The Crimson Bed (19 page)

    'Oh, why not? A good idea,' was the curt reply and she knew that Fred was annoyed at anything to do with Dillinger as usual. Why? He was just so silly about it. However, this was not the moment to challenge or tease him. She longed to escape to her room and look at the note in her pocket. There was no opportunity yet, for at this moment Mrs Thompson, the cook, obeying an earlier summons to come upstairs, stood ready to inform her mistress of what they had in the larder and to ask what she might want to make of the leftover mutton and beef for dinner tonight.

    Fred bowed to Ellie, left the room and set off on his own devices. His father had sent a note to ask Fred to join him for lunch at his club. Fred had a feeling he was about to have the yearly list of critical complaints from his father and rather dreaded it. As for Ellie, she took herself off to her bedroom after a light lunch with the excuse that she had a slight headache and needed to lie down for an hour on the sofa there. As soon as she managed to dismiss Mulhall, who was fussing over her solicitously, she took the folded note and breaking the seal, read these words.

Dearest, I am driven half-mad with grief after seeing you
and learning how we have in some cruel manner been
parted, kept away from one another. I am in despair! How
could you marry another; desert me? We must meet one
more time at least, speak to each other, renew our love. I
know you still care. I see it and feel it, you cannot pretend
with me. May I call on you tomorrow at 10 am after
breakfast? It may be the only time available to me. You

must allow me to come, you must!

    She half-smiled. It was typical of Alfie, insistent, commanding, so sure of himself. She kissed and folded up the note and hid it in the bottom of her jewellery casket. It should go on the fire at once but just for the moment she couldn't bear to part with it. She would burn it later on tonight.

As luck would have it, Fred had to go out the next morning. Fate, it seemed was on her side and Alfie, as always, lucky. Fortune certainly favoured the bold! This was obviously destined, meant to be.

    She waited impatiently for Fred to leave the house, casting a surreptitious eye at the clock and in a panic lest Alfie should call earlier. It would seem very strange to have a gentleman call at such an hour and it was hard enough persuading Fred that he had no cause for jealousy. He was such a possessive man yet it pleased her to find him so protective. With a certain satisfaction, she thought to herself that now there w
as
some substance to his anxiety. At the same time, she felt a flutter of apprehension. She knew that it was dangerous and foolhardy to allow this meeting, but explanations were sorely needed if she was ever to lay to rest the doubts and uncertainties in her mind.

    After seeing Fred off on his business with a wave and smile that she felt were pure hypocrisy, Ellie then went upstairs and surprised the little maid-of-all-work by appearing in her bedroom at such an untoward time. The girl had already made the bed and was now dusting the furniture with care and interest for she loved to be in the mistress's room. She bobbed a curtsey as Ellie came in and looked flustered.

    'Where's Mulhall, Alice?'

    'Downstairs, mum. She told me to finish and come let her know so she could sort out your clothes and tidy your dressing table herself. That's what she said, mum.'

    'You needn't do any more, Alice, it all looks fine.'

    'But there's the floor to sweep yet, mum.'

    'Oh, it all looks very well!' Ellie said a trifle impatiently. 'Go

and tell Mulhall to come up to me as quickly as she can.'

'Yes'm, right away,' said Alice.

    Mulhall came hastening upstairs, leaving behind with some regret a delightful cup of coffee, wondering what it was to put her mistress out of her usual morning routine.

    'Is something wrong, Miss Ellie?'

    'No, nothing is wrong, Mulhall. I need you to help me into my blue morning dress.'

    Mulhall looked at her mistress who to her mind looked perfectly neat and pleasing in the grey plaid dress she had put on after breakfast but she made no comment and helped Ellie to change into a dark blue costume.

    'Have you any shopping to do, Mulhall?'

    'Shopping , Miss Ellie? Well, I expect so... '

    'Then take this purse and go shopping on your own account and while you are out in the village, fetch me some eau de cologne and lavender water. And go to the bookshop and see what the latest novels are. You can select anything you think I may enjoy. Then take some tea in the tea shop and don't be back till lunchtime.'

