The Defiant Princess (26 page)

“And in just a few hours you will be sovereign of a nation,” he said calmly as he relaxed back against the leather seat. He'd give her a few moments to collect herself before she had to greet those who were waiting to meet her.

“Will Helen be here?”

“Yes.” He glanced out the window. “She'll fly in with my father. Arrangements have been made for her to return to Australia tomorrow, to pack all the personal belongings you might both like to keep, and to sell the house. I think you'll be happy to know that she wants to make her home with us and will have her own apartments at each of the palaces.”

“Khalid.” Sabrina's tone revealed her displeasure. “You're railroading me.”

“Don't be perverse. You said you felt a connection with the people today. Accept that your life has changed. You're my wife and your future lies here as ruler of Rhajia, and eventually as Queen of Turastan.”

She fell silent, her lips tightly clamped together. Her silence annoyed him more than her ridiculous arguments.

“Why do you keep up this resistance?” he demanded. His frustration at her stubbornness pulsed through his veins.

“Because I believe a marriage should be based on love. Our marriage is doomed to fail.”

“If you give it a chance our marriage will work,” he vowed. He was determined it would.

She may be inexperienced in relationships and a starry-eyed romantic, but he wasn't. He didn't love her and it was just as well. He'd experienced the love of a child for his mother and been kept at a distance. Each time he'd started loving his nannies, they'd been replaced. As an adult, his one experience of so-called romantic love had been a disaster, then the fraternal love he felt for his brother had ended in pain. Love was an illusion that made an individual weak. In his experience it never ended well.

But the chemistry between himself and Sabihah, the respect he had for her, and the common goals they shared convinced him their marriage would be lasting and satisfying. Time would prove to her that their relationship would endure on more solid grounds than the elusive emotion of love.

“Are you ready?”

“As ready as I'll ever be,” she said.

He tapped on the glass partition that separated them from their driver, signalling that they were ready to alight the vehicle.

It was time for the officials to welcome Princess Sabihah home to Rhajia.

Chapter Eleven

Sabrina lay wrapped in Khalid's arms as he slept. Her head lay against his bare chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat sounding in her ear, soothing her. Yet sleep eluded her. For the last six weeks she'd been Queen of Rhajia and Khalid had been her rock. True to his word, he'd been with her every step of the way, guiding her in her new role, calming her when the responsibilities seemed too great and panic threatened to seize her. He'd supported her, encouraged her and praised her, giving her a newfound confidence and self-belief. Nothing was insurmountable as long as he was by her side.

The money Mustaf had siphoned into his personal accounts had been released back to the nation. That, along with aid that poured in from countries within the Arab Council and from abroad was already earmarked for major public works. Khalid had chosen a reliable and expert council of advisors for her. The Crown Prince of Turastan was overseeing proposals to improve basic services and unemployment within Rhajia and was with her for every meeting she had with her subjects. The man was a human dynamo. His energy and authority seemed to make everything happen. His connections within the international community had ensured her place on the throne met with the approval of all member-countries of the United Nations. The future of Rhajia looked bright.

But as to her personal future …

“You can't sleep?” his deep, sleep-thickened voice rumbled. He raised a hand and stroked her head.

“No.” She shifted. One hand supported her head as she leaned on one arm and caressed his chest with her other hand.

Such a magnificent physique. She couldn't be near him and not want to touch him. The minute he entered a room everyone else faded into insignificance and it took all of her energy to focus on what was being discussed at the meetings they attended. They seemed to be on the same wavelength physically, so highly attuned to each other that it was as though they had their own magnetic force field of attraction. Yet, for all she really knew about him, they may as well have been poles apart.

“I was just thinking of all you've managed to achieve in such a short period of time.” She let her hand trail upward to his cheek.

“We have years of work ahead of us.” He captured her hand and kissed her palm.

It was an intimate gesture. So tender. Sabrina wondered why it was they could communicate physically and politically, yet she didn't know any more about him than she had when they had first met. Most of what she'd learned had been by talking to servants or reading articles. She yearned for him to open up to her about his life and his innermost feelings—especially about his feelings for her. She was certain at times that he had love in his eyes when he looked at her.

“With the pace you're setting, I think most things will be in place within months.”

“So, my beautiful wife, with everything on track, what are you lying awake worrying about?”

She sat up, pulling the sheet with her to cover her nakedness. Heavy emotion settled around her heart. At the moment, she couldn't bring herself to tell him what was really on her mind because they didn't share that level of closeness. The knowledge ate at her, churning her stomach with regret.

“What's your favourite colour, Khalid?”

He gave a short laugh. “You're lying awake wondering about my favourite colour?”

“I'm lying awake thinking how little we know each other.”

“I disagree. I know all I need to know about you.” He moved his head so that he found the sensitive spot on her wrist that seemed to be an instant turn-on spot for her.

“I'm not talking about sexual responses,” she complained.

“Neither am I … well, not exclusively.” He raised himself up a little against the pillows. “I know you're kind and compassionate. You're intelligent and you think things through before you act. You're not afraid to admit when you don't know something. You're doing a wonderful job as ruler of Rhajia.”

His praise warmed her but it wasn't enough. “But I'm not really the ruler, am I? I'm just a figurehead.”

“You are the ruler, Sabihah. You listen to all viewpoints and make wise decisions based on the facts you have.”

She sighed. “You're involving me. You're listening to the few suggestions I have to make and I really appreciate that.”

“But?”

