THE CRITIC (18 page)

A bit before they were going to leave, Chef Ricky Moore came out and poured complimentary glasses of elder flower water, a sparkling water for those who didn’t drink alcohol. It looked like champagne and was having the same effect. Toreas was giving him the same lustful looks he knew he’d given her.

And he could only sit like a fool across from her and grin, almost unable to talk. She was everything he hadn’t wanted in the beginning. But now she was exactly what he needed. Thank God Gina ran off with a cover model or he would have never found Toreas.

As they left the center, Jared held onto Toreas’s hand and they walked together for a closer view of
Lake Michigan. She was trembling. Perfect, he thought. “Are you cold?” he asked.

“A little.”

“Good,” he whispered in her ear. “I was hoping for a chance to keep you warm.” Jared pulled her in close, tilted her chin and kissed her, tasting her sweetness as he sucked on her tongue, wanting so much more than he could have right now in public. A shudder ripped through him. Yep, roped and hogtied. He was down for the count. “I like this,” Jared whispered into her hair. “The two of us dating.” He laughed. “This is so surreal I can’t believe it.”

“Thanks,” Toreas grinned. “This was very nice, the book signing, the launch party, the whole thing. And what better place to have it than here.”

“Yeah, what better use for what was once a restricted club than to host so many African American oriented events,” Jared sighed. “But it’s a shame the place is so underused so much of the time. The programs are really good and a lot of them are free.” He hunched his shoulders. “I’d like to get the word out, get more people to come and take a look.”

“For someone who’s pretty new to
Chicago you sound like you’re a part of this place,” Toreas stopped walking and gazed up into Jared’s eyes.

“I am, I’m a member.” He saw pride fill Toreas’s eyes and decided to come clean. “It’s a tax write-off,” Jared said, thinking it would change the glow in her eyes, but it didn’t. She squeezed his hand.

“You’re a contradiction, Jared. You trashed my profession and now you’re a member of our group, though I still don’t believe a serious member, and you have stopped attacking us. Thank you.”

A lump was beginning to form in the pit of Jared’s abdomen. He knew he didn’t deserve Toreas’s thanks, or her pride in him, not yet anyway. He still had to tell her about his job, and he still had to do the story on Barbara Keaton. Derrick was counting on it.

“Toreas, do you believe all publicity is good publicity? I mean, for instance, if someone wrote about this event today and said some maybe not nice things, wouldn’t the publicity still help Barbara? She would probably sell more books.”

Toreas dropped Jared’s hand as though it were hot. “Are you serious? Of course it’s not the same. If you truly had any idea how hard we all work to make our stories good, only to have critics rip us apart, you’d know what it does to us.”

“But, Toreas, it comes with the territory.”

“That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, Jared.”

“But it hasn’t happened to you. Why are you getting so upset?”

“Listen, it’s happened to my friends. If you think getting rejection letters is bad, just try having your dream come true only to have someone print a nasty review on Amazon for the entire world to see. It hurts.”

“People are allowed their opinions…freedom of speech.”

“Jared, after being with us do you really think it’s that simple? It’s so much more than freedom of speech or opinions. You’ve seen how hard we all work to get better at our craft, you know we’re all nice people. I don’t think one of us could be as mean as the people who take potshots at us.”

“Do you mean me?” Jared asked around the lump that had now risen to his throat.

Toreas looked directly at him. “Yes, Jared, I mean you.” She smiled. “When you were doing it, that is. Thank God you’re no longer working for the station. I don’t think I could date you if you were. I’d be too afraid you’d be dating me to dig up dirt. Even this nice day, this book launch, I’d be afraid you were trying to find an angle to use, something to tear the author apart.”

Toreas gave Jared a smile meant to convey she believed he’d changed. The smile widened into a full grin. “But you’re not working for Derrick, so Barbara is safe.” Toreas looped her hand through Jared’s arms. “In case you’re wondering why I was thanking you, that’s the reason. You’ve changed and so have I. We’re no longer the same people we were a few months ago.”

“No, we’re not,” Jared said, and groaned silently. He was worse than he was a few months ago. He was now deceiving her and now he knew for sure it would not be taken as a prank.

