The Disappearing Girl (8 page)

I browsed the menu online to prepare for the date. I wanted to have a game plan ready so I could order something that wouldn’t ruin my diet. Cheesy pastas, steaks in heavy sauces, and fried fish dishes contained enough calories to surpass my calorie goals for the week. I’d have to order the grilled chicken with vegetables or a salad with fat-free dressing to avoid overindulging.

“Don’t be nervous, it’s only a date,” Brittany told me. “Try not to be uptight, and have fun.”

If only it was that simple.

“They have a wine list. Do you want to order a bottle?”

I drummed my fingers on the table and tried to remember how many calories were in a glass of wine. If I was correct, I believed white wine had fewer calories than red wine. At my lengthy pause, Cameron had begun staring at me. This had become my life, disappearing into my head in an obsessive quest to be thin.

“Any type of white wine would be good. I don’t know much about wine, so you can pick a type,” I said.

“I’m typically a beer drinker, so I’m clueless about wine. We’ll ask the waiter to recommend something,” he said, setting down the wine list.

“You should never do that; he’ll swindle you into ordering the most expensive bottle.”

“You’re probably right,” he acknowledged and his lips upturned into a seductive smile.

I took the opportunity to study him. For the date, he had dressed in a light green dress shirt, tailored perfectly to accentuate his broad shoulders and chest. His gray dress pants were neatly pressed and belted around his narrow waist.

The restaurant was upscale, the atmosphere romantic. The lighting was low, and soft piano music played in the background. Cameron was going to great lengths to impress me, which was unnecessary, since I was already infatuated.

When it was time to order, I chose a salad with hearts of palm and artichokes, seasoned with lemon juice. Before Cameron ordered, he frowned my way. “Are you going to order anything else? I think that’s a starter salad.”

As the waiter and Cameron stared at me, my palms began to sweat. I felt smothered by the questions and opinions everyone seemed to have lately about my eating habits. “Umm, I’ll also have the vodka rigatoni with chicken.”

It was a horrible choice. The prosciutto and the heavy whipping cream gave the dish an astronomical amount of calories. However, throwing up my food for two months had taught me what type of meals would come up easier than others. Creamy foods and desserts weren’t as likely to become lodged in my throat and produce a coughing fit.

“What are you thinking about?” Cameron asked me when the waiter left.

“Hmmm?”

“You sometimes get this faraway look on your face. It makes it difficult to read you.” He paused. “I wouldn’t mind having a peek inside your head to figure out what you’re thinking.”

What an appalling thought. I couldn’t stand to be inside my own head, no less wish my thoughts on anyone else. “I’m thinking about how much I don’t want to go home for the weekend.”

“Why?”

“I miss my sister,” I insisted, “but my mother is a lot to handle. She’s a critical person and has only gotten worse since my father passed away. Usually when I’m home, she spends our time together lecturing me about how I’m disappointing her.”

“She sounds intense.”

“She’ll scare you away when you meet her.” I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. “I’m sorry, that was presumptuous. I mean, we’ve only hung out a couple of times, I wasn’t trying to suggest we’re serious enough to meet each other’s parents—”

He interrupted my rambling. “Kayla, it’s okay.” He sucked on his lower lip, momentarily allowing me to forget my embarrassment, instead fantasizing about his kiss. “I like you, Kayla—a lot. If anything, I’m worried I’ve been coming on too strong. You seem a little skittish when you’re around me, and I wonder if it’s because I’m making you nervous.”

I wasn’t uncomfortable around him; I was terrified of being with him. Cameron created a yearning inside of me, a need to be in his arms and forget about the outside world. My heart was too fragile to hand over to someone who could easily crush it.

“You’re not coming on too strong,” I said softly. “I like you too.”

“Good, because I’ve wanted to ask you out since I first saw you walking toward me in the Student Center.”

I could hear the smile in his voice as he talked about our first meeting.

He laughed. “I was in the middle of talking to another student when I saw you. I think he was pissed when I cut him off mid-sentence to stop you.”

I tilted my head to the side. “Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“What was it about me that you liked?”

