The Fantasy Factor (15 page)

When the truth hit Houston he closed his eyes. He’d spent all these years convincing himself that he was nothing like his old man, yet he was just like him.

In appearance and in deed.

His father had run straight into a bottle to escape his fear of failure as a prize-winning bull rider, just the way Houston had run away to escape his fear of turning into the same bitter man his father had once been. As though if he stayed far, far away from Cadillac and commitment and anything that even resembled permanency, he could save himself from the same fate. But by leaving, he’d done just what his father had done for all those years.

Well, no more.

He truly wasn’t his old man, because he didn’t hate the thought of spending the rest of his days right here in his hometown. He loved the notion and, more important, he loved Sarah Buchanan.

She just didn’t know it.

Yet.

“I’
LL HAVE THE ROSE BUSHES
planted first thing next Wednesday,” Sarah told Jake MacIntyre from the mercantile. He had a planter in front of the store that he’d wanted to fill with poppies. She’d talked him into roses since he was trying to draw in more of a female clientele to try the new cosmetics counter he’d added at the back of the store.

“Now, you’re sure they’ll smell good? Maybe we should go with jasmine. I’ve got some jasmine perfume and it ain’t too bad.”

“Jasmine doesn’t do well in full sunlight. The roses will do much better during the summer months. We’ll keep them thriving in the colder months with a portable ground heater that keeps the soil warm and comfortable. So you’ll be good to go all year round.”

“I do like red roses. Pick ’em up for my wife every Valentine’s Day.”

“Now you can pick her a stem or two for no special reason. I bet she’d like that.”

“She’d probably ask me to stick out my tongue for fear I’m running a fever. I’m not the romantic sort. No candy or wishy-washy cards. Just the flowers once a year.”

“For most women, it’s the little things that count. Like when a man buys an entire fudge cake just to get a chance to talk to a woman, or when he buys a box of Sugar Babies at the movies because he remembers how much she likes them. Or when he weeds her flower bed because she doesn’t have the time.”

“Uh, yeah.” He gave her a funny look.

“Not that any man has ever done that for me. I don’t have a man in my life.” Funny how the words didn’t come as easily as she expected, considering that she’d already come to terms with the fact that Houston Jericho was gone.

She wanted him gone. She had an image to maintain and they’d reached the end of the list.

And she loved him.

She forced the notion aside. It didn’t matter if she loved him. Love didn’t change anything. It didn’t make them different people. She still had her life and he had his.

And more important, he didn’t love her back.

Not that she wanted him to.

At least that’s what she told herself.

She showed him the bill. “Here you go. Here’s everything, including the delivery charge.” He finished signing his check, handed it over and took his receipt. “See you on Wednesday.”

Sarah left the counter and headed down an aisle of large potted crepe myrtle plants. She needed to work. To concentrate on caring for the massive inventory she’d built over the past few weeks for the new landscaping services she was now offering.

She’d just grabbed her scissors and started to prune a few dried leaves when she heard the bell ring.

Her heart kicked up a notch as she glanced around a branch.

Jake MacIntyre waved at her. “Could you do it Tuesday? I’d really like to have the planter filled by then.”

“Will do. I’ll change the job on my schedule and be there in the afternoon.”

“Perfect.”

No sooner had the door shut than he pushed it back open again. “How about Monday?”

“My day is full.” He frowned and she added, “But I could schedule it for the late afternoon.”

“Perfect.” The door closed.

She’d just turned back to the crepe myrtle when the doorbell trembled and tinkled again.

“I don’t work on Sundays,” she called out.

“I hope not, because I had something much more relaxing in mind.” The deep, familiar voice slid into her ears and brought her around.

She turned to find Houston standing in the doorway looking so tall and handsome and real. Her heart revved and her hands trembled.

“I was thinking that you might stop by my place for supper.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you.”

“Don’t. I hate long goodbyes and—”

“This isn’t about goodbye. It’s about saying thank you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My father’s grave. You were out there. You did it for me. Because you do love me.”