    'Very well, Miss Ellie.' And Mulhall went off to put on her boots and her bonnet and take herself off. She was not unduly surprised by this behaviour for Ellie was prone to sudden fits and changes of mind and often rather liked to have some time alone.

    By the time Mulhall had been dispatched, it was nearing ten o'clock and Ellie seated herself in the back parlour that looked out over the garden. She had arranged her flowers and set them on a table in the room. Their delicate scent filled the air. Her little finches twittered and fluttered in their cage and she spoke to them, murmuring endearments. One day she would have a little aviary made in the garden and keep many birds. This was her own little parlour where Fred seldom ventured, for in the mornings he liked to be in his little studio upstairs to paint, write his poetry or letters and generally idle his time away in a gentlemanly manner. What a strange thing that of all mornings he should be out in the City. And

what a relief.

    She heard the ring at the bell and her heart jumped. She composed herself and pretended to be busy writing her letters. The maid knocked.

    'It's a gentleman to see you, ma'am. He said to give you his card.'

    She took the card, glanced at it and said, 'Where is the gentleman?'

    'In the drawing room, ma'am.'

    'Well, bring him in here.'

    'Very well, ma'am.'

    Alfie came to the door and the girl bumped into him as she turned to go and exclaimed with surprise.

    Ellie laughed and said, 'It's all right, Bridget, it seems our visitor has found his way alone.'

    An alarmed Bridget scuttled off like a rabbit. Alfie came into the room with his usual bold assurance and shut the door firmly behind him. He leaned on it, folded his arms as if to defy any interruption, and looked at Ellie, a smile playing around his lips and in his eyes. He looked very charming and handsome at that moment. She looked back at him, also smiling but inside herself, and despite her apparent composure, she was trembling. She had to lay down the pen she was holding. She waved him to a seat.

    'Alfie, do sit down and stop trying to frighten me into submission. I know your wiles.'

    He glanced quickly out of the window but there was no one in the garden. He came over to her and taking her hand, covered it with fierce kisses.

    'Stop it, Alfie! Don't be such a fool!'

    'Are you going to play the modest married lady, Ellie?' he asked mockingly. 'You know that's nonsense. You should be my wife. You
are
my wife. I took you when a virgin.'

    'Well, I'm not your legal wife!' she retorted, snatching her hand away. 'You know you shouldn't be here, Alfie,' she added uneasily, 'please open the door again. The servants will gossip.'

    'I care not a whit for the servants or their gossip or anyone else

for that matter,' he replied.

    He took a chair, turned it about and sat upon it legs astraddle, folding his arms on the back of it and regarded her with that penetrating, deep look, so like his father's, that always made her turn to jelly. It was as if he could see into her heart and soul. She loved it yet was terrified by it, like a hare caught by the gaze of a snake.

    'Remember... you didn't tell me not to come,' he said, wagging his finger at her.

    'No, I didn't,' she admitted and hung her head.

    He laughed a little, 'Not often you'll admit you are wrong, ma'am! Oh Ellie! Do you know how much I've missed you? We were so inseparable in our youth; you have always been a part of my life and part of my being. You know that.'

    'I do, Alfie... and you mine. I've missed you too.'

    'We love one another, Ellie. Is there any use denying it?'

    She sighed deeply.

    'No.'

    'Shall we run away together?'

    'You are just being ridiculous and you know it, Alfie. You are in the army now and about to go and fight a war. You can't run away from what you have chosen and neither can I. We're not children any more.'

    'No, alas!' he said sadly, 'not children to romp and play and be carefree. You are right. You are right, my dearest. I have to leave tomorrow. I may never return, Ellie, you know that. '

    She went pale, 'Don't say that, Alfie!'

    He regarded her with faint satisfaction, 'At least I see you do care if I live or die. Death is all I want if you and I can't be together.'

    'Now, you're being silly and dramatic. Just stop trying to upset me. You are so wicked, Alfie, do you know that? To tease and torment me like this! You always wanted to be a soldier. It's what you have chosen. Go and fight and pray that God will spare you.'

    'Thank you,' he said dryly, 'for those few kind words. Will you

at least write to me? Remind me of home, talk about our old amusements and pleasures and all the merry things we once did together as children?'

