The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud (9 page)

TWELVE

“
N
ANA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
N
ANA?”

Tess leaned forward and peered into her grandmother’s soft green eyes. The old woman was sitting in a brown recliner near a window in the Devereux House nursing home. Tess had walked over on her way home from the cemetery and had immediately noticed that the smell of medicine and disinfectant was stronger than ever in the long green hallway leading to Room 216.

“Nana, it’s me,” Tess said. “You won’t believe it. I think I just met a great guy!”

Her grandmother blinked and stared straight ahead at the TV.
Walker, Texas Ranger
was on, and she made a habit of watching every day. Her wrinkled hand fumbled for an orange-juice carton with a straw. She lifted it up, and took a sip without saying a word.

Tess was Theresa Francis Carroll’s namesake and she had always been able to count on her grandmother’s care and wisdom when she was bounced by some of life’s unavoidable speed bumps. In fact, she had come to Nana for consolation after Scotty McLaughlin had dumped her at the Corinthian Club on New Year’s Eve in 2000. A romantic at heart, Nana never had an easy life. At nineteen, she married a dashing lobsterman from the rival town of Nahant and was already pregnant when he vanished in a nor’easter. “No one could compare,” she told Tess and so despite a long line of suitors, she never remarried. Her life story, repeated dozens of times, always made Tess cry. “Wait for your true love,” Nana admonished. “Never settle.”

From her grandmother, Tess had learned what it meant to be a survivor. To support her infant son, Nana had gone to work in the shoe factories in Lynn. Her whole life had been a struggle and, at eighty-six, the fight was still in her after an eleven-year battle with lung cancer. Twice before, doctors had taken extraordinary measures to bring her back from death’s door, and each time there was a little less of her left. Now the small sign next to her bed said simply:
DNR
—
DO NOT RESUSCITATE.

And yet, in Tess’s mind, Nana was still indomitable. She was a diehard Democrat who kept a crumpled, yellowing
Boston Globe
picture of the three young Kennedy brothers on her mantel. She loved to gossip about the men in town, and she insisted—outrageously—on smoking Marlboro Reds even after her health had given way.

Some days, she recognized Tess. Most days, she mistook her for her older sister who had passed away the day George Bush defeated Michael Dukakis by 325 electoral votes. On occasion, it seemed as if she didn’t even see Tess at all. She just gazed into space with those soft eyes. Her one stab at dignity was her insistence on being dressed every day in a colorful hat and cheerful jewelry from the dime store.

Now she sat frozen in her recliner, humming and staring out the window.

“What are you searching for out there?” Tess asked. The view from Devereux House looked out on an asphalt parking lot, where Tess saw a bird on a fence.

“Are you looking at that sparrow? Is that what you see?”

Nana smiled, closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again.

“So what have you been up to?” Tess asked. “Is Mr. Purdy still chasing you around the rec room? You told me he’s a real pervert.” Again, silence.

So this is what it came down to. A long life, and now this? Years alone in a fog. Tess swore she wouldn’t allow herself to end up this way. She would go out in a blaze of glory. She never wanted to fade away. That was the worst thing that could happen.

“Listen, Nana, I came to say good-bye,” Tess said. “Remember? I’m going on a big sail all the way around the world.” She paused and looked at her grandmother’s beaded necklace. “I’ll bring back jewels from the Orient. How’s that sound?”

Nana’s lips curled up. There was a little twinkle in her eye. Tess wondered what she was thinking. Could she even hear any of this?

“You know I’m here, don’t you?” Tess said. “You know I’m right next to you.”

The room was silent. Nana’s mouth pursed, her wrinkles radiated, and then she finally spoke in a firm voice: “Of course I do.”

It was the first time in months she had acknowledged her presence. Tess was speechless.

“You all right, honey?” Nana said.

Tess couldn’t find words.

Nana’s eyes focused and she said, “It’s okay, dear. Everything’s going to be all right, and I’ll see you very soon.”

