The Driven Snowe (13 page)

“Josh,” she moaned, sitting up. “Please. I need you inside me.”

He looked up, his eyes dark and mysterious. “I'm not done with you yet,” he said instead, nudging her down with one arm. And he wasn't. Just when she thought she couldn't possibly take the pressure, he retreated for a second, allowing her air and a second to get her bearings. But the pressure kept increasing, kept growing
notch by agonizing notch. She was chanting for him, begging him to enter her.

Unexpectedly, he did, pushing a finger inside her slowly and stroking a spot she didn't realize she had. Her orgasm exploded through her, and she screamed incoherently. After a few moments, she came back to the reality of her still quivering body.

He kissed his way back up, stopping to nuzzle her breasts and finally her neck, beneath her left ear and jawline. “So how was that?”

She blinked, breathing heavily. “Wow. After three weeks of no sex, I think I almost passed out.”

He laughed, bringing her still sweat-slicked body on top of him. In the golden light his hair shone with highlights, and his eyes reminded her of an alchemist. So did his wise, small smile. “It wasn't just the abstinence, and you know it.”

She nuzzled her cheek against the hair on his chest. “Still,” she said, slowly, as her breath recovered, “I can't help thinking you're showing how much more you obviously know about all this—sex and whatnot—than I do. You've probably done all sorts of things that I've only read about.”

He shrugged beneath her. “I like that. I like knowing you're learning with me. From me.”

She felt energized, empowered. “I've been doing a lot of reading.” She sent him a mock frown as he chuckled. “Hey, I'm a librarian. That's what we do when left to our own devices…which, I might add, you've done in spades in the last month.”

“So,” he said, making those long stroking glides down her naked body again with his fingertips, “what did you read about while I was away?”

“Oh,” she said, with a mysterious smile of her own. “This and that. Are you serious about wanting me to learn with you? Because there's something I want to try.”

He smiled almost ferally. He tucked his hands back behind his head, obviously completely unafraid of her fledgling attempts. “By all means. Knowledge is power.”

She rolled off him. “Great.” With that, she leaned down and took his erection into her mouth.

“Whoa,”
he said, as the breath rushed out of him almost violently. Then he hissed as she gently suckled him. He took a few quick, panting breaths. “Angela… What did you
read
while I was gone?”

She didn't want to lose concentration—all the books said to be very careful, very gentle, let him lead. She stopped long enough to grin up at him. He tasted like the rest of his body, only more so, and he was like fire and satin beneath her lips. “Did I hurt you? Was that wrong?”

“Too right,” he said ruefully, and brought her back up to him. He kissed her deeply. “I keep forgetting. I keep thinking I can keep control of this. But you make me…I…” He kissed her again, passion making him rough and tender in alternating moments. He switched their positions, moving on top of her. She felt his erection, almost larger somehow, pushing against her stomach without the usual cool cover of latex. She shivered. “I don't know why it's always this way with you, Angela. But it's always unbelievable.”

He positioned himself lower as he kissed her harder. She could feel him move his hand down, as he guided himself against her, stroking against her. She felt her
stomach tighten and her heart beat even faster as he stroked along her already slick entrance. He stopped, just the tip inside of her, poised.

He was breathing harshly, and she could see the sheen of sweat covering him. His bangs were pushed away from his forehead, and his eyes glowed. “Angela,” he said, his shoulder muscles corded with tension.

She wasn't sure, she wasn't sure. She wanted him more than she'd ever wanted anything on earth, but she knew somehow inexplicably this was going to change things. “Wait,” she murmured, holding her breath, pushing her fingers into his shoulders.

He'd already started to move forward, so the head of his penis was inside her. And that pushed her over…the feel of him, the weight of him. She took a deep breath.
It will be fine,
some part of herself convinced her.
Somehow, it will have to be.

“Yes,” she said, finally, looking deeply into his eyes and committing herself. “Now.”

He let out a deep, quavering breath, and slowly filled her.

It was different. There was more give, somehow, she thought as she moved experimentally against him. He was less rigid and foreign. Instead, he seemed to melt against her, the smoothness of his body perfectly rubbing against hers without the friction she'd grown accustomed to. He glided into her slowly, pushing all the way in. She didn't feel even a moment of discomfort. She sighed instead, with bliss-tinged relief.

He retreated, and she could feel the motion of him everywhere, it seemed. His breathing spiked. “Oh, yes.” He pushed forward, a little faster, his hips pistoning slightly.