Jared felt Toreas’s soft hand in his and knew he’d have to wait until she was as committed to him as he was to her. It was wrong and he knew it. But he was in love with her. He didn’t want to lose her at this stage of the game.  He kissed her again, smiling inwardly when she took control of the kiss and sucked his tongue into her mouth, pulling on his very essence. A band of desire filled him each time she pulled. He groaned, not wanting her to stop, but knowing that here was not the place.

“Want to go?” he asked as his hands circled her waist.

“Yes, but not home. I want to go to Navy Pier.”

Jared attempted to stare her down. “After a kiss like that you want to go to Navy Pier?”

“Yeah, I think we both need to cool down.”

“I thought where we were headed was a good place to be, only to finish we need some privacy.”

“This is a first date, Jared, remember?”

“What were the last two months?”

“Practice.”

Jared couldn’t have prevented the laugh if he’d tried. He’d give her Navy Pier and anything else she might want. He thought of the story he had to do for Derrick. Yes, he’d even do that for her as well. He’d find a way to put a positive slant on the story even if that wasn’t what Derrick wanted, even if he found himself out of a job again.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, meeting the thrust of his tongue with the trust of her own. Liquid heat surged inside her pooling in her womb. Toreas moaned. Oh God! She was so pliable. This man had turned her to butter and she was melting.

Toreas felt the clenching between her thighs, felt the pulse of want bearing down on her. She wanted him but she’d never asked any man to make love to her. How could she now? “Jared.” She found her voice but before she could say more he was kissing her, pulling on her tongue and she was drowning in need.

Jared could feel Toreas’s entire body trembling with need, with desire for him. Her shudders were wreaking havoc with his body, his desire for her increasing moment by moment.

His face was buried in her neck. He breathed in her scent, sending a wave of urgent throbbing to his penis. His arousal was painful; he had to have her. Now. No more imagining the feel of being buried in her wetness. He kissed his way from her neck to her luscious mouth, suckling her tongue, drawing on her essence. God, if he could only hold out until he entered her, until he’d given her pleasure.

“Are you on the pill?”

“Of course not.” Toreas stopped and looked at Jared. “Why should I need them?”

His hand stilled. “Do you have any condoms I could use?”

“Again, should I?”

Jared stopped what was he was doing. “Toreas, how long has it been for you?” He narrowed his eyes as he waited for an answer. She was pulling back but this time he didn’t attempt to stop her. He stared at her. “Toreas, how long?”

“How long has it been for you?” she asked, turning the question around as he’d known she would do.

“A few months, “Jared answered, watching her. “And you?” He could see her calculating the time. He thought of that questionnaire she’d given him months ago and groaned. No way in hell were they having sex tonight. Damn.

If only he’d brought the damn condoms but nooo, he’d wanted to pretend that he’d not come to her home to make love to her, that he’d not taken her out for the day with repayment on his mind. Having a ready condom at his disposal said he’d planned it, didn’t it?

Toreas took a good look at Jared. She was no longer filled with lust. Now it was the way it had been in the courthouse, when she’d stood before the judge to marry Fred. Common sense had returned as she calculated the risks she’d be putting herself in by having unprotected sex.

“Jared, when was your last physical?” Toreas asked, moving farther away.

“Why,” he asked suspiciously, knowing what she was getting at.

“I don’t sleep around, Jared, my relationships have always been serious.”

“And mine weren’t?”

Toreas shrugged her shoulder. “I’m not sleeping with you. I don’t know what I was thinking about, not without…”

He stood and glared at her, daring her to say the words. That damn dictionary, that’s what she was referring to. She wanted his life history on paper. He didn’t believe her.

“I thought we’d passed that. We’ve been dating for over a month now. Making love is a part of dating.”

“But making love isn’t worth dying for,” Toreas retorted.

“Have you ever had unprotected sex, Toreas?”

“Of course not,” she spat indignantly.

“But you believe I have?”

“If you haven’t, it should be easy enough to prove.”

Jared was glaring, the thought of making love to Toreas forgotten. “I think I’ll require proof that should I touch you, I won’t catch anything,” Jared said through clenched teeth, allowing the anger he was feeling to take control.