Then Nana’s lids closed, and her head began to tilt. Soon she was snoring softly. Tess got up and kissed her grandmother’s powdery cheek.

“Love you,” she said. “See you soon.”

THIRTEEN

C
HARLIE LET GO OF THE ROPE AND FLEW THROUGH THE
air. He tucked into the cannonball position, held his breath, and splashed into the cool water. With a few good kicks, he swam to the mossy bottom, grabbed hold of the big boulder to keep himself down, and listened to the sound of crackling air bubbles and his pounding heart.

He had made it to the forest before sundown with only seconds to spare, but now for the first time, he faced unfamiliar feelings about being there. Conflicting ideas were washing around in his brain: He imagined borrowing Joe’s boat and whisking Tess away on a sunset cruise around the harbor, uncorking a good bottle of wine, then motoring over to Manchester for dinner.

But that wasn’t an option. He had a promise to keep and a ritual to perform. First, he and Sam played catch in the clearing, then they jumped into the little pond he had dug with his own hands all those years ago. Charlie had copied every detail from the swimming hole on Cat Island. The dimensions were exactly the same; the braided rope was nearly identical; and the big knot at the end was triple-tied. Those days at YMCA summer camp had been the happiest ever, crammed with afternoons racing Widgeons and Ospreys, and evenings diving from the old rope.

When his lungs began to burn, he let go of the boulder and pushed off the bottom. He broke the surface with a great splash, and when the ripples settled, he heard Sam’s voice on the bank: “One minute and twenty-two seconds! Charlie St. Cloud shatters the Waterside record!” His brother was sitting shirtless on a log with Oscar, who was busy scratching himself. There were fleas in the afterlife too.

It was just past sundown in the Forest of Shadows, and soft streams of violet light filtered through the trees. Charlie climbed out of the pond and wrapped a towel around his shoulders. His dripping cutoffs were loose on his narrow waist and hung low on his hips. The shorts touched his knees, where scars from the accident crisscrossed in fading stripes. He swept his hands over his chest and stomach, skimming off extra water, and shook out his hair, spraying Oscar.

“You see Tiny Tim down there?” Sam asked.

“Nope,” Charlie said. “No sign of him.” Tiny Tim was the turtle who lived in the pond. Thirteen years ago, the boys had plucked him from the little tank near the cash register at Animal Krackers in Gloucester. When Charlie had moved to Waterside, Tiny had come along too. With plenty of food and his own pond, he had grown into a giant.

Sam scratched his head. “You think he met a hot reptile babe and took off?”

“Doubt it.”

“Wouldn’t blame him, would you?” Sam said. “Pretty small pond for a guy his size.”

Charlie glanced at his watch. Tess would arrive at the great iron gates in sixty minutes. He knew he had to get back to the cottage, hide all the piles of newspapers, throw the dishes in the washer, and get the coals fired up.

“Time for one more dive,” Charlie said. “Go for it, little man.”

With a gangly arm, Sam reached for the rope. He wore jean cutoffs, too, just like his older brother, and was so skinny he seemed to be all knobs and joints—elbows, knees, shoulders, ankles. “Give me a push.”

Charlie obliged, and Sam swung low across the water, then arced upward. At the perfect moment, he let go. Like a leaf on the wind, he soared up and up, defying gravity. Then he tucked into a front somersault with a 540-degree spin, an extreme maneuver he had seen on ESPN’s Summer X Games.

Sploosh.

He disappeared underwater for the longest time, and when he finally surfaced, he had a big smile. “Tiny says ‘hi!’ He’s cool. He’s not going anywhere.” Sam climbed out of the pond and grabbed his towel. “You want to try a misty flip?” he asked.

“No way. Too hard.”

“Chicken.”

“Chicken? You’ve got a few advantages in the flying department.”

“Don’t be a wimp,” Sam said. “It’s easy. I’ll show you how. It won’t kill you.”

