The Cross (Alliance Book 2) (5 page)

They started back, walking much slower now, in silence, Brody trailing slightly behind him, keeping his head down. He hated seeing him like this, sad and ashamed, so un-Brody like. Not at all like Brody he grew up with, who could take anything and still smile. He had to fix this, before they got back to where Ams was, who he was sure meant what she said earlier, and Drake who he knew was still furious at Brody. He couldn’t have him go back there like that. He stopped and faced him. Brody stopped too, still looking down, his wrists straining against the slave band. He unlocked it, letting it drop to the ground. Brody looked at him then, hands still out in front of him, his face hard, as if he were afraid of him, of what he would say.

“I need to tell you something about last night, about why I did what I did to you, Brody, and you need to let me finish all of it. It won’t be easy for you to hear it, but you need to.”

Brody nodded, his eyes betraying the fear he felt.

“I don’t believe they would have let her go, even if you were dead. They don’t tend to let anyone go, no matter what they promise. Drake turned himself in to them, let them tag him as a slave, the only male one, so they’d let Ella go. They even gave him the official promise on the Council’s screen, only they never let her go. They lie, Brody. That’s why I couldn’t do what you asked. I know it felt like a betrayal to you, and I’m sorry for that. But I couldn’t do it, not when I knew it wouldn’t have made any difference. I would have done it, if I thought for a second that you were right about them letting her go. I would have done it for you, and I would have found a way to live with it somehow, if you needed me to do it, if there was no other way to save her.”

Brody’s light eyes filled up with water, but he didn’t turn his face away from him, “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this last night? Before dragging me to those rocks like that? I could have killed you, Riley, thinking that of you, thinking you lied to me like that…” He seemed afraid, staring at him, his jaw clenched, still holding his hands out in front of him in fists.

He leaned down, pain stabbing him in the ribs, picked up the band, and dropped it into the bag with the rest of the stuff he didn’t want to see for a long time, if he could help it.

“If I told you this last night you would have never believed me. But I never really thought you would do it. I had to trust that you wouldn’t, even if you thought the worst of me. I know what you tried to do last night, all the things you said trying to get me to be really angry at you, trying to get me to hate you, to make it easier for me. I knew it then… But I am sorry I scared you like that.”

He could see Brody’s hands shaking. He was still staring at him, eyes dark gray and wet, angry or afraid, he couldn't tell. And then he knew, could feel it, that he didn’t trust himself enough to be who Riley always thought he was. That he didn’t believe he deserved his trust, or anybody’s, and he didn’t know what to do with him then, didn’t know how to help him.

“I can’t help you get her back if you are going to be like this, Brody. I need to trust you, we all do. I need to know that Ams and Laurel are safe from you, and I need to know that you are safe from you. I need your word, Brody. But no more slave bands or cuffs or watching over my shoulder. You are stuck with us now, and I have to know that I am not putting anyone I love in danger, and that includes you.”

He waited for him to take it all in, waited for a long time.

“You have my word,” almost a whisper, that, but it was enough. It would always be enough between the two of them.

He picked up the pace, wanting to get to the camp. He needed food and they had to start making some kind of plan. Drake was serving bits of hot smoked meat and bread when they got there. He could smell it before he ever saw the fire. Whatever that meat stuff was that Stan found for them in Reston, he never thought he’d get tired of it. He stomach was growling, so he walked a bit faster still. He grabbed two plates of the steaming meat stuff and a small thermos of tea and walked back to where Brody sat down on the edge of the clearing, away from the fire, away from everybody.

Brody shook his head at him, at the food. He hadn’t seen him eat or drink anything yet. He had to make him. “Brody, you don’t have a choice. You have to make yourself drink this, and you have to eat, or you are going to kill yourself by starving to death, or get so weak that we’ll have to carry you, and we can’t do that,” he snapped at him. Brody nodded and took the plate and the thermos from him, set them down on the grass, leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes.

