it was in front of him, a drooling, grinning little boy who looked just like him. This changed everything. Any plans he had to return to Texas disappeared. He’d build a life here, a life his son could share with him.
He turned to look at Courtney, whose face was as pale as a ghost’s and whose eyes were wide with anxiety. “Now we definitely need to talk,” he said, a small knot of anger beginning to build in his chest.
She should have called him. Dammit, she should have told him that she was pregnant with his child. He would have come back, he would have been a part of it.
He’d missed so much already, not just the pregnancy and the birth itself, but also the first fifteen months of his child’s life. He’d missed the first word, the first step...so many firsts that would never, could never be repeated.
He was determined not to miss anything else. He could see by the look on Courtney’s face that she didn’t want to talk, that she just wanted him to go away and stay away. But that wasn’t about to happen.
“Tomorrow morning, around nine o’clock at the park,” she finally said in resignation.
“And you’ll bring my son with you.” It wasn’t a question but rather a statement of fact that brooked no argument.
She hesitated a long moment and then nodded.
It wasn’t enough for him. He had a hundred questions for her, but the anger grew tighter in his chest and he knew now wasn’t the time to ask his questions, to demand answers.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said.
She didn’t reply as he stepped back out the door. Instead the door closed behind him and he heard the click of the lock being engaged.
He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and punched in Adam’s cell number. He answered on the first ring. “Ready for me to come back for you?”
“Ready.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Nick pocketed the phone and then moved toward the trees at the edge of the complex where he’d previously stood to await her return home.
A son.
He had a son.
The thought thrilled him but also inspired more than a little bit of terror inside him. What in the hell did he have to offer a child? The family ranch needed so much work, Adam was in a fragile state of mind and Sam was in jail awaiting trial on attempted murder charges.
Some family tree.
Hell, he couldn’t exactly use his own upbringing to help him in how to be a parent. His own mother and father had been cold, distant people who seemed content with each other but didn’t know how to connect with any of their children.
When Nick had been almost fifteen they’d planned a getaway trip to Kansas City for their anniversary, but on their way home had been involved with an accident with a speeding big rig that had left them both dead.
At twenty-two years old, Sam had petitioned the courts to be guardian of his three younger siblings and had managed to convince the powers that be that he was capable. So, the siblings had stayed together and finished raising themselves. And now he had a son to raise.
Garrett.
Nick still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Fatherhood was all too new to him; he didn’t know exactly what happened next. What did he know about being a father?
All he knew for certain was that Courtney had been part of his past until he saw that little boy in the crib. Now, at least for the next eighteen years or so, he and Courtney were forever bound by the child who had been conceived in a barn stable amid a cloud of grief.
One thing was clear. There wasn’t going to be a happy reunion between him and Courtney. Their time together had come and gone, they’d never been right for each other and he wasn’t about to attempt a new relationship with her for Garrett’s sake.
But, he needed to get the ranch in shape, make one of the rooms into a little boy’s playroom. He needed to be the man that little boy needed in his life. One way or another he intended to be an integral part of Garrett’s life, with or without Courtney’s approval.
* * *
Courtney awoke just after one in the morning, her heart racing as if trying to jump out of her chest. The room was in total darkness and she heard nothing unusual, but an icy chill stole over her, a cold that felt like her body’s response to a nearby threat.
For the hundredth time she cursed the fact that she hadn’t yet bought a small lamp to go on the nightstand next to her bed. What had wakened her? What caused her breath to catch with barely suppressed panic?
She could hear the faint sounds of Garrett’s sleep breaths, normal and slightly calming. Sitting up, she once again looked around, trying to pierce the darkness of the room in an effort to find a reason for her edge of panic.
At that moment, against the faint red light that radiated through the thin curtains at the window, she saw a shadow pass by. Once again her heart banged painfully hard against her ribs.
Had somebody been standing there outside her window? Attempting to peer inside? She jumped out of the bed, silently cursing when she stubbed her big toe on the foot of Garrett’s crib as she hurried to the motel room door. She checked to make sure the lock was in place and then went to the window and with trembling fingers pulled the curtain aside.
The parking lot was bathed in the cherry light from the motel sign. Cars were parked neatly before the units their owners had rented for the night, but she saw no one who could have made the shadow she’d seen.
Was somebody there hiding behind a car? Had somebody tried to open her door, and was that what had awakened her from her sleep? Was it the person who had killed two waitresses now stalking his next victim?
