The Curse Defiers (16 page)

“I don’t want to be with him. You know that! I need
you.
I want
you!
” I grabbed his hand, but he shook me off again. “David, I need you for your knowledge about the gods and the spirits. And if not for you, I wouldn’t know the story behind the ring or the spear. I wouldn’t know that Ahone had plotted that too. I wouldn’t know about the Guardians and I wouldn’t have found a warded sword.” Oh, God. In my panic, I’d left the sword at Allison’s house. “I can’t do this on my own. I need your help. I love you.” I choked on the last sentence, hoping my words were enough.

He turned to face me, his eyes filled with anger and hatred, and my heart broke even more. My worst fear was coming true. I was losing him too.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. David’s safety was more important than my hurt feelings, and we were sitting outside in his car. “But right now, we need to get inside. Tsagasi and I think the Raven Mocker might come back for you.”

He released a bitter laugh.

By the time I opened my door, he had already gotten out of the car and was walking toward the porch. I hadn’t had time to lock the front door, but David didn’t seem to notice or care when I just pushed it open.

We stood in his living room and I wondered what we were supposed to do. It’s not like David could watch his ex-girlfriend die in agony and then come home and turn on the television.

I looked down at my arms and clothes, which were caked in demon blood and smelled of sulfur and tar. I suspected that I’d have to throw my clothes away. “I need to wash the Raven Mocker blood off.”

He swung his gaze to study me. “What are you talking about?”

“I killed three of them and their blood is on my skin and clothes, even if you can’t see it.”

He turned to look out the window.

“Do you want me to get you something?” I asked, worried about leaving him alone.

“No.” His voice was cold.

“I’m going to take my shower. Don’t go anywhere.”

He looked at me with a vacant expression. “Where am I going to go, Ellie?”

I pressed a kiss to his lips, cupping his cheek with my hand. “I love you. I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t answer and he didn’t kiss me back. I fought new tears. He looked so broken, and it was all my fault. Was I keeping him with me out of selfishness? Was the answer to let him go? I pushed down the panic that accompanied that thought.

“I’ll be right back.” I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, stripping off my clothes. I needed to hurry back to him.

I climbed into the steaming water and quickly washed my hair and body, fighting the sorrow that permeated my heart like the demon stink that clung to my body. I scrubbed my skin until it was raw. As I rinsed off, the curtain parted and David stood in the opening, naked and watching me.

I held out my hand to him. He grabbed it and stepped into the tub, pulling me to his chest, his hands digging into my shoulder blades. I wrapped my arms around his back and held him close, nearly crying with relief. He had come to me. He still wanted me.

We stood there for several seconds, the warm water beating down on us, until I lifted my head and looked up into his face.

His eyes were squeezed shut, pain etching lines on his face.

I had done this to him. I had brought this upon him.

His hand slowly slid up my shoulder blade to my neck, and he grasped the back of my head and tilted my face up so he could search my eyes. Whatever he saw there must have been what he needed because his mouth lowered and he gave me a hesitant kiss. I tangled a hand in his now-damp hair and held him tight.

Letting loose any of the reserve that held him back, his grip on me tightened and his kiss became more demanding. He turned and pressed my back against the cold porcelain tile as his hand found my breast.

“Part of me hates you,” he murmured before kissing me again, his mouth punishing before it lifted again. “You’ve ruined everything. I can never, ever go back to the only life I’ve ever known.”

His words stabbed my heart, and my grief and guilt threatened to suffocate me.

“But I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life, and the thought of living without you is inconceivable.”

“I’m sorry,” I choked out, tears burning behind my eyes.

He lifted one of my legs and wrapped it up around his waist so that his erection prodded my entrance. Then he plunged in deep.

I gasped in surprise and he stopped, holding me up with my leg and his other arm, still buried deep inside me.

“You’re my soul mate, Ellie. I never believed in soul mates until I met you. You’re the one person I was destined to be with forever. I know that as clearly as I know that winter follows fall and the sun will rise every morning. But fate is a fickle, fickle bitch.” His words were harsh as he pulled back and plunged into me again, pressing my back hard against the wall. “Because while you are my soul mate, I’m not yours.”

“David.”