She could feel the familiar pressure building. “Josh,” she said, with a quaver of uncertainty at the almost primal sound of his pleasuring. She was getting excited by it, by the low growling sounds coming from his throat.

“Ah.” He pushed against her, rubbing against her, and the feel of his naked skin against the sensitive skin at her entrance was a gentle caress. She could feel her own pulse hammering in her chest as she started to move her hips against his, arching up, twisting her legs around his. “Ah, baby, don't move like…oh, Angela,” he moaned.

Not realizing what she should be stopping, she paused, her body angled up, and she slowly twisted to find a more comfortable position.

He lost his mind then, and took her with him. He groaned,
“Angela,”
against her neck, and suddenly he started to move, with a power and passion he'd never used before. She felt assailed by it, his body pounding against hers, her body responding with an instinct she didn't realize she possessed. She thought she'd been mindless with passion before. Now they were more than making love…she couldn't even describe it. She bit his shoulder, and he sucked on her neck, the pressure stoking her pleasure as she wrapped her legs against him and cried out his name.

She was hurtling toward climax as he pumped against her, and she felt the familiar pressure building to a heat and intensity she had never felt before. Suddenly, her whole body clenched.
“Josh!”

“Angela,”
he yelled, and he slammed into her. She felt her body grip his as he poured inside of her. He pushed against her twice more, then shuddered, another
low sound emanating from his throat.
“Angela,”
he repeated, on a sigh. He rested his forehead against hers.

His sweat-soaked body slid slightly over hers. She could see his long lashes, resting against his sculpted cheeks. She held him, closing her own eyes.

Something had changed, profoundly. She held him close. She was ready for something to change.

A
NGELA WOKE UP
nestled against Josh. One arm cradled her head under her pillow, while the other gathered her close to him, pressing her back against his naked front. They were a perfect fit. His breathing whooshed gently in her ear. It was hot, close, but she didn't feel suffocated. She just felt immensely cared for.

Last night…last night!

She hated to admit it, but weeks of abstinence and longing had really made yesterday's lovemaking absolutely astounding. Of course, as Josh had pointed out, it was more than that. She would not have believed it until she had experienced it for herself.

It's morning.
A part of her, the part that had been ringing little alarms since she walked into the Cable Car those months ago, was not impressed with her post-sex elation.
You've just broken your first rule to yourself.

She sighed. That was true. And the way she was feeling this morning was hardly the detached, sex-is-fun attitude she'd been sporting for the past few months.

Still, maybe she'd been too hasty when she made those rules. She didn't have any practical experience,
anyway…she'd thought that being in a relationship was about being trapped, giving up your sense of self in order to gain a sense of togetherness. She didn't feel as if she had given up anything. Yesterday, she felt like she'd gained something…a sense of safety, and comfort.

Not that she was even
in
a relationship. Josh had been kind, considerate and wonderful, but he certainly hadn't made any promises. Neither had she. She was just…
enjoying,
she told herself.

As she thought about it, she noticed her left hand, the one she usually tucked under her pillow, was holding Josh's. Their fingers were interlaced. She tried untangling them. As she moved slightly, Josh made a sound of protest, holding her a little more tightly to him. He didn't wake up.

She felt her chest radiate even more warmth than their two bodies generated together. She'd just be lying to herself, and not convincingly, if she didn't accept the fact that they'd crossed a threshold last night. She couldn't see them as simply very intense sexual playmates. There was more going on here.

So what if there was? She re-laced her fingers with Josh's and stroked his thumb with her index finger. He was a good friend, different than her girlfriends, and not just in their nontalking activities. He listened to her…and like yesterday, he really paid attention to what she wanted. She'd gotten a food processor, not a dozen long-stemmed red roses. He'd paid attention to what she did in
her
life, the life she maintained when she wasn't with him. She couldn't believe the lengths he had gone through, just in order to make her happy. And he'd made her happier than she could remember being in a very long time.

So she broke one of her rules. She still had two more. She was in no danger.

He stirred behind her, murmuring incoherently. “You awake?” she asked softly.

“Barely,” he muttered heavily.

“I was thinking of taking a shower, maybe making us a little breakfast,” she said, pressing a kiss on his knuckles. “Care to join me?”

He paused. “Right this minute?”

She laughed. “Tell you what. Why don't I take a shower and make breakfast, and give you a little time to sleep in?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He released her, turning over. He was snoring softly before she'd even thrown his shirt on. She grinned.

