The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (41 page)

Walking into Gavin's house, Ryan is greeted by several people. Keeping a firm grip on my hand, he introduces me to a few guys before Gavin walks up and throws his arm around me.

"It's about time you guys showed up. Help yourself to whatever is in the kitchen."

"Hey, Gav."

"Hey, gorgeous. I can't believe you haven't left this ass-hat for me yet."

"If it weren't for your delicate language, I might consider it."

"Leave her alone," Ryan says as he pulls me away and into the kitchen to grab a couple of beers.

As he's opening my bottle, I notice a tall blonde eying him. When he hands me my bottle, he leans down and gives me a chaste kiss then leads me back to the living room. We sit on the couch and Ryan begins chatting with two guys that he knows. I sip on my beer and only catch bits and pieces of their conversation. I like that he never takes his hand off of my knee while talking to them; that he's always so aware of me.

I scan the room and spot Gavin who is talking with the blonde I saw in the kitchen. Her hair is long, about the length of mine. She wears her makeup in a sultry way, opposite of my simple mascara and lip-gloss.

When both she and Gavin turn their heads and look at me, I immediately shift my eyes to Ryan. Looking back at me, he squeezes my knee, and Gavin flops down next to me.

"What's up?"

"Were you talking about me?"

"God you're paranoid," he teases and nudges my leg.

"I'm gonna go get another drink." Scooting forward on the couch, I ask Ryan if he wants another beer.

"Yeah, babe. Thanks."

I grab his empty bottle and make my way into the kitchen, tossing them into the trash. Opening the fridge, I grab two more and when I turn around, the tall blonde is standing next to me.

"Hi, I'm Gina," she says politely and holds out her hand.

Sticking one of the bottles under my arm, I reach out my now free hand to shake hers.

"I'm a good friend of Gavin and Ryan."

"Oh. I'm Candace."

"They've never mentioned you before."

"I just met Gavin a few weeks ago," I say.

"So are you and Ryan...?"

"What?" I question, not quite sure what she is trying to ask me.

A grin begins to spread across her face when she leans in and says, "He's good, isn't he?"

I back away from her face and say, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on. Everyone knows what he's like."

What the hell is this girl's deal? Did he sleep with her? Thoughts start flooding my mind, and I just want to leave. Jealousy fills me when she says, "I'm a little surprised by you though. You don't seem to fit his type."

"Excuse me," I say as I start to walk away. I don't know this girl, but I hate her nonetheless.

"Oh my God. That's so cute," she says before I can get too much distance between us. When I turn around to look at her, she's laughing at me and says, "You think he loves you? Ryan doesn't know what that is. Trust me, I've been with him enough times to know that."

I feel sick and fire rushes through my veins, and if I wasn't so small compared to her, I'd slap the shit out of her. I set the beers on the counter and turn around. Walking through the living room, I pass Ryan and snap at him, "Take me home," and then make my way outside. My hands are shaking as a multitude of emotions runs through me: jealousy, anger, embarrassment.

"Candace," Ryan says as he rushes behind me.

I turn around, angry, and shout at him, "Did you sleep with that girl in there? Gina?"

He lets out a deep breath, and I shake my head and say, "Forget it. Just take me home."

I open the door before he can open it for me and hop up onto the seat. It's one thing for me to hear about his past, but to have his past right there in my face, taunting me, is more than I can handle.

When we start driving, Ryan finally speaks up. "I didn't know she was going to be there. When I saw her, I didn't want to say anything to draw attention."

I don't respond. I'm too upset to respond, so I pull my knee up to my chest and shift my body toward the door, leaning the side of my head against the cold leather seat and stare out the window. I want to cry because I'm embarrassed and hurt, but I don't.

"Candace, say something."

I don't.

To be honest, I'm upset with that girl, not Ryan. I know Ryan has been nothing but open with me, so I can't fault him for that. But, it doesn't make it any easier. I wonder if everyone in that house thought I was just another girl like Gina. I hate that thought.

When he pulls into his driveway, I softly say without moving, eyes still looking out the window, "Ryan, I really just want to go home."

He doesn't say anything when he gets out of the car and walks around to my side. Opening the door, he takes my hand and helps me out. I don't protest because I'm too tired to argue with him. We walk inside, and he takes me upstairs to his room.

I stand in the doorway as he walks over to his dresser and starts pulling out clothes.

"Ryan, what are you doing?"

"You're not going home. Here," he says as he hands me a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt.

I stand there for a moment and watch him as he begins to undress, then I turn to go to his bathroom and change myself. Realizing I don't have my pills, I call out for Ryan to bring me my purse.

When he knocks on the door, I open it and thank him when he hands it to me. I quickly brush my teeth, and when I walk out, the lights are off, and Ryan is already in bed. He didn't pull the drapes shut, and the moon casts a muted light through the room.

When I slide under the covers, Ryan instinctively pulls me in, facing him.