He grabbed my right hand, spreading my fingers open to reveal the circle and the square embedded in my skin. “You belong to
him
.”

I shook my head, crying. I couldn’t deny it. “I don’t want to belong to him.”

“But you do anyway, don’t you?”

“David, please.”

“Tell me who you want, Ellie.” His voice was harsh.

“You know who I want.”

“
Say it.
”

“I want you, David,” I said in desperation. “I want you. I only want you.”

His eyes searched mine. “But is it enough, Ellie? Is wanting me enough?”

“It
has
to be.”

His mouth covered mine and he lifted my ass up so my legs straddled him. He threw the shower curtain open and stepped over the side of the tub, carrying me out the bathroom door and the few steps to his bed. The cool air hit my water-drenched skin, raising goose bumps.

I kept my legs wrapped around his waist as he dropped me onto the mattress, climbing on top of me and entering me again. I clung to him, trying to keep up, trying to give him what he needed from me, but I realized the only thing he needed was for me to be there, holding him and proving that I was staying with him. That I chose him.

When he finished, he rolled to his side and pulled me up next to him. I started to cry softly on his chest and he pulled back, horror on his face. “Oh, God. What have I done? I hurt you.”

I shook my head adamantly. “No, David. I hurt
you
. I’m so tired of hurting you.”

“Shh.” He brushed kisses along my cheek and hairline. “I love you, Ellie. Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

I nodded, fresh tears streaming down the sides of my face and running into my wet hair. “I love you too.”

His mouth found mine, and I held his head in place. I needed him. I needed this. I needed to know he wasn’t giving up on me.

“We left the water running in the shower. I’ll be right back.”

He left me naked on top of the bed. I realized how easy it would be for him to walk away and leave me alone and vulnerable, despite his protests that he had nowhere else to go. Anywhere he went would be safer and saner than staying with me.

When he returned moments later, I was curled in a ball on the bed, sobbing.

He pulled me into his arms. “God, Ellie. I’m so sorry.” His voice broke. “I just treated you like—”

I shook my head, my mouth finding his, but I continued to cry and had to pull away to catch my breath. “I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you.”

He pulled me against him, holding on tight. “I’m not going anywhere, love. I’m here.”

C
HAPTER
F
OURTEEN

I cried for several minutes and was finally starting to calm down when the image of Allison’s abused body pushed to the front of my head. “Oh, God, David. It was so horrible. What they did to her.” I released a fresh sob. “All I can see is her blood. I keep hearing her scream.”

He sucked in a breath as he realized whom I was talking about.

“That last Raven Mocker was different than the others; I knew she would be harder to destroy. And then she lunged for you.” I tried to catch my breath. “I was sure she was going to kill you, but she took Allison’s heart instead.” I took a shuddering breath. “It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen. Until I saw what she did next.”

“What?” he whispered.

I shook my head. “You don’t want to know.”

“Enough secrets, Ellie.” His voice was harsh. “Enough.”

“The Raven Mocker held Allison’s heart in her hand and ate it. Like it was an apple.”

His body stiffened.

I jerked out of his arms. “I’m hurting you. I just keep hurting you.”

“Not you, Ellie. You’re not doing this. Ahone. Okeus. The Raven Mockers. They’re the ones who are responsible.”

“But they would leave you alone if it weren’t for me.”

“You don’t know that, Ellie.” He sounded weary. “Countless people have died who have no ties to you at all.”

I jumped off the bed, still naked, and began to pace. “Oh, God. You’re right. All those people and animals—they’re all dependent on me to save them and I’m failing.” I started to cry again.

“Ellie, that’s not what I meant.”

I shook my head. “Maybe not, but it’s true.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he slid off the mattress and opened one of his drawers, pulling out a T-shirt. Grabbing my arm, he tugged the shirt over my head and helped me put my arms through the sleeves. He leaned down to kiss me before pulling me into a hug.

“You’re doing everything you can. You can’t do any more than that.”

I took a deep breath and tried to pull away, but he led me back to the bed. He pulled back the covers and sat with his back against the headboard, my body pressed to his side.

“Now tell me about Tsagasi.”

I told him about finding him in the backyard. “He said he’s my guardian.”

“And you trust him?”

