The Dishonored Dead (46 page)

Short, hair whiter than snow, he was dressed in baggy jeans and a yellow short-sleeved shirt. He wore thin glasses that looked as if they’d been made during the Depression. He’d lived three houses down from me all my life. His wife had died years ago, and ever since then he’d been living alone. When I was younger, I made twenty dollars mowing his lawn or shoveling his driveway, depending on the season and how much I needed the extra cash. In his hands now was a brown paper-wrapped package.

“Oh, I’m just fine.” He had a thick Irish accent and a rustiness in his voice from smoking all his life. He smiled, showing the yellow teeth he had left. Then, just as quickly, his expression became somber. “I was at me daughter’s house all last week. Just got back Wednesday. Heard about your parents. I’m sorry, Christopher, really. They both were fine people.”

I thanked him. “What can I do for you, Mr. Bannister?”

“Here you are.” He held the package out to me. “Yours.”

“Mine?”

He nodded. “Had it for … oh, five years, I’d say. Your granddaddy mailed it to me. Said I was to give you it when … when something bad happened. And I’d say what happened was quite bad indeed.”

“My
grandfather
?”

Darren Bannister simply nodded, not taken aback by my sudden incredulity.

I stared at the package in his hands. It was a mail parcel, which looked just as old as Bannister himself. I said, “What’s in there?”

“Don’t know exactly. Your granddaddy wouldn’t tell me. Just said that I was to—”

I grabbed the package, held it up to my ear as if to listen for the ticking of a bomb. There was nothing, so I weighed it in my hands. It felt like a book.

“How did you know my grandfather?”

Now that his hands were free, the old man didn’t seem to know what to do with them. Finally he put them in his pockets, shrugged and said, “I met him the couple of times he came down here to visit you and your folks. Then … you know, after he went away, he wrote me every once in a while. Asking how you and your family were doing.”

“And you never thought that was odd?”

“Course I did, Christopher,” he said, actually sounding cross. “But his letters seemed so sincere, I just couldn’t ignore them. So I wrote him back, told him I’d try to keep him updated, but I never did after that one time. Then I received that in the post and didn’t know what to think. Your granddaddy said I was to give it to you if anything happened. Said if I knew I was going to die or get real sick, I should find someone else to give it to you. Figured I’d ask me daughter, if that was the case. Sounds queer, I know, but that’s all I can tell you.”

I kept staring down at the package in my hands. Eventually I blinked, looked up at the old man, and said, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I apologize.”

He held up a dry gnarled hand, shaking his head. “Don’t you worry about it, Christopher. You’ve already been through so much, you don’t need to apologize about nothing. I just wanted to make sure you got this. I tried dropping it off yesterday but nobody was here. Then I was passing by here earlier and saw you so …” He forced a smile and spread his hands, palms out, as if to say,
And here we are
.

“Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate it.”

He may have nodded, or forced another smile, or stuck his tongue out at me. I have no idea. I just continued standing there, staring down at the package, and the next thing I knew the old man had turned away and was walking down the porch steps. I watched him for a moment before I stepped back inside my own house and shut the door. I walked directly toward the couch and sat down with the package in my lap.

I didn’t want to open it. Whatever was inside, I didn’t want to know. It felt like I had Pandora’s Box in my hands, that if I opened it I would unleash a whole new evil into the world.

Come on
, I thought.
You can do this. Evil doesn’t exist. There’s nothing hiding in the shadows
.

The packing material was old and worn, like thin cardboard; I didn’t even need scissors. Once it was opened, I hesitated a moment, then looked inside. A book, just as it had felt like. I pulled it out and set it on the coffee table, then glanced inside the package to see if there was anything else. Nothing, so I tossed it aside and picked up the book.

It was thick, maybe four, five hundred pages long. The cover was brown and bare. Nothing was printed on its spine. I opened the first page to find an inscription. It was done in pen. I assumed it was my grandfather’s hand.

Christopher, this is the fruit of my labor. I am sorry for what happened. Hopefully someday you will understand. Read Job 42 for guidance. Your life depends upon it. I love you.

I read it twice then turned to the next page. I recognized it immediately. Not just from the title, but from the text as well.
Genesis
—the first book of the Bible. The entire text was in the same hand as the inscription.

I flipped through the pages. They were all the same, all written in pen by my grandfather’s own hand. All the books of the Old Testament.

“Well, I guess the jury’s no longer out,” I said. “He was a fucking nutcase.”

I tossed the book on the couch and then headed back upstairs to finish packing.

Fifteen minutes before my uncle and grandmother came to the house, I sat in front of the computer and tried to compose an e-mail to Melanie. She was in Europe somewhere, having left the day after graduation. Before going to college in the fall she wanted to visit another continent, wanted to spend her summer doing something more engaging than visiting Ocean City, Maryland for the week. So she was over there now, doing whatever it was she was doing, and she had sent me an e-mail a few days ago, which surprised me, a simple note saying how very sorry she was for what happened and that she hoped I was doing well.

Now here I sat, wanting to reply to her but not being able to think of anything good enough to write.

After ten minutes of just staring at the screen, I closed the box.

The computer asked me, SAVE CHANGES TO E-MAIL?

I clicked NO.

Two o’clock arrived, but my uncle and grandmother did not. I wasn’t worried. I knew my grandmother had trouble walking, that the trip down here had been exhausting for her. She was sixty-eight and needed the help of a cane to get around. Her skin was pale, sprinkled by a few freckles and moles on her face and arms. She had spent most of her life in the Restaurant Industry, which was another way of saying she’d been a waitress. It wouldn’t surprise me if she had taken an extra half hour with her nap and was slow getting around.

