The Crimson Bed (39 page)

    Ellie hesitated. She had now arranged to go to Eastbourne with Fred and she knew how he disliked her visiting Dillinger at the best of times. He would be sure to forbid her to go, especially as he was in such a strange mood these days. She knew that he was jealous and suspicious of Dillinger but why was he being so stupid? Did he not trust his own wife with an old family friend! Things were becoming ridiculous. Soon he would forbid her to speak to any man at all and make a recluse out of her. Well, she wouldn't stand for it!

    Lord Dillinger saw her hesitate. 'I feel I have little time to lose, Ellie. It need only be for a day or so.'

    'I will come, then,' she said.

    'You promise?'

    'Of course, I promise.'

    A look of relief came over his face and he arose now and left swiftly, leaving her wondering what he might have to say to her that could need such secrecy and care.

    As luck would have it, Fred returned earlier than expected as if with an instinct that something was afoot. He was walking towards his house when he saw Dillinger come out of the front door and enter a carriage, which set off in the direction of the City again. Fred's face flushed red and clutching his cane tight enough to snap it in half, hurried to his house and rang the bell loud and fierce. The maid came scuttling to answer it with a look of panic on her face.

Chapter 35

'Turn thou away thy false dark eyes, Nor gaze upon my face;

Great love I bore thee; now great hate
Sits grimly in its place.'
Elizabeth Siddal: Love and Hate

Ellie had just begun to climb the stairs to see how the children were behaving in the schoolroom when Fred came bursting into the house, flung his hat and cane upon the floor, and came after her. She paused on the landing and looked at him in astonishment.

    'Heavens, Fred, you act as if the Devil was after you!'

    'The Devil is more likely to have just left this house!' shouted Fred, enraged beyond any sense. Coming up to her, he seized her arm and said, 'What was that man doing here again? What is going on behind my back? I suspected that the minute I was away and my back turned you would be trotting off to see him somewhere. But his audacity... calling at my own house in the daytime. The audacity!'

    'Fred, calm down and shush, for goodness sakes,' said Ellie, angry in turn. 'Let go of my arm... can you not control yourself?'

    The servants had indeed stopped their work in the kitchen at the sound of the master's sudden entry and raised voice. They looked at each other knowingly. Now there would be hell to pay!

    'I will not calm down,' said Fred, 'unless you explain to me what that man was doing here.'

    'He called for a mere half an hour. He wanted to tell me that he was very ill. All he wanted was a friend's comfort in his hour of sadness. Merciful Powers! Are you going mad or something? Dillie is an old friend. What do you imagine happens when we meet? I know you dislike him but he has never done either of us any harm. You are being most unreasonable.'

    Fred subsided a little and the livid red ebbed from his face. Charlie, who had heard the noise, broke away from his governess's restraining hand and came running down to the landing. He stopped and stared at them and asked 'What's happening, Mama?'

    'Nothing, my darling, it's nothing. Go back to the schoolroom and get on with your lessons. Papa and I are discussing something.'

    'Papa was shouting,' said Charlie running to her and holding her skirt while he stared accusingly at his father.

    Fred swallowed hard. 'I know, Charlie, I was upset about something – but it's nothing. Do as Mama says and return to Miss Green now. At once! Come on, Mary will be upset... ' and indeed they now heard the sound of screaming and crying from upstairs as Mary also tried to run downstairs but was held back by the alarmed governess.

    Charlie reluctantly returned upstairs and when he had finally shut the schoolroom door behind him, Ellie turned on her heel, went into her bedroom, shut, and locked the door behind her. She needed to calm down and she did not need Fred's stupid insinuations and accusations hurled at her.

    At this moment, she hated him with all her heart. How little he trusted her! He had tried to trap her, hadn't he, returning fully a day earlier? This, they said, was the way Lizzie Siddal had begun to behave towards Gabriel Rossetti. Gabriel had all her sympathy. It was hateful to live with someone who never trusted you, who made up fantasies about what they assumed you were doing when it wasn't true and who wouldn't listen to any kind of reason.