It wasn’t the most polite question, and it gave him a peek into my insecurities, but I was desperate to know. Cameron could have any girl he wanted—what was it about me he found appealing?

He laughed uncomfortably. “Kayla, are you messing with me? Or are you seriously that modest?”

My eyebrows lifted quizzically.

He continued, “As soon as I saw you walk out of the bookstore, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you. You’re gorgeous, but in such an unassuming way, like you have no idea of the effect you have on men.”

“Now, are you the one messing with me?”

He shook his head insistently. “Maybe it’s because you’re shy and you don’t notice it, but I swore I was going to get into a fistfight at the bar when I saw all those guys ogling you.”

I wanted to believe him, I did, but my self-image was warped to the point where I pondered whether I should avoid my reflection altogether. The best tactic was to change the subject. “Thanks for wanting to defend my honor.”

“Anytime.” He grinned. “I want to be the only guy allowed to ogle you.”

My spine straightened and my pulse picked up. It was too late to protect myself from Cameron—he was unraveling my defenses and forcing his way into my guarded heart.

Chapter Ten

“Miss, are you alright? Should I get someone for you?” The female voice sounded elderly and called through the bathroom stall.

“I’m fine,” I croaked.

I had waited for the bathroom to clear before I stuck my finger down my throat, but someone had walked in while I was throwing up. As quiet as I tried to be while getting rid of my dinner, the noise had been loud enough to alert the other person using the bathroom.

It took five minutes before the woman finished going about her business and exited the bathroom. Emerging from the stall, I cringed at my sight in the mirror. I was flushed and my eyes were tearing up. Dampening a paper towel with cold water, I used it to pat down my neck and face. I concealed the redness with the powder from a compact I brought and reapplied my red lipstick. After popping a mint in my mouth, I ventured back into the restaurant.

“I was starting to worry about you,” Cameron remarked when I returned to the table. Leaving your date for fifteen minutes while you vomited up dinner wasn’t the best way to make a good impression, I thought as he knitted his eyebrows together.

“Sorry, just freshening my makeup,” I said.

“I ordered a chocolate cake for us to share.” He motioned to the dessert plate in front of him.

“No thanks, I’m stuffed from dinner.” I noticed a piece of chocolate on the corner of his lips. Reaching across the table, I used my thumb to brush off the crumb. Before I could pull away, he gripped my wrist softly. His fingers moved in gentle circles around my bare skin.

“Do you want to hang out after dinner? I could show you my apartment.”

“Umm …” I trailed off awkwardly. The lust in my belly was screaming out in protest, demanding I go with him to his apartment. My practical side was telling me I wasn’t ready to jump into bed with him. An emotional attachment to him had already started, and sleeping with him would leave me completely undone.

“No pressure, I only wanted to spend more time with you,” he said.

“Maybe we could go to my dorm instead?” At least with my roommates there, I’d be assured we wouldn’t get carried away. I wasn’t Brittany; I’d be mortified if my roommates overheard us having sex.

He agreed and requested the check. Despite my forceful attempts at giving him money, he paid the bill, leaving a generous tip. I wished I could accept his kindness without questioning what his true motives could be.

My heart was hammering when we arrived back at the dorm and found the floor deserted. I’d forgotten the twins and Brittany were headed to a fraternity party with Kurt and a few of his friends. My voice caught as I unlocked the door to my room and announced, “So, this is my room …”

As he walked to the center of my room, his presence was overpowering. I did a quick inventory of my surroundings and was relieved I had cleaned up before heading out for the night. Cameron turned toward my desk and began inspecting the photos I had lined up. He held up one of the last family pictures I had that included my dad. We were dressed for my cousin’s wedding and standing in front of the church where the ceremony was held.

“You and your little sister look so much alike,” he said, casting a glance at me before looking back at the picture. I silently begged for him not to make a comparison of me against my mother, where I would fall irrevocably short.

“You have the same eyes as your dad. I’ve never seen such a dark shade of brown before—they’re remarkable.” He put the picture back down without another word. I stayed still although I had the strongest urge to kiss him.

“Do you want to put a movie on?” I asked and turned on the TV.