I packed two suitcases, which now rested in the trunk of my car. There was no extra room in Dean’s Explorer, not with everything he’d packed to bring down, or else I’d ride up with him. The idea hadn’t occurred to Steve until earlier this week, when he first met my uncle. Had he known ahead of time, Dean joked to the police chief, he would have brought a U-Haul.

I sat on the porch steps, trying to ignore the officer in the cruiser. He hardly seemed to notice me anyway. Couldn’t be fun at all assigned to babysit an eighteen-year-old. Even if that eighteen-year-old
was
being stalked by a murderer.

When I checked my watch and saw it was two-twenty, I got up and went to the door, unlocked it and stepped inside. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and stared up. On my trips in and out of my room, I had kept glancing at my parents’ bedroom door. It was closed. After I’d turned ten or eleven or twelve, I never once stepped foot inside their room, only briefly saw inside if the door was open when I walked past. I’d never had any desire to go inside, knowing that that was their private place, just like my room was my own private place. But today, as I kept passing their closed door, I kept wondering what was behind it.

I started up the steps, taking them slower than usual. The eighth step creaked, just as it always did. Then I was on the landing, staring at their door. I remembered the last time I opened it, the repetitive buzzing coming from behind. I remembered what I saw and felt.

The first thing I noticed when I opened the door was that the sheets had been taken off the bed. The center of the mattress was stained dark with blood. I took a few hesitant steps inside, feeling like an intruder.

There wasn’t much to the room. No pictures or paintings on the wall besides the blue floral border a few inches below the ceiling. Two windows, two closets, the strong scent of lemon disinfectant, and hardly anything else.

I took another step forward, still uncertain what I was looking for, when I noticed the dresser. It sat against the wall next to the door. It was huge, made out of oak. The bottom half was drawers, the top half a large mirror. On both sides were three shelves each, and just by glancing at them I realized the left was my father’s, the right my mother’s. This was where they stored their mementos, their little keepsakes that told just who they were.

I went to my mother’s side first.

On the top shelf were books. Hardcovers that didn’t look familiar to me at all, except one with the title
Peace Like a River
. I remembered it was one of my mom’s favorites, because she’d tried getting me to read it more than once. Along with these were dozens of cards. Hesitantly I took them down, began flipping through each one. They were birthday cards, anniversary cards, Mother’s Day cards. Some were from my dad, but all the rest were from me, ever since I was old enough to scribble my name. I could tell by the handwriting which cards had been written when I was very young; these were the ones with little notes attached. Misspelled lines like
Your the bestest mommy in the hole wide world
and
If I found a genies bodle I’d give you it so you could have ALL the wishes
soon shortened to lines that read
I hope you have a good b-day
and
Have a good one
. And, in the last two years, I hadn’t even included any notes, but just signed my name with an obligatory and unfelt
Love
.

I put them back on the shelf, suddenly feeling empty inside. I turned my attention to the second shelf, which held a small necklace tree with some of her jewelry hanging. Beside it sat a piece of crystal that was shaped like a swan. And beside the crystal swan was a ceramic umbrella, sitting upside down so its ceramic pole was erect. I picked it up. It was light green, the color of freshly grown grass. It was small and rested easily in the palm of my hand. It was clear that the pole had been glued together with the umbrella. My mom had found me the glue the day I came home crying. I’d been in fourth grade, had made it in Art, and on the bus it had snapped off. I wanted to give it to her and was angry because now it was ruined. But she told me it was okay, that everything can be fixed, and helped me glue it back together. I gave it to her then, and she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I set it back where it was, turning my attention to the third shelf. Bottles of perfume rested there, nothing else.

On the mantle in front of the mirror itself were pictures. They were all of me. A few showed me when I was in middle school, one with me in my basketball jersey, another with me and Mel, dressed in our best, before some formal. Only one showed me with my parents. It rested in the center of the others. In the picture I stood in the middle, my father on my right, my mother on my left. I couldn’t tell where the picture was taken, but people were in the background and it had been inside. It reminded me of the picture back on the corkboard in James Young’s office, except in this one only two of the three were genuinely smiling back at the camera. Those, of course, were my parents, their smiles real and wide. My own smile was crooked, clearly forced, and I was staring off at something over the cameraman’s shoulder.

I turned my attention to my father’s side of the dresser. Instead of hardcovers, he had five paperbacks on the top shelf, all by the same author. My eyes drifted over two titles—
Cat’s Cradle
,
Breakfast of Champions
—and then lowered to what sat on the next shelf. It was a small stuffed plush of one of the Looney Tunes. The Tasmanian Devil, his hands held out at his sides, his mouth open wide showing all his teeth. I remembered winning it at some carnival when I was a freshman, by tossing a ping-pong ball into a goldfish bowl. When I brought it home, he had been in the kitchen doing some work at the table, and I had said, “Hey Dad, guess what I won for you.” It had been behind my back, and when I brought it around his face actually lit up with a smile. He thanked me, told me it made his day since he’d been swamped with work, and I had nodded and said sure, no problem at all. But the truth was he had just been in the right place at the right time. Had Mom been there in the kitchen instead, I would have given it to her. Had neither of them been there, I probably would have taken it along with me up to my room, or else tossed it in the trash.

I reached forward, intending to simply touch the brown stuffed animal, when the doorbell rang. I jumped and stepped back. Looked about the room once more, my eyes purposely skipping over the blood on the mattress, and then hurried downstairs.

I didn’t realize until I reached the landing that the picture of me and my parents was still in my hands. I folded it up, stuck it in my pocket.