"Talk to me," he says with a soft voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, and I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just...I don't like feeling the way she made me feel. It's embarrassing."

"She was nothing to me."

"When did you...I mean...How long ago?"

"August or so."

I sigh and close my eyes, not wanting to talk about this or think about this anymore.

Brushing my hair back with his hands, he tells me, "They were only there to distract me, but when I saw you, you faded everything I needed distracting from."

Opening my eyes, I look up at him and ask, "Did you love any of them?"

"No."

Hesitantly, "Do you love me?"

"I've only ever loved you."

He rolls on top of me, staring down into my eyes. I pull him down, and I kiss him with an intensity I haven't felt before. Crushing his lips with mine, tasting each other, and feeling each other, I grab his hair, keeping him close to me. He trails his hand down the center of my sternum, between my breasts, over my stomach, and when he reaches the hem of my shirt, I feel the heat of his hand as he slides it up, making my body shudder beneath his. When he cups me in his hand and squeezes, my body bows up to him, and he lets out a deep moan.

"God, I want you," he whispers.

Sitting back on his heels, he pulls me up to him. He reaches down and slowly begins lifting up my top. Raising my arms up, he peels the cloth off of me and tosses it on the floor. He takes his hands and slides them down my sides. "Babe..."

He lays me back down and grazes his lips down my neck and over the thin lace of my bra. I hold tightly onto the sides of his head when he covers my nipple with his mouth and drags his tongue across the fabric. I begin to feel the anxiety build inside my stomach. I can't do this.

When he hooks his fingers under the waistband of my shorts, I clench my eyes tightly shut, panic coursing through me. I choke back a silent sob, and when I open my eyes to stop him, I see a pained look on his face. He's sitting back and slowly brushing his thumb over my tattoo, staring at it intently. His touch is jittery on my skin, and when his eyes shift to mine, I can't take the panic that is still coursing through my body.

I quickly shift up to my knees and throw my arms around his neck, just needing to feel safe in his hold. It takes him a while, but he eventually wraps his arms slowly, almost hesitantly, around me. I grip him tightly, trying hard to not freak out in front of him, and I notice his body trembling under my arms. I don't say anything because I am still so consumed with anxiety and wondering if he can tell how scared I just got when he touched me like he did.

Silently freaking out, neither one of us moves. We cling to each other and let time pass.

Eventually, I feel my heart slow, and I begin to soften in his arms.

"Candace."

"Please, don't say anything."

And he doesn't as he lies us down and pulls the covers over us.

When we wake up the next morning, Ryan is really quiet and seems tense. I notice his eyes are a bit bloodshot, and I ask him, "Did you not sleep last night?"

"Not too much," he says while pouring me a cup of coffee to take with me before he drives me home.

We've barely spoken this morning, and he hasn't been his usual affectionate self with me. In fact, I feel like he's avoiding me. I'm feeling extremely self-conscious; not only because of what happened last night, but also the way he is acting today. I'm sure he's getting tired of me always pushing him away. From my run in with Gina last night, I can tell he's used to getting what he wants without having to wait.

"You ready?" he asks.

"Yeah." I'm surprised when he takes my hand as he walks me to his jeep.

When he pulls up into my driveway and parks, I turn to him and say, "I'm sorry about last night, and I get that you're mad, but—"

"What?" he interrupts. "Why would I be mad?"

Suddenly feeling very unsure of the situation, I say, "Because I keep pushing you away. You've hardly said two words to me this morning. So, I just figured..."

He turns away from me and gets out of the car. I watch him, confused, as he walks around to my side and opens the door. He reaches over me and unclicks my seatbelt, turning me toward him.

"Everything you give me is perfect. You have to stop feeling like this. I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere." He leans in to kiss me, and his words bring me relief. "I'm sorry if I've been a dick, I just didn't get much sleep."

"It's okay. I overreacted."

Helping me out of the car, he kisses me again before leaving.

When I walk inside, Kimber is studying on the couch, and I've never felt more awkward around her since she asked me to move out.

"Who was that?" she asks as I walk across the room.

Turning to her, I ask, "Who?"

"That guy you just kissed in the driveway. I wasn't spying or anything, but you're right outside the window."

I look out the large bay window then back at her. She looks sad when I say, "Oh, um, his name's Ryan."

"You dating?"

"Yeah," I say, and I can tell that she is upset. I'm guessing it's the same sadness I felt when I found out about her and Seth. I want to talk to her, to tell her all about him and how great he is, but I can't. We aren't like that anymore, and I know she's hurting more than me as each day we grow more distant.

"Well, I have to go get ready for school," I softly say and then walk out of the room.

Seeing her now, after yesterday, is awful. I hate knowing that I've hurt her this much. I feel like I've lost her, and it's hard to be in the same house as her when we both feel the way that we do.

When I pick up my phone, with apprehension, I type out my text.

Can I stay with you?

I hold my phone with nervous hands and wait for the reply.

Of course babe.