The Devil's Daughter (21 page)

Water dripped from his tousled hair. A tiny drop of blood caked the curve of his freshly shaven jaw, and he smelled of fresh water and sunshine. The smell of Jed.

“I, um. . .” he breathed. “Wow.”

Lucy forced herself to move. She spread her arms and turned in a slow, deliberate circle.

“What do you think?” she asked, struggling to find her voice.

He took another half-step, tripped over his hat as it landed at his feet, then stopped again. “I, uh. . .”

That amazing smile of his finally found his lips.

“I think that’s the best money we ever spent.” He blew a long breath across his bottom lip, then found her gaze. He blushed a little, his smile faltering. “I’m almost scared to touch you.”

Lucy’s skin screamed for his touch. Her mouth ached for his, and the warmth inside her ignited into a massive wildfire.

“Jed.” His name was a mere whisper against her lips, but it spurred him toward her. He kicked his hat aside, took her hands and just stood there, staring.

“Sweet Jesus.” His dark, stormy eyes roamed the length of her, slowly inching their way back up to her face. “You’re beautiful.”

Heat rushed over her skin, but she wouldn’t look away. How many times had she been told she was beautiful? Too many to count. Tonight, this very minute, was the first time she dared believe it. The first time she dared to let it matter.

He lifted his hand toward her face, then paused, gazing down at her. Each passing second was an eternity.

Lucy’s lids slipped closed, and her lips opened, waiting, waiting. But instead of touching her or kissing her, he simply reached up and pulled the pins from her hair. It fell in soft waves around her shoulders and down her back, bringing her eyes open again.

Jed slid his fingers through its length, rubbing it gently between his fingers as he went.

“Down,” he murmured. “I like it down.”

She couldn’t help smiling at him. “Not very practical of you, Jedidiah.”

He didn’t smile back. Instead, his eyes darkened more, his fingers continuing to stroke every inch of her hair.

“To hell with being practical.”

He moved his right hand to cup the side of her face, gently at first until Lucy leaned into his touch. His left hand caressed her other cheek, his thumb moving over her skin with such tenderness it left a deepening ache inside her. Breath caught in her throat, the air frozen within her lungs.

Warm fingers breathed across her throat to where she’d tied the robe, and slowly pulled the strings apart. Slowly, inch by inch, he slid the silk off one shoulder, then the other, until the robe slipped from her arms to pool at her feet.

“I. . .I can’t--” Before she could finish, Jed lowered his mouth to hers and swallowed the rest of her words. She trembled against his touch, frightened of feeling any more, terrified of feeling any less.

Unable to think straight, she simply let him think for both of them, to lead her wherever he wanted. He took his time, feathering light kisses against her lips, tasting, teasing, begging until she returned his kisses with equal need.

A frightening weakness buckled her knees. She leaned into him, desperate for his strength. Jed wrapped one arm around her waist, bringing her up hard against him. His kiss deepened, as did her need. And her fear.

She slipped her arms around him, desperate to be closer, then closer still, until there wasn’t a breath of air between them. Jed dragged his mouth away from hers, then pressed his lips against the skin of her neck.

“Inside,” he rasped between kisses against her ear and throat. He lifted her off the ground and moved back inside the barn, out of the chilly air, and out of view of the house.

Lucy couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t stand to see the emotion burning in his eyes. If only she could close off every other part of her, too.

“Look at me, Lucy.”

She couldn’t. Every time their eyes met, her resistance took another hit. Many more and it would crash down around her.

Where was a snake when you really needed a distraction?

“I sure as hell didn’t expect this to happen so soon,” he whispered, brushing his thumb across her bottom lip.

Fire burned behind Lucy’s eyes. She couldn’t let him see it, couldn’t allow herself even a single tear. So why were her eyes filling up so fast?

He held her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes, where the ugly truth lay open to the world.

“I l. . .”

Before he could say it, Lucy kissed him. She couldn’t let him say it out loud. Not yet. Once he said it out loud, she would be forced to finish her mission. If she didn’t, Deacon would.

Selfish, yes, but she needed more time with Jed, more moments like this where she could try to put his touch, his taste, and his words to memory, so that when she was alone. . .

Tears coursed down her cheeks, but she no longer cared. She’d let Jed lighten her darkened soul, and that was the worst thing she could have possibly done. He’d somehow made her feel. . .what? If only she knew.

She wasn’t capable of love, that much she knew. But that didn’t explain why she ached so deeply for him or why it felt as though her heart were bleeding.

“Lucy?” Jed pulled away, frowning at her tears. “What’s this about?”

She shook her head, dashing tears away with the back of her hand. “Nothing,” she lied.

“It’s not nothing.” Worry clouded the depths of his eyes – those same eyes that begged for her lips just seconds before. He took her hand and led her back to their corner of the barn where he sat on the straw pile and pulled her onto his lap. “What is it?”

What could she say? It was so simple, yet it couldn’t have been more complicated. She wanted nothing more than to stay where she was right at that moment, wrapped in his arms, safe from everything – and everyone. But that was the one thing she couldn’t have.

Would an eternity in Hell be any worse than a future without Jed Caine?

Jed tipped her chin up. His touch, so gentle, so tender, nearly killed her. She closed her eyes again, and tried to focus.

She’d come here for a reason. She’d picked up buffalo chips and worn ugly ragged dresses. She’d even learned how to cook. Sort of. All because she wanted her freedom.

No, she couldn’t go back to Hell. She’d never survive. But she couldn’t explain any of this to Jed. Jed who cared for her and who probably loved her, though she’d not given him the chance to say so. Not yet.

