The Fallen Woman (A Regency Romance) (27 page)

He really wasn’t in the best of health.

“Wonderful,” Tristan muttered to himself. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

Chapter Thirty

After supper, Leona and Tristan returned to their shared bedroom and sat beside each other in silence. Neither of them wanted to mention the day’s events, but they knew the topic would have to come up eventually.

Tristan was the first to make an attempt at casual discourse. “You should have been there when Aunt Bess got home. She was really worried about you… she demanded to know why you left early. I told her you were feeling ill, which raised a lot more questions, but… if only you would’ve seen them!” he chuckled.

“Seen who?”

“Andrew and Bess! They arrived arm-in-arm, and they were chatting like they’d been friends for ages,” he said. “Something tells me they don’t hate each other as much as they let on.”

“Your aunt seems very strict with him, but she’s really quite sweet.” When Leona looked over and saw Tristan clenching and unclenching his fist, she almost gasped. “Oh my… your hand!”

He held his hand in front of him. “What about it?”

“It’s red!” she exclaimed. “You must have hit him harder than I thought! You didn’t break a bone, did you?”

“No.”

“Does it hurt?”
”I’m fine. Anyway, that Wintergreen fellow had it coming to him.”

“Well, I won’t deny that, but… I really wish you hadn’t caused such a commotion.” Leona snatched Tristan’s hand and gave his knuckles a gentle rub.

“He should have never said the things he said! Can you believe the nerve of that man? I couldn’t let him get away with it!”

“Yes, but…” With a sigh, Leona returned her husband’s hand to his lap. “A duel? That’s madness. You’re not really going to participate in something like that, are you?”

“Of course I am! It’s not just
your
honor at stake anymore, Leona. If I failed to fight for you honor, or I failed to rise to the challenge, what sort of man would I be? I’d be a coward, for one.”

Leona rolled away from him and mashed her head against her pillow. “I never asked you to fight for my honor… I don’t care a fig for anything that idiot says! I’d rather have a cowardly husband than a dead husband.”

Grumbling to himself, Tristan slid under the blankets. “Well, I’m going to die anyway. I might as well.”

“Tristan! How could you say something like that? No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, but it would be foolish to test your luck. I don’t want anything to happen to you!”

“I’m not such a bad shot.”

“That’s beside the point! A duel is ridiculous! There’s always a risk… I don’t care if you’re the best shot in England!” Leona turned, facing Tristan’s direction so he could see her roll her eyes. “My baby will need a father.”

Tristan’s eyes were locked serenely on Leona’s. After a few seconds of silence, he asked, “Which one?”

“What?”

“Which father?”

Leona’s mouth fell open, and she shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’d say something like that to me! I never expected you to say something so cruel!”

“Well, I think it’s a valid question! For all I know, you might prefer it if he’d win the duel. After all, he’s your child’s true father, is he not?”

Leona slammed her fist against the bed and shouted. “Oooh! I think that’s the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me! I thought you cared about my feelings more than that. Don’t you have any idea how I feel? Don’t you have any idea how horrified I felt when I laid eyes on Lord Wintergreen… or how embarrassed I felt when he spoke to us? Don’t you know how much I’d like to change the past… or how much I’d like to bury the memory of him in some deep recess of my mind?!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You can’t possibly think I meant to refer to
that
man as the father of my child?” Leona went on. “I never want to see him as long as I live! Never, ever again!”

He saw tears forming in her eyes, and it wrenched his heart. He never wanted to see tears run down her cheeks, and he certainly never wanted to be the cause of them. “I’m really sorry, Leona. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Until now, you’ve been the nicest man I’ve ever met…”

“And… I still am!” he insisted. “You can’t hold one mistake against me!”

Leona turned her back to him again. “You don’t care about me at all, do you?”

“Of course I do! Don’t be silly.”

She sniffled. “If my baby has any father at all, you know I would want it to be you…”

“I apologize, Leona. How many times must I apologize?”

Leona held her breath. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She felt like she was always crying in front of him, and she hated it. “You don’t need to apologize anymore. I have no reason to expect any apologies from you… you’ve been too kind to me as it is. If anything, I deserve your animosity.”

“Animosity? I’m not being… animous,” he said with a chuckle. He hoped some humor would turn the situation around, but that wasn’t the case. Even though she had her back to him, he could see her wiping away tears. “I care about you so much, Leona! Surely you know that?”

“That may be the case, but… you’ll never care about me as much as I want you to. How could you, after everything I’ve done?” She sucked in a breath and exhaled sharply. “Words can’t describe how much I want to… be with you.”

“We’ll be together!” he insisted emphatically. “At least… we’ll be together as long as my poor, old heart can hold out. I’m not about to go off and die in some stupid duel!”

“I don’t think you understand. I mean… I want to
be
with you,” she repeated with added emphasis. “I want you to hold me and touch me and… be intimate with me. But I know you don’t want to. I’m sure you like me well enough, but I’m just as sure the thought of touching me must repulse you.”

“Leona.”

“I don’t blame you, Tristan. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to be with me. I’m having another man’s baby, and I tried to seduce you to some wicked end, but… now my feelings are genuine. I want to be with you. I
love
you.”

“You love me?”

“You really are the kindest, gentlest man in the world, and I know you’d never hurt me, and I should be happy with everything you’ve given me and thrilled by all the kindness you’ve shown me, but…” Her thought was interrupted by a sniffle. “I sit around thinking about how much I want you to touch me… I think about how wonderful it would feel… and I know nothing like that will ever happen, and I can’t expect you to want it as much as I do because I
am
a fallen woman. I know I’m not the sort of wife you wanted, but… you’ve really been the most wonderful husband, and I know I should be content with the relationship we have. I’m sorry…”

“Leona,” Tristan repeated her name with a chuckle. “You really do say the silliest things sometimes.”