Impatience getting the better of him, he picked up the thermos and opened it. He took Brody by the face, roughly, squeezed into his jaw joints, and poured the warm liquid into him, making him choke, “If you are going to act like a child, I’ll have to treat you like one, Brody. You have to stop this. You have to stop punishing yourself for everything. For me, for Trina, for your parents. It wasn’t your fault. I know it’s hard, but you have to. I am not angry at you, I am really not… I don’t know what I would have done if it were me. Ams and Drake will get over it too. So please, stop this. It’s killing you; and it’s killing me to watch you do this to yourself.” He whispered all of it, so only Brody heard him, and walked away from him, back to the fire. He turned around once, and saw him pick up the thermos and take a drink. The food he didn’t touch, but this was a start.

He knew he couldn’t ask them to risk their lives to try to save Trina. Had no right to ask it of them, but he hoped he could get them to help him in some other way. He was talking to them about it now, Ams looking at him like he was insane, and shaking her head, “I’m not helping him, Riley. I just can’t. Not after what he did to you.”

He was relieved. He didn’t want to risk Ams, wanted her safe.

“I know, Ams. I’m not asking you to. I am not asking any of you. Brody and I will go, but we could use some planning help, and we still need to deal with Brody’s crew, and I don’t know how to.” He knew Brody heard all of this, and hoped it didn’t make it worse for him.

“I want to come with you, Brody. I want to help,” - Laurel, who hasn’t said a word to Brody or about him since she got back. It didn’t make sense for her to want to help him. But she stood there in front of the boy, looking at him, “I can get into that compound. If I can find the right clothes, any compound. I can probably get into one of their metros too. They won’t hurt me. I just need to look the part. None of you can do that. You have to let me come with you.”

He looked at Brody, who was watching this girl in disbelief, “No. I’m sorry, but you can’t. I promised Riley that I wouldn’t put any of you in danger. I can’t take any of you with me. Not even you, Riley.” Brody got up and walked into the cave, and nobody seemed to want to go in after him.

They sat in silence, Ams looking angry at him for some reason, and not even trying to hide it. Drake and Ella walked off into the woods, probably trying to give them privacy, and he didn’t see Laurel anywhere. Just as well. Ams was sitting unnaturally still, not looking at him, her angry, deliberate not looking at him. He couldn’t think of anything he’d done to upset her lately, if only because there wasn’t any time, so it didn’t make sense for her to be angry at him now. Only of course it did…. She thought he was choosing Brody over her. She must have thought that he wouldn’t want to go with him if she didn’t, and now he was planning on leaving her because of this boy who almost killed him yesterday. The boy she clearly hated because she watched him do it. He would need to talk to her, but he was too tired to think after not sleeping most of the night, and too tired to talk.

He walked to the cave, needing to just lie down for a bit, and when he got there, he saw Laurel crouching by where Brody was sitting against that wall, whispering at him. Brody’s eyes were closed, but his face seemed relaxed for the first time, and his hands weren’t making fists. He was intruding, so he quietly grabbed his blanket and walked to the birch tree that Brody chose last night, smelling its mild sweetness, slumped down next to it, and finally let himself sleep.

B
IRCH

Laurel

[
May 7, 2236 Woods Outside of Reston
]

She was surprised Riley didn’t get it. Looking at this boy, Brody, she could tell from the first that he was broken, that something happened to him, something unfixable. Riley, of all people, should have seen it. This boy had that same look to him that Riley had when Ams stopped talking to him for days before they ran. The waiting to die look. Ams being the way she was with this boy she got, couldn’t blame her for it. She must have been scared out of her mind, tied up to a tree and watching that other boy punching Riley like that. She must have thought they would kill her Riley. But Riley not getting it surprised her…

She couldn’t bear look at the boy sitting there alone by that tree, as if waiting for himself to just stop breathing, so when he went inside, she followed him, because somebody had to talk some sense into him, and because she really wanted to help him get his girl back, this Trina. It’s not like they had someplace to be or plans of any kind, and this trudging through woods from one city to the next was already getting old. She didn’t run away from the compound to do this.

