The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (25 page)

Dancing was just what I needed today. After Ryan left, I spent the majority of the afternoon stressing about my parents rather than studying. I'm used to my father calling me after a fight and trying to smooth things over, but he hasn't tried contacting me at all. My mother and I said some pretty harsh words to each other, and I'm just not quite sure how we are going to move past this.

Going to the studio helped clear my head and relaxed me as it always does. I was able to focus on and choreograph several eight-counts for my solo. I am starting to get some direction with the piece, and it feels good to be making progress with it.

After I worked on my solo, I decided to stay a while longer to work on my center floor technique. I ended up being at the studio for a little over three hours. By the time I got back home, my head was clear, so I decided to make good use of it and get the schoolwork done that I couldn't focus on earlier.

Finishing up some research for a paper, I check my phone to see that it's past eight o'clock. I decide to call it a night and quickly change into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. I pop a sleeping pill and walk to the kitchen to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to bed.

The doorbell rings just as I am opening the fridge. I'm beyond surprised when I open the door and see Ryan standing there with a pizza and beer.

"What are you doing here?!"

Giving me a slight smile, he steps around me and comes inside. "I ran out to grab some dinner and knew you weren't doing anything tonight, so I drove here instead of back to my place."

"Oh..."

"That a problem?"

He starts walking to my kitchen, and all I can mumble out is, "Ummm...no. I just..."

"Just what?"

"Just surprised that's all. Why didn't you just text me?"

He sets down the pizza and beer and starts opening drawers until he finds the one with the bottle opener. "Because I figured you would probably tell me you were studying." He pops the cap off the beer, hands it to me, and winks as I press my lips together and agreeably nod. He takes his beer bottle and clinks the neck of it to mine then takes a sip.

"Plates?" he asks, and I nod my head over to the cabinet they are in while I take a long sip of my beer. "So, how was the rest of your day?" he continues while he moves with ease around my kitchen.

"Good. I got a lot done actually."

"Great, let's eat then," he says as he stacks the plates and napkins on top of the pizza box and heads into the living room. "Do you mind grabbing the beer?"

"No problem."

Setting everything down on the coffee table, he plops down on the couch and watches me until I move to join him. The past two times he has been here made me very uncomfortable, but his playful attitude tonight is amusing me more than anything.

I am pleasantly surprised when I open the pizza box to see that he got a Hawaiian pineapple pizza. I look over at him and ask, "How did you know I like pineapple on my pizza?"

Leaning forward and grabbing a slice, he says, "I didn't. Like I said, I got this for me before deciding to come over."

"Oh."

He smiles at me before taking a bite, and I grab a slice and join him. Sitting here, eating pizza and drinking beer, feels a lot like the times Jase and I have done this—comfortable. Then I remember that it probably feels comfortable because I already took my sleeping pill, which always helps relax me. Enjoying his company, I brush it off.

"So, you know what I did with my day. What about you?" I ask.

"After our run, I went to the gym to do some lifting. Then later, I went to the bar to work. Had to sign off on a bunch of paperwork and inventory orders. That's pretty much it."

I grab another beer and hand it to him so he can pop off the cap. When I start to take a drink, Ryan suggests finding something to watch on TV. I grab the remote for him, and he starts flipping through all the channels before stopping on some old black and white movie. He sets the remote down and leans back on the couch, content with his selection.

"What the heck is this?" I ask facetiously.

"You don't know this movie?"

"Does anyone know this movie?"

He smiles at me and says, "Candace, it's a classic."

I shake my head at him, completely clueless.

"It's 'Double Indemnity' from the 1940's. It's a great movie."

"You watch a lot of these movies?"

He shakes his head at me in mock disapproval. "Sit back and just watch. You'll like it." I sit back into the couch, and he points to the TV as he continues. "See that girl? Her name is Phyllis and that guy is an insurance agent that she is trying to seduce."

"Why?"

"Because she wants him to murder her husband so she can collect the money from his policy."

"Oooh, I like her already," I tease.

Ryan laughs at me and says, "Just watch."

Kicking our feet up on the coffee table, we lean back and watch the movie.

"Candace...Candace, wake up."

Opening my eyes, I look up and see Ryan as he is whispering at me to wake up. I lie there, confused in my sleepy haze, and it takes me a moment to realize that I am lying on the couch with my head in his lap. The haze instantly disappears as I jump up, startled at the scenario.
What happened?
I must have completely passed out. Mixing my sleeping pill with the beer was a huge mistake.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asks as he stands up and takes a step toward me.

