The Demon Lover (46 page)

Jeanne came and sat with us. We talked in whispers and waited . and waited.

It was nearly midnight when there was a knock on the door. It was the housekeeper from the castle.

“They’ve found her,” she said. She looked at us with wide eyes, the expression of which was half horror, half excitement.

“Where?” whispered Clare.

The housekeeper bit her lips. I noticed that she avoided looking at me.

“They searched the woods. They thought the horse had thrown her.

They couldn’t see down the ravine. It was too dark. They had to go down . And that’s where they found her. She had been dead some hours.

”

I felt dizzy. Clare came to me and put her arm round me.

“Poor soul,” she murmured.

“Poor, poor lady.”

“I was sent to tell you,” said the housekeeper.

“Thank you,” answered Clare.

When she went out, Jeanne looked from me to Clare.

“It’s terrible,” she began.

Clare nodded.

“It’s a great shock. She must have done it … deliberately. She had talked of doing it… and now she has.”

I noticed that Jeanne did not now look at either of us. I could guess what thoughts were in her mind.

Clare said briskly: “There is nothing we can do. We should really try and get some rest. This is a terrible shock. I’ll make a little drink for us. We need it. Go to your rooms. I’ll bring it up to you.”

We were all glad to be alone, I think. I wanted to try to work out how it could have happened. I could not shut out of my mind the thought of her standing on that spot with the steep drop before her. And in my thoughts there was someone else standing close to her.

And then I remembered that occasion when I had gone there with Fidele and he had come up and been surprised to find me there. He had been expecting to come upon her.

“No, no,” I whispered.

“Not that. I couldn’t bear that. Not murder.”

I know he was capable of drastic action. I knew that he took bold steps. But not murder. That would stand between us far more strongly than ever Marie-Claude could have done.

The father of my son . a murderer!

I could not accept that. I would not listen to the voices in my mind . the voices of reason and logical deduction. If I believed them, it was over . over forever, and that was something I could not bear.

This night had brought no new solution for me. Unless it had shown me the only possible path I could take.

Clare came in stirring something.

“It will make you sleep,” she said.

She sat down on the bed and looked at me.

“This changes everything,” she said.

“I don’t know. It’s too soon yet. I can’t think clearly.”

“You’re shocked.”

“Clare, do you think that he …”

“No,” she said emphatically.

“How could you suggest such a thing? It’s obvious that she killed herself. , . unless it was an accident. She was a hypochondriac. She had often talked of killing herself. The more you think of it, the more simple the answer seems.”

“I wish I could be sure.”

“Do you really think that he murdered his wife?”

I was silent.

“My dear, dear Kate, he wouldn’t do it. I know he wouldn’t. To murder for gain … that’s the coward’s way. It means you can’t fight for what you want by any other means … and that another person is too strong for you. No, that’s not the Baron’s way. I’ve been thinking that we ought to go away … for a while. Then all this will blow over. We could live quietly at Collison House and in a few months … or after a suitable time has elapsed … he can come over for you and you can be married.”

“Oh Clare, you work everything out so very precisely.”

“It’s because lam of a practical nature. The poor Princesse has gone.

Poor woman. I was so sorry for her. She hadn’t much to live for, had she? I think it was the best way. It may be that she saw this, and realized it would make it easier for everyone. You see it was just her unhappiness against you, him, Kendal . and her own child too. How do you think young William would have felt if you and Kendal had gone away? You’ve done wonders for him between you you, Jeanne and Kendal. He would be a wretchedly lonely little boy again. Perhaps she knew this. Perhaps she weighed it up and saw the best solution . the noble way out. “

“I don’t think the Princesse would have thought like that.”

“My dear Kate, how can you ever know what is going on in other people’s minds? Now try and sleep. When you are rested you will be able to take a clearer view of all this. Then we’ll talk again.”

“If I could believe …”

“You can believe. I tell you, you can. I know. I can see it so clear.