Ellie was now torn between her sympathy and curiosity over Lord Dillinger's request to come to Oreton Hall next day and the expected trip to Eastbourne. She would have to tell Fred and she dreaded his anger and suspicion.

    As she expected, he was incredulous and then angry.

    'You are
not
going to see that man again, Ellie, I utterly forbid it.'

    'Fred, he's sick... '

    'I don't care what the matter is with him. Can't you see how others will judge this, can't you understand my position? I am becoming a laughing stock.'

    'Why? What nonsense have people been saying and what business is it of theirs anyway? I can take a very good guess that it is your precious mother who has been spreading gossip as she always does. She's a malicious, nasty woman and I know full well she dislikes me.'

    'She
has
mentioned her suspicions and of course I take notice for people do say things and she has picked up the gossip. You've been seen riding and dining with the man, you're always at his London home, or going out to Hertfordshire. What do you suppose people think of such goings on?'

    'I am
not
always there, or riding out and all the rest, as well you know. But it's true that since Papa died, I have turned more and more to Dillie. He at least is always understanding and kind to me. He at least loves me a little. You, it seems, do not for if this is your idea of love then you may keep it. It is hateful and frightening. There is no trust and no tenderness and no feeling between us any longer.'

    Fred tried to take her in his arms but she twisted away from him, sullen and stiff.

    'Ellie, you know I love you,' he said bitterly, 'but I cannot stand the fear that you no longer love me, that you are unfaithful to me.'

    'Fred! I have never been unfaithful to you. Can you not believe me, take
my
word. You are mad with all this. I swear you are mad... mad as Lizzie Rossetti was at the end of her life when she kept accusing poor Gabriel of being out with some woman every time the poor man left the house. She had the excuse of her problems and sickness and the opium she ate. You don't even drink a great deal. So why do these false notions trouble your heart like this? There is no foundation in them.'

    Fred looked at her, his face wild and flushed with his tormented feelings of pain and jealousy. They ate at him inside and made him feel ill. He had no idea what his problem was, knew that he of all people had no right to accuse another, but rage bubbled within him and made him unreasonable.

    'There is the note you keep beneath your pillow!' he burst out, 'explain that if you can, madam. Dillinger
has
been your lover!'

    Ellie blanched for a minute and guilt was written on her face but this was swiftly replaced by fury.

    'You have been prying in my room, Fred. You are despicable in the extreme! I have been totally faithful to you. That note is about something else entirely. But I refuse to explain. You believe nothing I have to say so why should I demean myself?'

    He sat down in a chair and stared at the floor, then put his head in his hands in despair.

    Ellie looked at him and she knew she had to go away. She could bear no more of this; she was wasting away with sadness herself. She would go to Dillinger and see what it was he had to say to her. However, she could not leave the children. She would take them with her as had been arranged and stay at Oreton Hall with them.

    She was uncertain what to do about little Eleanor. She could scarcely take a baby and a nurse as well. She decided to send the baby along with the wet nurse to the Winstone family where she would be cared for by her elderly grandmother. A more permanent arrangement could be made for the child later when all the fuss had died down. It certainly didn't look as if Henry was ever going to do anything about the poor thing. With this in mind she sent a man round to the Winstone's with a note advising them that she had to leave home on urgent business and that Eleanor would be brought round to them the next morning. A note came back saying they would be happy to oblige for the present.

    Her mind made up, she wondered what to do after seeing Dillie. She knew that he would be glad to harbour her there indefinitely but then there would be the inevitable talk. Gossip would indeed be fuelled and people say she was his mistress. She could only stay a day or two at the most. Then where to go? She couldn't go to the Browns at Kentish Town though she knew those two kindly people would gladly take her in. Henry was still too consumed with his own grief to help, her parents were gone now and there was no one else to whom she might turn. Perhaps eventually she would go up to Derbyshire and stay with Lottie and her husband. With luck, Fred might cool down a little and see some reason if he was left alone for a while. For the present, she had to escape.

