The Fifth Circle (6 page)

“Alex is here,” he called out.

“Hi, honey,” his mother said, greeting me like a long lost daughter-in-law.

“Hi, Mrs. Droste,” I murmured
, afraid to meet her eye. 

“You can call me Susan.”

I took a seat at the kitchen table and sipped the hot cocoa she placed in front of me. We chatted while she planned her Black Friday shopping extravaganza. Within a half-hour, she pleaded exhaustion and went to bed.

“
Good night, you two. I have to get up at four tomorrow if I’m going to get any good deals. Wish me luck.”

Sean and I looked at each other across the kitchen table. Without a word, he rose from his seat and motioned for me to follow him. I shivered in anticipation. It was time. This time, he locked his bedroom door. This time I was ready. This time it was like magic.

I liked the feeling of being taken. I never really had to do anything—just waited for him to take the lead. The first couple of times we’d been together, I’d cowered away from him until he seduced me with his kisses. Then, he took off my clothes a little at a time. When he was ready, he eased on top of me and took his pleasure. I liked being held. The sex was just something I had to endure to achieve the intimacy I craved. 

This time, it was different. I was more relaxed when he kissed me,
so I kissed him back. I moaned when he sucked my nipple, and this seemed to excite him. For the first time, I touched his hardness and he gasped. He stroked me with increased fervor. I could feel a sort of building up deep inside me and this time, I didn’t want him to stop. When he pulled his hand away, I grabbed it and put it back where it was. 

“Like this?” he whispered.

“Yes. Oh, God. I…” My body exploded at his touch and I gripped his shoulders tightly. It was the first time I’d ever let myself go.

With pleasure came shame, but at last I could understand why people actually
wanted
to do this. Though I hated myself for enjoying something so depraved and vile, I loved the fact that my enjoyment made Sean feel like a king. He wasn’t the first to take my body, but at least he was the first to make me want to do it again.

Chapter 6- Sean

New torments I behold, and new tormented

Around me, whichever way I move

(Canto VI, lines 4 & 5)

Even the first time, when neither of us knew what we were doing, when
Alex was breathless with anxiety, I couldn’t imagine sex being any better. But she was right—it got better each time. When I took her to my bedroom, I shut the door, locked it, and prepared to seduce her. It was part of the routine, or so I believed. She was shy and it took a lot of effort to relax her.

This time, her eyes were dark and fathomless with desire.
I undressed her rapidly, and she didn’t shy away. I reached out to touch her breasts and watched as her nipples hardened at my touch. Alex unfastened my pants and ran her hands across my arousal. It was the first time she’d ever touched me there. It was the first time she’d ever taken the lead in anything. She kissed me desperately, and I came undone. I touched her until she trembled, and when I moved my hand from between her legs, she grabbed it and put it back. When I heard her pleasured cries, I felt like a man. Only a man could make his woman moan and beg for release. 

When her knees shook with unrestrained
ecstasy, I knew true power. When she threw her head back and gasped my name, my confidence surged. She snuggled in my arms afterwards and it was the first time I’d ever felt strong. I was wrong when I’d thought she’d given herself to me that first time. She didn’t give, she let me take. Tonight, she gave.

But when it was over and she plucked her clothing off my bedroom floor, she cloaked herself in her customary shroud of shame.
Fear clouded her eyes as she glanced at her phone and realized how late it was. With trembling hands, she zipped her jacket and raced down the hallway toward my front door.

As I kissed her goodbye and murmured words of love in her ear, I prayed
she wouldn’t be in trouble. I prayed her father wouldn’t smell the scent of sex upon her. I vowed to defend her with my life if I had to. She was mine now and no one would ever touch her again.

I
couldn’t bear to lose her, but as I watched the sway of her hips as she walked briskly across my front yard, I feared it would only be a matter of time before the other guys saw what I had uncovered. Alex was a beautiful girl—a woman. With her thick chestnut hair and voluptuous body, men wouldn’t be able to resist her.

On
Monday, I watched Alex as closely as I could. Maybe I could prevent other guys from noticing her if I was vigilant. Maybe I could keep her from noticing other guys if I diverted her attention. We didn’t have any classes together which meant there were hours and hours where I wouldn’t be able to keep my eye on her. I walked her to her first period class and burned with jealousy every time a guy glanced her way.

My fear of losing her prevented me from concentrating on
any of my classes. I couldn’t even focus on OwlBane strategy. All I could think about was my eventual reunion with Alex during lunch. By the time I made my way to the cafeteria and our usual table, I felt isolated and depressed. A crushing weight of unhappiness descended on me as I thought about Stryder and everything I’d lost. Nothing good ever stayed. Everyone I’d ever cared about left me behind. Soon, I would lose Alex, the only woman I could ever love, the only one who mattered.

“
Stryder.” Darren smirked at me from halfway across the cafeteria. The whole school watched, their eyes glassy with bloodlust, waiting for the main event. Alex hesitated for a second at the periphery of my vision, then bravely ventured forth. I hated that my nemesis would make a spectacle of me in front of my girlfriend.

“Sean.” Her clear voice rang out
and Darren stopped in his tracks to watch her approach. In an instant, she stood beside me and although her face was bright red and her body trembled, she sat down next to me and held my hand. Shock lit up the faces of my peers. Darren retreated, probably to reassess the situation and concoct a list of new insults. I stared in wonder at the girl who saved me from certain humiliation. Alex was beautiful. She held my hand in front of the whole school. And, she was mine.

***

Everything was different three hours later when we met in the parking lot. She seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable. Maybe she regretted outing our relationship. Maybe she was ready to dump me. She barely glanced at me when she climbed into the truck.

