The Fall and Rise of Lucy Charlton (42 page)

By the time Lucy got to London it was afternoon and she was nervous. She couldn’t bear to think that Lady Toddington would not be there. She knew people like that went to various things in the year, boating and musical venues and to stay at their friends’ houses in the country and she just prayed that Lady Toddington would be at home. That was all she wanted, that and a short audience with the woman.

She made herself not run, though she was anxious. She hurried along the wide London street until she came to the imposing house where sir Felix and Lady Toddington had their home. She could feel, almost hear, her heart thudding after she rapped on the knocker with gloved hands and waited a lifetime until the door opened.

She expected a man but it was in fact a small, very young maid. Lucy gave her name and enquired and the girl asked her to step into the hall. There she was left, not seeing anything, worrying that the woman was not at home or would say that she was not at home to such people. Why would she see Lucy? Why would she bother?

Eventually the girl came back, smiling and ushering her forward into the sitting room. Lady Toddington came to
Lucy with a swish of expensive skirts and a small degree of curiosity in her eyes.

‘Why, Miss Charlton. Whatever are you doing in London? Do come in and sit down. Would you like some tea?’

Ten minutes ago Lucy had been desperate for tea. Now she couldn’t have swallowed anything.

‘It’s very good of you to receive me,’ she said in a rush. ‘I thought you might not be at home or you might be busy or …’

Lady Toddington sent the small maid for tea and cake. She was so normal that Lucy felt relieved. She was not going to be thrown out straight away.

Lady Toddington said to her, ‘If I can help I would like to very much, but I can’t imagine what you’re doing here.’ Her smile was polite but her eyes were dismissive, Lucy thought.

‘It’s quite simple,’ Lucy said, trying to look straight at her and finding it difficult. ‘I saw you the other day at the station in Newcastle.’ She stopped there; she thought it was her lawyer’s training.

Lady Toddington tried to alter her expression but Lucy saw the surprise, the horror, the telltale signs that she had been right. Lucy’s heart did plummeting things inside her.

‘It was you,’ Lucy said, before her quarry could recover. ‘You are unmistakable. Please don’t deny it.’

Lady Toddington bowed her head. She sat in silence for so long that Lucy willed her to speak.

‘You’re right,’ she said, ‘of course. And this made you come to London?’

‘I think you went there with a specific purpose, and I think that purpose was something to do with Joe Hardy.’

She watched the other woman’s expression harden.

‘I was there visiting friends and it had nothing whatsoever to do with that man,’ she said.

‘Your daughter loved him.’

‘That was a very long time ago.’

‘He doesn’t think so. He has spent a great deal of time looking for her and ever since grieving over what he did. Do you want it to ruin the rest of his life?’

‘I don’t care,’ Lady Toddington said. ‘He is no concern of mine or my husband’s. I would like you to leave.’

‘Joe loves her. He can never go forward with his life the way that things are and I think that if your daughter died then he deserves to know that if nothing else.’

There was silence. Lucy expected Lady Toddington to pull the bell and the little maid would come back and see her swiftly across the hall and out into the street. There would be nothing more and she would burst into tears of frustration and run back to Durham. But this didn’t happen.

‘He deserves to know if she is still alive, surely. You know, don’t you?’ Lucy prompted.

‘He deserves nothing but what he can get. He treated my daughter as other men treat prostitutes.’

‘There wouldn’t be any prostitutes if men had not constructed society to suit themselves,’ Lucy said, ‘and anyway, I think you’re wrong. Joe loves her. Yes, he behaved badly, but it was excusable, surely.’

‘It was nothing of the kind,’ Lady Toddington said.

‘Did she play no part in it, is that what you’re saying? Because I don’t believe for a second that he had to force her into anything. Are you telling me she had no will?’

‘She was very young.’

‘And sheltered? Is that the excuse? That you treated her so that she wouldn’t grow up and take responsibility for her actions.’

