The Divorce Papers: A Novel (38 page)

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Bruce Meiklejohn has given the couple $20,000 a year as gifts ($10,000 each) for the last 16 years. At 8% compounded annually, those funds (totaling $320,000) would have grown to approximately $650,000, an amount roughly equivalent to the stock fund. The $16,000 in savings acknowledges Ms. Meiklejohn’s contribution to the down payment of the St. Cloud Street house. The operating principle here is that each party keeps roughly the monies he/she contributed to his/her separate and joint accounts.

Re: Maman Explains

Dearest Sophie—

I’m sorry I’ve been so slow getting back to you. It’s exhausting doing these plays, exhilarating but exhausting.

I never heard from your dad. He never told me he saw me in the play; he never dropped a line about my performance. I wouldn’t have known he had seen it, or seen me, if you hadn’t run into him at the diner. He may not be completely human; or is it just his Englishness? I find it moving, his inability to tell me I was good, but as your mother said, I’m not his daughter. I can see how painful it was for you.

Take heart. There are young men out there who do listen, who are supportive, who see you and hear you. Keep your eyes open; you’ll find someone who’s worth talking to. But I should probably check him out first.

Love,
Maggie

KAHN & BOYLE

46 B
ROADWAY
N
EW
S
ALEM
, N
ARRAGANSETT
06555
(393) 876-4343
A
TTORNEYS AT
L
AW

July 27, 1999

Ms. Anne Sophie Diehl
Traynor, Hand, Wyzanski
222 Church Street
New Salem, Narragansett 06555

Dear Ms. Diehl:

I am in receipt of your letter of July 21. I was surprised on two grounds: first, that we hadn’t previously been informed of the trust; and second, that you have made adjustments only in your demands for Ms. Meiklejohn’s share of the investment funds and are continuing to make exorbitant child support and alimony claims. Dr. Durkheim entered into negotiations entirely in good faith and made an offer he thought was generous. In light of the trust, he thinks that his original offer is exceedingly generous and sees no basis to make any changes to the child and spousal support offers. As for the various investment accounts, he finds untenable your assumption that Ms. Meiklejohn should recover all the gift money provided by her father to the couple. Half the money was gifted to Dr. Durkheim, and he has every reason to believe it was sincerely gifted. It would be cynical to think differently. A fairer distribution of investment funds would recognize his share of the gift money as well as Ms. Meiklejohn’s expectations under the trust, which in seven years is likely to reach $4 million. We propose the following:

I look forward to hearing from you. I have every confidence that we shall be able to conclude this agreement promptly. The terms Dr. Durkheim offers are fair and balanced.

Sincerely yours,

Ray Kahn

MARIA DURKHEIM

404 ST. CLOUD STREET
NEW SALEM, NA 06556

August 3, 1999

Daniel-

Your lawyer is giving you bad advice. I could well be dead before either the MV house or my mother’s trust vests. As you know, my mother had a virulent form of breast cancer, dead in under 2 years. Her mother also died in her 40s of breast cancer. I’m careful; I get checked; treatment’s better, but that could very well happen to me. So stop being such a shit. And stop feeling sorry for yourself (as you tell Jane all the time because she doesn’t have leukemia). I don’t have any money now. I want to go to law school. I supported you for years. I came to New Salem with you. I’m so tired of you. Piranha as victim. I’m not beggaring you, and I’d be using a lot of the money to make sure Jane’s life doesn’t change more than it has to. How much more unhappy does she have to get before you stop dicking around? Get yourself a lawyer who can make a deal. We’ll never get anywhere with that piece of lowlife scum you hired. What made you hire him? He’s under investigation by the state bar, for God’s sakes. Do you know who else hired him? Jason Peele.

