The Disestablishment of Paradise (33 page)

‘I wouldn’t call—’

‘Shh. Please listen. Look at the diagram. This inner circle is your life.’ Hera put a dot on it. ‘Let us call this dot the moment when I was hurt.’ She traced round the
inner circle. ‘Now all this is you stealing the shuttle, finding that body in the water, getting the old Demo Bus going, flying over here, crashing it, running up the path and finding me
dead.’ The pencil stopped at exactly the point where the inner circle touched the outer circle. ‘Now we could continue round the small circle past this point. Let’s say you clean
the shilo, wash me, call the authorities and so on . . . but all that doesn’t mean anything now, because that isn’t what happened. At the moment you found me dead – as you thought
– you jumped circles. It was because of your love for me. And the action which began way back here because of your love for me suddenly gained a new dimension. You are now on the outer
circle.

‘OK? Now, what was happening to me?’ She drew two new circles, one inside the other and touching at one point as before. She put a dot on the inner circle. ‘Now here’s
me. Off I go, flying to the Isle of Thom, but I decide to investigate a strange phenomenon, something that drew me like fish to bait, and here I am in the labyrinth approaching the little
Michelangelo, and bang! Catastrophe! A Tattersall weed grabs me, punctures me and I scream for help. I didn’t scream for you, Mack, but you heard me. I screamed for whatever would hear me
– anyone, anything – and the call was answered both by you and by some creature I believed extinct. A telepathic link had been forming for some time, and my cry for help formed a kind
of bridge of some kind. I don’t know quite how it happened, but that does not matter any more. All that matters is that it happened.’

She placed her finger on the circle. ‘We are here now, approaching the place where the two circles meet. I get back to the shilo somehow, am overwhelmed by what has happened and drift into
dream time. I am dying, there is no question of that. The light is fading, and then a bear arrives, kicks down my door and comes striding in full of love, faith and courage. At that moment I jump
circles. I choose life. And now I am on the big circle too. Look at the two drawings, Mack. They are almost identical, no?’ Hera slid the two pieces of paper together so that they were mirror
images. ‘Both involve a shift onto a new level. New meaning. It is a beautiful figure of symmetry. And it will express itself in other dimensions too. Because that is what this world does.
Finds correspondence. And we are joined, Mack, you and I, whether you leave or depart.

‘But for the moment let us stay with my adventure. What is happening to me at the moment you arrive? I am drifting, Mack. I may be on the point of death. But I am now linked to the planet
in a way I had never imagined possible. And I am in contact with the most powerful psychic energy you or I can imagine. You asked me what I saw. We see what we can imagine, Mack. But the
truth
is something we know. The real Hera, the woman I keep hidden down here, in my dry heart, she knows the truth of the Dendron. She recognizes a kinship and shares its passion, and
relishes it too, and wants it – because she has never really known it in her life.’

Hera stopped suddenly and turned away. ‘I’ve got something in my eye,’ she said. ‘Please don’t get up. I can manage.’ Moments later she turned back.
‘That moment, that moment of lovemaking . . . It wasn’t physical lovemaking of the type we know about, even if it looked like it. We humans don’t have many ways of expressing
ecstasy, you know. We can’t think like a Dendron, but we can be sure it was not intending me harm. It was just being what it is . . . . and more than being. It was crying in pain. And you are
right, I might have been injured if you hadn’t restrained me in the only way you could . . . so again you were the right man in the right place.

‘That moment, we can think of it in many ways. Think of me as having no more will than a limpet on the side of a boat, Mack. I had to go where the boat went. That’s not how I saw it,
but it is true. To me, I felt suddenly free in a way that I can only dream of. Every part of me was carried up on that great surge, that wave, that energy that was simply the Dendron’s joy in
living. And the only way my body could give expression to that feeling was in the most intimate and primitive and precious act of love. That is all. Pain and ecstasy can be surprisingly close. Salt
and honey. And I do not need to go there again. It was a threshold that I passed through, or over or . . . and it was you who made that possible, Mack, because it was you who saved me and it was
you who was taking care of me.