“I’ve never had unprotected sex.” Toreas returned Jared’s glare, hating that her emotions could so easily be viewed by others. She had no business blushing. But she did… all the time. And now she could feel the heat rushing quickly through her body as the blush colored her entire face and for the billionth time Toreas was happy she wasn’t high yellow, like her cousin Latanya. Still, she was aware that people could tell when she blushed. “I’m not getting checked,” she said, holding Jared’s gaze.

“Are you exempt?” he asked.

“I know what I’ve done.”

“And I know what I’ve
done." Jared shook his head. “Toreas, you are without a doubt the most exasperating woman I’ve ever known. Why I keep trying to make love to you is a mystery to me.”

He saw her chin tilt, saw her eyes flash, watched as the flutter stayed at the base of her throat for a moment too long. She was angry and he didn’t give a damn if she were.

“You want to make love to me, Jared, because it’s not easy. If it were, you wouldn’t want to.”

Jared cocked his head and laughed. Pissed wasn’t a strong enough word for how he felt. He decided to throw back a little of her medicine at her. “I don’t think I want to anymore anyway. I just thought you expected it. I mean, all day long you’ve been all over me.”

Jared narrowed his eyes and glared at her. “If you remember, Ms. Rose, you were the one who first propositioned me. If you really want me to make you feel the things you say you do, then you need to tell me. I don’t have the energy to keep trying with you. You’re locked up tighter than Fort Knox. It would take an army to get through your barricades. I just don’t have the patience for it. If you don’t mind, Ms. Rose, I think we can both safely say this date is now officially over.”

Chapter Fifteen

“Jared, you’ve gone way too soft. I should have known your being involved with the Rose woman and the writing group was going to warp your thinking. Come on, Jared, snap out of it, get that old killer instinct back. For the first time we’re making money here at the station, not just covering our budget. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get people to watch and how much harder it is to get them to advertise? They’re buying advertising on your program, Jared, because they love the fighting. Now you want me to back off. I don’t think so.  We’ll run the story without you if we have to. We’ll use your pictures from the event and Stella can do the piece.”

“Derrick, as a favor to me, don’t do it. Yes, I owed you, but my debt has been paid. Like you said, you’re actually making money and it’s because of me. So just this one time give me a break.”

Derrick stared for a long moment in disbelief at Jared before he spoke. “You might as well put a ring on that woman’s finger, because she sure as hell has one through your nose.”

Jared laughed. “I plan to do just that.” At Derrick’s snort of disgust, a wide grin graced Jared’s face. “I’ll tell you what. Stop glaring at me and I’ll hook you up with Barbara Keaton. She’s agreed to come on the show, and she’s hot and single. I think the two of you would hit it off.”

“What if she won’t date me?”

“I’m not a pimp. I can only give you an introduction and talk you up to her. The rest is on you.”

“So you say she’s hot?”

“Very.”

“Is she a diva?”

“Nope.”

“Then go ahead, give the writers a break, but after that  the next ten shows I want you to go back to your old ways. I’ve already changed the time of the show for you. Since you’re still dating her I can only assume that your lady love isn’t any the wiser.”

“Knowing Toreas I’m sure she’d have said something if she knew about it.” Jared thought about it for a moment. He was being sneaky and deceitful. He needed just a little more time to get Toreas to stop fighting her feelings for him.

  “Derrick, about changing the name of the show, you said you’d consider it. What’s the verdict? Are we going with a new name?”

“Can’t do that, Jared. A lot of the advertisers like the name of the show. Our viewers like it. Look, I’ve already bent over backward because you’re a friend. I should have kept the show in the same time slot instead of changing it. Now that’s it. You keep pushing me and you’re going back in your old time slot. That’s the deal, take it or leave it.”

Jared thought of Toreas’s habits,
six P.M. dinner, then she did the dishes and called her parents. She didn’t even turn her television on in the evening until nine to watch the evening news. Sometimes she’d watch a movie at eight but that was rare. He tried not to think about the real possibility of one of the other women from the romance group possibly tuning it. 

“Keep it six,” Jared answered at last, sticking his hand out. “As long as you’re not expecting me to go back to trashing the writers we have a deal.”

“Jared, I said I wanted you to do ten shows in your old style.”

“This is my deal. I’ll not push on the name change but I’m not going back to my old format, not even for one show. Now the ball’s in your court. Take it or leave it.”