“Nah,” Charlie said. “I’m done.” He pulled a Salem State Vikings sweatshirt over his head.

“What’s up with you tonight?” Sam said. “We barely even threw the ball around, and now you’re splitting?”

“Nothing’s up.”

“Yeah, right. You’re acting all freaky.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Are too.”

“Enough, Sam.”

Charlie slipped on a running shoe and tied the laces. He hated being impatient with his brother, but he was tired of the same old routine.

Sam’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute! It’s a girl, right? You met someone. You’ve got a date tonight!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Liar!” Sam said. His brown eyes were full of glee. “Tell the truth. Resistance is futile. What’s her name?!”

Charlie pulled on the other shoe and tried an evasive tactic. “I’ve got a new nomination for the all-time greatest Red Sox team,” he began. “Luis Tiant belongs on our list with Boggs, Yastrzemski, Garciaparra, Young . . .”

“Nice try,” Sam interrupted. “You think I’m falling for that?” He grinned triumphantly. “Spill already! What’s her name?!”

“Give me a break,” Charlie said.

But like any twelve-year-old who could be a brat if he chose to, Sam would not stop. “You must really like her if you’re trying to hide her,” he said.

In that moment, Charlie made a quick calculation. He knew how these conversations had always gone. Above all, he figured he would get home faster if he just surrendered to the cross-examination.

“Her name is Tess,” he said finally.

“Tess who?”

“Tess Carroll.”

“What else?”

“She’s a sail-maker. Her dad died a couple of years ago from a heart attack.”

Sam was sitting right beside him on the log. He stared at his brother, and asked, “Does she like the Sox?”

“Don’t know yet.”

“So what’s the matter? What are you so afraid of?”

“Not afraid of anything.” Another lie. Of course, he was petrified.

Sam smiled and put on his T-shirt. “I can do recon, if you want. See if she has a boyfriend.”

“Margie Cartwright says she’s single.”

“So how can I help?”

“Stay out of it.” Charlie’s tone was firm.

“C’mon, can’t I have any fun? You know, like go through her underwear.”

“No, Sam. No panty raids.” He checked his watch. “Whoa, it’s late. I better get going.” He stood up from the log. “Remember,” he said, “no monkey business. Stay away from Tess and keep clear of the cottage tonight.”

“Relax, you’re too uptight,” Sam said, reaching for the rope and stepping onto the knot. “I promise I won’t stink up the place.”

“But flatulence is one of your specialties.”

“Flatulence, noun,” Sam said with a grin. “The ambulance that scoops you up when you’re squashed by a steamroller.” He let out a great laugh. “Give me a push, big bro.”

Once more, Charlie obliged, and Sam swung out over the pond. He glided back and forth a few times, picking up speed, and then, at the perfect moment, he let go. “See you later.”

Charlie blinked, Sam vanished, and all that was left in the Forest of Shadows was the fading light and the whoosh of the wind.

FOURTEEN

T
INK HAD ALREADY PLOWED THROUGH A PINT OF
B
EN &
Jerry’s Chubby Hubby and was halfway through a triple-decker baloney, Swiss, and slaw sandwich. A giant bottle of Diet Dr Pepper, his only nod to weight-watching, sat with the remains of his trencherman’s snack on the bench in Crocker Park. Tess’s dog, Bobo, lazed in the grass nearby, chomping through a bag of sourdough pretzels.

He had come to hang out here on the bluff above the harbor as day turned to night. An hour earlier, he had swung by Lookout Court to check on Tess’s place while she was away and to make sure everything was all right. So he had let himself in the front door that was always unlocked and had seen the usual mayhem of her whirlwind. Running shoes caked with mud strewn in the living room, a jogging bra hanging from the kitchen doorknob, dishes and pans piled in the sink clamoring for cleaning, and Bobo whimpering to go outside.

So as he often did, he took the golden retriever to the park. That was the extent of his romantic life these days. High school ball games with the guys. Movies at the Liberty Tree Mall in Danvers. Long nights on the stool at Maddie’s. And, always, good old Bobo.