Today, she was going to relax and not sweat it. She had plenty of time to think this thing through—today, she was going to just
feel.
She showered, taking her time, letting him rest…
he'd need it,
she thought wickedly. She still had chapters of erotic exercises she'd mentally filed away for later use, and they had plenty of leftovers. He wasn't going
anywhere.

He was groaning and making noises like he was going to get up when she left, and by the time she'd made it to the kitchen, he was in the shower. Apparently he liked taking even longer showers than she did, she noticed, since by the time he was done, she'd made two omelettes, toast and coffee. She heard him come out of the bedroom just as she was pouring orange juice.

“I made coffee, but there's OJ if you want it,” she said, turning, then stopped abruptly, juice glass in hand.

He was fully dressed…jeans, T-shirt, socks and sneakers. She, on the other hand, was wearing one
of his T-shirts as well, and nothing else. He also was hardly wearing what she'd call an elated expression. She stared at him, stupidly, holding the empty juice glass. “Or there's always breakfast to go,” she murmured, looking down at his shoes.

“I totally forgot. Adam—I told you about Adam—is having this barbecue at his house. I promised that I'd go help him play host.”

“Oh.”

“I figured it's going to probably take me all day,” he said, in a low voice. “So I'm pretty booked.” He waited as she stared at him, not quite comprehending. “So. What do you think you'll do today? This frees up your time.”

It wasn't that his tone was harsh, or even negative. It was just very, very obvious that she wasn't included in his plans.

She sat for a moment, silent. “Um. Well…I suppose I could work on my next stained glass project.” She nodded briskly. “And I have tons of reading to catch up on, and I might go shopping with one of the girls.”

“Okay. I figured I'd leave pretty soon.”

He looked at her pointedly. She frowned. “Can I finish my eggs?”

“Huh? Oh! Of course. Of course you can finish your eggs, don't be silly.” He fidgeted for a moment, then turned. “I ought to go, er, check my e-mail.”

“Don't you want any breakfast?”

“I'm not usually that hungry in the mornings,” he said, not even turning as he walked down the hallway. He promptly disappeared into the small bedroom he'd converted into a home office. After a few minutes, she heard the computer keys clacking away.

She stared at her now-cold eggs. She pushed them around on the plate. Strangely, she knew how they felt. She'd gone from steaming hot, herself, to cold and clammy with shock.

Did I do something wrong?

She toyed with her toast for a minute, then got up and threw out what was left of her breakfast, putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Suddenly, she had completely lost her appetite.

How can he go from tender and hot to cool and withdrawn, just by going to sleep?

She poured herself a comforting cup of coffee. She was new to this sort of thing, but this still seemed wrong, somehow.

She needed to get out of here. Quickly.

He'd provided her with a wonderful day—one of the best days she'd ever had. And one of the best nights, she thought, feeling the light heat of a blush. What was she trying to do…expect him to spend
all
of his time with her? Of course not.

Hadn't she just been thinking about the fact that they
weren't
in a relationship? That wasn't how their arrangement worked. In fact, yesterday and last night probably represented the best their arrangement could offer. She had no right to get pouty and feel hurt simply because he'd forgotten he'd made other plans today.

She went back to his room, tugged on her jeans and sweatshirt, and put on her shoes. She stopped by his home office door, and knocked.

He looked up from his computer screen. “You needed something?”

“I'm tired, and I thought I'd go home now,” she said, smiling at him with deliberate cheer. His hair was
rumpled and damp from the shower, and he was just wearing his usual jeans and a T-shirt, but he looked fantastic. She felt her resolve start to crumble a little, until she noticed he had trouble staying focused on her eyes—like he didn't want to look at her too closely. She shrugged. “I was hoping you could give me a lift.”

He looked a little contrite. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you rush through breakfast.”

“It's not a problem,” she assured him. “Guess I wasn't that hungry anyway.”

He just stared at her for a moment. She shifted her weight from foot to foot. “What?”

“Don't be like this.”

When in doubt, pretend you don't understand.
“Be like what? I'm just tired.” She smiled at him, brightly. “I'll go get my food processor. You go get your keys.”

 

“J
OSH!
W
HAT ARE YOU
doing here?” Adam said, giving him a man's half hug and promptly handing him a beer. Josh grabbed a newly cut lime off of the bar and promptly stuffed it in the neck of the beer bottle. “I thought you were going to be busy today. You know. Involved, romantic Angela-stuff.”