“You’re wrong—”

“I
know
that you love me.” He touched a hand to his heart. “I know it right here. I feel it. I felt it the day before yesterday, but then you made that crazy excuse and I believed it because I wanted to believe it. Because I was scared. I’ve been running from my own feelings for so long that my gut instinct was to bolt, to accept your explanation and get the hell out so that I didn’t have to accept the truth. You do love me. You really do love me.”

“I…” She shook her head. “What brought you back?”

“I ran because you said you loved me, and I came back because of it. Because I want to hear it again.”

She thought about denying him, but the sudden desperation in his gaze had her saying the words before she could stop herself. “I love you.” There. It was out and she wasn’t taking it back. She tried to concentrate on pulling off her gloves. “Not that it changes anything. I know that you’re leaving and I won’t try to stop—”

“I love you.”

“—you and I certainly won’t break down and cry and— What did you say?”

“I love you. I’ve always loved you. From the first moment we drove down to the creek and watched the sun set, until now. You made me so crazy with your enthusiasm for everything. You liked standing on the edge and peering over the side. You liked the rush that comes from really living.”

Joy rushed through her, a feeling that quickly faded in a wash of despair. “It still doesn’t change anything. You’re not staying and I’m not going.” She met his gaze. “I’m not. I thought about it. About picking up and just going after you because I can’t live without you. But the thing is, I live here and I’ll always live here. I like my life. I always have— I just didn’t realize it. I was so set on preserving the girl I’d once been, on reclaiming her just as soon as I had the chance, but she’s changed. She’s all grown up. She’s me. Conservative. Tame. Small-town. And you’re not. You never will be. And you’ll never be content with someone who is.”

“You’re not tame, Belle.” He touched her then, his fingertip gliding along the slope of her jaw, under her chin to tilt up her face. “You’re just scared because of Sharon’s death. Because it could just as easily have been you.”

“I’m not afraid to die.”

“No, you’re afraid to live. Afraid to take a chance, afraid to get hurt. Afraid to risk the safe little world you’ve created for yourself.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know you. You’re afraid, all right. I saw it in your eyes yesterday when you told me that you loved me.”

“You saw no such thing.”

“I saw everything. I always have.”

“I am
not
afraid.”

“Trust me,” he continued, despite her denial. “Fear can’t keep you warm at night, and it sure as hell can’t make you happy. But I can.” He kissed her then in a hard, rough way that left her lips tingling when he pulled away. “I can make you happy because I know who you really are. Your wild streak didn’t fade. It’s in there, hiding behind the fear. That’s the difference now. You’re scared, but you don’t have to be. You can let go the way you used to. Trust yourself, Sarah. You won’t make the same mistakes. And neither will I. I’m not leaving again. Not this town. Not my home. Not you. Not ever.” And then he turned and walked away.

I
T TOOK ALL OF
H
OUSTON’S
control to keep from folding her over his shoulder, taking her down to the creek and reminding her of their past and proving to her that he’d loved her even then.

He had, he just hadn’t realized it until now.

She had to come to her own realization, and when she did, he would be right here in Cadillac. Ready and waiting for her.

In the meantime, he had to see a man about a bull.

He climbed into his truck and drove out to Hank’s place. He found Harley in the barn rubbing down a worn-looking mare.

“Where’s your dad?” he asked the young man.

“He’s over at the feed store picking up grain for the cattle. You here to ride the bull?” Excitement lit his gaze, as usual when old Nell was mentioned. It was a feeling Houston knew all too well because he’d felt it most of his life.

“Actually, I’m here for something altogether different. But speaking of riding, why don’t you climb on up and I’ll work the controls?”

“I couldn’t. I’ve never been on a bull before. I’ll eat dust the first few seconds.”

“Probably, but then you get back up and climb back on and you ride again. And each time you do it, your time will get longer.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. You’ve got the fever. I can see it in your eyes. And it’s the fever that guarantees a successful ride. There are bull riders the world over who are skilled, but they don’t want it bad enough. If you want it bad enough, you’re halfway there when it comes to a successful ride. The rest is simply a matter of practice and technique.”

“I guess I could try.” Harley set aside his grooming tools and entered the corral while Houston headed into the tack room, flipped the switch and returned to the control panel. The young man climbed up and Houston opened up the bull to half throttle.