“I don’t know. He helped me, so I suppose that I have no reason not to trust him other than the fact Ahone was supposed to be helping me too. Have you heard of Tsagasi?”

“He’s part of Cherokee legend. He and Tsawasi. They are both mischievous, but they’re not supposed to be evil . . . not as far as I know, anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were brothers.”

“If he hadn’t helped, we’d all be dead.”

“You could have sent them away with your mark if he hadn’t shown up.”

Was David right? Should I have just sent them away instead of trying to destroy them? I still wasn’t sure I would have gotten the vortex open in time to protect us all, and I couldn’t have done both. But my decision had led to Allison’s death, even if it had probably saved many other people. “I’m sorry.”

He held me close. “You did everything you could, Ellie.”

“Did I?”

“You can’t second-guess yourself. You managed to tap into your power as a witness to creation by trusting your instinct, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all you really have to rely on—instinct. I suggested that you use the ring and you automatically dismissed it.”

“I’m sorry.”

He tipped my chin up. “Don’t even think of saying you’re sorry again. It’s good that you’ve been following your gut. My suggestions are merely suggestions. I had no other idea to offer. Thank God for Tsagasi.”

“I never even considered that I might have additional power from being a witness to creation. It’s stupid when I think about it.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, but you’re right. Everyone wants you for that very power, so it makes sense. But you need to practice with it and see what else you can do.”

I nodded, relaxing into his chest. I rested there for several moments, listening to the soft rhythm of his heartbeat in my ear.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I treated you so badly tonight.”

I tilted my face up and kissed him. “It’s okay.”

“
No
. It is
not
.”

“David . . .”

“I said some ugly, hurtful things that I wish I could unsay.”

“You had every right to say them. They’re all true.” He started to protest. “No, I have ruined your life. I killed Allison.”

“
Ellie.
”

“It’s true. I wish it wasn’t, but it is. I’m giving you a last out, despite what I said earlier. I need you, and the thought of living without you . . .” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But I don’t want you to stay with me out of guilt or obligation. Things got real tonight, and I suspect it’s only a preview of what’s to come. I won’t hold it against you if you decide that this is too much.”

He slowly shook his head. “I can’t go back now. I told you that earlier, even if it was in the most hateful way possible. Even if I could go back to my old life, I wouldn’t want to.” He lightly rubbed my arm. “Nothing of great worth comes without a price.”

“The cost is too much.”

“That’s for me to decide, love.”

I rested in his arms, both of us nearly asleep. “Did Allison show you her big secret? The reason we came to Chapel Hill in the first place?”

“No.” His arms tightened around me. “She refused to tell me. She said she’d only tell you if I broke up with you. I have no idea what it was.”

“She died for nothing.” My voice broke again.

“Ellie, enough.” His words were sterner than usual. “This will eat you alive if you let it. There’s enough guilt to go around, but I’m not blaming you. And if you continue to blame yourself, you could jeopardize our safety. Get it all out of your system now and let it go.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Nothing about this is.” He kissed my forehead. “Try to get some sleep.”

I lay in his arms, terrified as he fell asleep. The doors were marked. We were safe. But for how long? How long would I be able to protect him?

I fell asleep, David’s arms chasing away the nightmare of Allison’s screams. But I blinked awake in the middle of the night, sensing that something was off.

David slept next to me, his breathing soft and even. I waited to hear the familiar banging on the door followed by my slurred name, but it didn’t come. There was no angry god waiting for me. Still, a slight itch tickled my right hand.

I carefully sat up and slid out of bed, trying not to disturb David.

I padded through the house and into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. While I was midsip I heard a noise outside, so I set the glass down on the counter and cracked the back door open.

“Took you long enough to check on me.” I heard Tsagasi’s voice but couldn’t see him.

I walked out through the door and sat on the step, tugging David’s T-shirt down to cover my bare ass. “I’m sorry. I was dealing with a crisis of my own.”

“Human feelings are such fragile things,” he grunted in disgust.

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. There was definitely no arguing his point. “Did you have any problems?” It seemed so wrong to ask it that way. Allison had died and Tsagasi had stayed behind to cover up her death. Goose bumps broke out on my arms. When had I become so callous?