“Had a little change of plans,” Josh replied quickly, taking a swig of the beer. The sun was high and brutally intense, beating down on the backyard like a baseball bat. He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Your change, or her change?” Adam smirked at him. “Don't tell me. Angela signed up for underwater basket weaving, and didn't tell you until last night, right?”

“No, as a matter of fact. I just decided I wanted to hang out, that's all.” He ran a hand through his hair. He might jump in the pool, if it stayed this hot.

The pool.
Memories of last night's pool adventure flashed in his mind, and he gritted his teeth to prevent anything else from popping up.

“Ooh. I'm sensing trouble in paradise,” Adam said, herding Josh to a more private corner of the patio. The rest of the party guests were either carousing in the pool or talking in clusters around the backyard. “What happened? She's finally stopped the vanishing act… Has she gone the other way? Is she starting to get pushy—trying to get you to commit?”

“No, she's not trying to get me to commit.” Josh hadn't told Adam too many of the details of what he'd agreed to with Angela. Not that he didn't trust his friend—it just didn't seem right, somehow. He shook his head, curtly. “She's not the type. She hasn't pressured me at all. She was more than happy to let me come here. Hell. She was smiling like a beauty pageant contestant when she left.”

Adam looked at him for a minute, then nodded sagely. “I see. And that's what's bothering you. That she didn't care.”

“She cared,” Josh said, sighing. “I'm getting better at reading her. She doesn't let a lot show, but I knew.” He knew how much last night had meant to her. The thing that had scared him was what yesterday and last night had suddenly meant to
him.
“But even knowing that she wanted to stay with me, I came here. I hadn't planned to—I meant to spend the rest of the day with her. I just…panicked.”

Adam let out a frustrated huff. “Okay, I give up. What's really going on here? Are you breaking up or getting hitched or what?” He grinned. “The suspense is killing me.”

“I don't know. We had this incredible day yesterday, and last night…I've never felt anything like it. And then I woke up this morning, and she was still there. No excuses about an early yoga meeting or class or whatever. She was there sleeping next to me, and then she woke up, like she was happy to be there. She even made me breakfast. And all of a sudden, I thought,
what am I doing?
I'd gotten her right where I wanted her, and now I didn't know where I was in the scheme of things. And I told her I'd promised to come here. You should have seen the look on her face when I said it. I felt like such an ass, but I had to get out of there. I had to try to figure this thing out.” Josh took a seat on one of the chairs Adam had put out, and Adam sat next to him. “I must be losing my mind. What am I worried about? I mean, I've got it made, right? She's perfect for me. She doesn't pressure me, doesn't expect a lot, doesn't want anything from me that I can't give. She's funny, and beautiful, and I love talking to her every night. Now, she's finally coming around, and then I pull a stupid move like this.” He shook his head, bewildered. “What the hell
is
going on with me?”

“I'm sorry, Josh.” Adam really did look it, too. “From what you're describing—you're in love, I think.”

“Shut up, Adam.”

“I'm not kidding.” Adam looked at Josh, and for a second, his normally smarmy expression went sober and sympathetic. “You want her to be with you all the time. You're trying to stay in control of the situation, and she's running you ragged. You want her, twenty-four-seven. You want to know that she feels the same way.
That's
what's wrong with you.”

Josh looked at him. He'd known Adam for years,
since college. He'd never seen this aspect of his devilish, handsome, perpetually joking business partner. “How did you figure that out?”

“Been there.” His eyes looked shadowed for a moment, then he shot Josh a trademark half grin. “Worst half hour of my life.”

But Josh saw the pain in his friend's face. “What happened?”

“Not worth talking about, really. I fell in love when I was young, and stupid. When she was done with me, I wound up drinking, picking fights with random strangers in bars, and generally being an idiot. More than usual, anyway.” He grinned, without mirth. “She did a good enough job on me that I never fell again.”

“Man.” The raw pain in Adam's voice was unnerving. “What'd she do to you?”

Adam paused for a second, looking away. He shrugged. “She left.”

It was all he needed to say. They sat for a minute, drinking slowly, listening to the raucous laughter of the oblivious party crowd.

Adam spoke first. “So now you know. What are you going to do about it?”

“I'm not sure. I've never felt like this before.” Josh took a deep breath, scowling. “How am I
supposed
to deal with this?”