    'Of course, I will.'

    'Will that prig of a husband of yours object?'

    'He may but he'll have to put up with it. He knows a little about you. I told him we were childhood friends.'

    'Oh, a little, eh?' mocked Alfie, 'You didn't tell him about those days in the woods at Oreton Hall then? Don't you remember them?'

    'You shouldn't remind me, sir,' she said blushing and turning her head away.

    'D'you wish then that it had never happened?'

    She hesitated but she knew what she had to say, her voice as firm as she could make it.

    'Yes, Alfie, I do. I regret it in many ways. Our feelings ran away with us.'

    Suddenly he lost his bantering manner and his eyes and voice became serious.

    'Our feelings ran away with us... indeed they did. But it is nothing that I shall ever be ashamed about. That was the most wonderful time I have known, the most glorious experience. We were both virgins, fresh, young, lovely and innocent. Nothing so pure and sweet has happened to me since. Yes, I confess that not hearing from you I did take other women but they were just camp followers, nothing but that. Mere playthings, believe me, to relieve my needs. Nothing will ever match that experience of utter joy we both felt that first time we came together. It was a sublime union made in Heaven. You cannot deny it.'

    'No,' she admitted sadly, 'I cannot deny it, Alfie.'

    She felt a longing to weep, to throw herself upon him and say, 'yes, let us defy the world and run away to the Continent, live in sin... who cares!'

    Alfie rose and came to her, sensing her unhappiness, and she also rose. They clung to one another and kissed. She had forgotten how sweet and dry his mouth was, forgotten the familiar smell of him. God, it was so very familiar, a part of herself, her very being. She shut her eyes and sighed, submitting to his hand pressing her breast, almost fainting with desire. He drew her away from the window and out of sight, leant her against the wall by the curtains and began to fumble with her clothes, lifting her skirts to her waist.

    Ellie pushed him away in sudden alarm, and freeing herself moved well away from him, settling her skirts and trying hard to compose herself.

    'Alfie... don't be stupid! Anyone might come and knock at any minute. You've been here too long already.'

    He looked at her in a strange desperation.

    'Ellie, Ellie, you have become so cruel! Once you used to do anything I asked of you. You flouted convention; you were a wild and wonderful being. We were wild together, children of the woods and fields. Now what has come over you? You say you love me but you push me away.'

    'I do love you. I always will. It is impossible to explain what it is we feel for one another. Bonded by memories, by our youth, by our early freedom and by the fact that we are so alike, too much alike in nature. But that's all past now, dearest. I am married now. I love Fred too, though it is nothing like the feeling I have for you, my own, my dearest love, nothing like that almost animal pain when we are apart... but, Alfie, I prefer it. It is more manageable and more comfortable. I couldn't live every day feeling like this, it would destroy me. It is too painful. Don't try to cajole me or revive what I felt. It's wrong. Things are different now. I will not be disloyal to my husband. What happened before is another matter.'

    'Another matter indeed.'

    Alfie pulled his coat into shape, brushed back his unruly hair and regarded her with the expression of a spoilt child who cannot have what he wants.

    'So be it,' he said at last as Ellie remained silent, her eyes downcast.

    He turned and pulled the bell.

'I will make myself scarce and never see you again, then?'

'It would be better and wiser.'

'But you'll write at least?'

    She hesitated. 'I'm not sure... perhaps, after all, it would be prudent not to do so.'

    'I don't think you will ever see me again, Ellie,' he said in a low voice, 'I shall dare Death rather than face life without you. Can you live with that? I cannot live without you.'

Chapter 16

Fred stood in the centre of his neat little studio in an upstairs room that overlooked the rear garden. The walls were lined with bookshelves filled mainly with his collection of old and new leather-bound poetry books, each volume neatly in its proper place. The little desk beneath a side window had some beautiful objects upon it, a brass inkpot in the shape of a sphinx, a delicately carved wooden holder that carried his sharpened and awaiting quills. He loved to write letters and his handwriting was legible, elegant, without too many flourishes and certainly no blots.