I really knew her better than anyone else here. She was open with me.

She confided in me. I knew something of what was in her mind. She has taken her life because she thought it was the best thing for herself . and for others. I see it clearly. “

I wish I could. “

“You will… and when this has all blown over … you are going to be happy. I promise you.”

“You are wonderful, Clare, You comfort me … as you comforted my father.”

I took her draught. It did enable me to get a few hours’ j I

sieep, but I was awake early and I trembled to contemplate what the day would bring forth.

There was much coming and going at the castle all during the morning.

I did not go out. I could not bear to. Jeanne took Kendal out walking in the woods.

Rollo come that morning. He looked very serious but I could not guess what he was thinking.

Clare, who had been in her room, came down dressed for going out.

She left us together.

I said: “Rollo, this is terrible. How could it have happened?”

“She killed herself. She took the leap. You know how unstable she was.

Why are you looking at me like that? “

He came towards me, but I shrank back.

“You are thinking .. he began.

I did not speak.

He went on slowly: “I know. It is what some people will think. It’s not true, Kate. I did not see her at all during yesterday. She went out alone. I was here all day.”

“You … you wanted her out of the way,” I heard myself say.

“Of course I wanted her out of the way. She was stopping us … I knew you would never really want to come while she lived. And now … she is gone.” He paused for a few moments, then he went on: “She killed herself. It was suicide.”

“But why? How?”

“Why? She was always sorry for herself, saying she had nothing to live for. She has talked of doing it many times … and now she has.”

“I wish …”

“What do you wish? Are you telling me that you don’t believe me? Say it, Kate. Say you think I did it. You think she went to that spot … as she generally did. You think I followed her there.”

“Did you … once before … and find me?” I asked.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“I wanted to get away from the castle and talk to her quietly. I always knew we were overheard. I wanted to meet her there … alone to talk to her … to reason with her …”

“And yesterday?”

“I have told you I did not see her yesterday. Why are you looking at me like that?”

He had taken me by the shoulders.

“Tell me what’s in your mind,” he said.

“I … I think it would be best… for all of us … if I went away.”

“Go away … now that we are free!” There was a look in his face which frightened me. I thought then: He killed her. He has to have his own way.

“It will be difficult,” I heard myself stammering.

“There will be questions … enquiries … So much is known about us. Whispers .. scandals … I should never have stayed here with Kendal. What will it be like for him here? Whatever happens there will be talk. There will be this shadow hanging over him. I must get away. That seems very clear to me now.”

“No, you shall not go. Now now.”

“You have always taken everything you wanted,” I told him.

“But there comes a point when you cannot go on. People cannot be brushed aside just because they have become an impediment.”

“You’re condemning me as a murderer, Kate.”

I turned away. I could not bear to look at him. He was angry now. He had my shoulders -igain and he shook them.

“Is that what you think of me?”

“I know you are ruthless.”

“I love you and the boy, and I want you with me for the rest of my life.”

“And she was in the way.”

“She was…”

“She will always be there. Don’t you see that? I shall never be able to forget her lying in that ravine … sent to her death.”

“Sent! It was her own wish.”

I shook my head sadly.

“There will be accusations.”

“People are always ready to accuse. Even you, Kate.”

“Please swear to me that you did not kill her.”

“I swear it.”

For a moment I allowed myself to slip into his embrace and to feel his kisses on my lips.

But I did not believe him. Everything he had done had shown me that he would always attempt to get his own way. Now he wanted me and Kendal and she had stood in the way. So she was now dead.

Whatever I said, whatever I did, she would always be there.

I said: “There could be a trial.”

“A trial of whom? Of me? My dearest Kate, this is a case of suicide.

Nobody would dare officially to accuse me of murder. What, here . in my own domain . and the country in turmoil, still struggling to set itself to rights! There is no fear of that. “

“What do you fear, then?”