“Cowboy up,” he called out, and then he gripped the toggle and gave Harley his first taste of bull riding.

Sure enough, the younger man lasted only two seconds, but eating dust didn’t deter him. He grinned, his juices pumped after the exciting ride, and climbed back on.

Harley was on his eleventh try and up to three seconds when Hank rolled into the barn.

“What’s going on here?” Hank’s gaze went from Harley to Houston.

The excitement drained from the young man’s face when his gaze fixed on his father.

“Just conducting a little test.” Houston left the control panel and walked toward his old mentor.

“What sort of test?”

“A test for this new business I have in mind.”

“A business?”

“A rodeo college. Right here at your place. You and me. I put up the capital and you supervise the operation, and between the two of us we’ll turn this old barn into a state-of-the-art training facility for rodeo cowboys. We’ll be the instructors.”

“Who are we going to instruct?”

“We’ll start with your boy there. He’s got a steady grip and I think he’s a natural.”

Hank’s gaze shifted to his son. “You really rode old Nellie?”

“I…” Harley licked his lips. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Sorry?” Hank’s face broke into a smile. “Why, that’s great, son.”

“Great? But I thought you wanted me to be a veterinarian.”

“I thought you wanted to be a veterinarian. You applied to the program.”

“I only did that because you kept saying I had a way with animals and I should use it.”

“There are lots of ways to use that talent.”

“But I didn’t think you meant bull riding. You’re always saying you want more for me than an endless string of rodeos and a world of hurt.”

“I meant that I want you to do better than I did. If you want to rodeo, more power to you. But do it better than me. Be smarter than me. If that’s what you truly want. That
is
what you want, I take it, judging by that silly grin spreading across your face.”

At Harley’s nod, Hank turned to Houston. “Then I guess we’ve got our first student and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Houston shook the older man’s hand. He had a deal, all right, but what he didn’t have was the one thing he wanted most in his life.

He didn’t have Sarah.

And as stubborn as she was, as determined to ignore her feelings for him as she was to ignore his feelings for her, he worried that he never would.

He loved her, but for the first time he started to think that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be enough.

H
E
LOVED
HER
?

He couldn’t. More important, he wouldn’t, Sarah told herself throughout the rest of the day.

Houston wasn’t the type of man to fall in love with any woman. He was the catch-ya-later kind, too busy with his bull riding career and his determination to prove his old man wrong to waste his time with such an emotion.

And even if he did love her, he didn’t love
her.

He’d fallen head over heels for the girl she’d once been. Wild and spontaneous and oblivious to everyone and everything but her own needs and desires.

She cared about people now, and she cared about this town. This was her present, her future, while it was merely his past. He lived for bigger and better places. For the next moment and the next ride.

I’m not leaving again.

Maybe so, but it wasn’t because he’d fallen for her. Maybe that last bull had kicked him in the head as well as the ribs.

That was the only explanation for his declaration, not to mention his ridiculous claim that she was scared of living.

Why, she wasn’t scared of anything except hurting her grandmother. Which was why she made it a point to be early for their weekly dinner that night. And extra cheerful. The old woman meant too much to her, and Sarah would never put her on an emotional roller coaster the way she had back then. She didn’t want her grandmother worried or upset or sad.

“I’m worried, dear,” her grandmother told her when Sarah slid into the seat opposite her. “You don’t look so good.”

“I feel fine.”

“I don’t mean sick. You look…unhappy. Is something wrong?”

“What could possibly be wrong? Business is good. The landscaping is really taking off.” Sarah noted her grandmother’s pale complexion and panic rushed through her. “You look tired, Grandma Willie. Did you get enough sleep last night?”

“Of course I did.”

“I think you should take a nap. Right after dinner, we’ll go into the living room and I’ll tuck you in on the couch.”

“I really don’t want a nap.”

“I’ll even rub your feet the way you like.”

“Well, maybe I could…” Her words trailed off as she shook her head. “No, I’m through letting you fuss over me, even if you do give the best foot rubs in town. This isn’t about me. It’s about you. Things aren’t going well for you.” She pinned Sarah with a knowing stare. “You’re having trouble in your personal life, aren’t you?”