“This is all so new to me. Everything I'm doing … it's not me. I feel like I've morphed into some other person. I don't know who I am anymore.” It was the truth, although it wasn't really what she wanted to be talking about. Her role as Queen of Rhajia wasn't at the heart of what was disturbing her—it was their marriage she wanted to change.

He sat up fully and flicked on the bedside light. “Sabihah, you must believe in yourself.”

“I feel like I'm just drifting along being some puppet queen.” She raised a hand to silence him as he started to object. “I'm not criticising you, I need every bit of the guidance you're giving me, and I know that you make certain I have the final say in decisions.” She shrugged. “I just don't feel like I'm in charge of my life.”

Khalid let out a small groan and reached to draw her against him. “You aren't. That's the responsibility, the burden, of being born into a royal family. You're no more in charge of your destiny than I am in charge of mine.” He ran his fingers through her hair and let his hands trail down her back. “We have a duty to our countrymen, but we can determine how we conduct ourselves and carry out that role.”

“Neither of us asked for this role. Do you really think it's fair that we inherited kingdoms to rule, Khalid? Do you think it's fair for any child to grow up with that responsibility, that lack of freedom of choice about his or her future?”

He shrugged and a shadow crossed his features. “I didn't grow up expecting to rule, but now that I am to be King of Turastan I'm happy to bear that responsibility.”

“I don't know how long I can cope living like this,” she said. “It simply isn't programmed into me.”

Her admission drew a frown from him. “You have to give yourself time, Sabihah. You've said on more than one occasion all this has happened quickly, and you're right. I can only imagine the turmoil you must feel being back in your home country as ruler, living once again in the palace you were born in.”

“I guess I realise just how much I've missed out on. I miss my parents more than ever. I feel so close to them now yet they're not here.”

“They would be proud of what you've done and of what you're achieving.”

“It's true we're starting to make progress, but what frustrates and bothers me is that Mustaf and his son still haven't been located.” Cold fingers of dread danced up and down her spine as she thought of her uncle. “We know how much of a threat they are, particularly now some of the generals have come forward with evidence that Mustaf was the one who arranged the assassination of my parents.” The evidence had been irrefutable and confirmed what many had suspected all along. Sabrina, who'd longed for siblings and family closeness, couldn't understand how one brother could turn against another so completely.

“New information comes in every day. It won't be long before they're found and brought to justice.” He kissed her forehead and her temple. “Is there anything else that's troubling you?”

She gulped. She'd talked side issues. She didn't feel close enough to speak to him about her primary concern, but somehow she needed to find the courage to tackle the problem of their marriage.

“Khalid, you talk to me about giving our marriage a chance, about making it work, but as much as you're being a really supportive husband—”

“And a wonderful and attentive lover who takes you to heaven every night,” he added with a wicked smile.

“I hate that our marriage is another duty for you, something that was thrust upon you because of your royal birth.”

His shoulders rounded infinitesimally as he released a sigh. “Sabihah, I watch every day as you grow in confidence in your role as ruler. I only wish that you had the same confidence in your role as my wife.” He cupped her chin in his hand. “You must believe by now that I care for you greatly and that I'm deeply committed to you. You know I desire you and you alone.”

“But you'd be with me even if you didn't desire me. I didn't give you any choice.”

His lips curved into a smile. “There was always a choice, my wife. Do you really believe that I would've married you if I hadn't wanted to? If I hadn't wanted to marry you, I would most certainly have found a way out.”

She didn't answer him because she didn't know what else to say. He'd married her for the wrong reasons. It was simply a plus that they were sexually compatible and seemed to have formed something of a truce through the mutual need to work together.

He offered her a long-term relationship but it was love she yearned for. Every day she felt they grew closer, working together to achieve the best for Rhajia. Every night she surrendered a little more of her heart and soul to him as she joined her body with his. She sensed his contentment, yet still he hadn't come to love her. There were still parts of him he didn't share with her—his doubts, his fears. Surely he must have them?

Perhaps this level of intimacy with Khalid was all she could ever hope to achieve and she should be content with that. But she wanted more, and now that she suspected …

“Perhaps you need another demonstration of just how much I desire you, Queen of Rhajia.”

Her heart rate accelerated. That was always what she needed. To be transported to that blissful state of ecstasy where sensations ruled and all thinking ceased. It was the one place they were truly in harmony. But that was only a temporary solution.

She drew away. Perhaps if she put some real distance between them he'd realise they had something more special than a relationship based on the good of two nations and great sex. Or maybe he wouldn't care at all. Dare she risk it?

“I think we need some time apart.” She said the words hurriedly before she could change her mind. “I need to gain a sense of myself again and I can't do that while you're constantly by my side. I think you should accept the invitation to the World Polo Championship. It's not too late to go.”

Khalid's face darkened. “No. My place is here with you.”

“I know you want to go. You haven't missed one in the last ten years.”

Pain slashed across his chiselled features. “But I should have.”

Sabrina knew exactly what he was talking about. She'd read the reports in the newspapers following Hazim's funeral. Khalid's grief reached out to her and wrapped around her heart, squeezing it. She wanted to comfort him, to banish the misplaced guilt her powerful husband carried over his brother's death. “Khalid, you can't hold yourself responsible for the accident. It wasn't as though you knew it was going to happen and sent them to their deaths.”

“If I had been on that plane, Hazim and Barika would still be alive.”

“If you had been on that plane, I wouldn't be your wife,” she told him quietly. “I'm glad we're married.”

His head tilted. A look of stunned disbelief crossed his features for a fraction of a second before he slipped the controlled mask back in place. “You're glad?”

She smiled at him a little uncertainly and her stomach knotted. “Yes.”

“Then I don't understand why you want time apart.”