“Only that you will leave me. I have nothing else to fear. She no longer wanted to live so she took her own life … and in doing so she has left me free. I had to see you, but I think it would be better if you didn’t come to the castle just yet. One of the maids can bring William here for his lessons. This unpleasant business will soon blow over. I shall come here to see you, Kate. Tell me that you love me.”

“Yes,” I said, “I’m afraid I do.”

“Afraid? What are you afraid of?”

“Of so much.”

“In time, we’ll build something, you and I. I’ll have what I have always wanted … one whom I could truly and wholeheartedly love .. and the children we shall have together.”

“I wish it could be so.”

“It shall be. It can be now. I promise you.”

I wanted to believe him. I tried to force myself to believe him. I said to myself: We will live through the difficult days and ahead of us there will be the happiness which we both want.

But the terrible misgivings stayed with me and I knew that forever she would be there between us, the shadowy third whose death had been the key to our own desires.

Clare came to sit by my bed that night. She said: “I heard you tossing and turning and I made another little draught for you. You mustn’t get into the habit of wanting them, though.”

“Thank you, Clare.”

“What did he say today?”

“That he didn’t do it.”

“Of course he didn’t. She did it herself ” That was what he said. But even if it were true, he drove her to it. he and I together. “

“No. She drove herself. I’ve told you so many times how well I knew her, how she confided in me. She saw that it was the best way. She would never have been happy. She had decided against making a try to be so a long time ago. Invalidism appealed to her. She had a child but she neglected him. Some women could have found happiness in him. I think she saw all that at the end. She thought hers was rather a worthless life and that others could gain so much from her departure from it.”

“I knew her too, Clare, and I don’t think she would have reasoned that way. If she would have done, why should she deny Rollo the divorce he wanted? No, I think she was looking for revenge on him. Why should she have taken her life to make it easier for him? A divorce would have been enough to give him his freedom.”

“Well, divorce is not considered a true break-up of marriage in some quarters. The Baron wanted there to be no suggestion that his sons were not recognized as legitimate … everywhere.”

“But his son is illegitimate.”

“When you are married he’ll get him made legitimate. That can be done.”

“William is recognized as his son.”

“And isn’t.”

“Oh, it’s all so involved … so tragically involved. I don’t think I could ever be truly happy. I should always see her lying there. I should never be able to forget her, and in my heart I would always suspect that my happiness had come through … murder.”

“I believe you have convinced yourself that he killed her.”

“Not convinced … but-and I would tell no one else but you— I should always wonder. Others would too. It would be a shadow to haunt our lives. We should never be free from her. It would affect our love for each other. We should be haunted … haunted, Clare, forever. I think I ought to get right away. I want to take Kendal with me.”

“He will never be happy away from here.”

“He will learn in time. I shall have to deceive him just at first. I think I shall tell him that we are going back for a holiday … let him think that we are coming back here.”

“And you will come back?”

“No, I shall try to start afresh. I shall find somewhere in London.

Rollo must never know where. I can’t go back to

Collison House with you. I shall have to have somewhere where Rollo cannot find me. “

“If.he did, he would persuade you that what you are doing is wrong.”

“Do you think it is wrong, Clare?”

“Yes, I do. You have a right to happiness. You can be happy. You love him. I know what he did to you. I know the sort of man he is … but he is the man you love. Kendal adores him and he is his father. He’ll never be happy away from him. He is too old to get over it now. He will always remember and yearn for him.”

“He must forget… in time.”

“I tell you he will never forget his own father.”

“He didn’t know he had one for a long time.”

“You are contemplating doing the wrong thing. You should take what happiness is offered you. There will be a difficult time to follow, perhaps, but that will be forgotten and then you will come into your own. I long to see you as Madame la Baronne … and Kendal happy .. and little William … he’ll be overjoyed. You should be happy, Kate. We’re put into this world to be happy. I promised your father that if ever it was in my power to make you happy. I would do everything possible.”