The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex (38 page)
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Authors: David M. Buss
Daly and his colleagues explored this issue: Daly, Wiseman,
Wilson, 1997.
“One woman was slain 4 days after moving out”: Daly et al.,
1997, p. 68.
Lies
On February 28, 1997, Monica Lewinsky entered the Oval Office:
Newsweek,
September 21, 1998, pp. 58–60.
Shere Hite put the rates as high as 70 percent: Hite, 1987;
Greeley, 1991.
One study was particularly revealing: Green, Lee, Lustig,
1974.
Anthony Thompson of Western Australian Institute: Thompson,
1983.
Graham Spanier, of the State University of New York: Spanier
Margolis, 1983.
A recent example: “Fourth Woman Accuses ‘Guru’ of Sex”:
Austin
American Statesman,
June 23, 1999, p. B2.
This is one of many studies: Clark Hatfield, 1989.
The journalist Natalie Angier questions these results: Angier,
1999.
Russell Clark of the University of North Texas: Clark, 1990.
In one study by Ralph Johnson: Johnson, 1970.
In a classic older study by Lewis Terman: Terman, 1938.
Germans reveal similar tendencies: Sigusch Schmidt, 1971.
More recent studies by David Wyatt Seal: Seal, Agostinelli,
Hannett, 1994.
As evolutionary psychologist Donald Symons: Symons, 1979, p.
207.
Research conducted in Japan, Great Britain, and the United
States: Ellis Symons, 1990; Wilson, 1987.
Here is one sample fantasy: Berkowitz, 1997, pp. 137–138.
As Bruce Ellis and Donald Symons: Ellis Symons, 1990, p.
544.
Consider this sexual fantasy: Maltz Boss, 1997, p. 38.
Here is one from Bobbi: Maltz Boss, 1997, pp. 227–228.
As one woman observed: Barclay, 1973, p. 211.
When studying the avian species: Burley, 1986a, 1986b.
It was as if the less desirable birds: Burley, 1986a, 1986b;
Trivers, 1985.
The first evidence for the importance: Berscheid, Hatfield,
Bohrnstedt, 1973; Walster, Walster, Berscheid, 1978.
In a more recent study of newlywed couples: Buss
Shackelford, 1997a; Shackelford Buss, 1997b.
These findings have some degree of cross-cultural generality:
Prins, Buunk, van Yperen, 1993.
The same logic applies to the time and energy: Alexander, 1979.
To find out, David Waynforth at the University of New Mexico:
Waynforth, 1999.
Shirley Glass and Thomas Wright explored the link: Glass
Wright, 1985.
Glass related the following incident: Glass, 1998, p. 36.
“Here is a list of reasons”: Glass Wright, 1992, p. 371.
One final sex difference: Roscoe, Cavanaugh, Kennedy,
1988.
To answer this question, Todd Shackelford and I: Buss
Shackelford, 1997a.
People high on narcissism: Buss Chiodo, 1991.
Good behavioral markers of narcissism include: Buss
Chiodo, 1991.
Narcissism proved highly linked with susceptibility to
infidelity: Shackelford Buss, 1997a.
The psychoticism scale is something of a misnomer: Eysenck
Eysenck, 1975.
On the positive side, emotionally unstable persons: Barron,
1963; Konner, 1990.
When emotional instability is linked with another personality
characteristic: Buss, 1991.
In 1997, Todd Shackelford and I explored an array: Shackelford
Buss, 1997a.
Worldwide, infidelity is the leading cause of divorce: Betzig,
1989.
In studies of Western cultures: Hunt, 1974; Kelly Conley,
1987; Levinger, 1976.
As part of the study of 107 married couples: Shackelford
Buss, 1997a.
Early in the study, each person: Ellis, 1997.
“These days, there are many uncertainties”: White Booth,
1991.
Have Affairs
As noted by the feminist evolutionary Sarah Hrdy: Hrdy, 1981.
Women have evolved concealed or cryptic ovulation: Baker
Bellis, 1995.
The logic of the mating market dictates: Buss, 1994; Symons,
1979; Wright, 1994.
Steve Gangestad and Randy Thornhill proposed one answer:
Gangestad Thornhill, 1997.
First, symmetry signals “developmental stability”: Gangestad
Thornhill, 1997.
As Pamela des Barres observed: des Barres, 1987.
Imagine that you are on a camping trip: Orians Heerwagen,
1992.
One solution to all these problems: Fisher, 1992; Greiling,
1995; Greiling Buss, in press; Smith, 1984.