If you don’t stop dicking around, here’s how it’s going to play out. (1) I am not only NOT going to move out of the house, I’m going to ask for the house. It’s the house Jane grew up in; she should stay there. And if you come back asking for custody, (2) I’m going to depose Dr. Stephanie to find out how she’ll help raise Jane, and then I’ll depose all your research and departmental staff on the number of hours you work each week. Then we’ll have all of Jane’s teachers deposed on how she’s doing in school. And her doctor, her soccer coach, her piano teacher, and Luz. (3) Are you still smoking the odd joint for medicinal purposes? (4) I’m going to ask the judge to appraise your medical degrees (as the most valuable asset of the marriage) and ask for future earnings separate from alimony. (If my mother’s house is on the block, so are your M.D. and Ph.D.) (5) I’m going to ask for the Audi instead of the Saab. I drive more than you; I should have the better car. (6) I’m going to ask for Fido. He’s devoted to Jane and Jane is devoted to him. And there’s Tito to consider; he would be very lonely without Fido. (7) I’m going to sic Traynor, Hand’s PI and forensic accountant on you, and they’re going to find out every dime not to say every fart you ever made. (Of course, we’ll want to know every grant application you have pending, so you might provide
that information. Otherwise we’ll go to the NIH and NSF.) (8) I’m going to make sure all this takes at least five years, and if you continue to act like an asshole, (9) I’m going to bring an eviction proceeding against you; and (10) I’m going to turn my cousin loose; he intervened to stop publication of the Falk story for my sake and Jane’s. Not the hospital’s; not yours. He thinks you’re an asshole, too, an arrogant asshole.

If you do stop dicking around, you’ll also need to: (1) Sign up for the Parent Education Class. You can’t get a court date unless you’ve taken the class or we’ve agreed to forgo. And why would I agree to that? (2) Make appointments to see Dr. Fischer. We each agreed to meet with her.

As the old joke goes, you are such a schmuck, you are the world’s second biggest schmuck.

Mia

P.S. Jane and I are off to Martha’s Vineyard on Saturday for three weeks. Let’s finish this.

August 10

Dear Poppa,

I’m going to ask you a very very very big favor. You and Mom have to stop fewding about the house and get some inside toilets. I hate the outhouses even with the new Sweedish composting toilets. If I have to go to the bathroom at night, I wake Mom up. I don’t want to go out there in the dark by myself. It’s too too scary. And I hate the chamber pots. You have to admit they are soooo gross. I agree with Mom. I don’t want a fancy house, just one with white inside flush toilets. If you would do that for me, I’d be very greatful to you. Mom says we could put one toilet in the linen closet upstairs and one in the dish cabinet next to the kitchen. We could also put one in the upstairs bathroom.

Mom said your house on Grove Street had inside toilets when you were growing up. Inside toilets aren’t a luxery anymore.

This is not a put-up job, Poppa. Mom didn’t tell me to write to you. She’s so used to the outhouses, she doesn’t mind using them even though she thinks it’s nuts in 1999 not to have inside toilets. But I think they are truly disgusting. Mom and I thought we should write a book about Martha’s Vineyard and call it “Big House on the Little Island,” by Jane Ingalls Durkheim. We’d call you GrandPaw. I’m practicing calling Mom Ma.

I know I am asking a very big favor of you, but I would love a real toilet.

I’m going to sailing camp every morning. I’m getting pretty good with the sunfish. Yesterday, we took Fido to Black Point and he ran up and down the shore and fetched balls from the ocean. We had to clean up his poop. Mom did that. :) Mom and I play tennis in the afternoon. She’s not as good as Dad but she’s still better than me. I’m not a game person; I’m a runner. I’ve been practicing on the high school track here. I’m faster than most of the men who run and boy O boy do they hate to be passed by me. They try to catch up but I leave them in the dust. :):) Mom says I’m nothing but lungs and legs.

I wish you would come up too.

I love you,
Jane

P.S. Toilets!

TRAYNOR, HAND, WYZANSKI

222 CHURCH STREET
NEW SALEM, NARRAGANSETT 06555
(393) 876-5678

MEMORANDUM

Attorney Work Product

I don’t know if you saw this. I’m guessing it’s the Peele case. You might want to send it to Ms. Meiklejohn, who in turn might want to show it to her husband, as a spur to action.