‘I have power, now, because of it, and knowledge. This Dendron, this creature which inspired young Estelle Richter, which inspires anyone with the wit to see it, which filled this world
with its vitality, which was hunted to extinction for its wishbone, which had comic books for children written about it as well as some of the loveliest songs and meditations I have ever read. Well
. . . there may be one such still alive. One. One only.
One
in the whole of the entire universe.
One
. Think of that. One. The last. The only. The never, ever, ever to be repeated.
And you and I are here to help it. That is the circle we are both on. And we are there –’ she pointed at the paper ‘– and we are here, in this clearing above this lake,
because of what we are and what we can do.’

She paused. ‘It was an act of love which started your journey to save me. But love is indivisible, Mack. Once you start to love in the simple generous and innocent way you did, well, it
just spreads out. It is such clean energy. It resonates. When you saved me, you jumped circles onto a bigger circle. The new adventure is just beginning. Can you feel the resonance of your first
act?’ She paused. ‘Forgive me, Mack, and don’t be offended, but you know what resonance is?’

Mack stirred himself and looked up from the two drawings. ‘It’s what happens when you hit a piece of pipe in one room and a glass next door answers in sympathy.’

Hera smiled. ‘Too right. And you hit the pipe so bloody hard that every glass on Paradise is ringing! Think of that when I give you the keys.’

There was a long pause, and Mack finally cleared his throat. But Hera spoke before he did.

‘I haven’t quite finished yet. I want to talk about you and me.’

There was an even longer pause before Hera finally gathered herself. She began hesitantly. ‘I could not have done what you did in coming here. It’s not only that I do not trust my
own heart well enough – I mean my feelings, my desires and all that kind of thing – it’s just that I am a bit of a coward, really, when it comes to loving. I am so abstract
sometimes, so clever, and I hate myself for it. What I want to say is that you know more about love, about loving, about men and women in love, about being human in love – God, I’m
making a balls-up of this – you know more about loving in your little finger than I do in the whole of my body. That is a terrible thing for a woman to admit, but it is true.’

There was another long pause while Hera fidgeted a bit and made several false starts. Finally she got going again. ‘In view of what you said yesterday, and obviously the way I behaved when
I was in the dream world, I feel I ought to tell you that I know little about the physical act of loving; it frightens me rather. I know so little about men that you’d think I’d spent
my life in a convent. I think men frighten me, though I have no reason to feel that, as the men who have figured in my life so far, except for one, have been gentle and kind. I need to learn
how— I’m sorry . . . I’m not saying all this very well. Perhaps what I mean is that I am frightened of loving, of how I might respond to . . . I mean, I don’t lack passion,
but I don’t like to lose control. I know you can’t have both. Please look at me when I’m talking otherwise it’s like talking down a well.’

Yet another pause, but not so long this time. ‘You see, Mack, I want to love, but I don’t quite know how. There aren’t any books about that, are there? I missed out, somehow,
when I was young and all my friends were falling into love and out of love and getting messed up by boys, and messing boys up, and doing things on the sly and then being full of secrets afterwards
– secrets I could not share in because I was such a dreamy girl. I was always lost in my dreams so I never got toughened, or tender. But yesterday . . . when you said you were going to leave,
it was as though you had put a dagger in my heart. It hurt so. And I didn’t know what to say. I hurt, and hurting is easy – we do it all the time – but I didn’t know how to
say the good words, the words to make it right. I wanted to say something but the words stuck in me. But I can learn. If there is one thing Hera Melhuish can do it is learn. Please just give me
that chance. Let us enjoy the big circle, Mack, the Dendron circle, because that is what it is, and let us see where it leads us. Let’s be a team of two.’ She stopped, frowned. And took
a deep breath.

‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I’ve said my piece. I’m sorry if I was rude or seemed ungrateful yesterday – I’m neither. Please think about everything I have
said and make your decision.’ She pushed the two drawings in front of him and then turned over a plate revealing the override control to the SAS on the table. ‘There you are. You are
free to go.’

She sat very still while Mack picked up the control and the two drawings. He said nothing. She studied the distant mountains, her face set and devoid of expression. She heard him walk away
towards the SAS, the click as the lock opened, the welcoming voice of Alan as Mack climbed inside.

She waited like the block of wood she so easily became. A few moments later she heard the door to the SAS close and seal with finality.