Or had it simply been somebody walking from a room to the vending area nearby? Her heart began to slow to a more normal pace.
She was definitely jumping at shadows. She flipped the switch that turned on the light over the table. It was probably her encounter with Nick that had her so distressed. A sharp icicle of panic still stabbed the back of her throat.
A cup of tea. That’s what she needed at the moment. Her mother had always made a big production of teatime. She’d be appalled if she saw Courtney now pull out the battered old teakettle from the lower of the small set of cabinets, and the chipped cup from the upper cabinet.
No Earl Grey here, just the cheapest generic brand she could find. She put the kettle of water on to boil and then placed a tea bag in her cup, wishing that by drinking a single cup of tea she could banish Nick Benson from her mind, from her life, forever.
It had probably been dreams of him that had pulled her from her sleep, panicked and feeling threatened, not some nebulous shadow of somebody walking by her room.
She’d been a fool to think she could keep Garrett a secret from him. The minute Nick had shown up back in town she had been doomed. She’d just felt as if she were getting her life back on course, dating Grant and keeping up with the financial strain of single parenting on a waitress’s salary.
She felt as if she’d been on track for building a future for herself and her son, and now Nick was like a wrench thrown in to screw things up.
The teakettle began a soft whistle and she quickly moved it off the burner and poured the steaming water into the awaiting cup. Once the tea was made, she sank down at the tiny table and drew a deep breath to steady her tumultuous emotions.
Part of the problem was she’d never really resolved her feelings about Nick. For months after he’d left, she’d hated him as she’d never hated another person in her life. She’d felt both bewildered and betrayed by his sudden absence.
What did he want from her now? What did he want of Garrett? Her biggest concern was that for Nick, Garrett would be a fun novelty for a couple of months, just as she had been in Nick’s life, and then he’d disappear once again.
She’d rather have no father or a good stepfather than a father who drifted in and out of his life without responsibility, without any thought of long-term consequences to the child.
She certainly didn’t want any kind of a personal relationship with him. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, she thought as she finished her tea and put the cup in the sink.
She walked back to the motel room door and once again checked to make sure the lock was securely fastened. There was no question that every woman in town was more than a little bit jumpy over the two unsolved murders.
She turned off the light and made her way through the darkness back into bed, even though she knew sleep would probably remain a distant pleasure for hours to come.
The next thing she knew, the morning sun was peeking through the slit in the curtains, and a glance at her clock let her know it was just after seven.
Garrett was still sleeping, but she knew it wouldn’t be long and he’d be up and ready for his breakfast. She had so much to do in order to meet Nick at the park at nine.
As she took a quick shower and tried not to anticipate what might come of the meeting, she reminded herself that at least for the moment she was the one in control. He wasn’t even listed on the birth certificate as the father. That particular box had been marked unknown.
By eight forty-five she had herself and Garrett dressed and fed and him loaded into his car seat in her car. “Bye-bye,” Garrett said as she started the car engine.
“That’s right,” she said. “We’re going bye-bye.”
Her heart thrummed an unsettled rhythm as she headed in the direction of the city park. As she drove down Main Street she saw Cameron Evans and a couple of his deputies walking along the sidewalk and knew they were probably interviewing and investigating the murder of Shirley Cook.
There was no question that it was more than a little disturbing that there had been two waitresses murdered in the past three months and neither crime had been solved.
She thought of that moment in the middle of the night when she’d awakened panicked and thought that somebody was outside her motel room door. She knew somebody had been out there, but she couldn’t know if it had simply been an innocent presence or something more sinister.
But, at the moment she had other things to worry about...like Nick and Garrett. She didn’t even like thinking of the two of them in the same sentence.
As she pulled into the parking lot of the small park that boasted swings and a slide and a sandbox that Garrett loved, Nick’s truck was already there. She steeled herself as she parked next to his truck, as afraid now as she had been in the middle of the night when she’d imagined the possibility that a killer was stalking her.
Chapter 5
A
s he stepped out of the driver’s door, his dark cowboy hat pulled down low over his brow, Courtney was shocked by a sudden visceral attraction that pierced through her. It was the same reaction she’d had when she’d first seen him coming out of the feed store in Evanston.
At that time she’d felt as if a rocket had gone off in the pit of her stomach, and he’d later told her he’d felt that same way when he’d first laid eyes on her.
He walked toward her car with that loose-hipped gait that made him appear to be a carefree cowboy, but when he tipped his hat back and she saw his eyes, there was nothing carefree in those blue depths.