Feeling a bit flustered, I hold my hands out to gesture to him not to come any closer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave you without you locking the door behind me. You fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake you, so I let you sleep for a while."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Startling easily. I didn't know I fell asleep. I'm just...I was just disoriented." I put my hands down and feeling abashed, I apologize again.

"Candace," he says as he takes a step toward me and reaches his hand to brush back a lock of my hair off of my forehead. My body stiffens at his touch, and he quickly pulls his hand back.

"I'll lock the door behind you," I say to rush him out.

"Let me help you clean this up."

Looking at the pizza box and beer bottles, I say, "I'll do it. It's all trash anyway."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

We walk to the door, and he turns back to look at me. He is standing so close that I have to look up at him. I have never noticed our height difference before now. I'm a little over five feet, so he stands much taller than I do. Looking me in the eyes, he quietly says, "I want you to feel comfortable with me."

There is something about the look on his face that's telling me he feels strongly about this, and I whisper, "I know," because I think I feel the same way.

"Okay. So, we'll talk later?"

Nodding my head, I say, "Yeah."

I lock the door behind him after he leaves, and I let out a long sigh. I grab all the trash and dump it in the garbage can then go crawl into bed.

Feeling confused about Ryan, I have a hard time settling back down to sleep. My mind is all over the place, and I am not sure how to sort my thoughts out. Thank God Jase is coming back home tomorrow because I really need to talk to him. For now, I lie in bed, confounded by my thoughts as I stare into the darkness.

Being alone in the house all day is driving me crazy, so I decide to head over to Jase's even though his flight doesn't get in for another two hours. The quiet is just a reminder of how much I miss my roommate. It's almost as if I live alone because we hardly ever interact anymore. I do know that she will be coming back today, I just don't know when. Before this year, we were like sisters. Even though I never really went out with her and her other friends, we always made time for each other and would constantly call and text each other. Now—nothing.

When I get to Jase's apartment, I go lie down in his room. It has been a couple weeks since I have slept here, so his bed is a welcome comfort. I think it will always be a comfort to me. I still have trouble sleeping alone in my bed. Even with the sleeping pills, my nights are restless and filled with night terrors, and I often have flashes of that night when I close my eyes. The flashes aren't nearly as bad as the nightmares, but they are still a constant reminder of the turmoil in my life.

My new friendship with Ryan is not something I expected. Then again, that's what's got me so confused. How can I be so closed off to the world around me, yet feel comfortable with this new person? The fact that he has become good friends with Mark and Jase eases my mind, but the past few days have me questioning a lot.

I jump off the bed when I hear Jase walk through the door. I practically knock him over when I run into his arms. I didn't realize how much I missed him until now.

"I am so glad you're back."

"Everything okay?"

Letting go of him, I smile and say, "Yeah, I just missed you." I take his arm and pull him toward the couch as I say, "I am dying to know everything about your trip. Where's Mark by the way?"

"He just dropped me off. He has an early morning tomorrow, so he needed to go home, unpack, and get laundry done," he says while we sit on the couch.

"Sooo...?" I say and Jase just smiles at me. Nudging him in the arm, I demand, "Come on! Tell me. How was it?"

"Great, actually. His family is nothing like our families."

"Thank God for that," I tease.

"We had a great time. His parents were so accepting of me, which made me comfortable from the moment I arrived. His sisters are a little crazy. We went out with the two of them one night, and they got totally shit-faced, so Mark and I had to sneak their loud asses into the house so they wouldn't wake up his parents. It felt like high school." Jase laughs, and he seems genuinely happy.

"They sound great. I am so happy for you, even though I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"So, it seems you and Mark are pretty serious now."

"I really love him. I was a dick before and thought I had screwed everything up, but I'm glad he gave me another chance. He's pretty perfect for me."

I can't help but smile when I hear Jase talk like this. He has been through a lot to get to this level of happiness.

"Well, for what it's worth, I really love Mark too. He's been a good friend to me, and he has never questioned our friendship, which means a lot to me. He totally gets us," I say.

"I know. He really does, and that makes me love him even more."

I lean in and give him another tight hug and then he asks, "So tell me about your break? How did Thanksgiving go?"

Leaning back, I sigh. "It didn't. I left before the food came to the table."

"What happened?"

"Honestly, it was pretty bad," I say, and I continue to tell him all about the fight and what was said. He shakes his head, but I know he isn't shocked. He has gotten to know a lot about my relationship with my parents over the past three years.

"So has your dad called you?"

"No, which worries me. He always calls to try and brush everything under the rug."

"So, you've just been laying low then?" he asks.