He was sitting against the wall, his eyes closed. “Brody.”

He didn’t even look at her.

“You have to let me help you. I know you promised Riley, but Riley would let me go. He has to. I am not Ams, or Ella. I’m not his to keep safe. I want to help you, and I need you to let me,” she crouched in front of him, watching his face. There were streaks of gold in his hair, catching what little light was coming into the cave, from all the sun she guessed. He looked about Riley’s age, but there was no carelessness about him. She couldn’t picture him as a little kid, like she could Riley, or Ams. Couldn’t even picture him smiling.

She heard Riley come in then, fumble for his blankets and leave. He must have thought they were talking. She wished she could make this boy talk to her, felt he needed to talk to somebody and nobody seemed to want to be around him. She moved to his side and sat next to him by the wall, “Tell me about her. About Trina, from before they took her.” He looked at her then, for the first time, surprised gray blue eyes with sparkles of yellow and gold in them, and nodded. And finally, he talked.

His voice cracking when he got to the part where she handed him the necklace back, and she could picture them from his words, the girl leaning against the aged brick wall of the school, him hurting so much he threw the necklace away just to not have it near him. She could picture him kissing the girl’s head and it made sense to her, him doing it even then, could almost hear him whisper something to her, only she didn’t know what it was, and him walking away for the last time. But she couldn’t picture being that girl, couldn’t imagine ever doing something like that to a boy who loved her. She didn’t think she could.

She put her hand on top of his, and he froze. “Please, don’t,” he said so very quietly, barely a whisper, as if it hurt him just to have her hand on his like that. Every instinct in her told her to let go, to not hurt him, but she felt she had to let him know that she didn’t think he was as horrible as all that, so she pressed harder on his hand, not moving, hoping he understood that she didn’t mean him any harm by it, and he let her. They stayed like that for a long time, not saying anything.

He looked at her finally, sparkles all gone now, his hand in a fist under hers, “I would have given you up to the Alliance to save her, if I could. You need to know that. That’s who you are trying to comfort, Laurel. You see the sadness, but nothing else, because that’s how you are. But I am not like Riley, Laurel. I am not,” he lowered his head, and whispered after a beat, “I tried to get him to shoot me last night to save her, because I thought it might work. I tried to force my best friend to kill me in exchange for getting you and Ella back. I don’t know how he would have lived with himself if he had, but I didn’t care about that,” he looked up at her again. “That’s how I am,” and he seemed sorry he said it then, or sorry that it’s how he was.

“I think I might have let you take me to the Alliance, Brody, if I knew why you were doing it. I don’t have anybody, so it doesn’t matter where I end up to anyone but Ams, and she has Riley now. She’ll be all right. I might have let you walk me right in if it could get you Trina back, if I knew. I still would, if you’d just ask. And that boy wouldn’t have beat up Riley like that, and you wouldn’t have felt the need to do what you did last night, and you wouldn’t feel so bad now,” she said softly. She didn’t know why she said all of it now, didn’t think about it beforehand, but she believed she meant it. She was tired of running through these woods, and she certainly didn’t want to see any more cities with no life in them. She never wanted to see that again. And all the sadness on everyone’s faces all the time…. She didn’t want it in her, didn’t want to become hard like Ams or sad and lifeless like this boy.

He was staring at her, as if not quite understanding what she just said, or not trusting that she meant it. He stood up, breathing hard, still staring at her, the light in his strange eyes back now, “I can’t take you with me, Laurel. Even if Riley lets you go. Not after what you just said. I can’t. I won’t,” and his voice was full of anger. She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t at least talk to the rest of them about it. This could be the only chance they had to make it okay for all of them, okay for Riley and Brody, and it would be okay for her too, she knew that. This would be different than her just doing the thing she was made for because before she had no choice about it. Her choosing to go back wouldn’t feel so bad at all, not if it would make it all right for her friends.