Lady Toddington eyed her.

‘You are a very good lawyer, Miss Charlton, and a very rude woman.’

‘And you, Lady Toddington, have sentenced a young man who fought long and hard for his country to a lifetime of regret because he loved a woman too much.’

‘You care for him?’ the other woman said.

‘He’s the most decent man I ever met.’ Lucy sat forward and told Lady Toddington about how Joe had behaved when the Formby house was on fire. She said what he had done for Mrs Formby and Tilda and Clay and the Misses Slaters and how kind he had been to her.

Then she told her about finding Margaret Hardy’s grave. That was when Lady Toddington broke down and began to cry. Lucy didn’t know whether to be pleased or horrified at what she had done. She sat and waited until the tears stopped and her hostess dried her eyes. The maid had brought in tea long since and they had not touched it; Lady Toddington had listened so very carefully to Lucy.

‘It all began a very long time ago,’ Lady Toddington said, not looking at anything as far as Lucy could judge. ‘Joe’s mother was my best friend. She meant a great deal to me, but she was so unconventional that she was not accepted, and her not being accepted made her husband angry. She was such a northerner, you know, and she had a thick accent, at least to us and she … she saw things that other people
did not so that she was called ‘witch’. Though I knew the whole thing was ridiculous there was only so much I could do to help. She didn’t care for parties or for any of the things which we were meant to do so she did not endear herself to other people. She was too strange. I loved her for that, she was so different, such a lovely woman and clever too. That wasn’t looked on with favour either. She had a dry wit and she always made me laugh. We spent many happy afternoons at her home when the children were small. We used to hide in the tiny garden there where she grew roses. We would drink champagne in the sunshine and it was perfect – but her husband soon grew to dislike her.

‘When Joe was born she wanted to spend her time with him but that isn’t how London society operates. You don’t take your children with you, you don’t …’ Lady Toddington blushed, ‘… nurture them yourself, and she wanted to and he wouldn’t let her. It was so easy to see both points of view. I don’t know why he married her except that she was very beautiful. Joe looks like her. She was dark and had flashing eyes. She was tall but with a gorgeous figure – all the men wanted her. They didn’t care for her voice, but they wanted her body.’

Lady Toddington stumbled here and passed a hand across her eyes.

‘Margaret was not of our kind – she was a wild creature of the north and he tried to tame her. I know it sounds ridiculous but he did. He wanted her so much but not as she was. Why do people capture other people and try to change them? I don’t understand it.’ Lady Toddington stopped there.

‘So she ran away?’ Lucy prompted.

‘She couldn’t bear it any more. She wanted to take her baby north and give it all up, but he wouldn’t let her. He made her leave without the child. I thought it was cruel, and I didn’t know how bad things were until she left without her boy. How could any woman not stay with her child? Though I think she would have died if she had stayed here.’

‘So she went north and you helped her?’

‘Nobody knew, not even my husband. He still doesn’t. Joe’s father told everyone that she had died. I could have killed him. Now that I’m older I understand better. He was a proud man with a long history and he couldn’t be seen to be bettered by a woman, so I gave Margaret money and she went north to Durham. I used to go and see her quite often.

‘Her father’s family had owned the tower house for centuries and gave the place to her. I had fun setting it up for her. I kept her all that time – I had plenty of money. She hated that but there was nothing we could do about it, for she was so conspicuous – everywhere she went men looked at her. So she retired as though she had gone into a convent except that I used to go and we had some fun. My husband is very wealthy and he never asked me what I did with my money. I had my own money of course, he made certain of that, so we didn’t stint ourselves. Sometimes we used to go other places and nobody ever knew – even abroad from time to time. She was happy to, so long as the cats were fed and I made sure someone was paid to do that. You can pay for almost anything you know. Money is the most useful commodity of all.