No, not yet.

“Lucy.” How could a man of his size speak so softly?

Lucy chewed her bottom lip, blinking back more tears. She had to do this. Jed would make love to her, he’d tell her he loved her, and it would be done. She’d have memories of him to get her through the rest of her mortal life. Memories of his touch, his smell, and the way he looked at her with such. . .Lucy swallowed hard. . .such passion.

The memories would have to be enough.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she whispered.

His only response was a slight nod.

“I’m, um…” She caught his eye briefly, then looked away. She didn’t want to see his face when she told him. “I’m not who you think I am.”

He shifted her slightly in his lap, but only so he could tuck her hair away from her face.

“Then tell me who you are.”

The tiny corner closed in around them. The air felt more like smoke as it entered her lungs, and smelled of. . .fear.
Her
fear.

She swallowed hard and forced herself to look at him. “I may have misled you.”

His expression hardened slightly, and his fingers froze against her hair, but after a second, he nodded for her to continue.

Breathe
.

“I. . .I’m not sure. . .” She stopped, chewed her lip again, then cast a glance down at the straw tick. “I mean I’ve not. . .”

The heat that raced over her skin would surely explode out of her any second.

Jed frowned in confusion, glanced at the tick, then gaped. His eyes flew wide and his mouth fell open.

“You--but--you--” He blinked hard, then licked his lips. “Oh my God -
you’re a virgin
?”

“No,” Lucy released a long breath. “But you probably believe I’ve had more. . .experience. . .than I actually have.”

Jed shook his head slowly. “But you. . .I mean, you made me think--” His frown deepened, his hand stilled against her back. “Why?”

“Does it matter?” She twisted her fingers in her lap, wishing he’d kiss her again – or at least stop looking at her like that.

“No.” He shook his head. “I mean yes, dammit, it matters.”

She dared to glance up at him, and the confusion on his face brought more tears to her eyes.

“Why does it matter?” she asked. “You said it yourself – that lust and passion wouldn’t be a problem between us.” Lucy lifted her shoulder in a small shrug. “I’m sure I can learn whatever it takes to make you happy.”

Jed’s chin fell to his chest as a long growl erupted from within him.

“Good God, Lucy.” He jammed his fingers through his hair. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry.” She’d never been sorry before. She’d said it plenty of times, but she’d never meant it until now.

“How many men?” The vein in his temple throbbed menacingly.

“One. One horrible time with one horrible man.”

Was that relief she saw? Too soon, it was gone.

“You lied to me again.” His voice was raw, and when he looked at her, his eyes were like summer storm clouds.

“No, I didn’t.” She shook her head and twisted on his lap, which drew another ragged groan from him. “I never said I’d been with other men. You just assumed.”

“I--” Jed’s mouth fell open. “You’re the one who. . .I mean, the things you said. . .the way you--”

Lucy slid her fingers through his and held them in her lap. “I wanted you from the minute I saw you, Jed, that’s the truth.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” He stilled her trembling hands in his. “Why make me believe something about you that isn’t true? Especially something like this!”

Lucy shrugged. Lie upon lie had gotten her to this point. She didn’t dare add another to the pile.

“I was scared.”

“Of what?” Jed rasped. “Good God, Lucy – do you know what I’ve been thinking all this time? Wondering how many men you’ve been with, what they did to you, where they touched you.” He growled again, lower this time, and clenched his jaw until every muscle in his face was taut and rigid.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “But you’d already told me I wasn’t what you wanted in a wife.”

He opened his mouth to interrupt, but she silenced him with a shake of her head. “I was too skinny, too pretty, and not nearly strong enough for what you wanted.”

A wave of shame washed over Jed’s face, then disappeared.

“That doesn’t make it okay to lie to me.”

“I know.” She looked down at their hands, still tangled in her lap, then back up at him. “But we’re working through everything else, the cooking and cleaning and such. Surely we can work through this, too.”

“Lucy.”

“Shh.” She pressed her finger against his lips. “I know it’ll take some time for me to learn how to do this, just like with making coffee, but I want to make you happy, Jed. That’s all I want.”

A tortured chuckle escaped his mouth. “This ain’t nothing like making coffee,” he muttered. “And I can’t imagine you’ll need any lessons here.”

“But I don’t know what to do.” Lucy sighed. Why did this have to be so damned frustrating? “I don’t know how to touch you or make you feel like. . .”

She couldn’t say it. It was too confusing even to her.

“Like what?” Jed’s voice was barely audible.

She shook her head, her gaze fixed on her lap, but when Jed lifted her chin, she knew she had to answer. She shouldn’t – it would just show how weak she truly was – but she had no choice.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to make you feel the way I do when I’m with you.” She tried to look away again, but he held her firm.

“How do you feel?”

His voice was going to kill her. Soft and husky, it melted her fear, turning it to pure molten lust.

She swallowed. “As if I’ll die if you don’t touch me. And even when you do, it’s never enough.”

“Lucy.” He breathed a kiss against her forehead. “I already feel that way, sweetheart.”

Now who was the liar? He couldn’t possibly have any idea what kind of torture he put her through with every touch, every look, every smile.

“Oh really?” she asked, sharper than she’d meant. “And do you feel as though you’ll never be able to stand up again because I’ve turned every one of your muscles to mush?”

He laughed, but it was a choked, harsh sound. “Look where we are, Lucy.”

She pursed her lips and frowned. Okay, so they were sitting down, but that didn’t prove anything.