Cultivating a backup mate provides security: Buss, 1994; Fisher,
1992; Hrdy, 1981; Smith, 1984; Smuts, 1985; Hill Hurtado, 1996.
As the biologist Robert Smith notes: Smith, 1984, p. 613.
The famous anthropologist Margaret Mead: Fisher, 1992, p. 159.
These two anecdotes, of course, do not add up: Buss
Schmitt, 1993.
According to Helen Fisher, several ancestral conditions: Fisher,
1992.
There are several other circumstances: Betzig, 1989; Buss, 1994;
Smith, 1984.
Her regular mate might have become: Buss, 1989b.
One modern woman described her affair in these terms: Atwater,
1982, p. 75.
Some husbands become “slackers” over time: Betzig, 1989.
He could prove infertile: Smith, 1984.
Our studies of women’s perceptions: Greiling Buss, in
press.
The affair, by boosting a woman’s self-esteem: Thornhill, 1992.
“Yes, it built up my confidence”: Atwater, 1982, p. 143.
“I think I’m more sure of myself”: Atwater, 1982, p. 144.
After interviewing 50 women who were having affairs: Atwater,
1982, p. 144.
One woman reported: Atwater, 1982, p. 145.
Our more systematic studies: Greiling Buss, in press.
“Oh, Christ, I could write a book!”: Atwater, 1982, p. 110.
“Sexually it was really great for me”: Atwater, 1982, p. 111.
“Our sexual relationship is totally different”: Atwater, 1982,
pp. 109–110.
When we asked women to evaluate which circumstances: Greiling
Buss, in press.
Sperm competition occurs: Baker Bellis, 1995.
Averaging across a handful of studies: Baker, 1997; Smith, 1984.
Recent work, however, has focused: Baker, 1997.
To answer these questions, Heidi Greiling and I contrasted
women: Greiling Buss, in press.
As Laura Betzig documented: Betzig, 1989.
In one study of 100 battered women: Gayford, 1975, p. 195.
Children without an investing father: Hill Hurtado, 1996.
In some
Daly Wilson, 1988.
We often base our evaluations of ourselves: Leary Downs,
1995; Leary et al., in press; see also Kirkpatrick Ellis, in press, for
discussions of the evolutionary functions of self-esteem.
The end result is: Thornhill, 1992.
As Robert Frank of
Frank, 1988, p. 198.
My study concerning the psychology of reputation in
1995b.
Strategies
Jonathan used field glasses: Todd Dewhurst, 1955, p. 369.
In
Lawson, 1988.
She sat on her rival’s stairs: Lawson, 1988, p. 281.
The central coping issue: Pines, 1998.
Some researchers: Salovey Rodin, 1988.
And some view violent expressions of jealousy: Salovey
Rodin, 1988, p. 31.
In a chapter in the
Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy:
Pittman Wagers, 1995, p. 297.
In one case, a man could not decide: Pittman Wagers, 1995,
p. 309.
“The triangle meeting had been planned”: Pittman Wagers,
1995, p. 309.
He “explained to his wife”: Pittman Wagers, 1995, p. 311.
In one case, a man diagnosed as irrationally jealous: White
Mullen, 1989, p. 251.
“For the first offense”: Mantegazza, 1935, p. 195.
Among the Baiga: Elwin, 1939.
Among the
In North American Indian tribes: Mantegazza, 1935.
Throughout the entire world: Daly Wilson, 1988.
Among the
Micronesian islands: Hunt et al., 1949.
In various groups in
Borgerhoff Mulder, 1988.
According to one passage: Num. 5:11–28, quoted in Hartung
(n.d.).
Clitoridectomy is inflicted: Walker Parmar, 1993.
“Among my people, girls are not excised”: Walker Parmar,
1993, pp. 258–259.
French law made it a crime: Daly Wilson, 1988.
Our studies of dating and married couples: Buss, 1988b; Buss
Shackelford, 1997b.
Joyce Shettel-Neuber and her colleagues: Shettel-Neuber, Bryson,
Young, 1978.
In a follow-up study of this newlywed sample: Buss
Shackelford, 1997b.
In one case, a woman who had been married: Grold, 1972, p. 123.
Every woman caused her to wonder: Grold, 1972, p. 123.
All of these love acts: Buss, 1988a.
According to evolutionary theorist Paul Gilbert: Gilbert, 1989.
It works in part because crying: Tooby Cosmides, 1996.
In a study of 351 individuals in
The psychologists Peter Salovey and Judith Rodin: Salovey
Rodin, 1988.
It becomes all the more puzzling: Sharpsteen Schmalz,
1988.