For a moment Jared wondered if Derrick would hold out. When he grudgingly stuck his hand out Jared smiled and shook it, hoping his luck would hold out a little longer.

A little voice was warning him that he’d get caught but the memory of Toreas’s kisses reminded him that he’d not had enough of her and she had not yet admitted to how she felt. He needed more time.

The man had a face that scared small children and some adults. His wife’s wasn’t much better, but there was something about the two of them, especially when they were in the presence of each other that changed all of that. They were in love and love transformed them.

Toreas held Jared’s most recent try between the tips of her fingers. He really was pretty good. “I like this,” she said, looking at him.

“I thought you would. Like I said, all heroes and heroines don’t have to be good looking or tall. Look at me. I prefer a short, mouthy, opinionated woman. Who’d thunk it?” He laughed and tried to kiss her but Toreas held up her hand.

“Here, read mine.”

He touched her and she burned. The craving for him touching her soul and making her his. It didn’t matter that he was a foot shorter, or bald and fifty pounds overweight with a more than noticeable paunch. No, the only thing that mattered to her was the look in his eyes. He adored her and in return she adored him. He’d laid claim to her love and her soul had followed suit.

Jared shook his head. “I have to admit I’m impressed. But I do think the fact that we’ve been officially dating now for over a month has something to do with the change in your writing. I’m influencing you.” He grinned. “And you’re influencing me. You’re loosening up. Now are you really going to put this in your book, or is this just for my benefit?”

“This is just for you. I see your point, Jared. When love happens it doesn’t matter if the people are short, bald, stupid or fat.” Toreas hunched her shoulder. “But still, it isn’t done that way. Women want to lose themselves in the possibility of what ifs.”

“I think we need to change their perception of love.”

“You mean give them rose-colored glasses?”

Jared smiled at her. “No, I mean take away the tinted lenses and learn to appreciate true beauty. After all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”

“Tell me, Jared, what do you see when you look at me?”

“Are you fishing?”

“Yes.”

“There is no need. I see a passionate and beautiful woman with eyes that make me weak in the knees and lips that taste of fresh strawberries.” He grinned. “When I’ve tasted more, I can better tell you what the rest of you tastes like. Don’t you want to know if you taste like strawberries all over?”

“Maybe, Jared, in time.”

“When? When I fill out that damn questionnaire?”

At this Toreas didn’t get angry, just gave him a look. “When I think enough time has passed, and when I’m ready.”

Jared was gazing down at Toreas, at her nipples, pebbled and pushing hard against the rough material of yet another overly large and ugly shirt. “Baby, you’re ready, you just don’t want to admit it.”

For the next hour or so Jared and Toreas kissed and teased and wrote in between. And all would have been fine if Toreas hadn’t whispered to him as he was leaving.

“Jared, no one has ever defended my honor the way that you have, well, no one who wasn’t my brother or my father. Thank you,” she’d whispered and kissed him lightly. “I know it was hard leaving the station and Derrick, but I do appreciate that you did it for me.” She hugged him close. “Your leaving is what brought us together, what made us possible. I have to admit that I didn’t know if I should believe you,” she said shyly. “I kept checking your old time to see if you were really gone.” And then she’d done the unthinkable: She’d looked into his eyes and uttered the words that had killed him.

“I trust you, Jared. I trust you enough that I’m ready to share our secret with the rest of the chapter.”

She’d kissed him then like she never wanted to let him go, and that time it had been Jared who’d pulled away. The guilt had overwhelmed him and he was praying all the way home that she’d forgive him. Now here it was two weeks later and every time Jared had been with Toreas since that night, it’d only gotten harder. He’d made more excuses in the last two weeks to cut his visit and their dates short than she’d done in their entire relationship. The guilt was eating Jared alive; he had to tell her. She trusted him, just what he’d wanted, but now the fact that she did was killing him. Tonight after the meeting he would tell her.

Several hours later Jared walked into the meeting room at the library where their group met for their meetings and took his usual place next to Toreas.  He blinked as he stared at her. Damn, she really was changing. He watched as her eyes lit up when she looked at him and he groaned. This was going to be harder than he thought. She had on form-fitting slacks and a pretty blouse. Her hair was no longer in the afro that she’d worn since he’d met her but straight and shiny, emphasizing the jet black coloring.  She had a sassy cut that suited her face almost as well as the afro he loved. It was obvious she’d hot combed her hair for the news they were going to share with the group. Later he’d have to tell her that she shouldn’t have bothered. He still preferred her afro. His gaze remained on her and he smiled.