And then, surprisingly, footsteps coming back. She sat unmoving, with her back to him, staring out over the lake. He came up behind her, close behind her, and stopped. Then she felt him pull the
pins out of her tight hair. Released, the hair tumbled down over her shoulders. Mack said, ‘Keep still, Hera, while I brush out your hair.’

Silence.

Hera sat very still with her eyes closed while Mack ran the brush through her hair. Then he paused and said, ‘Can I ask you one question?’

‘Anything.’

‘If there’s only one of these Dendron, why can’t it just scatter seeds, like a Tattersall?’

Hera smiled. ‘Because they don’t do it that way,’ she said. ‘You need two Dendron to tango.’

‘Oh.’ Mack nodded to himself and went back to brushing.

They might have talked on, or they might not.

She might have asked him how it was that he had one of her hairbrushes.

They had no choice. Suddenly, outside the shilo, an alarm bell started to ring. It was a warning set up during the ORBE days to tell anyone who was working outside that a live message was coming
in.

‘I’ll take the call,’ said Hera. ‘I think they’ve found out you’re down here.’ She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back.
‘I think you ought to keep out of sight, Mack. Just in case.’

Hera moved inside the shilo and opened contact. The face of Captain Inez Abhuradin, looking uncharacteristically frazzled, appeared in front of her. ‘Hera. Are you all right?’

‘Yes. Fine. I had a brush with a spiky Tattersall weed, but apart from that I’m fine. You?’

‘Good. Yes. No. Well, I don’t want to frighten you, but I have reason to believe that the demolition worker who calls himself Mack may have come down to the surface and be trying to
get to you. He stole a shuttle. You may remember him. He was the boss of that demolition team that came out to your shilo when I delivered the SAS. I’m sending a squad of specials
down.’

‘Mack?’ said Hera. ‘Of course I remember Mack. Actually, he’s here now.’

‘What!’

Hera called, ‘Mack. It’s Captain Abhuradin. It seems your visit here did not receive official approval.’

Mack came round the door and into the communications room. Captain Abhuradin saw him. ‘What is going on here?’ she demanded.

Before Mack could speak, Hera cut in. ‘He saved my life, Inez. I would be dead now if Mack hadn’t stolen the shuttle. I’m not joking. I contacted him, sort of, and he had the
wit to answer.’

‘Stealing a shuttle is a serious—’

‘Yes, I know. But the rules in this game are changing. This is not the same world as you left a few weeks ago, Inez. It’s changing so quickly. Please. If you are thinking of sending
people down, don’t. They will not be safe here. The planet is changing so fast. I’m safe. I think Mack is safe, but no one else would be. Believe me.’

‘What do you mean, the planet is changing so fast? It looks the same.’

‘You’d have to be down here to know. I can’t explain. So much is happening. Please, please believe me, Inez.’

‘Are you sure you’re all right, Hera? That’s what I want to know.’

‘Perfectly.’

‘Able to leave if you want to?’

‘Completely.’

Mack intervened. ‘Hey listen, Captain. I’m not a kidnapper or anything else you may be thinking. If Hera wants to go she is free to do so. I only came to help. But I want to make one
thing clear: I was the only one involved, OK? None of my team had anything to do—’

‘Well, that is strange. I have one here. Dickin-something . . .’

‘Dickinson. Yeah, I know Dickinson.’

‘He says it was all his idea. That he bet your team that he could get you down to the planet and back without us finding out.’

‘Well he’s lost his bet then, hasn’t he?’

‘That is not the point. You shouldn’t be down there anyway. Hera, can I talk to you . . . alone? Tell him to go away for a minute.’ Mack moved outside and closed the door.
‘Hera, I don’t know what’s going on. You shouldn’t be down there. He shouldn’t be down there. And meanwhile I have a catastrophe like you wouldn’t believe on my
hands with this Disestablishment.’

‘What’s the problem?’

‘The fractal gate is playing up. Everyone’s frightened. Freighters coming here find themselves at Alpha Centauri or some such. And it’s a lottery as to where the outgoing ones
end up. Meanwhile, I have a tail of twenty barges waiting to depart; no one knows what’s in them because they weren’t marked properly, and then your Mack there steals a shuttle . . . I
don’t know what to think.’