‘In some ways she had such a difficult time there. She pined for her child; she wanted him so much. I used to tell
her all about his life – well, the bits I thought she could stand. He was her only child and she knew he would grow up thinking she was dead, knowing nothing of her, but I couldn’t do anything other than to shield her. I came to love the tower house. When you talk about it I’m taken back there. It didn’t occur to me that she would leave the place to her son. Why would she? It was such a shock when she died and I knew that I could never go there again. I could not tell anyone about what had happened. I grieved for her alone, since her father had long since lost his wits and nobody else cared.’

‘You knew him?’

‘Yes, we spent time with him. They grew very fond of one another.’

Lucy told her about Mr Firbank – how Joe had gone to see him in Gateshead and how upset he was when the old man died.

‘And your daughter?’ Lucy asked.

Lady Toddington shook her head and brushed a few tears away.

‘I hated Joe Hardy for what he did to my child. He destroyed her life.’

‘Did he?’ Lucy said, ‘or did you in fact alter it?’

‘I had to,’ Lady Toddington said. ‘Her father, like most men, blamed her. As though Joe Hardy had barely been there. My God, men! My husband treated her as I wouldn’t have treated a dog or a horse so I got her out of there. I sent her to Margaret.’

‘I thought as much,’ Lucy said. ‘Does she believe that Joe died in the war?’

‘I wouldn’t do such a thing to her. I didn’t ever tell her any lies, but she had enough to cope with having his child without him.’

‘So she knows he didn’t die in the war?’

Lady Toddington said nothing more and in the end Lucy prompted her.

‘She knew from the beginning, didn’t she?’

‘Yes, she knew.’

‘And that didn’t prompt her to go to him?’

‘She didn’t want him by then.’

‘Even though she knew what he was going through? Doesn’t that strike you as cruel?’

‘It was not my decision to make.’

‘There was another man?’ Lucy said.

Lady Toddington hesitated, but she nodded in the end and took a particular interest in the embroidered skirt of her dress.

‘She was rescued, if you like. She was lucky. She was most concerned about keeping her child and we couldn’t see a way round it. Joe Hardy had disgraced them both and his father had impoverished him. He had nothing to offer her. I’m sorry if you think I was unjust, but my daughter and her child had to come first. I couldn’t like Joe after what he did. The world would blame her and not him, but I always blamed him for what happened. He could have had so much and he threw it all away for a weekend.’

‘Don’t people do that in war?’

‘Do they? I suppose if they have no courage, no principles then they would.’

‘How long would you have gone on punishing him for it? He didn’t give up, you see. I think he still envisages a life with Angela, he still thinks that she will come back to him.’

‘I didn’t care what happened to him. His behaviour can never be excused. He almost destroyed my daughter’s life – something too many men have done to too many women.’

‘So where is your daughter now?’ Lucy’s heart was thudding again.

Lady Toddington didn’t reply.

‘If you don’t tell me I will go back and tell Joe what I know – that Angela is alive, that you and she have held him to account all this time. He will search for her around Newcastle and he will find her in the end. All this time she has been within a stone’s throw of where Joe is and she never once gave him the chance to redeem himself.’

Lady Toddington said nothing.

‘You must have made certain she was safe and that she had a good life, otherwise surely you would have helped her to get back to Joe. Is she married? Did you and Margaret and her friends in Northumberland introduce her to someone else whom the Firbanks knew, perhaps? You must have done. A woman alone with a child is not accepted anywhere unless she has very good connections.’

Lady Toddington still didn’t reply.

‘You took her out of Joe’s life,’ Lucy accused her. ‘You put her beyond his reach. He did everything he could to find her. Surely you could stop blaming him?’

Lady Toddington considered this for several seconds, which seemed to Lucy like several weeks. Then she looked up and held Lucy’s gaze.

‘She lives between Newcastle and Hexham on a farm. She is married with two children,’ Lady Toddington said.

*

The last letter from his father was the one which Joe didn’t want to read. In the end he made himself.