After ten minutes of postulating on the merits of the
Twilight
films, I was able to get him to finally relent. As I switched on the DVD, I said disbelievingly, “I can’t believe you’ve never seen this movie.” Since I only had a single desk chair, I sat on the edge of the bed. I patted the space next to me. Sinking into the mattress, he pressed his back against the wall next to my bed and stretched out his long legs in front of him. He held open his arms and I climbed comfortably into his embrace and sighed contentedly.

Twenty minutes into the movie, Cameron’s soft snores drew me out of the film. Moving slowly, careful not to wake him, I took my time to study his sleeping form. His hair had become more unruly than usual, with one of the lighter locks falling across his forehead. His eyelashes were dark and thick, set against his perfect complexion. A small amount of stubble had erupted on his chin, and I wanted to feel the roughness of his skin.

His eyes popped open when I shifted closer to him. “What did I miss?”

“Just the beginning of an epic love story,” I chided. “Tired?”

“Long and shitty day at another campus. Remind me to update my resume so I can find a new job.”

“You know you love it,” I teased. “Your job requires you to score the names and numbers of dozens of pretty college coeds.”

“I get it now, that’s what you think I do all day,” he said sarcastically. “Meanwhile, I’m thinking about you at work and counting the minutes until I can do this again.” His hand cupped my chin and guided my mouth to his.

The privacy of my room gave us the opportunity to not hold back. He kissed me expertly while running his hands down my back. His touch caused my nerve endings to sizzle, and I ached with need each time his mouth moved away from mine. My neck flushed as his lips began to trace a line from my jaw line to my ear. I tilted my head back and let out a low moan.

Sweeping his hand behind my head, he pulled out my hair clip and tossed it aside. My hair tumbled down past my shoulders and he combed his fingers through it. His lips trailed down the nape of my neck until stopping at my collarbone. Seizing the back of his head, I tugged him toward my mouth and sucked gently on his lower lip.

He grunted and I snuck my tongue inside his mouth when his lips parted. As our kisses became impassioned, Cameron settled me on my back. His hands swept under my shirt, and his fingers splayed across my ribcage over my camisole. Cameron’s mouth teased me, moving leisurely from my collarbone to the swell of my breasts.

I momentarily disappeared into a chasm where only Cameron and I existed. I was falling, falling hard for this man with cerulean blue eyes and a tempting smile. If I stayed there with him forever, things could be different for me. I would no longer have to wake up each morning feeling leaden, as if the weight of the world was crushing me.

We were panting when we broke apart. His eyes glittered with desire as he ran his gaze down the length of my body. He was propped up on his elbow next to me, the both of us squeezed together on my small twin bed. While the seconds passed, I became anxious, unsure of how to tell him I wasn’t ready to go too far with him.

Cameron appeared to take note of my worried expression. “Maybe we should slow down.”

Adjusting my shirt, I said, “I’m glad you came over.”

“Me too,” he replied. “I wish you were going to be around this weekend.”

He had no idea how badly I wished to stay in town. I would’ve loved to pick up Lila and take her back to the dorm for the weekend, giving us both a reprieve from my overbearing mother.

I planned to keep the moment close when I went to visit my mother. Each time my mother would toss an insult my way, I would remind myself there was someone out there who genuinely liked me and didn’t only see my faults.

Chapter Eleven

“Kayla!” Lila squealed, launching her body into my arms.

I pressed my chin on top of her head. Lila was the shortest in the family; at five foot three, I was at least four inches taller than her.

“I’ve missed you, kiddo,” I said softly. My arms tightened around her for a long minute, before releasing her.

“Kayla, you lost so much weight!” she exclaimed as she took a step back. “Did Mom brainwash you or something?”

“No,” I replied shortly. I fiddled with my hands as I said, “I’ve just been trying to get fit and lost some weight in the process.”

The longer I struggled with my weight, the more easily the lies were slipping from my tongue. I barely had the energy to crawl out of bed each morning, much less spend any time exercising.

“Once she sees you, Mom is going to be on my case now to lose weight,” Lila complained.