At this stage in the co-evolutionary arms race: Tooby
Cosmides, 1990.
In our studies of mate retention tactics: Buss, 1988b; Buss
Shackelford, 1997b.
White asked men and women: White, 1980.
If suppressing one’s own jealousy: Buss Dedden, 1990.
Then they evaluated their own standing: Schmitt, 1988.
After rating their partner’s preferences: Schmitt, 1988, p. 377.
This interpretation is endorsed: White Mullen, 1989, p.
50.
But the first codified version: Ecclus. 28:17.
The psychologists Gordon Allport and Leo Postman: Allport
Postman, 1947, p. 314.
Lisa Dedden, David Schmitt, and I tested this idea: Buss
Dedden, 1990; Schmtt Buss, 1996.
Since men’s social status is heavily affected: Buss, 1995b.
Our actual perceptions of a person’s beauty: Graziano et al.,
1993.
These tactics acquire their effectiveness: Buss et al., 1990.
One of Bryson’s female respondents said: Bryson, 1991, p. 202.
The project was continued after arguments: Dawkins, 1982, p. 48.
Yet psychologists have documented: Tversky Kahneman, 1974.
It turns out that even digger wasps: Dawkins, 1982.
When Jeff Bryson studied a wide variety of responses: Bryson,
1991.
Wisdom
In 1931, Margaret Mead disparaged jealousy: Mead, 1931, p.
35–36.
Kathy Labriola, a leading advocate of polyamory: Labriola, 1999,
p. 1.
Social scientist Jan Wagner denounces jealousy: Wagner, 1976.
Even Zen Buddhists argue: Clanton Smith, 1998, p. 178;
Orage, n.d., p. 17–19.
The husband, a physician in his mid-forties: Pines, 1998, pp.
191–192.
All these puzzling phenomena: Zahavi, 1977; Zahavi Zahavi,
1997.
Accurate evaluation of a partner’s psychological involvement:
Zahavi Zahavi, 1997.
Physical appearance can change: Buss, 1999; Symons, 1995.
“The only way to obtain reliable information”: Zahavi
Zahavi, 1997, p. 112.
In some species of birds: Zahavi Zahavi, 1997.
How do we go about this delicate task: Research has barely begun
on this topic, but a variety of research projects are under way and have led to
some preliminary answers. See Friedman, Bleske, Buss, in progress; Tooke,
Cline, Dailey, 1993.
If you have done any of these things: Sheets, Fredendall,
Claypool, 1997; Tooke et al., 1993. Intentional evocation of jealousy, however,
does not necessarily imply conscious intent; often people are unaware of the
strategic functions of their behavior.
In one study: White, 1980.
They found strong sex differences: Tooke et al., 1997.
Antonia Abbey of Wayne State University: Abbey, 1982.
Martie Haselton and I have labeled: Haselton Buss, in
press.
Gregory White conducted an in-depth: White, 1980.
Forty percent of the women: White, 1980.
Gregory White confirmed this conclusion: White, 1980.
Virgil Sheets and his colleagues: Sheets et al., 1997.
After becoming jealous: Sheets et al., 1997, p. 394.
Inspiring excessive jealousy: Sheets et al., 1997.
Consider one man’s report: Fischer, 1999, p. 56.
“Let’s call him Goatee Boy”: Fischer, 1999, p. 56.
Or consider the case of Ben and Stacy”: Pines, 1998.
“You hurt me more than any other woman”: Pines, 1998, p. 204.
“When we made love afterward”: Pines, 1998, p. 204.
The passionate nature of the sex: Baker Bellis, 1995.
In one study, Mary Seeman found: Seeman, 1979, p. 358.
One woman in Seeman’s study: Seeman, 1979, p. 359.
The great Russian writer Tolstoi: Tolstoi, 1960, p. 177.
One testament to the universality of love: Jankowiak, 1995.
Taita women in fact prefer: Jankowiak, 1995.
Susan Sprecher of Illinois State University: Sprecher et al.,
1994.
The most plausible theory: Frank, 1988; Pinker, 1997.
Jealousy is one of the most commonly found correlates: Mathes,
1991.
Consider which of the following scenarios: Mathes, 1991, pp.
93–94.
In my studies: Buss, 1988b.
According to Ayala Pines: Pines, 1998, pp. 205–206.
As journalist Judith Viorst noted: Viorst, 1998, p. 19.
“On those days when I happen to be feeling mature”: Viorst,
1998, p. 24.
Abbey, A. (1982). Sex differences in attributions for friendly
behavior: Do males misperceive females’ friendliness?
Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology, 32,
830–838.