The next morning a grim and angry looking Fred left the house for a visit to his new gallery, informing her he would be back later in the day. Ellie made no reply, refusing even to look at him. As soon as she was sure he had gone, she sent for Mulhall and asked her to pack the children's luggage and her own and set the trunk ready in her room. Eleanor and the wet nurse were dispatched in a cab to the Winstone's. Ellie apologetically dismissed the governess for the present, saying that she was giving her a month's paid leave and that she might possibly return home at the end of October and let her know then whether her services would still be needed for Mary. Charlie was to go to school by then.

    'However, if you find another position, please do not hesitate to take it,' she said, 'things are not very certain just now.'

    Mulhall was to let Ellie know when Lord Dillinger's carriage arrived and have it loaded with the luggage.

    She sat in her bedroom waiting, the children with her, praying Fred would not return early from his business. At last the carriage arrived, was loaded up and Ellie took Charlie and Mary and they climbed in and set off for Oreton Hall, the children delighted with the prospect of a holiday in the country.

    'Will Papa come later?' asked Charlie.

    'Yes, yes, I am sure he will,' said Ellie, clutching Mary on her lap.

    'I wish Eleanor was coming too. Why couldn't we bring her, Mama?'

    'She's too small to travel, Charlie. She needs to be kept quiet and peaceful in one place.'

    'She's so sweet, I love her as much as Mary.'

    'Yes, dearest, she is sweet and will be your other little sister. But shush now, Mama's tired.'

    In her heart she was very afraid of taking this bold step. It could be the ruin of her. People would really believe now that she was Dillinger's mistress; they always thought the worst. Fred would be sure to call him out or some such mad thing. Or he might summon the law and take the children away from her and how could she bear such a thing as that?

    How happy her home had been, how good her marriage had seemed to be compared to some of the fraught relationships of their Pre-Raphaelite friends! What had gone wrong, what had suddenly changed her tender, loving Fred so much? Or had the element of this dark, cruel jealousy always lain inside him like tinder waiting for a mere spark to set it alight?

They arrived at Oreton Hall later that day after a stop for some food at an inn on the way. Dillinger came to greet them when they were announced and held out his arms to the children who ran to him. Ellie was surprised by this for he was seldom demonstrative with them. However, the children, like their mother saw a side to him, which others failed to see, and their undemanding affection opened his dry heart.

    'Dearest Ellie, how good you are to come,' he said.

    'I am here to stay for a little while, Dillie,' she confided.

    'Stay as long as you will,' he replied.

    'I have left my husband,' she said and burst into tears.

    Lord Dillinger regarded her with dismay. 'My dear girl, what has happened between you?'

    'Oh, Dillie, he is mad with jealousy and heaven knows what! He seriously thinks, nay believes, we are lovers.'

    'He believes we are lovers?' repeated Dillinger. Then to her surprise he began to laugh mirthlessly, shaking his head.

    'How ridiculous life is,' he said, 'so stupid at times. We human beings and our ridiculous passions and emotions. They drive us to the most foolish and wayward acts.'

    They sat in the drawing room for a while and some refreshments were brought in which the children devoured happily and noisily. Ellie and Dillinger ate nothing but watched the children for a while. Then Mulhall was called and she took the children upstairs to the old nursery rooms where they were to stay.

    Dillinger said nothing for a while and then taking the poker, stirred the fire into a blaze. They both stared at it, silent, troubled in their thoughts. Ellie felt such pain that she wanted to weep but couldn't. Her feelings sat like some great stone inside her guts.

    'Let us go to my study,' said Dillinger eventually, 'it would be well if we have our conversation now. I have a feeling that your husband will be after you as soon as he learns of your flight. He is the tenacious, determined sort who'll follow you to the ends of the earth. You will never escape him, my dear, and he will never let you go.'