“I… do?”

“Yes! I’m not repulsed by you, and I could never think poorly of you! I adore you!”

“You… do?”

“Yes!” He laughed. “If it seems like I’ve restrained myself, it’s because I thought you wanted me to restrain myself. Now that you’ve told me differently… you’ve said you
loved
me, even… that changes everything. Look at me, Leona.”

Wiping her eyes one last time, Leona slowly rolled to face him.

“I never dreamed you would come to care about me so much. I certainly never thought you’d love me. I was starting to think I was un-loveable.”

“I
do
love you,” she whispered. “I know you could never love me back, but--”

“Stop making assumptions,” he interrupted. “I love you very much. You’ve been
everything
I’ve ever wanted in a wife… and more. You’re a blessing to me, and so is the life you carry inside you. I want to put a smile on your face forever… and wipe your tears away.” He gently brushed a thumb across her tear-stained cheek. “I love you.”

His words almost made her heart stop. He loved her? Leona was so happy, she thought she could hear choirs singing in her ears.

“
Believe me
when I say I’ve wanted to put my hands on your body more times than I could count. I’ve had to exercise restraint at least a million times, because I thought that’s what you wanted!” With a grin, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her toward him. “And I’m about to prove it.”

Chapter Thirty One

Tristan took her hand and started to rain kisses across her wrist, but Leona was more interested in what he said than what he was doing.

“Tristan,” she whispered his name. “Are you serious? Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?”

He traded one hand for the other and started kissing it as well. “Oh, I’m
very
serious, Leona. You’ve brought more joy to my joyless life than you could possibly imagine.” He let go of her hand and started to draw back the blankets. “Wait… you’re not going to tell me your confession of love was just a hoax, are you?”

“No, of course not!”

Tristan grinned. “I’m only joking. I know you love me.”

She sat up in bed. “Really? How long have you known?”

“Three minutes,” he answered with a chuckle. With his hands, he urged her to lie back down. “I have no reason to doubt your love. I’m certain you wouldn’t lie to me about something so important.”

“Well, I’ve lied to you before...”

“So, you don’t love me?”

“No, I
do
love you!” she shouted at him. “It’s just… this conversation is… I…”

Her tongue was tied, because Tristan was starting to slide her nightgown off her shoulders. Leona didn’t know why she was so nervous. Her skin was burning in anticipation, and her heart was hammering against her chest.

“Good, don’t talk,” he said with a chuckle. “I’d hate to be interrupted by some random thought. It’s happened to me before, you know. You usually end up crying when I start to remove your clothes.”

“Tristan!” she gently pounded him on the head. “Don’t tease me like that!”

“But it
is
true!”

“No, it’s not!”

“Shh.” The nightgown drifted further off her shoulders.

“You’re not going to talk me through what you’re doing? What if you think I’ve gotten fat? How am I supposed to know what--”

Tristan’s mouth found hers, and he silenced her with a kiss. Meanwhile, his fingers continued to tug at her nightgown, rolling the material over her breasts. “I think you’re perfect,” he whispered as his lips descended to kiss her collarbone. “I think you’re completely, totally, utterly perfect.”

“I-” She was about to protest, but her thought was stifled when Tristan’s kiss landed on one of her breasts. His lips circled and suckled her nipple. “I…”

“You’re not going to stop me, are you?”

She felt his warm breath against her skin as he spoke, and the sensation sent a chill down her spine. It was at least the twelfth chill of the night so far. She shuddered each time he kissed her chest. “No. I want this.”

“Good.” Tristan eased the nightgown over her navel. “Because I’m not sure I
could
stop myself.” Resting his head against her stomach, he ran his hands across every inch of her exposed skin. “I love you,” he said, lifting his head to kiss Leona on the lips. “And you.” He lightly kissed her stomach.

Leona giggled. “You say some of the nicest things to me, Tristan. I don’t think I deserve your kindness. You’re so good to me.” She pointed her to stomach. “And to him.”

“What if it’s a
her
?” Tristan asked with a grin. “I think I’d be just as fond of a daughter… perhaps even more so, if she turns out to be anything like you.” He nestled his face against her stomach and sighed. “I don’t think you realize how happy you’ve made me.”

Leona sifted a hand through his hair. “On the contrary, I don’t think you realize how happy
you’ve
made
me
.” When he lifted his head and started flicking his tongue across her breasts, she almost gasped. “I… never knew this could feel so good.”

Tristan tucked his hand into the bunched-up nightgown and pulled it off the rest of the way. He sat up to admire his work, his eyes poring over every inch of her body. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

“Tristan…” she whimpered his name. “What about
your
clothes?”

“Not yet,” he answered with a grin, slipping his hand between her inner thighs. His fingers crept up her skin, coaxing her legs apart. When his hand landed on the curls between her legs, Leona almost gasped again. She couldn’t believe Tristan,
her Tristan
, was doing this to her. She had been starving for this moment for so long.

She opened herself to him, letting him explore every inch of her. He dipped his fingers inside her and soaked them in the folds of her womanhood. As one hand explored her, he started unbuttoning his shirt with the other hand. Leona didn’t notice, because her eyes were closed. She bit her lip and stifled her moans, but she couldn’t hold back her ecstasy for long, because she felt like a volcano was erupting in her body. Her hips rose from the bed, as if she was trying to suck his hand inside her.