We pulled into
the driveway and she followed me to my house, but I could sense her reluctance to come inside. I fed her and took her to my bedroom. When I reached for her, she stopped me.

“I can’t,” she said.

“Okay. What’s wrong?” I would never force her, but I could probably talk her into it.

“It’s that time,” she said.

“Time for what?”

“It’s that time of the month. You know,” she said
avoiding eye contact.

“Oh. Oh! Well, that’s
okay then. We’ll just talk or whatever,” I said. We stared at each other for a moment. Despite all our years of friendship, we had nothing to say to each other. Sex had taken over. 

“So, what do you want to do?” she asked. “You want to watch TV?”

I hated TV and she knew that. We sat in near silence for five minutes, unable to think of anything to say.

“This is stupid, Alex. What did we always do before? We’ve been friends for twelve years. Say something.”

“Monopoly,” she said.

I burst out laughing. When we were growing up, that’s all we ever did. We played board games every day after school. Monopoly was our first great escape
—a world where we were rich and could wield our powers to buy and sell property, evict deadbeats from our hotels, and collect two-hundred dollars for passing go.

“
Okay. Monopoly it is,” I agreed, kissing her. We sat at the kitchen table and played our favorite childhood game until my mom came home. She seemed bewildered to find us in the throes of dice-tossing passion.

“Hi, Mom
. What’s for dinner?”

“Sean,” Alex
said. “Your mom’s been at work all day. Don’t you know how to cook?”

“No,” I said.

“Hey, Mrs
. Droste…Susan. Sean and I can make dinner if you want us to. My parents are going out tonight, so I don’t have to make dinner at home.” 

My mother looked like Christmas had come early. I felt guilty for being such a lazy drain on her finances. After all, I was eighteen and had never worked a day in my life. I began to worry. I had nothing to offer someone like Alex
—nothing to offer anybody.

Together, Alex and
I made dinner. She chopped vegetables while I browned ground beef. Occasionally, our hands brushed. Cooking had never seemed so appealing. I wanted to perform such domestic tasks with her the rest of my life. I wanted to marry her, but it was probably too soon to bring up the subject. 

I laughed with Alex and my mom over dinner.
Alex seemed relaxed in my house, like she belonged there. I never wanted her to leave. Though I enjoyed our time together, my body felt tense from the pent-up sexual energy which I had been unable to release. I wondered how long her time of the month would last.

As
she kissed me goodbye, I felt unfulfilled and inexplicably angry—empty, desolate. Returning to my room, my eyes fell on the cold, lonely bed—a bed which had seen no action that day. An old, familiar feeling of tension bubbled to the surface. I wanted to hit something, or
someone
. It was a feeling the antidepressants had never been able to vanquish. Nothing could.

When I was thirteen, I started getting in fights.
I’d always been made fun of, but until the eighth grade, I never defended myself. Then the wrath came. If someone called me a name, or knocked books out of my hands, or any of the other stupid crap bullies like to do, I lost it. I always ended up getting my ass kicked, but I couldn’t help myself. Once the rage took hold, my fists flew at anyone who stood in my way. After a couple of suspensions from school and an arrest, Family Court ordered me to take an anger management class.

The classes were held every Thursday at the Juvenile Detention Center. Each week, we covered a different topic: peer pressure, drug abuse, self-esteem, and overcoming impulsive behaviors. The counselor taught me to count to ten, to think about the consequences before I acted, to envision myself making a positive choice. He didn’t understand the rage.

My rage was a monster that lived inside me. When I was able to sleep, it was like the proverbial music that soothed the savage beast. On sleeping days, he was calm, docile, a lap dog. But, on those nights I couldn’t sleep—nights which turned into weeks—the monster was a pit-bull who jumped his backyard fence and attacked the neighbor who gave him a treat just days before. The monster was unpredictable, striking out without prejudice or provocation.

I could feel the monster awakening once again. He pawed and stretched,
and paced the perimeter of his cage. With a sudden leap, he gnashed at the bars of his prison. I counted to ten, but that never worked, and the anger still pulsed inside me.

So, I did the only thing that had ever helped.
I logged on to my computer and pulled up OwlBane. It wasn’t as good as Tales of Andrometis, but it was an outlet. I clicked the weapons button and traded my bow and arrow for a knife. I needed something personal, a weapon of passion.

I’d played
OwlBane nearly every day, but not seriously. Not since Alex gave herself to me. Wielding my dagger, I slashed troll after troll, severing limbs and decapitating with abandon. Breathing heavily, I cleared the field of any living being and ran toward my kingdom.

Mordios was in horrible shape.
Ares’ tower had been sacked yet again and his fields were scorched. It was time to come to terms with the fact that I could not defend my kingdom on my own. It was time to form alliances. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to find someone right away. Ideally, I would need to find more than one person to connect with. 

I was
still fairly new to the game and had yet to really prove myself. I decided to put out a few feelers, send a few emails, before hitting the sack. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours, I figured. I was wrong. Surprisingly, I received some immediate replies and this necessitated my response. I emailed back and forth with a couple of guys and ended up in a quad of warriors. It was five AM when I fell asleep.

At seven, I took a thirty second shower and jogged out to my truck. Alex’s eyes roamed my body and I knew she knew
what I’d been up to the night before. I was grateful she made no comment. I didn’t want to have one of
those
girlfriends. If push came to shove, however, I would choose Alex over the game. OwlBane was just a temporary diversion.

I pulled into the parking lot and did a double take
when I looked at Alex. Knee length navy skirt, button-down oxford shirt, sensible shoes…why was Alex wearing her Honor Choir outfit? And then I remembered. She was leaving after lunch for a performance at the Fox.
Crap
. I would be going home alone after school. I had nothing to live for.