Now Saturday night was already upon him, and once more he had nothing much to do. Some weekends, he managed to score a meal off Tess by dropping by and pleading hunger. If she was home, she always took him in and they wound up cooking together, renting a Steve McQueen movie, and lazing on her shaggy sofa. Sure, she managed to burn everything she ever touched in the kitchen, but he didn’t mind. He just liked being near her.

On one hand, Tess was like his kid sister. She was the type of girl who needed a big brother to keep her on the straight and narrow. She was smarter than everyone else and as strong a sailor as anyone he had ever met. But she also needed an anchor after her dad had died, and he was trying his hardest to fill that job.

To be totally honest, since the moment they had met at the Topsfield Fair, he’d wrestled with a wicked crush on her. At the time, he was a small-time celebrity, doing the weather on TV, and had volunteered to sit in the dunking booth to raise money for the Jimmy Fund. A stunning woman with long dark hair had fired three footballs at the target. Each spiral found its mark, plunging him into the murky tank. When he dried off, he was determined to meet the girl with the killer arm.

That was four years ago, before he was run off the air for his wiseacre remarks about Skeletor the Anchorwoman. Tess had written the station on his behalf; they had become fast friends; and he had gone to work for her in the sail loft. Every minute of every day, he tried to conceal his ardor, all the while hoping she would fall for him. He had even tried dropping some pounds to make her take notice, giving up his beloved Chubby Hubby. In the end, though, it wasn’t his potbelly that was getting in the way. When it came to men, she was a mystery. There was no holding on to her. She was a free spirit, and he lived uncomfortably with his longing.

Bobo was eyeing his triple-decker now, and Tink pulled out a slice of baloney and tossed it to him. “So what’s the girl up to?” he asked. “She got a hot date tonight?” The dog woofed. “Figures.”

Tink hated that this would be his life for so many months while Tess was sailing around the world. He got up from the bench, wiped the mustard from his beard, and tucked in his flannel shirt.

“Time to go, boy,” he said, snapping the leash on Bobo. He tossed the trash in the can, and they lumbered down Darling Street. Ahead, he saw the steady stream of Saturday night traffic on Washington. He trudged up the hill toward Abbot Hall, cut into the square, and saw a pretty woman in front of a pale blue saltbox.

La-Dee-Da Channing was sitting on her stoop, filing her nails, lost in
InStyle
magazine. A fancy green scarf was tied around her head, and she was wearing Jackie O shades even at dusk. La was an aspiring actress who didn’t let her administrative post in the harbormaster’s office keep her from dressing for Tinseltown.

“Evening,” he said.

La didn’t even look up. “Brad and Jennifer practice Bikram yoga together,” she said.

“Huh?”

“Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. All the stars do yoga in a heated room.”

“Whatever happened to jogging?”

La looked up and focused on his belly. “You tell me.”

“Ouch,” he said, patting his prodigious tummy.

“You look great tonight,” she said. “You even took a bath.”

“Thanks,” Tink said, feeling his chest puff out. “Everybody washes on Saturday.”

“Not you,” she laughed. “Bobo!” She leaned forward toward the retriever. “Here, boy.”

Tink shrank, watching her rub the dog’s ears. “You going to Maddie’s later?” he asked.

“You buying?”

“Anything for you, La.”

“Awww, what a sweetheart.” She lowered her glasses, and her brown eyes gave him a long look. Just when all seemed lost for the night, Tink felt a glimmer of hope. “See you at Maddie’s,” he said, tugging on Bobo’s leash. “Maybe afterward we can try some of that yogurt stuff.”

“Yoga, you goof!”

“I’ll be Bob and you can be Jennifer.”

“Brad,” she laughed. “Better watch out or you might get hurt.”

“No chance. You have no idea what this hunk of burning love can do,” he said. “Just wait, it’ll blow your mind.”