“Jared, I finished my book.  I’m going to enter the contest. Would you like to skip the restaurant and come over and help me celebrate?”

Her smile was huge as she whispered to him. He smiled back at her. He’d received the message loud and clear. Her eyes were sparkling and she looked beautiful. Tonight she was ready to make love to him. His stomach lurched. He sure hoped she’d want to after he revealed his secret. He could only pray that she would still give him that look of adoration. And that she would still trust him.

“Jared, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you answering me? Don’t you want to come and help me celebrate?”

“Yes, of course I want to, but there’s something important I have to tell you so let’s not stay for the entire meeting tonight. I want to tell you this as soon as possible.” 

Jared saw Toreas smile at him and wondered if he’d actually said the words out loud or merely thought them. He couldn’t be sure but if he’d said them, he had probably raised her suspicions.

“I thought you wanted me to tell everyone about us?”

“I do…and we will…it’s just that what I have to tell you tonight is more important. I really need to talk to you, okay?” Jared could see the questioning in her eyes, the fears. He smiled, answering the unasked question. “We’re okay, Toreas, don’t worry and don’t imagine anything. Just wait until I have a chance to tell you things that I need to.

“You’re making this sound so mysterious but if you want to be alone I’m more than ready for that and, Jared, this time I’ve prepared.”

Toreas grinned while Jared sucked in his breath and smiled at her in return. The last thing Jared felt like doing was smiling. He had a lot of atoning to do.

Taking a seat next to Toreas was the hardest thing Jared had ever had to do. He was aware deceiving her had gone on for too long. Now all he wanted to do was tell her and get it over with. He tried not to focus on her but that was an impossible task. Hell, she’d let him know then and there that they were finally going to make love. Damn, he should just go for it, make love to her and then tell her. Jared groaned. He’d deceived her long enough. He would not take this last gift from her without her knowing everything. He sighed and groaned again.

He could barely keep his mind focused on the meeting or the guest speaker. His thoughts kept straying to what he would say to Toreas.

Jared could tell she was having as hard a time as he on keeping her mind on the business at hand.  She kept looking at him as if she knew a secret and was finally ready to let him in on it.

The feelings that flooded his entire being he had never experienced before.  Now he knew for sure he’d never loved Gina.  He’d never felt like this.  The very idea that a woman would ever make him go weak in the knees was unthinkable. But this short, annoying romance writer had done exactly that.  She’d won his heart.

The speaker was done and Jared had barely heard her.  He couldn’t wait until he could escape with Toreas. Then all the lies would cease.

“Jared, I caught your show last night.  It was very good. Even that segment at the end, the one with the woman who came in here pushing a microphone in our faces. Even she did good last night.”

He felt Toreas turn toward him. He glanced at her. She hadn’t moved but yet she had.  She was waiting for him to answer Liz.

“Thanks,” was all he said.

“We heard from Suburban East that you had them on the show.  They thought you were terrific,” Becca chimed in.

Jared rubbed his hand roughly over his face. 
One more hour and this would have been over. I would have been the one to tell her.

The change in her was subtle but he noticed.  She was no longer stealing glances at him, smiling with a promise in her eyes and on her lips.  Only inches apart and he no longer felt her heat.

Toreas sat as still as she possibly could. 
Stupid, stupid, stupid
, she scolded herself.  Her eyes skimmed over her new outfit.

She now regretted the money she’d spent on the clothes.  Sure, she’d bought them at Wal-Mart, the only place she afford, but they were new and they fit. She’d done this for a man who’d lied to her yet again.

Toreas was having a difficult time keeping the tears from her eyes.  She heard Jared whispering to her but she tuned him out.

He touched the underside of her arm and she snatched away from him so viciously that she knocked both of their satchels from the table.

She picked them up and looked into his golden brown eyes. “Stay away from me,” she hissed at him before returning to her upright position.

She could barely wait for the meeting to end.  Her feet took the steps two at a time.  She had to get away from him.