“No, but the Raven Mockers returned, looking for ‘he who guides the Curse Keeper.
’
 ”

He who guides the Curse Keeper? “
David?
He has a title?”

“Everyone and everything has a title. Sometimes more than one.”

Like me. I had three. “David said Raven Mockers are only supposed to go after people who are on their deathbeds. Even then, they wait until the person’s dead to take their heart. But that Raven Mocker took Allison’s heart while she was still alive.”

“Being locked up for centuries changed the Raven Mockers. And not in a good way.”

“So they aren’t following the rules anymore?”

“Many things aren’t.” Tsagasi crawled up the steps and sat next to me. “I thought you would have realized that by now.”

I stared at him longer than intended, but I still wasn’t used to talking to a one-and-a-half-foot-tall man. “You said you’re my guardian.”

“I said a guardian
of sorts
. Perhaps ‘coach
’
might have been a better term.”

“Coach?”

“I can guide you and point you in the right direction. I can watch you train. But I can’t volunteer information. I can only answer direct questions, but I can’t tell you what to ask. I can only steer you in the correct direction. Tonight you asked the right questions.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t enough. I didn’t save Allison.”

“While you must try to save the world, you cannot save everyone in it.”

My head knew he was right, but I wasn’t sure how many more people I could watch die. “That’s depressing.”

“It is what it is. Once you accept your circumstances and your fate, you will truly be ready to take on your adversaries.”

“You think I haven’t accepted my circumstances and fate?”

His head tilted to look up at me. “Have you?”

“I suppose not.” I sighed and leaned my temple against the side of the house. “So what did you do after we left?”

“I straightened up the house. I asked my friends to help me lay the woman out on the sofa.”

“Your friends?”

“There are many beings in the spirit world. Many are my friends.”

“Are they good spirits?”

He groaned and shifted his legs. “There you go again with categorizing things as good and bad. The rightness or wrongness of a situation depends on which side you lean toward. The same with people.”

“I’m not sure I like that answer.”

Tsagasi’s shoulders slouched. “It is the way of the world, Curse Keeper.”

I sucked in a deep breath, surprised by how relieved the little man next to me made me feel. Still, even though I was grateful for his help, I wasn’t sure I could totally trust him. “How do I know that you aren’t trying to trick me or use me?”

He shrugged, looking unconcerned. “I suppose you don’t.”

“Then how can I trust you?”

“Maybe the question is why wouldn’t you trust me?”

“Ahone.”

He pursed his lips and nodded. “Good reason.”

“I asked you earlier, and you wouldn’t tell me. Who sent you to work with me? Okeus or Ahone?”

“Why are you so sure that someone sent me?”

I expected him to look at me, but he kept his attention on the back of the yard. Was he purposely avoiding eye contact to hide something from me? “Because the spirit world is run by Okeus or Ahone. So which one do you side with?”

“Neither.”

One thing I’d learned over the last couple of months was that most supernatural beings were cagey with their answers. I wasn’t sure what to make of him. “So you’re on your own?”

“Few beings are truly on their own.”

Yep, he was being cagey all right. “Who told you to come to me?”

“No one. Although I did discuss it with my friends.”

“And do your friends side with Okeus or Ahone?”

He laughed. “Neither of the gods pays much attention to me and my friends. We are considered too small, too far beneath the gods for them to concern themselves with
lesser beings
.”

I knew I wasn’t imagining the bitterness behind his words.

“Still, we are many, and some of us are smart enough to recognize that while this is a game played by the gods, we will be affected one way or another.”

“So you were elected to come to me?”

“No. I volunteered. Most think this is a fool’s errand. Especially after tonight. Many are upset with me now. They believe that I’ve put them in danger.”

“Why?”

“Because the Raven Mockers now know I’m involved.”

I closed my eyes. “And several got away.”

“Why do you think the Raven Mockers engaged you tonight?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t be so dense.”

I shook my head. “You don’t hold back, do you?”

“Do we have time to waste?”

“No.” The facts came hurling at me like projectiles. They had waited for me to get the sword before attacking. Then they’d only come at me one at a time, and the final woman hadn’t killed me when she had the chance. Why? She’d said I wasn’t ready. “It was a test,” I murmured. “She said I was stronger than she expected and I would be ready soon. But ready for what?”